I am my mothers 8th child

8isenough

I am the youngest out of eight children.Today is my parents 53rd wedding anniversary.My Mother has recurrent ovarian cancer,she was diagnosed two years ago right before Christmas and was flown immediately in to Boston for emergency surgery.When they heard the news,my Father just dropped and layed over my mother at the hospital and started sobbing.
She had surgery,everything removed,complications,blockage,collapsed veins, blood transfusions etc..
then after 6 months of chemo it looked promising,her cancer count was 6.Then all of a sudden few months and problems started,hospital stays for weeks at a time,in and out then back in again few days later.My parents dog,Whisper,whom they got when she was a pup and my older sister got the sister to whisper,had been diagnosed with cancer..later died,they where heart broken to say the least.My Mom has a tube because problems w her bowels and now she hasnt eaten any food since january of this year.she gets her nutrients from a bag of liquid everyday.The tube wont allow any food to pass thru.She cant receive chemo because her body is too weak and last 2times she ended up in hospital.its been months w no chemo,she just sits in a recliner all day,dosent say much,no energy,natious all the time,but mostly fatigued.My dad has been by her side throughout this.He slept in a chair at the hospital every night and never left her side only for a minute.Hes a mess and said "im afraid without your mother,theres nothing left in this world for me" Its the most painfull thing in the world to see my Mom,whos spent her hole life giving and helping others,suffer in such a horrible way.She was a nurse,Head director of nursing at the hospital i was born.(the Dr there said"your mother was an advocate for the nurses here,shes considered a hero still today around here")she became a Dr, and a Professor of nursing.Awards and numerous articles in the News Paper"how does she do it?" one of the headlines read.She was raised by her grandparents and grew up with little money.My Father whos dad,died when he was just 2yrs old,his brother died when he was an infant as well.This left my Dad to be the only boy that had to take care of his one sister and his mother.when he got older and married,he would visit my grandmother everyday,and always told her he loved her.She died at the age of 96,he visits his mothers grave often.He never has forgotten his father & brother as well, & still goes to visit there gravestones regularly,even though he didnt get to be a big brother or a son to them.
So even though they grew up with much struggle and worked so hard,they could have decided to live this extravagant life style,seeing as my dad became a well established,respected lawyer and my mom a Doctor and Very much adored by all her students and equally loved by her co-workers,a Professor of Nursing,they decided to share it all with eight children.
They are the 2 most incredible,unselfish,honest,hardworking,loving,loyal and beautifull people i have ever met and probably ever will.I am scared for my mother,terribly afraid of losing her to this disease.Equally i am so afraid of what will happen to my dad if shes no longer alive.At a time in their lives (72)where they should be relaxing and finally enjoying eachother,my dad is now come to her aid, changing my mothers tubes,bags,medications etc. and helping her walk to the bathroom.Theyve always been active,trips ,hiking,gardening,family gatherings...then cancer came and turned my family inside out,robbed my parents of eachother and my mother of her independance and now at times,it looks like it will take the rest.Please God just let my mother get well even if its for a few months,long enough,well enough,to enjoy the sunshine and smell the air and the mornings wich she loved the best,the birds,the flowers and to be able to walk on the beach one more time with my Dad who has loved her since the first time he saw her, decades ago and still does even more today,on there 53rd wedding anniversary.Please,Blessed mother mary,here my prayer. "may the virgin mary mother be praised,adored and glorified throughout the whole world forever and ever,Amen" Thank you K.S

mopar

LEGACY
What a wonderful legacy your mother and father have given to eight children! Not just the accomplishments in their lives, but I sense the enormous love and respect they have for eachother and have instilled in you. And that's what life is all about - being a shining beacon to others, to lead them to the knowledge and love of our Father in Heaven, and to be all we can for eachother. All this in a finite world, subject to all the pain and tragedy that may come our way, includng this horrible disease. No time is ever the 'right' time to see our loved ones suffer or leave us. But no one can ever erase your mother's spirit and memory in your hearts and minds. With all you have told us it is obvious that your mother has touched so many lives. Many 'seeds' have been sown from her love, compassion and work on behalf of so many.

I send lots of prayers to you and your family, that there will be more time to be together, that your Dad will be comforted, that your Mom will not suffer much, and that you will find peace and comfort as well. Thank you for sharing such a difficult time with us, but know that our hearts are with you and yours.

(((HUGS)))
Monika

Barbara53

always his bride
My parents celebrated their 50th anniversary, too, and then my father died two years later. My mother was devastated, but after a while she joined a Widowed Persons group and it really helped her recover and heal. Five years later, she met a widower, and they have been boyfriend/girlfriend ever since. Your father's life won't end when your mother dies, and neither will yours.

My mother is now late stage ovarian cancer, too, but the ugly complications are just beginning. Does your family have hospice help? It could make a big difference to have experienced people take the load off your dad so he can concentrate on quality time.

I'm praying hard for all of you.

8isenough

Barbara53 said:

always his bride
My parents celebrated their 50th anniversary, too, and then my father died two years later. My mother was devastated, but after a while she joined a Widowed Persons group and it really helped her recover and heal. Five years later, she met a widower, and they have been boyfriend/girlfriend ever since. Your father's life won't end when your mother dies, and neither will yours.

