Getting scared

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Kat11
Kat11 Member Posts: 1,931 Member
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
It's late and I am having trouble sleeping, which is nothing new. I am getting scared to join in on the boards. It just seems that everytime I come on it bad news. I know what this cancer can do. Does the fear ever really go away. We have lost a few sisters recently, and well this scares me. Not so much for myself, but for all of us out there. We are a family and when we lose one of us, it hit's hard. I guess the truth of it is, is to live our lives to the fullest and continue to help each other and fight this beast. I am scared, but I thank God I have you all in my life, and i want to keep you there.
Kathy

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  • RE
    RE Member Posts: 4,591 Member
    #2
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    ~HUGS~HUGS~HUGS~
    Hi Kathy, I do understand how you feel and I agree it sometimes becomes overwhelming and sometimes a break from the boards is not a bad idea. I think we will always be somewhat scared for ourselves and for our kindred spirits here but I also think that fear keeps us on our toes and aware of all the changes in our bodies and in return keeps us alive by causing us to go to the doc for every little thing because for us there is NO little thing. We have suffered losses recently but we have also cheered many successes, the sad truth is we will not all survive this but while we are here we should enjoy the time we have worked so hard to get what with chemos, surgeries, rads and a multitude of doctor appointments. I realize it is hard to put aside the fear but please enjoy your self and rejoice in the good thing you and all of us deserve to be able to rejoice. I am rambling so I shall stop. I do understand, I truly do!

    (¯`v´¯)
    .`*.¸.*RE
  • BlownAway60
    BlownAway60 Member Posts: 851
    #3
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    Boy you hit the nail right
    Boy you hit the nail right on the head.

    It is so hard for me to post with all of the sadness.

    Just trying to get some normal back in my life and then I read how all the other sisters are struggling and dying and it brings back all of the things I am trying to forget. The fear of dying from cancer is with me all of the time. It scares the heck out of me but I know that I cannot allow those thoughts to consume me. I come here to try and help those that I can, in what ever way that I can. I recommend these boards to all of the new chemo patients that I meet because of all the wonderful warriors here.

    Bless all of us. We are a family of "Kindred Spirits"

    Hugs

    Donna
  • roseann4
    roseann4 Member Posts: 992 Member
    #4
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    BlownAway60 said:

    Boy you hit the nail right
    Boy you hit the nail right on the head.

    It is so hard for me to post with all of the sadness.

    Just trying to get some normal back in my life and then I read how all the other sisters are struggling and dying and it brings back all of the things I am trying to forget. The fear of dying from cancer is with me all of the time. It scares the heck out of me but I know that I cannot allow those thoughts to consume me. I come here to try and help those that I can, in what ever way that I can. I recommend these boards to all of the new chemo patients that I meet because of all the wonderful warriors here.

    Bless all of us. We are a family of "Kindred Spirits"

    Hugs

    Donna

    I understand.
    I have had the same feelings but not enough to stick my head in the sand about how terrible this disease can be. There are days when I forget about bc and there are days when I remember how grateful I was when I heard that my cancer was Stage 1. Now I know that doesn't mean I won't have a recurrence so I am reminded that every day is a miracle and that growing old is a priviledge. I'll be turning 60 in 2 weeks and before my bc diagnosis, I would have been upset about entering my first senior decade. Not now!

    I watched my good friend die of bc more than 20 years ago. There were not many effective treatments back then. She was only 62. I wonder how long she would have lived if she had been diagnosed today.

    Do what works for you. If the boards bring you more sadness than joy, then it is time to move on. I'm not there yet after a year and a half. I have learned so much information but more importantly I have learned about courage and love. That's what keeps me coming back.

    Roseann
  • BlownAway60
    BlownAway60 Member Posts: 851
    #5
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    roseann4 said:

    I understand.
    I have had the same feelings but not enough to stick my head in the sand about how terrible this disease can be. There are days when I forget about bc and there are days when I remember how grateful I was when I heard that my cancer was Stage 1. Now I know that doesn't mean I won't have a recurrence so I am reminded that every day is a miracle and that growing old is a priviledge. I'll be turning 60 in 2 weeks and before my bc diagnosis, I would have been upset about entering my first senior decade. Not now!

    I watched my good friend die of bc more than 20 years ago. There were not many effective treatments back then. She was only 62. I wonder how long she would have lived if she had been diagnosed today.

    Do what works for you. If the boards bring you more sadness than joy, then it is time to move on. I'm not there yet after a year and a half. I have learned so much information but more importantly I have learned about courage and love. That's what keeps me coming back.

    Roseann

    Usually when the boards get
    Usually when the boards get to sad for me I try and lighten things up a bit.

    I am not trying to stick my head in the sand. Cancer is a reality that we all must deal with everyday. The forgetting part is about how rough chemo was for me. That I really would like to forget. It's kinda like going through labor. If you didn't forget what it was like, everbody would only have one child. If I have a reoccurance I want to be able to go into it with an open mind and not stress myself out about how sick I was the first time.

    I am 61 and at this point in my life I cannot imagine myself aver getting to 80 but when I was 20 I surely could not imagine myself ever being 60. I guess it is all relative. I just take each day as it comes and am grateful for it. Personally I don't think my brain ever got past 20 but it is this darn old body that keeps dragging me back to reality.

    Some of the posts I am just at a loss for words and don't know what to say and I may just not poat anything but I always check in just to see if there is someone that might benefit from my experience.

    So sorry about your friend and you are right things probably would have been a lot different for her if she had been dxd now. Hoping for a lot more discoveries in the cancer field and maybe some day no one will ever have to battle the beast.

    Hugs

    Donna
  • natly15
    natly15 Member Posts: 1,941
    #6
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    kathy I understand what you
    kathy I understand what you are saying. Sometimes the news is such a downer. We get to know each other and we become a 'cyber-family". We are wounded healers and when any member of our family has a recurrence or worse, it hurts the entire family. There are times I need to keep my distance. I'm trying to find my new normal, and sometimes I can handle the news better than at other times. We are cheerleaders for each other.

    I.m trying not to live my life in fear and I try not to let cancer dominate my thoughts, soemtimes it's hard but I/we must. I'm trying to live each day to the fullest, having some fun and laughing and trying to do new things as my body allows. We have been thru our own personal war, and we are warriors and we all react and cope differently. I hope I'm making some sense.
  • sea60
    sea60 Member Posts: 2,613
    #7
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    Keeping all in prayer
    for Health and healing...For peace and strength!

    Every day IS a blessing. Even through the tough days we can find them.


    Love you...Big hug,

    Sylvia

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