struggling with recent past mistake

lolad

Hello everyone. Im finally getting settled back down after the big weekend with the fundraiser and the walk. I didnt share this with you guys before because it is not a very pleasant thing to share, but im struggling and have no one else to get this out to.
About two months ago, i posted a very depressing post. I wanted to give up and just not go through my life anymore. I got alot of wonderful responses from caring sisters and i so appreciated them. I closed myself up again a couple of weeks later and spiraled down. One night i couldnt sleep, just cried and kept crying. I took my medicine out and took about 90 nerve pills. This was about 3 in the morning. Im living with my mom and step dad right now and when he got up for work at 530, i was feeling pretty good and i told him what i did. He ignored it, i think he told my mom, somehow she found out. At 9 that Monday morning, i had a therapy appointment. My niece had to help me walk and i told my therapist what i did. Session ended and i walked out, with the help of my niece. Got back home and couldnt stand, my mom told me to lay on the couch. I called my sister and asked her to take me to the hospital and she yelled at me that she didnt have time. I fell in and out of it on the couch. Tried several times to get up and just fell. Everything was blurry. My mom yelled, lay back down. So, in and out of it and i remember seeing my mom and my sister both sitting at the table just starring at me. And something came over me. I thought, what am i doing? Are they just sitting there waiting for me to die? I still get upset over that. I stumbled to the phone myself and called 911. When they got here, my blood pressure was dangerously low. I spent four days in the hospital. I have learned to forgive myself and know that life is a beautiful gift no matter what we have to go through. What i cant get over, is the part of seeing my mom just lay there and not doing anything. Nobody that i told did. How do i get past that? Can anyone help me there. I definately am not going anywhere as long as it is up to me, so i have to find a way to cope and deal with my mom and sister just watching me lay there.

laura

MAJW

Oh Laura......
I am so sorry you have gone through so much.....but I am thrilled to see you have the will to fight and survive again! As for your mom and sister......perhaps they didn't believe you had actually taken the overdose.....if they knew it to be true and did nothing, SHAME ON THEM! But here's my take on it.........YOU cannot control the actions of other people.....even if they are you mom and sister......all you can do is change the way you react to them. Is there any way possible you can find some other place to live? Not really knowing the situation, but from what you just described, these are toxic people around you. You don't need that now.......talk to a social worker where you've had your treatment.....talk to a minister.........ANYONE who might possibly be of assistance in finding you somewhere to live. Is there a friend, perhaps, who would be willing to let you stay with them until you can get back on your feet? In addition to concentrating on getting well, this should be a top priority for you......I know it's easy for me to say.....But I think it would help you over all mental health to get away from these people.
Keep us posted
Peace be with you

mwallace1325

I'm so sorry
I'm so sorry that you had to go thru that. I'm sorry you felt the need to take the pills and can only believe that the people you told didn't believe you had really done it. Perhaps the fact that you made it to an appointment seemed to them that you hadn't actually done it. thank goodness you were able to call 911 and get help.
It does seem like perhaps if you could find somewhere else to live it might be in your best interest.
Please let us know what happens and what you decide to do.

marge

sea60

Laura,
I'm thankful that God brought you out of this. I know the hurts and pains that others inflict on you can be devastating. I can only share with you what is the answer for me. I cannot do anything apart from Jesus. I can't. I place all my faith and trust in Him, with WHATEVER I'm going through.

Please reach out to Him. He won't let you down. I know sometimes it might feel that God allowed cancer in their lives therefor He must have turned away. That is just not so. Jesus never promised a life free of sickness and disease but He promised He would NEVER leave us! He gives peace and comfort amidst the storms.

Laura, please feel free to PM me anytime you need to talk. Just know I love you and am praying for you Sister.

Hugs,

Sylvia

cahjah75

Laura
I remember your depressing post and had hoped it was forgotten. I'm sorry to hear you tried to take your life with the overdose of pills. I have a knot in my throat just thinking about your family members not doing anything to help you. I'm shocked that their conscience would allow them to let you die right in front of them. The thought is inhumane and gives me chills. I watched my sister-in-law and dear friend slip away while in hospice and I can't imagine not having done everything humanly possible to make their lives worth living til there was no hope. I'm glad that you have regained the fight to live. You go girl! We are all here for support and don't you forget it. When you want a shoulder to lean on or someone to listen just post. We won't let you just fade away. Your life is important!
{{hugs}} Char

Hubby

So Sorry
With all the spamming, your post got bumped down and lost. My only guess is that they didn't believe that you really took 90 pills. The problem with not forgiving is that it hurts you, not them. It takes a lot of energy away from what you really need to be focused on; YOU!! She's not the mom you need, and your sister is not the sister you need, but they are not worth the energy.

