I envy you all

cookie97

Please take the advice
Fionac, Please take the advice from all the wonderful women on this board. You are right, that we can not konw exactly what you personally have experienced or are experiencing now. However do know that we feel your pain!
Just for today try finding your favorite song in the whole world crank it up to incredible decibles, cry, dance get really loud. Throw yourself one of heck of a party for the day. It always seems to take my mind off of things for just a little while until I can think more rationally.
Remember that life is not about waiting for the storm to pass; it's about learning to dance in the rain!
(This is one of my favorite quotes and I don't know who wrote it.)

I will keep you in my prayers and thoughts,
Edie

Angie2U

VickiSam said:

Fiona .. How are you doing today ?
Please let us know .. as we are all worried and concerned for you.


Vicki

Hoping that Fiona is doing
Hoping that Fiona is doing better. I have to agree with some that counseling would help. I hope that you look into that.


Hugs, Angie

Betsy13

bad day
I have had 2 bad days in a row. It happens. Life happens. CANCER happens. Get help. Get individual therapy. Get on anti-depressants.

YOU need to find your reason for living. No one else can do it for you.

I am on an anti-depressant and in individual therapy. During my treatment and recovery I have learned that no one is there. It is very depressing. I am getting help so that I can enjoy life again. It will definately be a "new normal" which I am STILL waiting for. It's ok to feel sorry for yourself and have a good cry. Then take a nap.

Then make a choice. Choose to be happy or not. YOU are in control of your life. If you don't like it, change it. I am...

You're right...it's not all honkey dory in cancer land.

Kat11

Betsy13 said:

bad day
I have had 2 bad days in a row. It happens. Life happens. CANCER happens. Get help. Get individual therapy. Get on anti-depressants.

YOU need to find your reason for living. No one else can do it for you.

I am on an anti-depressant and in individual therapy. During my treatment and recovery I have learned that no one is there. It is very depressing. I am getting help so that I can enjoy life again. It will definately be a "new normal" which I am STILL waiting for. It's ok to feel sorry for yourself and have a good cry. Then take a nap.

Then make a choice. Choose to be happy or not. YOU are in control of your life. If you don't like it, change it. I am...

You're right...it's not all honkey dory in cancer land.

Hi Fiona
Just want to welcome you to the boards. I also am Her2 pos stage 3. I was DX april 15th 2009. I did the whole package deal. Let's face it, Cancer is a b----. You are 2 years out already. I am glad you found us. You are not alone anymore. There is so many of us here to listen and help if we can. We all have had bad moments, from time to time. Just hang in there with us.

Alexis F

cookie97 said:

Please take the advice
Fionac, Please take the advice from all the wonderful women on this board. You are right, that we can not konw exactly what you personally have experienced or are experiencing now. However do know that we feel your pain!
Just for today try finding your favorite song in the whole world crank it up to incredible decibles, cry, dance get really loud. Throw yourself one of heck of a party for the day. It always seems to take my mind off of things for just a little while until I can think more rationally.
Remember that life is not about waiting for the storm to pass; it's about learning to dance in the rain!
(This is one of my favorite quotes and I don't know who wrote it.)

I will keep you in my prayers and thoughts,
Edie

You have gotten a lot of
You have gotten a lot of great advice from others here.

Let me add that I will pray for you also!

FionaC

Kat11 said:

Hi Fiona
Just want to welcome you to the boards. I also am Her2 pos stage 3. I was DX april 15th 2009. I did the whole package deal. Let's face it, Cancer is a b----. You are 2 years out already. I am glad you found us. You are not alone anymore. There is so many of us here to listen and help if we can. We all have had bad moments, from time to time. Just hang in there with us.

I feel embarassed now
I didn't wnat to start any drama = (

I have so much that I want to live for. Now you all know my past, and for a moment I was so scared that that was it for me. Especially after I lost my mom last year. And I didn't even getto see her. We didn't have the best of relationships but she was my mom never the less. And
I guess it hit a little too close to home.
I didn't mean to unload on you guys like but it just came spilling out, since I don't have anyone
close that I can talk to. I would take it back if I could. My apologies and if I post anymore
I promise I will be very careful.

