UPDATE: (I FOUND HER) cancer markers

carkris

Rague said:

Do you have any IRS tax
Do you have any IRS tax forms that you both signed as spouses? While it wouldn't be as good as the marriage license copy, it would show that that's how ya'll had filed at least til you can get a copy of license.

Hubby just walkied in and I asked him for ideas - he said to try getting ahold of DMV and get a copy of her DL as she would have had to submit a copy of marriage license to change it from maiden name. Same with Social Security card - takes proof to change.

Get in contact with American Embassy as you're dealing with a different country. Your Senators and Representative.

Above all else - do not get yourself in trouble verbally or physically at the hospital.

Unfortunately, unless you are listed as one who can be given info, the hospital can't give it. I had to sign papers with all my Drs and at the hospital that Hubby could be given information on me if he called. Also had to sign so Son can get info.

Susan

Rague is giving you some
Rague is giving you some great ideas! I thought when you were married then your husband was considered next of kin. Did you ever sign a health care proxy? I have one and also just got one for my college daughter in case she is hospitalized as she is over 18. John I am so sorry this is happeneing, vent here all you want. Am praying for a peaceful solution to this issue!

New Flower

carkris said:

Rague is giving you some
Rague is giving you some great ideas! I thought when you were married then your husband was considered next of kin. Did you ever sign a health care proxy? I have one and also just got one for my college daughter in case she is hospitalized as she is over 18. John I am so sorry this is happeneing, vent here all you want. Am praying for a peaceful solution to this issue!

John good advices
thank you for update. Yes, you need to have legal papers, including lease if you rented or anything anything which has two names. Layer's consultation will be helpful too. Legally you have more right and should be a primary caretaker than parents.
I am really sorry what has been going on. I read your post yesterday from my phone and could not stopped think about your situation.
Praying for a peaceful resolution.
New Flower

cindycflynn

John
I'm so sorry to hear that you are being kept from your wife. At least now you know where she is, and hopefully will be able to see her soon. I can only imagine how frustrated you must feel. My heart goes out to you and to her. I can't give you any better advice than you've already received, but wanted to let you know that I'll be praying for you to see your wife soon and let her know in person how much you love her, although I'm sure she already knows.

As for your mom, I don't know much about the markers, but it sounds like they may well be nothing to worry about. You have so much on your plate right now.

Sending you strength and ((((HUGS))))

Please keep us posted when you can.

Cindy

aysemari

Wow, what unnecessary drama
Have they always been against you John or is that only since your wife was diagnosed?

It seems so ignorant, their behavior. I am sure your wife would want to be with you. How
dare they keep you away like that. I really hope that you manage to get some quality time
in with her. I wish you wouldn't have talked to the mom. Hopefully they won't take her
somewhere else. I keep my fingers crossed for you and hope you can be together.

Ayse

John_32

aysemari said:

Wow, what unnecessary drama
Have they always been against you John or is that only since your wife was diagnosed?

It seems so ignorant, their behavior. I am sure your wife would want to be with you. How
dare they keep you away like that. I really hope that you manage to get some quality time
in with her. I wish you wouldn't have talked to the mom. Hopefully they won't take her
somewhere else. I keep my fingers crossed for you and hope you can be together.

Ayse

Thank you everyone for your
Thank you everyone for your support and suggestions. I too am trying to understand her parents' behavior and it is just bizarre. The last time I saw them was in May and I was at their home and we were all praying the Rosary for my wife--that was my last contact with them, and there was nothing hostile about it at all, in fact it was very loving. But my wife subsequently had an extreme reaction to the steroids she was given to reduce her brain swelling and just went into an inexplicable rage, causing me to be thrown out of the apartment in a fury. And then her family came and took her away to their home while I was locked out and in a hotel, and I have not seen any of them since. Once she was off the steroids, she was calm and rational enough that we could communicate by phone and email and she apologized for what happened, though I said there was no need as she was so heavily medicated at the time. I was back in the US by this point but was coming up to visit her as planned--and then suddenly all contact ceased. I was very concerned, but her family would tell me nothing about her condition, and just said that I "wanted her dead." This was her father who said this, who, every contact I have with him, is becoming more and more of a psychopath. He lied and said she was doing fine. I didn't trust him and called the hospital, but there was no record of her. Two weeks later, my wife called me out of the blue and said she was just released from the hospital after having a massive seizure-a different hospital than we had ever gone to before. However, her mother caught her on the phone almost immediately and cut off the line. Then no further contact with her, and again her parents not giving me any information, until today when I just started calling every single hospital in Toronto until I miraculously found her--I had almost given up.

