does anyone else feel this way?

lizzie17

I have friends / family that try really hard to have me enjoy things: going out to dinner, going to a theme park, shopping, etc. Unfortunately, I go through the motions and "pretend" to have fun and feel good. The truth is I can hardly wait to get back home and just relax and be alone. These outings make me really tired sometimes. While I feel badly putting on a front, I would feel worse for them if I did not. It has been two years since my dx and surgery. Shouldn't I be "normal" by now????

QuiltingMama123

Lizzie,
I'm at the beginning
Lizzie,
I'm at the beginning of this fight, so I don't know if you should feel "normal" or not. What I know is that you feel what you feel. Do you have anyone you can talk to face-to-face about this? You could bring it up to your doctor. What you are describing are often characteristics of being depressed. I've been there.

BC is a depressing disease - I would imagine it's even worse the longer you fight the beast. Please know you are not alone and that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

missrenee

Hi, Lizzie, I too am at the beginning of this fight
However, I totally relate to trying to be "up" for the people around me. Sometimes you just don't feel like it. I think I got the best advice from one of my "chemo angels." She said, "Renee, stop trying to support your supporters!" How true. For those of us who are always trying to make everyone else feel better--that is hard to do. But, we have to take care of ourselves right now.

Good luck to you, pink sister.

Renee

carkris

missrenee said:

Hi, Lizzie, I too am at the beginning of this fight
However, I totally relate to trying to be "up" for the people around me. Sometimes you just don't feel like it. I think I got the best advice from one of my "chemo angels." She said, "Renee, stop trying to support your supporters!" How true. For those of us who are always trying to make everyone else feel better--that is hard to do. But, we have to take care of ourselves right now.

Good luck to you, pink sister.

Renee

I find that my threshold for
I find that my threshold for stimulation is decreased. that while I like to get out and do things, I am happy to get back to my home. I need more down time now, and alone time. I look at it its part of the process. I think the tamoxifen makes me more edgy too and I just need to be alone.

ms.sunshine

carkris said:

I find that my threshold for
I find that my threshold for stimulation is decreased. that while I like to get out and do things, I am happy to get back to my home. I need more down time now, and alone time. I look at it its part of the process. I think the tamoxifen makes me more edgy too and I just need to be alone.

I say if you feel like going
I say if you feel like going do so, and if not say no.

Kimosabe

carkris said:

I find that my threshold for
I find that my threshold for stimulation is decreased. that while I like to get out and do things, I am happy to get back to my home. I need more down time now, and alone time. I look at it its part of the process. I think the tamoxifen makes me more edgy too and I just need to be alone.

Threshold for stimulation
Good way to describe it. My threshold for stimulation is decreased as well. You just have to go with it - your body and psyche are telling you something and your friends and family will understand.

jk1952

Kimosabe said:

Threshold for stimulation
Good way to describe it. My threshold for stimulation is decreased as well. You just have to go with it - your body and psyche are telling you something and your friends and family will understand.

I hope that you discuss this

I hope that you discuss this with your doctor. There are a lot of women who are being treated (or have been treated) for BC that are using anti-depressants, and they really help them. It sounds like you may have a combination of depression and a decrease in your threshold for stimulation.

Joyce

Betsy13

Lizzie ~ you are not alone
in feeling the way you do. Although I haven't been out 2 years, I have found that when I am done, I am done. I start noticably slowing down. I just tell them that I need to go home. I am horrifically depressed right now and don't want to do anything (it doesn't help that my rad. onc. put me on bed-rest for recurring side effects. Who knows what "normal" is anymore. Just say thank you but not today, I am truly not feeling up to it. If they don't understand, shame on them. I call this my "new normal...whatever that is."

Hope this helps,
Betsy

Rague

almost a year out for me
My family has been great but then there is only Hubby (of 34 years) and one Son (31 y/o) here - other Son lives several hours away. If I don't feel up to doing something - I'm honest with them and just say NO. When we go somewhere, they will usually notice that I'm getting tired even before it really hits me so home we come. During the worst of my exhaustion last winter while on Taxol, there were a few times when I had been totally 'shut up', one or the other would insist that I go with them 'somewhere' just to get out of the house - they were right those times I did need to get out. Sometimes it would just be to run to the convience store for a drink or just ride in the truck to the barn and sit in it while they did the work.

