Anxiety is getting the better of me

cahjah75
cahjah75 Member Posts: 2,631
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I start chemo TC next Tuesday and think I'm prepared for whatever side effect I might have but are we ever really prepared? I already have pre-existing conditions which may make side effects worse. I've been having dreams about my bilateral mastectomy incisions splitting open and getting an infection like I did 3 years ago after shoulder surgery. I've been mindlessly eating at night and have gained 15 pounds in the past month! Yesterday I had a needle biopsy of my thyroid. Won't know the results for a week. Today I had an abdominal ultrasound and several areas were hard for the tech to take pics and I was sore near my ribs. She took pics of my liver (I have elevated liver function), pancreas and both kidneys (one was under my rib). I just have this fear that besides bc I have cancer somewhere else. I keep reading about those who have had bc more than once or it has mets to somewhere else. 10 years ago my sister-in-law had cancer in her collar bone, rib and lung. Thanks to a marvelous surgeon at Dana Farber she lived several years before cancer came back to attack her brain. She lived a total of 10 years from her first dx but died way too young. I think I'll get through this but having anxiety along the way......
Char

Comments

  • Lighthouse_7
    Lighthouse_7 Member Posts: 1,566 Member
    #2
    So sorry
    I am so sorry for all that you're going through, and it is a lot. Don't be so hard on yourself for over eating, I'm sure a lot of us have done it too I know I still do sometimes. Food can fill a void and sometimes it's just extremely comforting. Have any of your doctors offered anything to help through the rough spots? Mine still gives me Ativan and I keep it on hand, helps especially at night.
    Sending prayers to you.
    Love,
    Wanda
  • webbwife50
    webbwife50 Member Posts: 394
    #3
    I ditto on the Ativan,
    I ditto on the Ativan, anxiety just compounds the discomfort of treatment. I too still keep some on hand and during chemo my obc told me it can also be helpful with nausia. You may already know this but weight gain is common with bc so try and relax!
    God bless you!
    Alison
  • Miss Murphy
    Miss Murphy Member Posts: 302
    #4
    Hugs
    Hi!

    You're going thru so much right now. I'm nowhere close to your boat but I feel anxious at times. We probably all do especially when we go for routine doctor visits. I just always am waiting for the other shoe to drop. You will get thru this. Ask your doctor for some drugs to help relieve your anxiety, they may help. We're here for you.

    Hugs, Sally
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
    #5
    Miss Murphy said:

    Hugs
    Hi!

    You're going thru so much right now. I'm nowhere close to your boat but I feel anxious at times. We probably all do especially when we go for routine doctor visits. I just always am waiting for the other shoe to drop. You will get thru this. Ask your doctor for some drugs to help relieve your anxiety, they may help. We're here for you.

    Hugs, Sally

    waiting for lab results is
    waiting for lab results is the worst time. and not knowing how you will react to chemo is hard too. try to focus on what is actually happening , rather than what you are worried about. I try to live in the here and now when I feel the anxiety coming on. I also tend to eat when I am stressed, but am trying not to, but I find retail therapy was a substitute as I need new clothes (lost 80 pds on chemo) now I know I need to do some from of activity and that helps. anyway, we will help. and you will get through this.
  • SamuraiMom
    SamuraiMom Member Posts: 295
    #6
    xxoo
    Hi Cajah,

    Overeating/Stress Gorging Queen at your service!

    When I was eating Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla for breakfast I knew I had serious issues!(and btw after a while I stopped even putting it in a bowl...oh yeah baby! That's hot!)

    But you know what...it tasted darn good!

    I'm thinking about you...it totally sucks what you're having to endure.

    You're not alone sweet girl.

    xxoo,
    SamuraiMom
  • VickiSam
    VickiSam Member Posts: 9,079 Member
    #7
    SamuraiMom said:

    xxoo
    Hi Cajah,

    Overeating/Stress Gorging Queen at your service!

    When I was eating Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla for breakfast I knew I had serious issues!(and btw after a while I stopped even putting it in a bowl...oh yeah baby! That's hot!)

    But you know what...it tasted darn good!

    I'm thinking about you...it totally sucks what you're having to endure.