I think her parents saw her in that psychotic reaction she was having to the steroids and just assumed I had provoked her in some way instead of realizing the meds she was on have terrible side effects, as do brain tumors themselves. Also, just as we were planning for me to visit her, she apparently had a seizure, so in their backwards mindset, I think they are starting to believe I am some kind of angel of death. All of this breast cancer business started right after we were married, so in some very primitive way they are connecting the dots. That is the only way I can explain their hostility, because I have certainly never been anything but supportive of my wife and loved her very much throughout.

Unfortunately, her parents moved her things (and whatever I had there too) out of the Toronto apartment we were leasing (under her name, it was where she lived when we were married) and into their own house, so important documents I need, like the marriage certificate, are in her parents home. I just applied online for another copy of the marriage certificate, but it can take as much as 15 days to be delivered and it is not possible to just go and pick it up "on the spot." And without that certificate the hospital is not going to give me any access to her. The nurse that I spoke to sounded filipino as well and I am sure my wife's mother was basically defaming me to her in their native tongue. 15 days is a long time for someone in her condition, or what I imagine her condition to be. If she is in the hospital again, she must have had another massive seizure, so she might not live 15 days, or her parents might transfer elsewhere in that time so I can't find her or even take her home just so I can't see her. The only thing I can think of is maybe getting the US embassy to intervene, though even they will probably want to see proof of the marriage.

Rague

John_32 said:

Thank you everyone for your
Thank you everyone for your support and suggestions. I too am trying to understand her parents' behavior and it is just bizarre. The last time I saw them was in May and I was at their home and we were all praying the Rosary for my wife--that was my last contact with them, and there was nothing hostile about it at all, in fact it was very loving. But my wife subsequently had an extreme reaction to the steroids she was given to reduce her brain swelling and just went into an inexplicable rage, causing me to be thrown out of the apartment in a fury. And then her family came and took her away to their home while I was locked out and in a hotel, and I have not seen any of them since. Once she was off the steroids, she was calm and rational enough that we could communicate by phone and email and she apologized for what happened, though I said there was no need as she was so heavily medicated at the time. I was back in the US by this point but was coming up to visit her as planned--and then suddenly all contact ceased. I was very concerned, but her family would tell me nothing about her condition, and just said that I "wanted her dead." This was her father who said this, who, every contact I have with him, is becoming more and more of a psychopath. He lied and said she was doing fine. I didn't trust him and called the hospital, but there was no record of her. Two weeks later, my wife called me out of the blue and said she was just released from the hospital after having a massive seizure-a different hospital than we had ever gone to before. However, her mother caught her on the phone almost immediately and cut off the line. Then no further contact with her, and again her parents not giving me any information, until today when I just started calling every single hospital in Toronto until I miraculously found her--I had almost given up.

I think her parents saw her in that psychotic reaction she was having to the steroids and just assumed I had provoked her in some way instead of realizing the meds she was on have terrible side effects, as do brain tumors themselves. Also, just as we were planning for me to visit her, she apparently had a seizure, so in their backwards mindset, I think they are starting to believe I am some kind of angel of death. All of this breast cancer business started right after we were married, so in some very primitive way they are connecting the dots. That is the only way I can explain their hostility, because I have certainly never been anything but supportive of my wife and loved her very much throughout.

Unfortunately, her parents moved her things (and whatever I had there too) out of the Toronto apartment we were leasing (under her name, it was where she lived when we were married) and into their own house, so important documents I need, like the marriage certificate, are in her parents home. I just applied online for another copy of the marriage certificate, but it can take as much as 15 days to be delivered and it is not possible to just go and pick it up "on the spot." And without that certificate the hospital is not going to give me any access to her. The nurse that I spoke to sounded filipino as well and I am sure my wife's mother was basically defaming me to her in their native tongue. 15 days is a long time for someone in her condition, or what I imagine her condition to be. If she is in the hospital again, she must have had another massive seizure, so she might not live 15 days, or her parents might transfer elsewhere in that time so I can't find her or even take her home just so I can't see her. The only thing I can think of is maybe getting the US embassy to intervene, though even they will probably want to see proof of the marriage.

The Embassy can 'pull
The Embassy can 'pull strings' and get documents quicker than indivuals can IF they feel the need. Especially heading into election time, Senators and Representatives are wanting to get involved with human interest situtations that they can use to garner votes.

