Having a why me its not fair kinda day!
Comments
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Sending you big hugs pink.
Sending you big hugs pink. I'm having one of those days too. I sat & cried on my couch this morning as it seems like my body is betraying me. I feel stuck in this body, unable to do even the most mundane tasks anymore. I'm still looking toward that light at the end of the tunnel that's getting brighter & bigger, but today, I too want to know why me. Not being able to take care of my kids & do simple things like put up our Halloween decorations is the worst part of it. Pain is temporary & hopefully it will be over soon and we can begin healing.
*hugs*
Heather0 -
Libby, I don't have the
Libby, I don't have the answer but agree with alot of what you said. Unfortunately, it doesn't change anything. I guess we have to believe that there is a reason this is happening to us. You are entitled to days like these. I think we have all had one somewhere through our journey. Venting is a good way to get it out. We can only continue to hope that some day and soon I hope there is a cure for not only breast cancer but all cancers. Then, I think we can rest and not worry about our sisters, daughters, moms, etc. Take care of yourself and please know that we are with you all the way! (((Hugs)))0 -
dear sweetpea libby...my
dear sweetpea libby...my heart goes out to you...i remember wanting to end it all and God sent me an angel...I will pray because you need an angel...until then you need an angry doll...someone to scream at and won't give you crap...i seriously got an old sock, stuck some goofy eye stickers on it, and used it as my hand puppet...called it my shutup and sock it up time friend...love, shy0 -
thats all I've done all dayHeatherbelle said:Sending you big hugs pink.
Sending you big hugs pink. I'm having one of those days too. I sat & cried on my couch this morning as it seems like my body is betraying me. I feel stuck in this body, unable to do even the most mundane tasks anymore. I'm still looking toward that light at the end of the tunnel that's getting brighter & bigger, but today, I too want to know why me. Not being able to take care of my kids & do simple things like put up our Halloween decorations is the worst part of it. Pain is temporary & hopefully it will be over soon and we can begin healing.
*hugs*
Heather
thats all I've done all day Heather is cry. I feel stuck too. I feel like such a burdon on my family. They have their lives to live too. I JUST WANT MY LIFE BACK! The simple things are what I miss most too. Like driving the carpool making lunches doing the school carnival...... trick or treating, planting flowers all the things we or at least I used to dread, I miss, heck even laundry!0 -
I need an angel or a puppetshy violet said:dear sweetpea libby...my
dear sweetpea libby...my heart goes out to you...i remember wanting to end it all and God sent me an angel...I will pray because you need an angel...until then you need an angry doll...someone to scream at and won't give you crap...i seriously got an old sock, stuck some goofy eye stickers on it, and used it as my hand puppet...called it my shutup and sock it up time friend...love, shy
I need an angel or a puppet as long as I can punch it when Im having one of these days.
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punch...punch...sockpinkflutterby said:I need an angel or a puppet
I need an angel or a puppet as long as I can punch it when Im having one of these days.
punch...punch...sock em...get emm...tell ya libby, get something already in the house, name it your angry whatever, tell everyone it's off limits...and just go at it...0 -
oh libby, libby, libby!
i wish i had some answers for you, but i am in the same boat, wondering why? i did nothing to invite this lousy cancer in to my life and i want it gone. i hate that you feel so helpless. i don't have children (wasn't in god's plan for me, darn it!), but my heart breaks for you and your nine-year-old. i too want to get in my car and drive to somewhere where there is no cancer - want to carpool??
hang in there, and don't be afraid to come here and vent as much as you want. we are here for you ALWAYS
sending you love and lots of hugs, heidi0 -
Fairness and cancer...those
Fairness and cancer...those 2 words will never be used together, I don't think. I have now and then wondered about it myself...I do NOT ever wish this beast on anyone. In any form.
My sister, for example, has smoked for as long as I can remember ( she started as a teenager and is now in her 50's). She used recreational drugs, did some jail time more than once, still drinks to excess and is just a walking whirlwind of turmoil, living alone and generally in the midst of some outrageous personal drama.
I am the polar opposite of her~ not a saint, but even keeled, aware of my heath, exerciser, in a happy,happy relationship. And yet, huh? I am the one posting on the BC boards, not her! I have all but given up wondering why or why not. If I say Why Me, that makes it seem someone else should be going through this. And again, I don't wish it on anyone. Not even Susan Atkins, one of the most brutal, heartless Manson Family murderers, who truly seemed to have no redeeming qualities ever. Nonetheless, it distressed me when I saw her dying of brain cancer. After 30+ years in prison, her family asked for a "compassionate release" so she could die at home. It was denied her. I was saddened by that decision. WE should not be as heartless as the criminals~ I think that tends to make us a bit like them. But that's a dicussion for another day!!! I can definitely see both sides of that argument.
