Ready to jump out the window!!!!

lindadanis

Well I am ready to jump out of the window, Hospice provided me with a volunteer yesterday for three hours so Diana and I went out to lunch and then to my sisters for a swim. Ed was pissed off to say the least,he has not spoken to either one of us since we got home yesterday at 3PM. I am not staying in the house like a prisioner 24/7 and actually my sister is coming and I am going out in a bit for some dinner with Diana. Who does he think he is?
He has not eaten nor drank much over the weekend, I believe because this is his way of getting back at us. Just wanted to vent, I am sure William, if you read this post, you will have some words for me. I am just so angry, sad, mad, don't know what to do with all these emotions.

Just need to get it off my shoulders.

Linda

Gatoraid

Don't Jump
Hi Linda,

In order to go through this nightmare you must stay strong and positive. To do that you must try to do things to relieve your stress and allow you to recharge your battery. Every minute you can grab to do this you most certainly should.

Stay well......Jim aka gatoraid

JimsBrother

Vent away
The stress you have been under comes through the screen in blazing colors. You are entitled to vent, be mad, scream, or anything that provides you with some relief. Except, you may not jump out the window. Trust me, that won't help....

Ed is mad too, he is probably just as stressed and wants to get away and swim and have dinner too. Unfortunately he can only direct it at those around him. It's really not anger, it's love.

There is nothing you or I or anyone else can do except pray and have you and Ed in eachothers arms giving eachother as much comfort as possible. As mad as you are at this disease, being upset with eachother is probably as natural as can be, but I can only speak from myself, I would rather you hugged, and held, and kissed, and spent whatever time there is to be there for eachother.

I don't know you and I am probably the last one that is qualified to give advice in your situation. I do think that you love him dearly and he loves you dearly, and if you can come down from the window and go tell him that, maybe he will tell you that too.

If not, come back and tell me to jump out the window, and I promise you that I will with pictures to prove it.....

Rob

Unknown

This comment has been removed by the Moderator

sandy1943

Linda, I agree with what the
Linda, I agree with what the others have said. You owe it to yourself to get away sometimes. I am cancer free and have not experienced what ED is going through. During the time after my surgery and recovery I started resenting my husband. (In my mind) I thought he was neglecting me. I got pretty hateful toward him. This is a man who stayed with me 24 hrs a day for my 14 days in the hosipital. He did everything for me ,then and when I went home -- bathing, dressing, bathroom,cooking cleaning--everything.This continued until I was well enough to do for myself. I even told him once that if anybody asked I would tell them that he didn't care for me, and hadn't done anything for me. I know how stressed he got--He let it out a couple of times. I really don't know why I acted the way I did. Ater 46 yrs of marriage, he showed his devotion and love for me constantly in the care he gave me. Thank goodness I came to my senses after about a month.
I'm not excusing Ed. I didn't know him before he got sick. I just wanted to say, I will never understand why I acted the way I did!

paul61

Vent Away!!!!
Linda,

You need to get out of the house from time to time and get away from the stress. Even if ED seems to resent it, you have to provide yourself some relaxation.

Perhaps Ed is thinking, “How can they go off and enjoy themselves when I am so sick?” But that is just the frustration of his situation speaking; not how Ed really feels.

The best thing to do is to get away from Ed for a short time so you do not say things that you don’t really mean, and can’t take back, and vent with someone else. Like us!!! That is one of the reasons we are here.

I know if must be frustrating to watch someone you care about suffering and be helpless to change the situation. That knot in your stomach just never seems to go away.

Vent away!!!!

We will be praying that tomorrow is a better day.

Best Regards,

Paul Adams
McCormick, South Carolina

DX 10/22/2009 T2N1M0 – Stage IIB
12/03/2009 Ivor Lewis
2/8 – 6/14/2010 Adjuvant Chemo Cisplatin, Epirubicin, 5 FU
6/21/2010 CT Scan NED

zinniemay

Thanks again
William everyone you said it prefectly, Greg does not let me leave his side, So went we went to the doctors if he forgot to ask a question I did it. Then Greg was mad said I did all the talking, not true but what can you say. I love him but he is a stubborn man and set in his ways.
So I know everyone on here said the right thing. I knowmy husband is hurting I know he is afraid. So Am I . I know he wants to do things so do I.
I have no words of wisdom only that after you have done your best for him , you need to be able to find a bit of me time.
You all are so great! I personally love you all in your hearts I have seen no better people.
Bless you all.

lindadanis

zinniemay said:

Thanks again
William everyone you said it prefectly, Greg does not let me leave his side, So went we went to the doctors if he forgot to ask a question I did it. Then Greg was mad said I did all the talking, not true but what can you say. I love him but he is a stubborn man and set in his ways.
So I know everyone on here said the right thing. I knowmy husband is hurting I know he is afraid. So Am I . I know he wants to do things so do I.
I have no words of wisdom only that after you have done your best for him , you need to be able to find a bit of me time.
You all are so great! I personally love you all in your hearts I have seen no better people.
Bless you all.

I didn't jump ok!
I did not jump out of the window although that is exactly how I felt the moment I wrote the above post, yes, I did go out for dinner with my daughter and yes, we are heading out tomorrow morning for a doctor's appt and my sister is coming over to watch Ed. My body is just really starting to feel the stress of it all and on top of all things, we got a notice today that our insurance is being cancelled and they are putting us on something else but not until october lst., well how do I pay for hospice in the meantime, so I have been on the phone today for four hours trying to figure out this mess.

I feel that there is a big black cloud over my house and I just want it to move somewhere else (haha).

I am feeling better now and Ed is doing the same old thing. He is however, getting very weak and tired, does not drink much nor eat. I feel helpless!!!!!!

William, you made me laugh with the above post, thanks my friend, you always do.

Love to all

Linda

Tina Blondek

lindadanis said:

I didn't jump ok!
I did not jump out of the window although that is exactly how I felt the moment I wrote the above post, yes, I did go out for dinner with my daughter and yes, we are heading out tomorrow morning for a doctor's appt and my sister is coming over to watch Ed. My body is just really starting to feel the stress of it all and on top of all things, we got a notice today that our insurance is being cancelled and they are putting us on something else but not until october lst., well how do I pay for hospice in the meantime, so I have been on the phone today for four hours trying to figure out this mess.

I feel that there is a big black cloud over my house and I just want it to move somewhere else (haha).

I am feeling better now and Ed is doing the same old thing. He is however, getting very weak and tired, does not drink much nor eat. I feel helpless!!!!!!

William, you made me laugh with the above post, thanks my friend, you always do.

Love to all

Linda

Hello Linda my friend,
You
Hello Linda my friend,
You vent, you go out, you get out of that house, as many times as you can. Paul is 100% right. You have got to have time to yourself to recharge. Diana as well. Ed will get over it. He has to! As long as he is being watched and taken care of, do not worry. Sorry about your insurance co. That totally stinks. Great timing! Are you able to be on medicare? Do you have supplemental insurance? Maybe Diana can help you with making some of the phone calls, or your sister. Reach out for help whenever you can. You have done, and are doing a remarkable job! Keep up the great work. We are on you team! Love and hugs to all of you.
Tina