The Post Treatment Funk: A Caregivers Perspective

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  • Kent Cass
    Kent Cass Member Posts: 1,898 Member
    #22
    Pumakitty said:

    I understand
    Kimba,

    I can relate to how you feel. I have been my dad main caregiver through this process. Now that he is out of treatment I feel the same things as you. Only with Mark he is trying hard to recover and it seems like in the last week my dad is going in the opposite direction. He is dizzy and complaining about being weak. When I try to push him to do things for himself I feel like a mean person. I feel that I will never get my life back and I have not been able to have a day that I am calm and not waiting for something to happen. Or every little ache makes me worry that something is wrong.

    Like you I feel alone. I used to be able to spend the whole day out with friends and now know that is not possible. I am only 35 years old but I feel that in many ways I have become the parent. I then have these thoughts and feel guilty. I know that my parents would do the same for me. Everyone says that I need to think of myself, but that is not really possible when all you do is work and be the caregiver 24/7.

    I have accepted that my dad will have a new normal, but I do not think that he has and that is very hard to deal with.

    Thank you for posting what you did. I makes me feel not so alone.

    Kathy

    Mark
    Your post gets me kinda wondering about some things, Kim. I can't speak of caregivers, because I went thru it all solo, with only the help of co-workers driving me to and from, and my med team and the Lord. However, perhaps I can speak for Mark...

    Reckon he might be trying to find the new Mark, Kim. I returned to work a month after my last rad, and have been keeping pretty busy since, but there was a time, post-treatment, when I went thru a depressed phase. The Peggy Lee tune, "Is That All There Is," might summarize my conclusion as to where I was. You're 100% correct about the treatment time, and all that is going on providing the wheels for moving forward, at whatever pace. But when the treatment ends, a certain void is created. How can we know how things are supposed to be after a battle like the one we've just been thru? And, yeah, what about us post-treatment, and how we are to be with the side-effects, and the limits we experience in comparison to how we used to be? Mark is no doubt dealing with this, Kim. Yes, he's got himself a 2nd-chance at life, but may feel the C will return, or may think he's a lesser-man/person than he was before, and might still be trying to get himself on the solid ground of the new Mark. And there is the chance he might be a little angry inside for having to go thru what he did, etc. But that is all part of coming to grips with the new Mark who is a H&N C Survivor, just as is the case for all of us. He may seem to be this way or that, Kim, but the bottom-line is that he has been rescued from the grips of death by way of a medical ordeal which has changed him to whatever degree. And maybe he just doesn't feel like he is the hunk of a solid rock you fell in love with and married. Such may also be the case.

    This said, I have no doubt that new Mark still loves you, Kim, and knows very well the help you gave him in surviving his great battle. I would advise you to be patient, and realize that this is just another part of the history you are sharing.

    Believe

    kcass
  • debbiejeanne
    debbiejeanne Member Posts: 3,102 Member
    #23
    Kim, I'm so sorry you are
    Kim, I'm so sorry you are having this problem. From my own point of view, I will never be done needing Jr (my caregiver and mate).
    The problems or side effects after the treatment was worse than the treatments. I'm now 10 mos post and I still get food stuck when I eat, I am still extremely weak, any other things I can't think of right now, but you must believe you are still needed. I have found my recovery to be the worse and I'm still recovering everyday. I'm sure Mark is going thru the same with his recovery. It is damn hard. Therefore, you are still needed very much. I feel like it isn't safe for me to eat unless Jr is with me. He would be the one to help me when food gets stuck. I used to panic a lot, but it has happened so much that now I can calmly get the food freed but he is always at my side in case he can do anything. I think we just forget to say Thank You sometimes. You and all the caregivers are a God send and we'd be lost w/o you. Please remember that you are a very important part of Mark's healing and recovering.
    I hope you feel better very soon, Kim. It breaks my heart that you're so sad. Try to stay positive and come here to vent anytime. We'll listen.
    God Bless you friend,
    deb

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