Just need to vent
Comments
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I am
truely sorry that you husband is so very sick. I know it is so hard to care for him and to watch the man you love just get sicker and sicker. I know exactly what you are feeling and going threw,Angel my husband suffered at the end and i could not help him .But he not suffering anymore and i am now alone suffering in my own way. Please take care and you and your husband are in my prayers.
michelle0 -
worst day
Let's hope that never again in your entire life do you have to endure a day like yesterday. Talk about being turned inside out! Congratulations on getting through it.
Hospice at this point is just what you need. The experience and compassion they bring will give meaning to Dale's last days, and take enough burden off of you so that you can enjoy this precious time as well. I'm praying that you get the Hospice dream team you deserve after all you have been through.0 -
Sorry
Nothing I can say will lessen your pain here. I can tell you that you are not alone. Sadly, there are many of us here who have felt the pain of watching our loved ones reach this point. I know that calling Hospice may feel like you are giving up, but you aren't. You are just accepting that God has another plan for your husband. You are doing what you have to do. Hospice will help you both through this time. The heartache will still be there. The tears will still come, but they will help. The thing I appreciated the most was that they were only a phone call away 24/7. I called several times during those last few days. My prayers will be with you. Come here to vent when you need to or send me a pm. Take care, Fay0 -
i can beat that
If you get a chance read my previous post about my relatives. They are currently calling $e the crazy b---h. We almost got physical, because I asked them not to stay in my mom's house to visit , but to stay in a hotel. They came anyway and made lots of noise, didn't wash hands, etc. So I told them to get the f*ck out of my parents house before I did this and that. Oh did I mention that this was at a time when my mom was recovering from surgery. She was percocet and they asked her for money.
I spoke to my minister and told him that I have never been in any trouble and never even had dtention while in school, but dealing with my relatives and trying to protect my mom was taking me to a place I didn't like to go. A place where you make up variations of curse words and phrases that no one has ever heard of because my relatives didn't listen to me or got mad When I told them no. My ministertold me that too much love is just as bad as not enough. He also told me that sometimes people do not listen so you must speak to them in a language they understand. Hold your ground with no regrets.
P.S The rest of the family calls me the general.0 -
General! Way to goketziah35 said:i can beat that
If you get a chance read my previous post about my relatives. They are currently calling $e the crazy b---h. We almost got physical, because I asked them not to stay in my mom's house to visit , but to stay in a hotel. They came anyway and made lots of noise, didn't wash hands, etc. So I told them to get the f*ck out of my parents house before I did this and that. Oh did I mention that this was at a time when my mom was recovering from surgery. She was percocet and they asked her for money.
I spoke to my minister and told him that I have never been in any trouble and never even had dtention while in school, but dealing with my relatives and trying to protect my mom was taking me to a place I didn't like to go. A place where you make up variations of curse words and phrases that no one has ever heard of because my relatives didn't listen to me or got mad When I told them no. My ministertold me that too much love is just as bad as not enough. He also told me that sometimes people do not listen so you must speak to them in a language they understand. Hold your ground with no regrets.
P.S The rest of the family calls me the general.
That is sad about your family, My family does not come, because I don't want them here either because of money. My husband Greg has worked all his life and provided for us. We are in no way rich but not poor.
I would truely like to have some one come visit, I am very lonely and have no outlet. But at the same time , I know that it would be a money thing. Or what they can get from us.
So I set day by day and rarely talk to anyone. This site is my only out let. I do not seam to know how to make or keep friends.
Now on the other hand, I went to the doctor and said my family think I talk like a sailor cause I use the F word and the SHe-it word. The doctor told me that these words were acronyms, Now I am not sure this is true but according to him the F word was fortification
unified in Christ by the King would be hung above the door of a couple who the king granted permission to marry.. The She it word was store high in transit. So I wonder sometimes , My husband will say son of a beechnut candy bar. Which is nasty? What makes them bad words? We do. The only name I will not use is god's name in vein. The rest just seam to be words man have made dirty.