F.C

carkris

FionaC said:

I feel embarassed now
I didn't wnat to start any drama = (

I have so much that I want to live for. Now you all know my past, and for a moment I was so scared that that was it for me. Especially after I lost my mom last year. And I didn't even getto see her. We didn't have the best of relationships but she was my mom never the less. And
I guess it hit a little too close to home.
I didn't mean to unload on you guys like but it just came spilling out, since I don't have anyone
close that I can talk to. I would take it back if I could. My apologies and if I post anymore
I promise I will be very careful.

F.C

Fiona i sent you a PM

Fiona i sent you a PM

cahjah75

Finoa
you did what you needed to do, vent! We don't mind. What better place to do it because we understand :-0 Anytime day or night, we're right here. {{hugs}}
Char

SamuraiMom

xxoo
Hi Fiona,
I'm not going to blow sunshine up you ****. ---Please don't go.
xxoo,
SamuraiMom

New Flower

FionaC said:

I feel embarassed now
I didn't wnat to start any drama = (

I have so much that I want to live for. Now you all know my past, and for a moment I was so scared that that was it for me. Especially after I lost my mom last year. And I didn't even getto see her. We didn't have the best of relationships but she was my mom never the less. And
I guess it hit a little too close to home.
I didn't mean to unload on you guys like but it just came spilling out, since I don't have anyone
close that I can talk to. I would take it back if I could. My apologies and if I post anymore
I promise I will be very careful.

F.C

Fiona
I am glad that you posted. I was worrying about you. Please stay in connected. We are a good group of very caring individuals and love seeing every survivor feel happy and positive about future. I am sure there many sisters who will benefit from your expedience and wisdom.

Hugs,
New flower

jo jo

FionaC said:

I feel embarassed now
I didn't wnat to start any drama = (

I have so much that I want to live for. Now you all know my past, and for a moment I was so scared that that was it for me. Especially after I lost my mom last year. And I didn't even getto see her. We didn't have the best of relationships but she was my mom never the less. And
I guess it hit a little too close to home.
I didn't mean to unload on you guys like but it just came spilling out, since I don't have anyone
close that I can talk to. I would take it back if I could. My apologies and if I post anymore
I promise I will be very careful.

F.C

Fiona
Im so glad you have a
Fiona
Im so glad you have a different outlook now and that you were just venting from sleep deprevation but dont apoligize for having a bad time or low spot in your life cuz we all have them...although i have to admit i was pretty worried about you.

mariam_11_09

I am really sorry that you

I am really sorry that you are feeling this way although it is understandable. I posted another discussion with regards to a discussion I had with my Onc. about post cancer treatment and how difficult it is for people to transition from treatment to post treatment. He also gave me a book to read - After Breast Cancer by Hester Hill Schnipper. This won't solve how you feel but might give you a new perspective on it. None of this is easy and I really feel for you.

We don't have anything that you don't already have - you have the strength and courage that we have and also the ability to dig deep within and keep putting one foot in front of the other. You have to live for you and allow yourself to the feel the way you do.

Perhaps seeing a counselor (cancer?) on your own, not in a group might help address specifically what is going on for you.

wish you well.

Noel

Kat11 said:

Hi Fiona
Just want to welcome you to the boards. I also am Her2 pos stage 3. I was DX april 15th 2009. I did the whole package deal. Let's face it, Cancer is a b----. You are 2 years out already. I am glad you found us. You are not alone anymore. There is so many of us here to listen and help if we can. We all have had bad moments, from time to time. Just hang in there with us.

I welcome you to this great
I welcome you to this great site too. I am so sorry for the way you are feeling.

I pray that soon you will start to feel better.


Please, never envy anyone. Everyone has their own problems, especially fighting breast cancer.