So, no~ it absolutely isn't fair!!!! I wish I had the magic for all of us~ I would wave a wand over you and make all of the ugliness disappear. ((((((((HUGS)))))))
Chen♥0 -
In my experience as a nurse,heidijez said:oh libby, libby, libby!
i wish i had some answers for you, but i am in the same boat, wondering why? i did nothing to invite this lousy cancer in to my life and i want it gone. i hate that you feel so helpless. i don't have children (wasn't in god's plan for me, darn it!), but my heart breaks for you and your nine-year-old. i too want to get in my car and drive to somewhere where there is no cancer - want to carpool??
hang in there, and don't be afraid to come here and vent as much as you want. we are here for you ALWAYS
sending you love and lots of hugs, heidi
In my experience as a nurse, I find that it happens to the nicest of people. I dont believe there is a reason, I believe s@#t happens. this is my great buddah insight. It isnt fair or right. It is what it is. We grow believing if we do everything right and are nice good things will happen. I wish I lived closer to you I would take you out of that dang house. HUGs!!!!!!!0 -
I think all of us gochenheart said:Fairness and cancer...those
Fairness and cancer...those 2 words will never be used together, I don't think. I have now and then wondered about it myself...I do NOT ever wish this beast on anyone. In any form.
My sister, for example, has smoked for as long as I can remember ( she started as a teenager and is now in her 50's). She used recreational drugs, did some jail time more than once, still drinks to excess and is just a walking whirlwind of turmoil, living alone and generally in the midst of some outrageous personal drama.
I am the polar opposite of her~ not a saint, but even keeled, aware of my heath, exerciser, in a happy,happy relationship. And yet, huh? I am the one posting on the BC boards, not her! I have all but given up wondering why or why not. If I say Why Me, that makes it seem someone else should be going through this. And again, I don't wish it on anyone. Not even Susan Atkins, one of the most brutal, heartless Manson Family murderers, who truly seemed to have no redeeming qualities ever. Nonetheless, it distressed me when I saw her dying of brain cancer. After 30+ years in prison, her family asked for a "compassionate release" so she could die at home. It was denied her. I was saddened by that decision. WE should not be as heartless as the criminals~ I think that tends to make us a bit like them. But that's a dicussion for another day!!! I can definitely see both sides of that argument.
So, no~ it absolutely isn't fair!!!! I wish I had the magic for all of us~ I would wave a wand over you and make all of the ugliness disappear. ((((((((HUGS)))))))
Chen♥
I think all of us go something like this, and, it is NORMAL! Going through bc, the surgeries, the rads, the chemo, the doctor appointments, just everything involved is so hard, so very hard. And, no one can understand unless they have been through it. That is why we all GET what you are saying.
You have a right to be angry, a right to express your frustration. And, I am so glad that you have this forum to get it off of your chest.
I never questioned why me, I always remember someone stating, why not me. No, I don't think it is fair that anyone has to deal with bc. I, for one, think there should be a cure after all of these years, all of the probably billions of dollars and supposedly brilliant minds working on a cure.
But, there isn't, not yet. I just pray I see it in my lifetime.
If you need some strength to carry on, just look at your beautiful daughter and realize that you are fighting not only for yourself, but, for her.
I pray that you find the strength and courage to continue and that each day will get better and easier for you.
Please know we are here for you, to help in anyway that we can through cyber space.
So, here is a big hug, hope and prayers coming your way.
Jan0 -
Sendingsurvivorbc09 said:I think all of us go
I think all of us go something like this, and, it is NORMAL! Going through bc, the surgeries, the rads, the chemo, the doctor appointments, just everything involved is so hard, so very hard. And, no one can understand unless they have been through it. That is why we all GET what you are saying.
You have a right to be angry, a right to express your frustration. And, I am so glad that you have this forum to get it off of your chest.
I never questioned why me, I always remember someone stating, why not me. No, I don't think it is fair that anyone has to deal with bc. I, for one, think there should be a cure after all of these years, all of the probably billions of dollars and supposedly brilliant minds working on a cure.
But, there isn't, not yet. I just pray I see it in my lifetime.