    You're not alone sweet girl.

    xxoo,
    SamuraiMom

    Char .. I too like some many others mindly ate
    and ate .. then again, I quit smoking after finding out that I had breast cancer .. Smoke free for 10 months. Stress, family issues - life in general, you name it we all have something unsettling in our lives - don't let any of this distract you from the BEAST. I am so very sorry that you have so much going on right now in your life.

    I am one who handles stress and the unknown by eating, so if you gain a few pounds here or there .. you can lose it sometime down the road .. like a do-over!

    Strength and Courage :-))

    Vicki Sam
  • aysemari
    aysemari Member Posts: 1,596 Member
    #8
    It's pouring
    Char,

    first off a BIIGG comforting hug for you. You have a lot to deal with
    at the time that can't be denied. Try to deal with one thing at a time, breathe.
    Try not to drive yourself crazy with what's and if's, deal with what is at hand -
    your anxiety.

    Pick something you enjoy and try to replace that with food. I dusted off my
    music collection and listened to it with my eyes closed and pilates as well
    as long walks did wonders for me.

    I hope you take good care of yourself and anticipate very good test results.

    Love,
    Ayse
  • cahjah75
    cahjah75 Member Posts: 2,631
    #9
    Thanks for
    the encouraging words. I have struggled with my weight for the past 15 years (peri & post menopause). I quit smoking (38 yr habit) 11 years ago and I took up eating for a habit. I gained 80 pounds and struggled to lose. The past 2 months my weight has gone up & down more than 20 pounds. I actually stress over what I've eaten. I was seeing a therapist prior to finding out I had bc. I've been on Wellbutrin for 9 years for clinical depression. I had finally come to the point where I felt good enough not to need it. Bam! I get bc. I don't know whether I should call my therapist who I haven't seen in a couple of months or should I just ask my chemo dr for drugs for my anxiety???

    To make matters worse I can feel lumps on both sides of my neck! I'm having my port placement tomorrow morning and chemo starts Tuesday. It's going to be a rough couple of days!
    Char
  • Ritzy
    Ritzy Member Posts: 4,381 Member
    #10
    Miss Murphy said:

    Hugs
    Hi!

    You're going thru so much right now. I'm nowhere close to your boat but I feel anxious at times. We probably all do especially when we go for routine doctor visits. I just always am waiting for the other shoe to drop. You will get thru this. Ask your doctor for some drugs to help relieve your anxiety, they may help. We're here for you.

    Hugs, Sally

    I am sending you a big cyber
    I am sending you a big cyber hug, and, I hope that you somehow can feel it.

    You do have so much going on now, and, I am so very sorry for that. I wish there more that I could do to help you.

    I agree with the others, talk to your doctor about him possibly prescribing some anti anxiety med for you. I think you would feel a lot better with some help.

    We are all here for you, don't forget that!


    Sue :)
  • jackiejhm
    jackiejhm Member Posts: 169
    #11
    cahjah75 said:

    Thanks for
    the encouraging words. I have struggled with my weight for the past 15 years (peri & post menopause). I quit smoking (38 yr habit) 11 years ago and I took up eating for a habit. I gained 80 pounds and struggled to lose. The past 2 months my weight has gone up & down more than 20 pounds. I actually stress over what I've eaten. I was seeing a therapist prior to finding out I had bc. I've been on Wellbutrin for 9 years for clinical depression. I had finally come to the point where I felt good enough not to need it. Bam! I get bc. I don't know whether I should call my therapist who I haven't seen in a couple of months or should I just ask my chemo dr for drugs for my anxiety???

    To make matters worse I can feel lumps on both sides of my neck! I'm having my port placement tomorrow morning and chemo starts Tuesday. It's going to be a rough couple of days!
    Char

    Your plate is FULL
    I am so sorry to hear about all of the things you are being handed. I am sure you are feeling neither brave nor strong- and not at all like a warrior. I think we all know those feelings occasionally-right sisters? But, please know that we are all with you. Take those meds! Thank goodness for Ativan- and all the rest. I am not a pill popper, usually. During my "experience" with chemo/Radiation though, they truly were a huge help. You are in my heart and prayers, dear sister.

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