Another idea might be going to your Church. They may not be able to do anything but they should be able to offer religious comfort to her there and to you where you are.

Good Luck in your journey and Prayers!

Susan

edit added: Can you get your parents or her siblings to intercede?

jo jo

John_32 said:

Thank you everyone for your
Thank you everyone for your support and suggestions. I too am trying to understand her parents' behavior and it is just bizarre. The last time I saw them was in May and I was at their home and we were all praying the Rosary for my wife--that was my last contact with them, and there was nothing hostile about it at all, in fact it was very loving. But my wife subsequently had an extreme reaction to the steroids she was given to reduce her brain swelling and just went into an inexplicable rage, causing me to be thrown out of the apartment in a fury. And then her family came and took her away to their home while I was locked out and in a hotel, and I have not seen any of them since. Once she was off the steroids, she was calm and rational enough that we could communicate by phone and email and she apologized for what happened, though I said there was no need as she was so heavily medicated at the time. I was back in the US by this point but was coming up to visit her as planned--and then suddenly all contact ceased. I was very concerned, but her family would tell me nothing about her condition, and just said that I "wanted her dead." This was her father who said this, who, every contact I have with him, is becoming more and more of a psychopath. He lied and said she was doing fine. I didn't trust him and called the hospital, but there was no record of her. Two weeks later, my wife called me out of the blue and said she was just released from the hospital after having a massive seizure-a different hospital than we had ever gone to before. However, her mother caught her on the phone almost immediately and cut off the line. Then no further contact with her, and again her parents not giving me any information, until today when I just started calling every single hospital in Toronto until I miraculously found her--I had almost given up.

I think her parents saw her in that psychotic reaction she was having to the steroids and just assumed I had provoked her in some way instead of realizing the meds she was on have terrible side effects, as do brain tumors themselves. Also, just as we were planning for me to visit her, she apparently had a seizure, so in their backwards mindset, I think they are starting to believe I am some kind of angel of death. All of this breast cancer business started right after we were married, so in some very primitive way they are connecting the dots. That is the only way I can explain their hostility, because I have certainly never been anything but supportive of my wife and loved her very much throughout.

Unfortunately, her parents moved her things (and whatever I had there too) out of the Toronto apartment we were leasing (under her name, it was where she lived when we were married) and into their own house, so important documents I need, like the marriage certificate, are in her parents home. I just applied online for another copy of the marriage certificate, but it can take as much as 15 days to be delivered and it is not possible to just go and pick it up "on the spot." And without that certificate the hospital is not going to give me any access to her. The nurse that I spoke to sounded filipino as well and I am sure my wife's mother was basically defaming me to her in their native tongue. 15 days is a long time for someone in her condition, or what I imagine her condition to be. If she is in the hospital again, she must have had another massive seizure, so she might not live 15 days, or her parents might transfer elsewhere in that time so I can't find her or even take her home just so I can't see her. The only thing I can think of is maybe getting the US embassy to intervene, though even they will probably want to see proof of the marriage.

WOW John once again im just
WOW John once again im just speechless...im sorry i have no suggestions, i truely wish i did but i just want to let you know you have all of our support. I really hope that you get to see your wife despite her parents INSANE attempts to prevent this. Please keep us updated.

Kylez

jo jo said:

WOW John once again im just
WOW John once again im just speechless...im sorry i have no suggestions, i truely wish i did but i just want to let you know you have all of our support. I really hope that you get to see your wife despite her parents INSANE attempts to prevent this. Please keep us updated.

I am so sorry John. This is
I am so sorry John. This is just unbelievable. Sending you prayers and hugs!

cahjah75

John what you
have gone through is so bizarre it's got to be true! What your inlaws have put you through is inhuman and the thought that they have kept you from your wife in her time of need and compassion is criminal! I certainly hope you find a way to prove your marriage to the necessary people so that you have access to your wife. I'm praying that your inlaws have not had her power of attorney in order to bar you from seeing her. Godspeed!
{{hugs}} Char

John_32

cahjah75 said:

John what you
have gone through is so bizarre it's got to be true! What your inlaws have put you through is inhuman and the thought that they have kept you from your wife in her time of need and compassion is criminal! I certainly hope you find a way to prove your marriage to the necessary people so that you have access to your wife. I'm praying that your inlaws have not had her power of attorney in order to bar you from seeing her. Godspeed!
{{hugs}} Char