Hugs and Prayers

Bob

amoccia53160

You can't change family
You can't change family members but I would certainly change therapists!! Any professional that you told you just overdosed who ends the appointment is unprofessional and unethical. xxoo Annette

Scotch Freckles

Change
Laura I commend you for helping yourself. That is the best sign you realize you have a lot to live for and maybe this is what you needed to help you in your path to a wonderful future. Yes, as mentioned change your environment, though it might be difficult there is always a helping hand just waiting for you to take it. Check with your primary physician or oncologist for recommendation to good counseling. Especially your oncologist, they should be a team who will work with you in every way. Best, and as always, we are here for your questions and just to touch base.

Kathryn

Different Ballgame

Question
Laura,

Do you understand why your therapist did nothing when you told him/her what you had done?
Have you returned to your therapist after your stay in the hospital? If yes, what did your therapist say?

You alone are responsible for you and you alone have control of what you do. You have no control of what others do. So....concentrate on you. I can feel the hurt you must feel knowing that your mother and sister did nothing for you. The best advice I can give you is "do not dwell on it as you cannot change what happened". Instead, concentrate on you and how strong you were to call 911 to get the help that you needed. Keep repeating, "I will survive."

They say that laughter is a good healer. Seek it out. Go to the library to check out books on humor. Also, keep posting to gain the support, love, and hugs from your sisters. We care!!!!!

Lots of Hugs,
Janelle

Boppy_of_6

sea60 said:

Laura,
I'm thankful that God brought you out of this. I know the hurts and pains that others inflict on you can be devastating. I can only share with you what is the answer for me. I cannot do anything apart from Jesus. I can't. I place all my faith and trust in Him, with WHATEVER I'm going through.

Please reach out to Him. He won't let you down. I know sometimes it might feel that God allowed cancer in their lives therefor He must have turned away. That is just not so. Jesus never promised a life free of sickness and disease but He promised He would NEVER leave us! He gives peace and comfort amidst the storms.

Laura, please feel free to PM me anytime you need to talk. Just know I love you and am praying for you Sister.

Hugs,

Sylvia

I am so sorry that you had
I am so sorry that you had to go through this along with everything else. I know it had to be so very painful. I agree with Sylvia reach out to Jesus he will not fail you.Feel free to PM me also if you want to. God Bless
(((Hugs))) Janice

disneyfan2008

wow in shock
Just family ignoring but the therapist not calling 911...have you changed therapist? Do you have local mental health office to call...?

disneyfan2008

Hubby said:

So Sorry
With all the spamming, your post got bumped down and lost. My only guess is that they didn't believe that you really took 90 pills. The problem with not forgiving is that it hurts you, not them. It takes a lot of energy away from what you really need to be focused on; YOU!! She's not the mom you need, and your sister is not the sister you need, but they are not worth the energy.

Hugs and Prayers

Bob

I totally agree
I used to resent many in my life...hold on grudge-then realized how time consuming for me and they didnt' even know or if they knew i was hurt by them they didnt' care and went on..

i hope things get better-

bluwillo

IF you were my sister....
I'd love you enough to believe that you'd taken so much medicine, I'd love you enough to call 911, and I'd love you enough to let you be mad at me as I screamed at you all the way to the hospital (cos of course, I'd love you enough to ride in the ambulance and hold your hand!). And, of course, I'd love you enough to let the EMTs have to call the police because I was yelling at you so much!!

But, I'd make darn sure you got to the hospital. And then I'd go home and have a little loud chat with Mom and Dad. Why, I'd love you so much that I would withstand being ostracized by the whole darn family...you're worth that much.

But, I'm not your sis. My advice to you it to worry about YOU...this is a battle that ultimately, you'll have to fight and win on your own. As for your fam....well, I'm thinking you need new living arrangements. And a new therapist. And remember, IF YOU EVER DO THAT AGAIN, I WILL NEVER STOP YELLING! LOL!

You'll just have to get over the callous way your family treated you. You'll just have to decide to fight the good fight, and not take the easy way out. Forgive yourself. Stand up for yourself. Fight like a girl...and pull your sister's hair for me, willya? I have 3 sisters, I know the rules.