Just thought you would find a smile in my strange thoughts.0 -
Feeling your pain..
Hi...I have sat where your sitting and its horrendus...Just lost my husband this past April...so its all new to me too.
Don't fear Hospice...they will be there to help.....they were my anchor during the last weeks of Bill's life...they will be there for you 24/7..and believe me when I say that you will need them..I know I did.
Talk to your guy..while you still can..let him know that you will be ok...give him the comfort and peace of mind to start making the transition..our spouses fear leaving us...they need to know its ok...and we want only for them to find comfort and freedom from the pain they are in.
I found that its best not to count on people to instinctively know how to help you..they don't because they haven't walk in your shoes...they are floundering too...take what you want from them and leave the rest...during one of my very rough patches...I had a friend tell me that she thought I needed to go on a shopping spree to relax...now there is stupid at its finest...in her mind shopping was going to take away the pain of losing half of myself..they just don't know or understand.
My thoughts and prayers are with you...may you find the strenght and courage its going to take to get though the next chapter of your life.
Pat0 -
I'm sorry that anyone has to
I'm sorry that anyone has to go thru this. I can't imagine pre planning a funeral while your love one is living. You are not a b---- you are a wife who loves her husband and you are guarding/shielding him from others. The friends should have visited early before he got this bad. Now that he is at this stage only those that are very close to him need to be there. If they don't understand to bad. He will have a peaceful passing right into the arms of God. It is you sweet lady that needs strength and peace to let him go.
Take care0 -
Thanks for the support.bingles said:Feeling your pain..
Hi...I have sat where your sitting and its horrendus...Just lost my husband this past April...so its all new to me too.
Don't fear Hospice...they will be there to help.....they were my anchor during the last weeks of Bill's life...they will be there for you 24/7..and believe me when I say that you will need them..I know I did.
Talk to your guy..while you still can..let him know that you will be ok...give him the comfort and peace of mind to start making the transition..our spouses fear leaving us...they need to know its ok...and we want only for them to find comfort and freedom from the pain they are in.
I found that its best not to count on people to instinctively know how to help you..they don't because they haven't walk in your shoes...they are floundering too...take what you want from them and leave the rest...during one of my very rough patches...I had a friend tell me that she thought I needed to go on a shopping spree to relax...now there is stupid at its finest...in her mind shopping was going to take away the pain of losing half of myself..they just don't know or understand.
My thoughts and prayers are with you...may you find the strenght and courage its going to take to get though the next chapter of your life.
Pat
Thank you all. It is very comforting to hear from others who have been on the same journey. I have told Dale numerous times that I will be okay when he is gone. Yesterday his children wrote a letter to him saying it's okay to give up the fight and it's okay to let go, and that they will be okay. I explained to him, that he needed our permission to let go, and reassured him that we will be OKAY. The tears came for both of us, as this was very sad to do. Thank you for your words of wisdom and understanding, they made me feel better.0 -
Those Wordsjunklady said:Thanks for the support.
Thank you all. It is very comforting to hear from others who have been on the same journey. I have told Dale numerous times that I will be okay when he is gone. Yesterday his children wrote a letter to him saying it's okay to give up the fight and it's okay to let go, and that they will be okay. I explained to him, that he needed our permission to let go, and reassured him that we will be OKAY. The tears came for both of us, as this was very sad to do. Thank you for your words of wisdom and understanding, they made me feel better.
Those words are so hard to say, the ones letting our soul mates go in peace. Yet they are so important, too. My husbamd's greatest concern was leaving me. I, too, told him many times that I was a strong, independent woman and would be ok. One of the last things I said to him was that it was ok to go to the light now. Hang in there. I hope your meeting with hospice goes well and you find some comfort. Fay0 -
I am tearing up reading thisms.sunshine said:I'm sorry that anyone has to
I'm sorry that anyone has to go thru this. I can't imagine pre planning a funeral while your love one is living. You are not a b---- you are a wife who loves her husband and you are guarding/shielding him from others. The friends should have visited early before he got this bad. Now that he is at this stage only those that are very close to him need to be there. If they don't understand to bad. He will have a peaceful passing right into the arms of God. It is you sweet lady that needs strength and peace to let him go.