If you need some strength to carry on, just look at your beautiful daughter and realize that you are fighting not only for yourself, but, for her.
I pray that you find the strength and courage to continue and that each day will get better and easier for you.
Please know we are here for you, to help in anyway that we can through cyber space.
So, here is a big hug, hope and prayers coming your way.
Jan
a great big hug which is kinda all I've got to give, but hey, it's a good long one and it's got all my energy and empathy poured into it.
xoxo
Victoria0 -
no answers
I don't have the answers but I agree with the others who have stated that "who" gets cancer has nothing to do with fairness, goodness or right or wrong. It just is; sh%t happens.
Cancer and any adversity gives us opportunities to learn and improve our distress tolerance (pain is a part of life) and yes, accept what is. Not easy and not fun, but we weren't promised a rose garden, given any guarantees at birth or provided with bowls of cherries. It is a fact, having cancer sucks. We all have bad days and some good ones too. We can only try to make as many good moments as we can.Tomorrows are guaranteed to no one. So vent, punch your pillow, have a cup of tea or watch a comedy, whatever helps you get through today. Let us give each other the hugs and the shoulder to cry on when it is needed.
Sorry today is a hard one. Wishing tomorrow will be better.
BIG HUGS,
K0 -
Truly sorry
Libby,
I am so sorry you are having a tough time/day!!! If I had a dollar for each time I've felt that way in the last year, I would be able to afford the expenses from bc. I've been away from the boards for awhile, but I've discovered this is where I found the most comfort. A dear friend of mine bought a doll for me while I was going through chemo called the "Damn It Doll." The doll did bring some relief, but the poor thing took a lot of beatings. I'll try to locate one for you. Please hang tough!!! I also realized screaming & crying helped.
Huge hugs,
Tina0 -
Pink
there is no rhyme or reason as to who or why someone gets bc. It is unfair! Although I'm a grandmother, my daughter and sil are both in grad school. My daughter has to do an internship in a couple of weeks and I am the caregiver. I have to drive my granddaughters to preschool and sit at her house for 3 days each week. It's exhausting just thinking about it! Yesterday I went for my weekly blood draw and all is well but it doesn't mean I'm not tired. I get my 4th chemo treatment next Tuesday and then the Neulasta shot. 2 days later I don't do anything for 3 days. Today I'm trying to change from apple decorations to Halloween and I have to sit down and take a break every few minutes. Having no energy is the pits! You vent all you want and thanks for letting me put my 2 cents worth in.
{{hugs}} Char0 -
maybe it's the time we needcahjah75 said:Pink
there is no rhyme or reason as to who or why someone gets bc. It is unfair! Although I'm a grandmother, my daughter and sil are both in grad school. My daughter has to do an internship in a couple of weeks and I am the caregiver. I have to drive my granddaughters to preschool and sit at her house for 3 days each week. It's exhausting just thinking about it! Yesterday I went for my weekly blood draw and all is well but it doesn't mean I'm not tired. I get my 4th chemo treatment next Tuesday and then the Neulasta shot. 2 days later I don't do anything for 3 days. Today I'm trying to change from apple decorations to Halloween and I have to sit down and take a break every few minutes. Having no energy is the pits! You vent all you want and thanks for letting me put my 2 cents worth in.
{{hugs}} Char
We women are so used to being the caregivers that in some way bc causes us to STOP in our tracks. It gives us time to just sit because we have no energy, yes, but sitting and just doing nothing is rare for most of us. For me the hardest thing was leaving my job since I moved in the middle of my treatment, left my job and planned on finding a new job in my new town but knew that my treatments would be exhausting and no way I could start a new job under those cercumstances.
I felt like I was not contributing to my family or the world in a way since there was no money coming in from me after working all my life. I lost my friends and supporters at my job and spend days mostly by myself now. My husband is a musician and is busy with his stuff and my kids are also busy. Life is supposed to be busy right.
So, anyway, Pink, it's a good question, WHY ME, WHY US, maybe we will never know the answers but I know that when this is all done I will have found out some things about myself that I never would have without bc. R0 -
I know exactly how you are
I know exactly how you are feeling. It is so frustrating when you think about the kind of person you are, the life you have and are trying to make. I sometimes think that I know I made my share of mistakes and bad choices when I was in my teens and early twenties, but I have tried to fix my mistakes and live the very best life I can. I adore my husband, love my kids, my family and friends. I try so hard to teach my children how to be good people. And then there are those people killing others, who seem to have no appreciation for life, and they live in a jail till there 100! Those people out there beating their children or the eldery who could care less if those precious people were harmed, and they are fine. It is true...there is no fair to cancer. Just know we all understand how you are feeling, most of us have felt the same way, and try your hardest to keep your head up. Unfortunately, none of us can change the fact that this happened, we can only change how we respond to it. Days like you are having are normal. We are here.