My mother is now late stage ovarian cancer, too, but the ugly complications are just beginning. Does your family have hospice help? It could make a big difference to have experienced people take the load off your dad so he can concentrate on quality time.

I'm praying hard for all of you.

To Barbar53
Thank you very much for your reply.I dont think my Dad is ready to call hospice,my moms mother had passed away and i was there when they made the decision to call hospice.She died soon after.Even though my mom was raised by her grandmother,i knew she loved her Mother and i believe she forgave her for not being there to raise her.I dont think my Grandma(her Mom)ever got the chance to tell her she was sorry.When we saw her after the stroke(i think it was complications from the cancer that moved to her brain)i was real young but i remember seeing my mom in pain and i didnt really understand what had happened to my grandma,she couldnt speak and dont think she recognized us.It was very sad,i havent thought about that in years.Back to your question i think Hospice to my parents means the end,i know to me i think of that when i hear the word.I know it sounds crazy but i am hoping for a miracle.When my mom was going in for emergency surgery i said "mom i will say a prayer for you" and she said to me "Baby i am afraid im going to need alot of them" I dont understand why this has to happen ,or how it could happen to my mother!or the thousands of people that are effected by this disease,their family and friends as well.It seems like everywhere i go i hear about or know another person that has cancer.Why?and Where did this come from?and i have to ask only because i dont understand and not that i dont believe,how can there be a God that would let this happen to so many people?Good people who have lived there lives and kept there faith even through the worst of times,What would be the reason for letting these beautifull people live out the rest of there days in such sadness,prolonging the pain.Thats the thanks they get for living their lives by God?I am sorry......i guess thats no way to ask for a miracle,now is it? I thank you so much barbara for your prayers and i appreciate your time to comment on my post. May the Virgin Mary Mother be praised,adored and glorified throughout the whole world forever and ever.Amen. Thank you K.S

Barbara53

8isenough said:

To Barbar53
Thank you very much for your reply.I dont think my Dad is ready to call hospice,my moms mother had passed away and i was there when they made the decision to call hospice.She died soon after.Even though my mom was raised by her grandmother,i knew she loved her Mother and i believe she forgave her for not being there to raise her.I dont think my Grandma(her Mom)ever got the chance to tell her she was sorry.When we saw her after the stroke(i think it was complications from the cancer that moved to her brain)i was real young but i remember seeing my mom in pain and i didnt really understand what had happened to my grandma,she couldnt speak and dont think she recognized us.It was very sad,i havent thought about that in years.Back to your question i think Hospice to my parents means the end,i know to me i think of that when i hear the word.I know it sounds crazy but i am hoping for a miracle.When my mom was going in for emergency surgery i said "mom i will say a prayer for you" and she said to me "Baby i am afraid im going to need alot of them" I dont understand why this has to happen ,or how it could happen to my mother!or the thousands of people that are effected by this disease,their family and friends as well.It seems like everywhere i go i hear about or know another person that has cancer.Why?and Where did this come from?and i have to ask only because i dont understand and not that i dont believe,how can there be a God that would let this happen to so many people?Good people who have lived there lives and kept there faith even through the worst of times,What would be the reason for letting these beautifull people live out the rest of there days in such sadness,prolonging the pain.Thats the thanks they get for living their lives by God?I am sorry......i guess thats no way to ask for a miracle,now is it? I thank you so much barbara for your prayers and i appreciate your time to comment on my post. May the Virgin Mary Mother be praised,adored and glorified throughout the whole world forever and ever.Amen. Thank you K.S

You didn't know it, but you made me smile with your closing prayer. You see, my mother is a devout Methodist and her boyfriend is a devout Catholic, which they cite as the reason they could never be married. They are so cute!

You and I are so lucky to have been raised in homes filled with love. Have you read Final Gifts by Maggie Callahan? You will cry your way through it, but it will open new doors to the richness to be found in this painful experience. Most libraries have copies.

You may want to scroll down to the caregivers forum sometime. Lots of people helping each other there.

8isenough

mopar said:

LEGACY
What a wonderful legacy your mother and father have given to eight children! Not just the accomplishments in their lives, but I sense the enormous love and respect they have for eachother and have instilled in you. And that's what life is all about - being a shining beacon to others, to lead them to the knowledge and love of our Father in Heaven, and to be all we can for eachother. All this in a finite world, subject to all the pain and tragedy that may come our way, includng this horrible disease. No time is ever the 'right' time to see our loved ones suffer or leave us. But no one can ever erase your mother's spirit and memory in your hearts and minds. With all you have told us it is obvious that your mother has touched so many lives. Many 'seeds' have been sown from her love, compassion and work on behalf of so many.

I send lots of prayers to you and your family, that there will be more time to be together, that your Dad will be comforted, that your Mom will not suffer much, and that you will find peace and comfort as well. Thank you for sharing such a difficult time with us, but know that our hearts are with you and yours.

