Lonelier after each treatment

zinniemay

Betsy13 said:

online support groups
have saved my life. I, also, live in Southwest Michigan. The closest support group is a 45 minute drive from where I live. With the fatigue I am experiencing, there is no way I can do this. Believe me, I have checked and checked and checked again. There is one in Paw Paw (45 min.), Plainwell (45 min.), Marshall (45-50 min.)

Am I starting my own group? No, my therapist is starting one. I do not have the energy. I have to go back to work on Monday, I'm a teacher, and am scared to death that I won't have the energy to make it through the day. This is my focus right now.

I have been in touch with Zinniemae and we will be communicating by phone and e-mail (hopefully!) until I am physically less fatigued. Remember what it was like carrying around that 200 lb. lead weight all the time? At least it's down from the 250 lbs. I was struggling with.

I contacted my local American Cancer Society Reach for Recovery program and they had a woman with stage 2 cancer call me. She couldn't answer my questions and it was very frustrating for both of us. I also called Susan G. Komen and ended up in tears. Needless to say, it was very frustrating. Local hospitals and the local cancer center have nothing.

Thank goodness I have found a wonderful therapist who is helping me through this and starting a support group. This board is my lifeline...

Thank you for being there!
Betsy

Thinking of you
Betsy, I just want you to know I am thinking of you. The hardest part of a question is the part that is not asked. I was told this once when I was young by my favorite teacher. She said the only dumb question is the one that is not asked. Don't be afraid to ask if you wonder about something chances are others do to but are afraid to ask. She was a wise lady. I may not be able to answer some questions for you but I can try to find some one who can. NO one should ever have to feel alone or afraide .
I do not have cancer my husband does. I learn for this site everyday . I am no stranger to sugery or the disfigurement it leaves behind. Or the depression.
ANyway I am more than happy to chat on here or by phone with any one who wants to .
I am going This week and check on a place in Paw Paw and see if they know a place or places closer to you.
If you need I sent my # you can call me and if you need to just cry, I will listen I will try to help you so you know that you are not alone and you have a right to your feeling.

Jennie

kdw1008

Betsy13 said:

KDW
How are you? You haven't posted in awhile. Are you feeling better? less depressed?

Please, let us know.

Praying for you,
Betsy

Thank you so much for asking
Thank you so much for asking about me! Just had #4 of 6 chemo yesterday and feeling horrible today - am staying up til midnight so I can take my anti-nausea pill before trying to get to sleep. I called about a support group and will be going to my first one in 2 weeks. They only have them once a month. Looking forward to it!!! I realize I just have to get through that first week after treatment - after that it's ok because I can get out and at least feel somewhat like a normal person. I still get pretty down sometimes but I just keep counting the days til this horrible chemo is over. My last one will be on my 50th birthday!! Am trying to think of that as the best gift ever!!! Hopefully will have my surgery to swap expanders for implants by thanksgiving. Have to remind myself to be thankful every day that I found this early. I got a card from a friend the other day that says "chemo sucks!!" and inside it says" it sucks the cancer right out of you!". I keep that one on my nightstand!!!
Thank you all so much for all the replies. It really helps to know that others are going through this and that complete but wonderful strangers on this board care so much for each other.
Kdw

Betsy13

5209 said:

hi have breast cancer was
hi have breast cancer was diagionized 5 months ago. i had the cancer taken out it didnt involve any lyph nods i have had 4 chemos out of 8 im on a study going in this friday for my 5th treatment feel very alone have family in the area they all have there own lives and get to a point they dont want to hear you moaning looked into support groups they have two in the area they alway get canceled not enough people going to them.i wish i could meet someone in fort myers cape coral florida area just to be a friend with and do things with and talk our way through this cancer journey its hard to talk to people that havent gone through this journey. anyone living in sw florida need a friend lonely janet 46 years old

post on breast cancer board
Hi Janet~

I am SO sorry about how lonely you are feeling. I know the feeling very well.

I read on the breast cancer board about some women who live in SW Florida. My suggestion would be to write in the Subject: line...SW Florida ladies, any one near me?...and go from there. That's how Zinniemae and I found each other. She is looking for support in SW Michigan and that's where I live. I plan on calling her later today.

As the good Lord says, "Seek and ye shall find." I'll be praying for you that one or more ladies answer your post on the breast cancer board (see, already thinking positive!)and you can get the emotional/physical support you need.

There is nothing worse than being lonely and alone...

Hugs to you,
Betsy

supermanhadley

feel your pain
Hey kdw1008-

I know exactly how you feel. I have been fighting cancer for almost 4 years and just embarked on a new relationship a little over a year ago. She is wonderful, but I get so frustrated to the point I get angry and tearful because I don't feel like I am understood. So much time is spent worrying on the cancer itself I feel ignored and let down. And my anger and emotions over take me and then I spend my time apologizing and I feel I appear to her as an emotional mess.

I too have a good prognosis and sometimes she wonders why I am not more enthusiastic, but I always have this fear. This is exactly what I have been needing to talk to somebody about.

Thank you for sharing.