Hugs,
Michelle0 -
Thanks everyoneMomMichelle said:I know exactly how you are
I know exactly how you are feeling. It is so frustrating when you think about the kind of person you are, the life you have and are trying to make. I sometimes think that I know I made my share of mistakes and bad choices when I was in my teens and early twenties, but I have tried to fix my mistakes and live the very best life I can. I adore my husband, love my kids, my family and friends. I try so hard to teach my children how to be good people. And then there are those people killing others, who seem to have no appreciation for life, and they live in a jail till there 100! Those people out there beating their children or the eldery who could care less if those precious people were harmed, and they are fine. It is true...there is no fair to cancer. Just know we all understand how you are feeling, most of us have felt the same way, and try your hardest to keep your head up. Unfortunately, none of us can change the fact that this happened, we can only change how we respond to it. Days like you are having are normal. We are here.
Hugs,
Michelle
Was
Thanks everyone Was feeling better even found some candy pumpkins to munch on, then I get this text from my daughter (shes 25) ... when she left the house this morning to run around with her friend, I was in the bathroom crying and feeling sorry for myself, and told her to leave my car, that pissed her off, anyway its 145pm now and she just texted me "u ok yet" I said what do you mean? she said "U grouchy still" I said not groucy just sad and depressed she said "why" I said My life sucks, I cant do anything and I hate being dependant on ya'll for everything" she said " sorry but no reason to get all upset and bitchy" and I said r u serious? having cancer is reason enough to be depressed and bitchy, or am I not allowed emotions either? Whats your excuse for being bitchy (I know that was mean) so she says "Im not going to argue with you I know your upset but we are doing the best we can do" THEN her friend shes been with all day posts on face book "I love crazy people, they make my day interesting" I cant help but believe she is referring to me.
ugggg so here I go again.0 -
There are times when ourpinkflutterby said:Thanks everyone
Was
Thanks everyone Was feeling better even found some candy pumpkins to munch on, then I get this text from my daughter (shes 25) ... when she left the house this morning to run around with her friend, I was in the bathroom crying and feeling sorry for myself, and told her to leave my car, that pissed her off, anyway its 145pm now and she just texted me "u ok yet" I said what do you mean? she said "U grouchy still" I said not groucy just sad and depressed she said "why" I said My life sucks, I cant do anything and I hate being dependant on ya'll for everything" she said " sorry but no reason to get all upset and bitchy" and I said r u serious? having cancer is reason enough to be depressed and bitchy, or am I not allowed emotions either? Whats your excuse for being bitchy (I know that was mean) so she says "Im not going to argue with you I know your upset but we are doing the best we can do" THEN her friend shes been with all day posts on face book "I love crazy people, they make my day interesting" I cant help but believe she is referring to me.
ugggg so here I go again.
There are times when our "grown" children behave like they did in their teens or even younger. I'm sorry that her immaturity is causing you grief. It is okay to vent and to cry and have these feelings and she needs to deal with it. Prayers and kind thoughts and a big hug coming to you.
Stef0 -
Libby I'm so sorry you are going thru all this.fauxma said:There are times when our
There are times when our "grown" children behave like they did in their teens or even younger. I'm sorry that her immaturity is causing you grief. It is okay to vent and to cry and have these feelings and she needs to deal with it. Prayers and kind thoughts and a big hug coming to you.
Stef
I was thinking of Heidi, Meena, Marines wife, and all the other wonderful ladies on this site. While in prayer this morning I said, "hey God what about this, what do you say you take all the cancer from us,and give it to oohh let's say child molesters." At this time I realized I'm trying to convince God of my great idea. I'm trying to come up with a solution to opt us all out of this, and put it on the bad guys. I think I may have lost it. So I guess your daughters friend would love me also.0 -
Arghhh!
I hate those times!
I'm picturing an "unhappy mean" person on one of these days...and wow! I know I'm hard to be around when the 'it's not fair, why me bug' takes hold. I can't imagine trying to serve one of these "unhappy mean people" on a 'its not fair, why me' day in a restaurant, grocery store, or bank. Anyway, that's the picture in my mind...
Thanks for sharing.
Hugs to you,
Linda0
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