(((HUGS)))
Monika

Thank you Mopar
Thank you for not only reading my post but taking time to reply,i am really moved by your comment.I didnt know what i was going to write,or even why i just logged on and decided to say something,anything,for the first time,now i see its much more than that.I thank you for all your prayers and such a beautifull reply that was truly from your heart.Its times like this that we see the good in people,people reach out to others that they dont even know.Actually you may have learned more about me (and me in you,)in just one day than my friends that ive known for years. Thank you monika,i'll keep your words close to my heart.May god bless you and your loved ones. May the Virgin Mary Mother be praised,adored and glorified throughout the world forever and ever.Amen. Thank You K.S

Ronda22

Barbara53 said:

You didn't know it, but you made me smile with your closing prayer. You see, my mother is a devout Methodist and her boyfriend is a devout Catholic, which they cite as the reason they could never be married. They are so cute!

You and I are so lucky to have been raised in homes filled with love. Have you read Final Gifts by Maggie Callahan? You will cry your way through it, but it will open new doors to the richness to be found in this painful experience. Most libraries have copies.

You may want to scroll down to the caregivers forum sometime. Lots of people helping each other there.

KS
I wish I had magically comforting words too, but there is precious little to ease the pain of losing a mother. My mother has late stage ovarian cancer and every day I see the arms that held me as a baby and a broken hearted teenager get poked, stuck and bruised....the laughing smile that now is a grimace from the pain in her back, her long hair gone, her eyes looking sad and oversized in her shrunken face, her port and pacemaker jutting out from her chest, barely covered with skin because she has lost so much weight. I try to find comfort in any way possible......At least I had her this long, This is part of the natural circle of life, She is leaving a legacy, She will live on in spirit....and all these things are true, but like a too-weak dose of medicine, they barely touch the pain. Sometimes I just get very factual and say "I would rather have had her and go through this than never had her at all" and that is undeniably true and it seems to somehow help, as if this is a choice. (Like "You can have this mother for 46 years but when she dies it will tear your heart out, or, you can have another mother whose death won't hurt so badly...") I would always pick MY mom. I also try to focus on the things I am grateful for, and it also is very helpful to talk to or read from daughters who have been in this position. No one else can better understand such anguish than those who are living it, or who have survived it.

You are not alone.

Ronda

kayandok

Dearest KS,
your post has moved me to tears. I pray for a miracle for your mom and healing for you too. You have such a beautiful family and your love for your mom and dad is evident and also beautiful. Even if my kids felt a fraction of the love you have for your mom, I would be a blessed woman.
kathleen ❤

8isenough

kayandok said:

Dearest KS,
your post has moved me to tears. I pray for a miracle for your mom and healing for you too. You have such a beautiful family and your love for your mom and dad is evident and also beautiful. Even if my kids felt a fraction of the love you have for your mom, I would be a blessed woman.
kathleen ❤

kayandock
I replied to your comeent but i didnt see it posted hmm.. Well i























I thank you for your reply,i had tears down my face as my brother and i read your reply. unfortunately i dont think i fully appreciated my parents till i was out of the house and gone for a few years.I now see that they were right about it all!God bless you and your children to see and fully appreciate their mother and her love.Thank you again for your reply,God Bless You and your family Thank You K.S

msfanciful

Hi,
I haven't been on for a
Hi,
I haven't been on for a while but while reading your post, tears came to my eyes because everytime you think things are figured out, then this cancer rears it's ugly head and it does indeed rip families apart in ways no one could've ever imagined.

I can't help but empathize with you and your family's pain having lived with my ovarian cancer now for almost 4 years. Praise be to God!

Neverthess, my hearts aches for you and I will continue to keep your family in my prayers.

It's hard but you have to try to stay strong.

Sincerely,

Sharon

Hissy_Fitz

msfanciful said:

Hi,
I haven't been on for a
Hi,
I haven't been on for a while but while reading your post, tears came to my eyes because everytime you think things are figured out, then this cancer rears it's ugly head and it does indeed rip families apart in ways no one could've ever imagined.

I can't help but empathize with you and your family's pain having lived with my ovarian cancer now for almost 4 years. Praise be to God!

Neverthess, my hearts aches for you and I will continue to keep your family in my prayers.

It's hard but you have to try to stay strong.

Sincerely,

Sharon

Reading the posts from daughters is harder for me than dealing with my own cancer. I am so afraid that what I am seeing is a fast-forward of my own daughter's anguish.

I am not afriad of dying but I so hate the thought of casusing my family grief. I don't want to hurst them. I don't want to make them cry. I have a daughter and three sons. Their dad died from Cancer 12 years ago and as hard as that was for them, at least they still had me. When I die, they will have no one and my daughter, especially, and the granddaughter I raised, who is only 18, they will both be so lost and alone.

Kara, I am so sorry you and your dad have to suffer this way. You are in much more pain than your mom. God has a plan for all of us, but I will never understand why He made cancer part of it. I am a "good Catholic girl", too. I have faith in prayer and miracles. But sometimes, no matter how good we are, or how hard we pray, or how much faith we have, God has other ideas and it's a test of our own faith to accept that and still love Him and believe in His goodness. May God give us all strength to endure that which we must, and faith to embrace the goodness of the Lord in all things.

Carlene