Post cancer blues?

KathyBlair

It has been a year since my last treatment. I have been desperately unhappy. I feel like I need a greater purpose to my life. There is so much hurt out there. When someone disregards my feelings, I have a melt down.

roseann4

Very common problem post treatment.
Hi Kathy,

You have been through something very traumatizing and for many of us life is changed forever. While we are in treatment, there is lots to do and family and friends are giving us extra love and care. Then we are done and life is expected to be back to normal. We are still recovering emotionally and it can take years to be 100% recovered from radiation, chemo, etc. Many of us are taking drugs like Tamoxifen or Arimidex that play change our hormones and can have side effects we deal with daily. Lots to feel sad about but there should also be some happy times. If you are always sad and finding life hopeless, you should speak with your primary care doctor. It is possible that after all the treatments, your brain chemistry could have been altered and you may need help to get your brain chemicals on track. You may just need someone to talk with about your feelings.

By the way, I have melt downs regularly. I also tell people when they offend me. That's not a bad thing.

Roseann

BlownAway60

Me too.
I'll just be
Me too.

I'll just be sitting there at work and I find myself thinking what the heck is going on in my life. Scares the heck out of me. It's like the little after shocks after the major earthquake. I only let it last for a minute or so and then busy myself with something else but it still happens and for just that little bit I am not happy with what has happened to me and scared about what my future might hold. I know it is probably normal but I don't like it.

I try to keep a positive attitude but sometimes those scary things just sneak in there.

Hugs

Donna

PS. I have been crocheting hats and donating then to people going through chemo. That makes me feel really good, being able to help someone else. The look on their faces is priceless. It is just a small thing but it does make a difference.

smalldoggroomer

Hi Kathy
I think Roseann said it very well. I agree with what she said. And your emotions are your emotions. They are not wrong. I also have meltdowns. I have screamed at people.. But we are going through a traumatic time in our life. Sometimes others need to understand that they don't know how we feel so they just have to accept us. Let us feel what we feel. And don't take it personal. I would never intentionally hurt anyone. But I have hurt some feelings. And it will probably happen again. But they will love me anyway. I wish everyone had a good support system. That is what I wish I could give to all cancer survivors. It hurts my heart to think anyone goes through this along. Take care. and don't feel bad about your emotions we love you anyway! Kay

24242

smalldoggroomer said:

Hi Kathy
I think Roseann said it very well. I agree with what she said. And your emotions are your emotions. They are not wrong. I also have meltdowns. I have screamed at people.. But we are going through a traumatic time in our life. Sometimes others need to understand that they don't know how we feel so they just have to accept us. Let us feel what we feel. And don't take it personal. I would never intentionally hurt anyone. But I have hurt some feelings. And it will probably happen again. But they will love me anyway. I wish everyone had a good support system. That is what I wish I could give to all cancer survivors. It hurts my heart to think anyone goes through this along. Take care. and don't feel bad about your emotions we love you anyway! Kay

Question
Hi Kathy,
I guess I just want to ask you to ask yourself if you truly want things to be back to normal?? I have found that cancer was a very defining moment for me and my life just wasn't working for me before hence having cancer. Normal is what was and cancer the result of not to say we did this to ourselves but some of the things we do and believe can actually be a stress that is added to our lives.
I learned along time ago struggling with my sexuality that there is truly NO normal. Disfunctional families, which most of us have in one way or another are the norm. I hope that you can truly face yourself and find out what is your passion and what about life is truly worth living for. Once one finds out this the rest seems to just fall into place. I worked to support my family and thought the best job and high pay was IT. I worked over 30 years at a job I did not like but was good at and that DID NOT full fill me. Now I have work that truly is my passion and another side of life has emerged and it too has its own problems.
Tara

roseann4

24242 said:

Question
Hi Kathy,
I guess I just want to ask you to ask yourself if you truly want things to be back to normal?? I have found that cancer was a very defining moment for me and my life just wasn't working for me before hence having cancer. Normal is what was and cancer the result of not to say we did this to ourselves but some of the things we do and believe can actually be a stress that is added to our lives.
I learned along time ago struggling with my sexuality that there is truly NO normal. Disfunctional families, which most of us have in one way or another are the norm. I hope that you can truly face yourself and find out what is your passion and what about life is truly worth living for. Once one finds out this the rest seems to just fall into place. I worked to support my family and thought the best job and high pay was IT. I worked over 30 years at a job I did not like but was good at and that DID NOT full fill me. Now I have work that truly is my passion and another side of life has emerged and it too has its own problems.
Tara

Well said, Tara!
I have a different outlook since my diagnosis. I have mood swings, aches from the Arimidex, etc. but most of the time I can accept that because of the new meaning I have for life. I have developed "survivor" behavior like asking for what I need and saying no when I don't want to do something. Before, I put everyone's needs before my own and it was not good for anyone in my life. Now I speak my mind and am not always a "good" girl.