Take care
I am tearing up reading your post.... your heartache jumps off the page. It also brings about my fear that I will someday be in your shoes. You are very brave. I hope hospice is able to provide you some relief. Thoughts and prayers are with you, your husband and family as you go through this.0 -
that's great!!!ketziah35 said:i can beat that
If you get a chance read my previous post about my relatives. They are currently calling $e the crazy b---h. We almost got physical, because I asked them not to stay in my mom's house to visit , but to stay in a hotel. They came anyway and made lots of noise, didn't wash hands, etc. So I told them to get the f*ck out of my parents house before I did this and that. Oh did I mention that this was at a time when my mom was recovering from surgery. She was percocet and they asked her for money.
I spoke to my minister and told him that I have never been in any trouble and never even had dtention while in school, but dealing with my relatives and trying to protect my mom was taking me to a place I didn't like to go. A place where you make up variations of curse words and phrases that no one has ever heard of because my relatives didn't listen to me or got mad When I told them no. My ministertold me that too much love is just as bad as not enough. He also told me that sometimes people do not listen so you must speak to them in a language they understand. Hold your ground with no regrets.
P.S The rest of the family calls me the general.
Hurrayyyyyy for the General!!!!!!!!!!
Martha0 -
Hello junklady andjunklady said:Thanks for the support.
Thank you all. It is very comforting to hear from others who have been on the same journey. I have told Dale numerous times that I will be okay when he is gone. Yesterday his children wrote a letter to him saying it's okay to give up the fight and it's okay to let go, and that they will be okay. I explained to him, that he needed our permission to let go, and reassured him that we will be OKAY. The tears came for both of us, as this was very sad to do. Thank you for your words of wisdom and understanding, they made me feel better.
Hello junklady and Dale
Thank you for your recent post. I have been thinking about both of you. I agree with the others. Do not fear Hospice. They are wonderful. They will teach you how to let Dale go, and how to handle his passing. Now that Dale has all of your blessings, which is wonderful, he will go peacefully. We did the same for my dad, and he did go peacefully. Give yourself and Dale a huge hug. Tell him we at csn give him our permission to go also. Hey...my dad needs to meet him in Heaven! Keep in touch. Peace be with you at this most difficult time.
Tina0 -
Thank you for thinking of meTina Blondek said:Hello junklady and
Hello junklady and Dale
Thank you for your recent post. I have been thinking about both of you. I agree with the others. Do not fear Hospice. They are wonderful. They will teach you how to let Dale go, and how to handle his passing. Now that Dale has all of your blessings, which is wonderful, he will go peacefully. We did the same for my dad, and he did go peacefully. Give yourself and Dale a huge hug. Tell him we at csn give him our permission to go also. Hey...my dad needs to meet him in Heaven! Keep in touch. Peace be with you at this most difficult time.
Tina
Tina- Thank you for thinking about us. It's been a rough couple of days. Hospice came on Friday and then again on Sunday. The object right now is pain management. They upped the fentanyl patch to 125 mcg, added morphine sulphate to be taken as needed and Lorazepam for anxiety. Sunday, Dale said this is the best he's felt in a long time, and managed to stay up for about 3 hours. Monday, however he was only awake 10 minutes. It's hard to deal with the hills and valleys of life. His adult children are coming next week for a 1 day visit to say their goodbyes in person. I'm sure it will be very emotional. Just praying I can get through it. Yesterday, I had to deal with a friend of Dale's who just doesn't get it. I guess it's ignorance or lack of what to say. He said he knows how I feel because he knew someone with cancer. I told him there is no way that you know how I feel, nor will you ever know. You don't live with cancer 24/7 and that's it. Today I'm going to try and put that bad experience out of my mind. I need a clear head to focus on us. The tears come everyday. Yesterday I had to put cucumber slices on my eyes to take the swelling down from crying for hours. I started a new painting of something cheerful, it's my form of therapy. Just venting again. Thank you to all here on the caregiver site. You all offer such peace and comfort that no one else can.
