I need help

pam constance

Hello everyone, first time here!
My mum has been fighthing cancer for 5 years. She was operated on had the top lobe removed, refused chemo and just did radiation. A year later she found met to her glands in the neck, and underwent chemo and then was put on tarceva. Last year she was diagnosed with a new cancer on the breast, got that removed (the tumor) and underwent chemo and radiation. She stopped the chemo saying she was tired about 3 months ago. She's in hospital with her lung cancer showing up in both her lungs and two mets in the brain (inoperable both). She cannot undergo surgery or radiation and she refuses chemo. However she will be starting tarceva again and she will be having a stent placed soon (in the next 3 weeks).
Can anyone help me by telling me what to expect from a brain met in a 68 yo woman who refuses the proper chemo. The doctors say she has a few months left and she cannot be saved?
Forgive my english I live in Europe (greece).

soccerfreaks

What to expect
My mom survived breast cancer in the mid-70s only to discover she had ovarian in the 90s. While they treated her ovarian they happened upon metastasis of her breast cancer to her brain.

They treated her, of course, for both cancers, with chemotherapy and perhaps radiation, but she grew weary of them as your mother has, apparently. Eventually, it became clear to all that there was little use in arguing with her, that she was making valid points about quality of life issues.

She DID go after it for an extended period of time, but it finally simply wore her down so she quit the treatment. As with your mom, likely, the treatments were really efforts at palliative care: prolonging life with some measure of quality until there could be no quality from the patient's perspective. She elected home hospice, where my dad could care for her while a nurse came in frequently to check up and to educate him in how to provide treatment.

I lived some 1,500 miles away during these trying times and was called and asked to fly down on three different occasions, the assumption being that she was close to death each time. The first time, I took my entire family and she was sitting out by the pool waiting for us. We were of course delighted and my dad indicated she perked up when she learned we were visiting. The second time, I went alone, and again, she was up and around, and again, my dad suggested my visit got her up and about. The third time, she was in a coma on a gurney in the den. She never woke from this coma and passed away as I slept on the floor next to the gurney.

This all occurred over several months and was probably abetted by the morphine and other medications she was taking for pain and whatever palliative care was still available.

So, you can probably expect to ride a roller coaster of emotions, wonder at her strength and resilience, sorrow at her pain and fatigue. You can probably expect her to be lucid and maybe even ambulatory for a number of months before she goes to a bed full time and eventually slides into a comatose state.

Give her as much time and care and love as you can while she is still here in both body and mind. The doctors may be wrong with their prediction, as none of us has an expiration date stamped on our foreheads: your mom may surprise everyone. I hope she does. I know mine did, to some extent.

But please take the time to be with her now. If arrangements have not been made, take the time to assist her with those, as painful as that may be.

I wish your mom and her family the best. It sounds as though she has put up a brave fight and is to be admired.

Take care,

Joe

pam constance

soccerfreaks said:

What to expect
My mom survived breast cancer in the mid-70s only to discover she had ovarian in the 90s. While they treated her ovarian they happened upon metastasis of her breast cancer to her brain.

They treated her, of course, for both cancers, with chemotherapy and perhaps radiation, but she grew weary of them as your mother has, apparently. Eventually, it became clear to all that there was little use in arguing with her, that she was making valid points about quality of life issues.

She DID go after it for an extended period of time, but it finally simply wore her down so she quit the treatment. As with your mom, likely, the treatments were really efforts at palliative care: prolonging life with some measure of quality until there could be no quality from the patient's perspective. She elected home hospice, where my dad could care for her while a nurse came in frequently to check up and to educate him in how to provide treatment.

I lived some 1,500 miles away during these trying times and was called and asked to fly down on three different occasions, the assumption being that she was close to death each time. The first time, I took my entire family and she was sitting out by the pool waiting for us. We were of course delighted and my dad indicated she perked up when she learned we were visiting. The second time, I went alone, and again, she was up and around, and again, my dad suggested my visit got her up and about. The third time, she was in a coma on a gurney in the den. She never woke from this coma and passed away as I slept on the floor next to the gurney.

This all occurred over several months and was probably abetted by the morphine and other medications she was taking for pain and whatever palliative care was still available.

So, you can probably expect to ride a roller coaster of emotions, wonder at her strength and resilience, sorrow at her pain and fatigue. You can probably expect her to be lucid and maybe even ambulatory for a number of months before she goes to a bed full time and eventually slides into a comatose state.

Give her as much time and care and love as you can while she is still here in both body and mind. The doctors may be wrong with their prediction, as none of us has an expiration date stamped on our foreheads: your mom may surprise everyone. I hope she does. I know mine did, to some extent.

But please take the time to be with her now. If arrangements have not been made, take the time to assist her with those, as painful as that may be.

I wish your mom and her family the best. It sounds as though she has put up a brave fight and is to be admired.

Take care,

Joe

Joe thank you very much for
Joe thank you very much for your letter which I read with great interest.
Unfortunately we live in Greece as I wrote earlier (including my mum) and things in Greece aren't as well organized as they are in the u.s. Doctors do not inform the patient of his/her situation and it fall on the immediate family to make that decision, to inform or not to inform.
I am battling inside of me on what to do. My mum understands that the situation is serious .... how serious though ? I really don't know.
She lives on her own a couple of blocks away and even though I'm at my house my mind is with her.
The roller coaster of emotions you mention, well I'm on it at the moment ...
Once again I thank you for your response
take care

Pam