Cancer is definately not what I would have wished for but it did have some benefits as well.

Roseann

missrenee

roseann4 said:

Well said, Tara!
I have a different outlook since my diagnosis. I have mood swings, aches from the Arimidex, etc. but most of the time I can accept that because of the new meaning I have for life. I have developed "survivor" behavior like asking for what I need and saying no when I don't want to do something. Before, I put everyone's needs before my own and it was not good for anyone in my life. Now I speak my mind and am not always a "good" girl.

Cancer is definately not what I would have wished for but it did have some benefits as well.

Roseann

Hey, Kathy
I love Donna's idea--volunteer. When you focus on someone else, you can sort of put your problems on the back burner--at least for a while. I've always volunteered--before I was diagnosed--pet therapy with my dog, playing with and reading to children at a children's shelter. And now, since I'm post diagnosis and treatment, I'm getting my energy back and doing a little one-on-one volunteering--whether it's providing transportation for a fellow pink sister, volunteering to bake for a function at my husband's work, or just doing random acts of kindness for strangers. I find when I focus on someone else's needs, I feel good about me--and that feels really good.

Good luck--I'm still working through this too. I only finished rads 2 weeks ago, and there are still dark days--and I'm sure more to come. I do take time out for myself--and try to do the things I really enjoy as much as I can.

Hugs, Renee

jo jo

Hi Kathy
Not much more to
Hi Kathy
Not much more to say...everyone just put it all in one nice little package. So just wanted to say sorry you have to be here but welcome to the board.

Betsy13

You are not alone...
I feel the same things you feel. I have been struggling with depression and fatigue. I have gone through and am going through everything by myself. This is my ONLY support. It is terrible. I am on an anti-depressant and in therapy. There is no group support within a 50 mile radius. Believe me, I have looked. I wish I had an answer for you, then I would have an answer for myself.

People on this site tell me there will be a "new normal". I keep asking "when"? I'm a teacher and I have to start work soon. I'm scared. I had absolutely no support during treatment; therefore, I am expecting absolutely no support after treatment.

Hang in there.
Betsy

aysemari

BlownAway60 said:

Me too.
I'll just be
Me too.

I'll just be sitting there at work and I find myself thinking what the heck is going on in my life. Scares the heck out of me. It's like the little after shocks after the major earthquake. I only let it last for a minute or so and then busy myself with something else but it still happens and for just that little bit I am not happy with what has happened to me and scared about what my future might hold. I know it is probably normal but I don't like it.

I try to keep a positive attitude but sometimes those scary things just sneak in there.

Hugs

Donna

PS. I have been crocheting hats and donating then to people going through chemo. That makes me feel really good, being able to help someone else. The look on their faces is priceless. It is just a small thing but it does make a difference.

Donna
I love how you put that after shock of an earthquake, so true.

What a wonderful thing to do, I got some crochet hats from my
oncologist's office and it sure made me smile.

Ayse

Wolfi

Am right there with you....
Kathy,

It will be a year next week for me since my surgery and it has been one heck of a rollercoaster ride. Even now I will have days when I am really weepy (for no apparent reason) or anger quickly. I am in pain most nights and uncomfortable during the days.

The greater purpose in your life it that you HAVE life. Find something that makes you happy and do it. Be a help to those in need who are looking for advice and support. Your experiences may really help someone who is dealing with their own bc diagnosis.

People can be mean, uncaring, or just not connected to those around them (lights on but no one is home). If someone disregards my feelings or ideas I am hurt for a while but I just think something like "It's their loss if they don't like what I have to say because my idea is wonderful." I won't stop trying to be helpful but it can be frustrating when people don't acknowledge my efforts.

Take care and keep posting.

holisticnursepfau

Ok to feel your feelings
Kathy,
I finished all my treatments in June of last year and thought I would just go back to my "old" life. That is when I ran head first into that brick wall called depression. Everyone told me how lucky I was and how I could just go back to being my old self. I know they meant well, but it made me angry and resentful because I knew I would never be the "old me" again.

