I'm new here

angel2332
angel2332 Member Posts: 3
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
Hello, I'm new here but I could use some advise. My dad has lung cancer and I am not his only caregiver he does have a wife and I have two brothers. I recently was unemployed and two weeks later my dad got sick. So I am the one taking him to all his treatments and appointments ( I would not have it any other way) my dad has always been my rock. But I am having such a hard time trying to be strong in front of him, when I come home I just cry. I am emotional drained, he is all I think about. I take him to his appointments and I come home and all I want to do is sleep. I am married and my husband still wants to have a life so we went to a party last weekend and all I did was sit there in my own little world, I can't talk to people about it because I cry. Please help me in how to get throught this.
Thank you so much!!

Comments

  • hope0310
    hope0310 Member Posts: 320
    #2
    ~Hello~
    It is very tough to continue on with all the "normal" things in life. I was a caregiver to my mom, who unfortunately lost her battle about 3 weeks ago.

    There is a new normal. I too have been unable to go out and have fun...just doesn't work. I did go talk to my doc a couple months after mom was dx and got a mild anti-depressant, it helps, but my emotions are still there which is what I wanted.

    Include your husband in this process so that he understands what you are going through.

    My best to you and your dad!

    Elysia
  • Noellesmom
    Noellesmom Member Posts: 1,859 Member
    #3
    I understand
    My father had lung cancer many years ago. We were very close and it was the hardest thing I had experienced to that point.

    As a caregiver to a husband who has just successfully finished his treatments (PET scan results were great!), please remember, Angel, to take care of yourself. You cannot keep on taking care of your father if you do not.

    Your husband is absolutely right that you need to continue having a life - you want your marriage to survive this and you need to take care of yourself, too.

    Your real friends will understand your demeanor - it is okay to be quiet when you want to.

    There is not a thing wrong with relaxing and having a good time when a loved one is sick - I'm sure your father wouldn't want it any other way.

    Hugs.
  • lovingwifedeb
    lovingwifedeb Member Posts: 183
    #4
    It's Not Easy Angel
    Facing an uncertain future with any parent/husband or child when they are sick is frightening especially when time is not on our side. I am learning this lesson myself. The others are right, taking care of your needs are just as important as your dads. Since you are unemployed though it sounds like you have plenty of time that you can spend with him other than driving him to appointments? Maybe getting to know him during his growing up years will help you if he likes to talk about himself. I know my mom has lots of stories that would be lost if I had not just taken the time and asked her about them. Most of the older generation love to talk about the "good old days", growing up, etc., and it would give you time to get to know your dad all over again in a different way.

    We can't turn back the clock but we can love them during the time they have left. We can be open to their hearts and fears, not just our own, right? Don't judge what you hear... just write your thoughts down in a journal for later and you will be surprised at his reflections if he is willing to share his stories with you. We all have "our story".

    Don't be so hard on yourself, facing sickness takes a lot of energy so please remember take care of yourself, your health. It is hard to put on the happy face for every one to see so if you don't have anyone else to talk with come back here and "vent" and we will listen to you. Lots of us are in your shoes today.

    Deb
    lovingwife to Bob, melanoma stage 3c

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