♥ Noel

aysemari

You wouldn't envy me
I can relate to a lot of what you said... didn't have an easy up bringing either.
Actually had a lot of adversities to overcome. When I got diagnosed I just felt
anger... there was no way that I went through all that to come to a sudden stop
now.

My first thought was - but I am not done yet!!!

Ayse

24242

aysemari said:

You wouldn't envy me
I can relate to a lot of what you said... didn't have an easy up bringing either.
Actually had a lot of adversities to overcome. When I got diagnosed I just felt
anger... there was no way that I went through all that to come to a sudden stop
now.

My first thought was - but I am not done yet!!!

Ayse

Fiona
I truly hope that this thread of discussion has not put you off from dumping your feelings here. I want to tell you that letting go of such feelings means to write and or say them and make them real then change can come about. I am truly sorry that sometimes it feels like people are judging even though they too are just expressing their own feelings.
I am very grateful for one thing all these years I have done and learned from a very young age that speaking and writing are two ways to empty our souls of the crap we are often known to carry. My shoulders are big but not that big and the weight of the world can always be way to heavy for any of us.
I too am sorry you have to go this alone but many of us have had people there for support and like many have said it can still be a very lonely journey. I am just so very grateful you have been on your own and not suffering the abuse you once did. That my friend is survival and you are amazing...
Tara

survives

24242 said:

Fiona
I truly hope that this thread of discussion has not put you off from dumping your feelings here. I want to tell you that letting go of such feelings means to write and or say them and make them real then change can come about. I am truly sorry that sometimes it feels like people are judging even though they too are just expressing their own feelings.
I am very grateful for one thing all these years I have done and learned from a very young age that speaking and writing are two ways to empty our souls of the crap we are often known to carry. My shoulders are big but not that big and the weight of the world can always be way to heavy for any of us.
I too am sorry you have to go this alone but many of us have had people there for support and like many have said it can still be a very lonely journey. I am just so very grateful you have been on your own and not suffering the abuse you once did. That my friend is survival and you are amazing...
Tara

Fiona
Hey, dear lady! Are you feeling any better? Don't have time to read all the new threads, but just hoping that you are, and hoping you pop back in and let us know.

Betsy13

FionaC said:

I feel embarassed now
I didn't wnat to start any drama = (

I have so much that I want to live for. Now you all know my past, and for a moment I was so scared that that was it for me. Especially after I lost my mom last year. And I didn't even getto see her. We didn't have the best of relationships but she was my mom never the less. And
I guess it hit a little too close to home.
I didn't mean to unload on you guys like but it just came spilling out, since I don't have anyone
close that I can talk to. I would take it back if I could. My apologies and if I post anymore
I promise I will be very careful.

F.C

don't be embarrassed
Obviously, you needed to unload and this is the safe place to do that. I know how you feel. I was suicidal not too long ago. I went to my doc and got on anti-depressants. Cancer is a depressing thing. Especially when you feel all alone.

This is the place where I don't feel so alone anymore...

Pinkpower

survives said:

Fiona
Hey, dear lady! Are you feeling any better? Don't have time to read all the new threads, but just hoping that you are, and hoping you pop back in and let us know.

Hi Fiona, I've been off line
Hi Fiona, I've been off line for a little bit, 1st I want to say, welcome. 2nd, do not ever feel like you have to apologize anything you say here. If anyone can understand and totally relate to you is us. We will do our best to help and not come across as judging each other. Im glad you are here today. Looks like some of us have had a similar journey, hard life, abusive fathers, but here we are in this country where there is so much help. Dont know whre you live, but I live in Cape Coral Florida, hope Im close to you, if not well at least you will have me here online with everyone of our sisters here. I too was dx Sept 2009 state 2, HER2, est & pro +,had lumpectomy, chemo and radiation and as I get closer to my 1st mamo and mri on Aug 30 Im scared to death. I also have been very postive and strong as can be, dont know what would happen if I would have a reoccurence, but I know that once again I have to fight for my 2 daughters. Please feel like we can be your family here. We really do mean it from the bottom of our hearts.
Lupe