They best thing I have done for myself since I finished treatment was to find a great therapist that I can talk to honestly. The best advice she has given me is that it is OK to feel your feelings and to express them. When other people can't handle my expressions of how I feel, I just forgive them and move on. I don't waste my energy on people that don't understand me. I still have an occasional meltdown and when that happens I treat my demons of fear and anger with a little more kindness and love.

The path to your true purpose will appear when you are ready for the journey.

Be your authentic self,

Cherry

paolo

holisticnursepfau said:

Ok to feel your feelings
Kathy,
I finished all my treatments in June of last year and thought I would just go back to my "old" life. That is when I ran head first into that brick wall called depression. Everyone told me how lucky I was and how I could just go back to being my old self. I know they meant well, but it made me angry and resentful because I knew I would never be the "old me" again.

They best thing I have done for myself since I finished treatment was to find a great therapist that I can talk to honestly. The best advice she has given me is that it is OK to feel your feelings and to express them. When other people can't handle my expressions of how I feel, I just forgive them and move on. I don't waste my energy on people that don't understand me. I still have an occasional meltdown and when that happens I treat my demons of fear and anger with a little more kindness and love.

The path to your true purpose will appear when you are ready for the journey.

Be your authentic self,

Cherry

I've been feeling like a
I've been feeling like a shutin, depressed and don't really know why since I get to live, to survive. It' has just been a few months where the threat of dying was not with me all the time for the year prior. I am back to work , have more debt than ever but am acting and feeling in a way I've never in my life done before , I've never had depression . I did a search and am glad I did. I can't seem to relax, the glimpse of how precious life is is never so clear as when it's being taken away. Now ....it's back to a life that doesn't seem meaningful enough. Lots of fear and anxiety.

Thanks

P

paolo

holisticnursepfau said:

Ok to feel your feelings
Kathy,
I finished all my treatments in June of last year and thought I would just go back to my "old" life. That is when I ran head first into that brick wall called depression. Everyone told me how lucky I was and how I could just go back to being my old self. I know they meant well, but it made me angry and resentful because I knew I would never be the "old me" again.

They best thing I have done for myself since I finished treatment was to find a great therapist that I can talk to honestly. The best advice she has given me is that it is OK to feel your feelings and to express them. When other people can't handle my expressions of how I feel, I just forgive them and move on. I don't waste my energy on people that don't understand me. I still have an occasional meltdown and when that happens I treat my demons of fear and anger with a little more kindness and love.

The path to your true purpose will appear when you are ready for the journey.

Be your authentic self,

Cherry

I've been feeling like a
I've been feeling like a shutin, depressed and don't really know why since I get to live, to survive. It' has just been a few months where the threat of dying was not with me all the time for the year prior. I am back to work , have more debt than ever but am acting and feeling in a way I've never in my life done before , I've never had depression . I did a search and am glad I did. I can't seem to relax, the glimpse of how precious life is is never so clear as when it's being taken away. Now ....it's back to a life that doesn't seem meaningful enough. Lots of fear and anxiety.

Thanks

P

paolo

holisticnursepfau said:

Ok to feel your feelings
Kathy,
I finished all my treatments in June of last year and thought I would just go back to my "old" life. That is when I ran head first into that brick wall called depression. Everyone told me how lucky I was and how I could just go back to being my old self. I know they meant well, but it made me angry and resentful because I knew I would never be the "old me" again.

They best thing I have done for myself since I finished treatment was to find a great therapist that I can talk to honestly. The best advice she has given me is that it is OK to feel your feelings and to express them. When other people can't handle my expressions of how I feel, I just forgive them and move on. I don't waste my energy on people that don't understand me. I still have an occasional meltdown and when that happens I treat my demons of fear and anger with a little more kindness and love.

The path to your true purpose will appear when you are ready for the journey.

Be your authentic self,

Cherry

I've been feeling like a
I've been feeling like a shutin, depressed and don't really know why since I get to live, to survive. It' has just been a few months where the threat of dying was not with me all the time for the year prior. I am back to work , have more debt than ever but am acting and feeling in a way I've never in my life done before , I've never had depression . I did a search and am glad I did. I can't seem to relax, the glimpse of how precious life is is never so clear as when it's being taken away. Now ....it's back to a life that doesn't seem meaningful enough. Lots of fear and anxiety.

Thanks

P