Thank you Char and everyone.
Thank you Char and everyone. It is an unbelievable story. I am sure I will write about all of this one day if only just to process everything that has happened. By keeping me from her, her family creates the impression that I have so profoundly wronged her in some way that I must not even be allowed to see her or speak to her, and I think this almost gives them some sort of strange satisfaction. But this is completely false. My wife has cancerous tumors growing in her brain which has caused her to have devastating personality changes and flashes of rage--which they themselves have witnessed--yet they somehow blame all of this on me. Anyone would have divorced her months ago after everything I have been through with her, yet I knew there had to be some explanation for why she was acting like this, and I would defend her to my own family by saying, literally, "there is something wrong with her head." Three months later she began having seizures and a scan revealed very large tumors in her brain. The breast cancer had metastasized. Tragically, my worst fears had been correct.

It's been helpful to stay connected to her in some way by reading the stories on this board of other women going through breast cancer and other caregivers. But I hope to now see her very soon in person. I must just wait for the marriage certificate copy to arrive. I have pleaded with her parents--on an answering machine, since they won't speak to me--that this was not about me, or them, but that it was about Ella, and that I knew it would make her happy to see her husband, even if it is only a brief hospital visit one final time. But they will never respond to me. They would rather deny both of us this one last chance to see each other and instead prepare for some kind of confrontation in the hospital as they try to block me from seeing her when I arrive. For Ella's sake, I am not going to be dragged into a confrontation with them in the hospital, for they will obviously stop at nothing, but will try to visit her early or late enough that maybe they will not be there. If they already have power-of-attorney, they can block me from seeing her, even whey they are not there. But wouldn't a court have to give notice to her husband before giving somebody else power-of-attorney? Or maybe they lied and said she wasn't married.

Anyway, I posted some pictures of Ella finally on the expressions page, just to give a face to all of this.

MyTurnNow

John_32 said:

Thank you Char and everyone.
Thank you Char and everyone. It is an unbelievable story. I am sure I will write about all of this one day if only just to process everything that has happened. By keeping me from her, her family creates the impression that I have so profoundly wronged her in some way that I must not even be allowed to see her or speak to her, and I think this almost gives them some sort of strange satisfaction. But this is completely false. My wife has cancerous tumors growing in her brain which has caused her to have devastating personality changes and flashes of rage--which they themselves have witnessed--yet they somehow blame all of this on me. Anyone would have divorced her months ago after everything I have been through with her, yet I knew there had to be some explanation for why she was acting like this, and I would defend her to my own family by saying, literally, "there is something wrong with her head." Three months later she began having seizures and a scan revealed very large tumors in her brain. The breast cancer had metastasized. Tragically, my worst fears had been correct.

It's been helpful to stay connected to her in some way by reading the stories on this board of other women going through breast cancer and other caregivers. But I hope to now see her very soon in person. I must just wait for the marriage certificate copy to arrive. I have pleaded with her parents--on an answering machine, since they won't speak to me--that this was not about me, or them, but that it was about Ella, and that I knew it would make her happy to see her husband, even if it is only a brief hospital visit one final time. But they will never respond to me. They would rather deny both of us this one last chance to see each other and instead prepare for some kind of confrontation in the hospital as they try to block me from seeing her when I arrive. For Ella's sake, I am not going to be dragged into a confrontation with them in the hospital, for they will obviously stop at nothing, but will try to visit her early or late enough that maybe they will not be there. If they already have power-of-attorney, they can block me from seeing her, even whey they are not there. But wouldn't a court have to give notice to her husband before giving somebody else power-of-attorney? Or maybe they lied and said she wasn't married.

Anyway, I posted some pictures of Ella finally on the expressions page, just to give a face to all of this.

John, it's possible that in
John, it's possible that in your county you can pull a copy of the marriage license from the County Records Office on line. In my county here in Florida, I can see all recorded documents on a person. They are considered public records. I'm not sure if that's available where you live, but it's sure worth a try. Good luck and I hope you get to see your wife soon!!

tambow

John
I'm sorry that you have to deal with so much! Having loved ones affected by Cancer is bad enough and then dealing with the absurd behavior of your in-laws is just too much!! Offering my thoughts and prayers for you and your loved ones. Stay STRONG!!!!

Tammy B

Noel

tambow said:

John
I'm sorry that you have to deal with so much! Having loved ones affected by Cancer is bad enough and then dealing with the absurd behavior of your in-laws is just too much!! Offering my thoughts and prayers for you and your loved ones. Stay STRONG!!!!

Tammy B

This is unbelievable John.
This is unbelievable John. Stay strong and know that we are all here supporting you.