Cynthia0 -
Your post has touched myjunklady said:Thank you for thinking of me
Tina- Thank you for thinking about us. It's been a rough couple of days. Hospice came on Friday and then again on Sunday. The object right now is pain management. They upped the fentanyl patch to 125 mcg, added morphine sulphate to be taken as needed and Lorazepam for anxiety. Sunday, Dale said this is the best he's felt in a long time, and managed to stay up for about 3 hours. Monday, however he was only awake 10 minutes. It's hard to deal with the hills and valleys of life. His adult children are coming next week for a 1 day visit to say their goodbyes in person. I'm sure it will be very emotional. Just praying I can get through it. Yesterday, I had to deal with a friend of Dale's who just doesn't get it. I guess it's ignorance or lack of what to say. He said he knows how I feel because he knew someone with cancer. I told him there is no way that you know how I feel, nor will you ever know. You don't live with cancer 24/7 and that's it. Today I'm going to try and put that bad experience out of my mind. I need a clear head to focus on us. The tears come everyday. Yesterday I had to put cucumber slices on my eyes to take the swelling down from crying for hours. I started a new painting of something cheerful, it's my form of therapy. Just venting again. Thank you to all here on the caregiver site. You all offer such peace and comfort that no one else can.
Cynthia
Your post has touched my heart, Cynthia. I am just offering up a small prayer for peace and strength and serenity for both you and your husband.0 -
New picturejunklady said:Thank you for thinking of me
Tina- Thank you for thinking about us. It's been a rough couple of days. Hospice came on Friday and then again on Sunday. The object right now is pain management. They upped the fentanyl patch to 125 mcg, added morphine sulphate to be taken as needed and Lorazepam for anxiety. Sunday, Dale said this is the best he's felt in a long time, and managed to stay up for about 3 hours. Monday, however he was only awake 10 minutes. It's hard to deal with the hills and valleys of life. His adult children are coming next week for a 1 day visit to say their goodbyes in person. I'm sure it will be very emotional. Just praying I can get through it. Yesterday, I had to deal with a friend of Dale's who just doesn't get it. I guess it's ignorance or lack of what to say. He said he knows how I feel because he knew someone with cancer. I told him there is no way that you know how I feel, nor will you ever know. You don't live with cancer 24/7 and that's it. Today I'm going to try and put that bad experience out of my mind. I need a clear head to focus on us. The tears come everyday. Yesterday I had to put cucumber slices on my eyes to take the swelling down from crying for hours. I started a new painting of something cheerful, it's my form of therapy. Just venting again. Thank you to all here on the caregiver site. You all offer such peace and comfort that no one else can.
Cynthia
First, I like your new picture.
I am glad that hospice is helping with pain control. That is one of their many strengths. I am also glad that you can find some comfort in art. This is such a very difficult time. I am sure the family goodbyes may be very hard. I have to say, though, that I have some good memories of those days as well. Two of my husbamd's friends from out of state visited for a weekend. The three of them shared a hobby as well as a friendship. They spent hours in my husband's office going through his collection. It was great for him to think about something other than cancer and death for awhile. We even did some sightseeing. They put Doug in his wheelchair and pushed him through one of our state parks. We joked, teased each other, and laughed a lot. That was not really an unusual thing either. My husband had a great sense of humor and laughter was not at all uncommon during that time. I think it is important to know that it is ok to laugh. Crying is also good, but don't be afraid to share the good memories. I think, in many ways, we die much as we live. Humor was an important part of our life and marriage. Crying happened a lot as well. That is ok too. God gave us both crying and laughter to help us deal with both life and death. Know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. Hang in there. Treasure this time even though it is hard. Your love for each other will live on. Take care, Fay0
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