Curlz

supermanhadley said:

feel your pain
Hey kdw1008-

I know exactly how you feel. I have been fighting cancer for almost 4 years and just embarked on a new relationship a little over a year ago. She is wonderful, but I get so frustrated to the point I get angry and tearful because I don't feel like I am understood. So much time is spent worrying on the cancer itself I feel ignored and let down. And my anger and emotions over take me and then I spend my time apologizing and I feel I appear to her as an emotional mess.

I too have a good prognosis and sometimes she wonders why I am not more enthusiastic, but I always have this fear. This is exactly what I have been needing to talk to somebody about.

Thank you for sharing.

Just curious...
Superman-do you mean that your partner spends a lot of time worrying about the cancer, or that you do? If you're willing to share, I'm curious. I'm only 6 mos since Dx, but I'm rather obsessed with how/when/HOW (did I mention HOW?) I'm going to get in to a new relationship. I realize that everyone doesn't handle this stuff well and that once I meet a man who does I'll know it, but I'd love to hear a little more about this.

My one big complaint about support sites/groups is that nobody seems to be addressing this end of things too much--and for a single woman in her early 40s, it's a rather important topic!

Of course anyone else who wants to chime in should do so too... Thanks, all!

Betsy13

supermanhadley said:

feel your pain
Hey kdw1008-

I know exactly how you feel. I have been fighting cancer for almost 4 years and just embarked on a new relationship a little over a year ago. She is wonderful, but I get so frustrated to the point I get angry and tearful because I don't feel like I am understood. So much time is spent worrying on the cancer itself I feel ignored and let down. And my anger and emotions over take me and then I spend my time apologizing and I feel I appear to her as an emotional mess.

I too have a good prognosis and sometimes she wonders why I am not more enthusiastic, but I always have this fear. This is exactly what I have been needing to talk to somebody about.

Thank you for sharing.

Superman and Curlz
I have learned through my experience that no matter how much someone loves you and tries to understand, unless they have had cancer, they will never understand. My husband tries so hard to understand, but has finally accepted that some of the things I feel (the fear of will it come back, lonely, anger, disillusioned, unmet expectations) he will not understand because he has not faced death in the face and beat it.

We finally came to an agreement that he would not ask me how I am feeling. If I was not feeling good or having a bad day, I would tell him. This has forced me to really think about how I am feeling and not whine, yes, I said whine, about the little aches and pains. So when I really don't feel well, he listens and doesn't blow it off. It has really taken a lot of the stress and pressure off of my situation and we enjoy things again.

I have learned to vent on this site because the people here have been where we are; they understand; and offer great support and advice.

I hope you find peace and happiness. Somedays I wake and make a choice to be happy...

Take care,
Betsy

zinniemay

Betsy13 said:

Superman and Curlz
I have learned through my experience that no matter how much someone loves you and tries to understand, unless they have had cancer, they will never understand. My husband tries so hard to understand, but has finally accepted that some of the things I feel (the fear of will it come back, lonely, anger, disillusioned, unmet expectations) he will not understand because he has not faced death in the face and beat it.

We finally came to an agreement that he would not ask me how I am feeling. If I was not feeling good or having a bad day, I would tell him. This has forced me to really think about how I am feeling and not whine, yes, I said whine, about the little aches and pains. So when I really don't feel well, he listens and doesn't blow it off. It has really taken a lot of the stress and pressure off of my situation and we enjoy things again.

I have learned to vent on this site because the people here have been where we are; they understand; and offer great support and advice.

I hope you find peace and happiness. Somedays I wake and make a choice to be happy...

Take care,
Betsy

Betsy
Betsy, I emailed you but it came back

Betsy13

zinniemay said:

Betsy
Betsy, I emailed you but it came back

zinnie
I sent you an e-mail earlier today. Did you get it?

bluerose

Survivors guilt is pretty common
Hi kdw. What you are going through is called survivors guilt and it happens when a person comes through something that others did not. For me I have my spirituality and feel that there is a greater plan and that, for me anywho, explains alot of it - why one stays and another must go. For me it's all about accomplishing our mission here on this wild and crazy planet and when we do, we go Home.

One thing that has worked for many survivors is 'giving back'. Many survivors find that after they come through the treatments and so on they have this deep need to volunteer or share their experiences and I think that is part of their mission. What good is going through all of this with cancer and then not helping others through it with what you have learned, passing on vital bits of info and help in their new struggles or just volunteering with those in need outside of the cancer world. Struggle is struggle and if we can lighten someone else's load that is in turn very healing to ourselves as well.

You mentioned that you have no one to talk to about your issues with cancer but that's not true now, you have found this site. On it, as you might have already found you will find alot of like minded survivors who share your emotions and issues and in that you will immediately not feel alone any longer. Validation and sharing are two very important things to a survivor, as you are finding out, and many of those around us who haven't been touched by it personally can't be expected to totally understand.

Give yourself a break, don't beat yourself up and know that you are not whining or complaining, you are just going through the stages we all face at one time or another with this journey through cancer.

Blog anytime you want on this site, post more questions, reply to others and in so doing you will be giving back and will feel better for it and less guilty about your survival. Your survival serves a greater purpose than you or I know.

Blessings, Bluerose