I'm lucky - I don't have the strenght or stamina I once had but I'm back to doing basically everything I did pre-IBC. I'm back to mowing my yard (love to do that), a couple of weeks ago I bucked hay with Hubby (well not a lot but still did it) and my current 'back' is waxing my vehicles. I've finished my Bronco II (well not the roof - can't reach it - but Hubby is going to do that in exchange for me doing the lower red under the white on his F250) and will be starting doing my Dodge 3/4t tonight or tomorrow now that I have rubbing compound to use before I wax it (It needs it bad). Now - if I could just get the same fun doing housework as I do with the other 'things' that are fun that would be great but it "ain't a gonna happen" - never has, never will LOL! Yeah - I know I'm a 'nut case' (LOL) but that's just me!

"While I feel badly putting on a front, I would feel worse for them if I did not."
Don't worry about them! Take care of yourself first. THEY are making themselves feel 'good' by making you feel bad. They may not realize what they are doing but be honest with them - Thank them but explain to them what you are feeling. Do what is right for YOU! That is not to say hibernate in your house but do what is you want to do.

Thoughts and prayers

Susan

Pinkpower

Rague said:

almost a year out for me
My family has been great but then there is only Hubby (of 34 years) and one Son (31 y/o) here - other Son lives several hours away. If I don't feel up to doing something - I'm honest with them and just say NO. When we go somewhere, they will usually notice that I'm getting tired even before it really hits me so home we come. During the worst of my exhaustion last winter while on Taxol, there were a few times when I had been totally 'shut up', one or the other would insist that I go with them 'somewhere' just to get out of the house - they were right those times I did need to get out. Sometimes it would just be to run to the convience store for a drink or just ride in the truck to the barn and sit in it while they did the work.

I'm lucky - I don't have the strenght or stamina I once had but I'm back to doing basically everything I did pre-IBC. I'm back to mowing my yard (love to do that), a couple of weeks ago I bucked hay with Hubby (well not a lot but still did it) and my current 'back' is waxing my vehicles. I've finished my Bronco II (well not the roof - can't reach it - but Hubby is going to do that in exchange for me doing the lower red under the white on his F250) and will be starting doing my Dodge 3/4t tonight or tomorrow now that I have rubbing compound to use before I wax it (It needs it bad). Now - if I could just get the same fun doing housework as I do with the other 'things' that are fun that would be great but it "ain't a gonna happen" - never has, never will LOL! Yeah - I know I'm a 'nut case' (LOL) but that's just me!

"While I feel badly putting on a front, I would feel worse for them if I did not."
Don't worry about them! Take care of yourself first. THEY are making themselves feel 'good' by making you feel bad. They may not realize what they are doing but be honest with them - Thank them but explain to them what you are feeling. Do what is right for YOU! That is not to say hibernate in your house but do what is you want to do.

Thoughts and prayers

Susan

I totally agree with Susan.
I totally agree with Susan. They will understand if once in awhile you just say no, do what is best for you right now. It doesnt matter how long its been since your last treament. But if you find yourself saying no more often then yes, maybe it would be a good idea to talk to your doctor.
Hope we help in letting you know that its still ok to say no and think what is best for you.
Lupe

webbwife50

hi
Hi Lizzie, I'm Alison. It has been one year and one month since my dx. I did bilat mast., chemo, and tranflap recon in Dec. I had a triple negative breast cancer for which right now, chemo and surgery are the only treatment options. I had just turned 50 when I was dxed. I am pretty much recovered now. My hair has grown back in, I had barbie boobs, and I am cancer free. I did go through a horrible scare last month but it turned out not to be cancer. But there are dark moments when I am just tired of everything and everyone. I am so very grateful to be here but cancer takes a lot away too. I just don't feel like me sometimes and it is depressing. The duration of these negative thoughts and the lack of ambition that accompany them is what determines my consideration of going on antidepressants for awhile. Hope that helped, and hope you feel better soon.
Lovingly,
Alison

lizzie17

thank you everyone for your responses!!
I guess I should have added that I already take an antidepressant....my oncologist put me on it. It was his idea, and I do take it regularly. On the bright side, I am able to work, and carry on regular routine errands, etc. Maybe this "beast" has just really changed me, and I know that I worry about recurrence frequently. Then, I try to "live life" but somehow it feels like I am just going through the motions. Thank you all again for your responses to me.

Hugs and Prayers,
Liz17

lolad

lizzie17 said:

thank you everyone for your responses!!
I guess I should have added that I already take an antidepressant....my oncologist put me on it. It was his idea, and I do take it regularly. On the bright side, I am able to work, and carry on regular routine errands, etc. Maybe this "beast" has just really changed me, and I know that I worry about recurrence frequently. Then, I try to "live life" but somehow it feels like I am just going through the motions. Thank you all again for your responses to me.

Hugs and Prayers,
Liz17

liz
Its been over a year since i was diagnosed. I went through surgery, chemo and other issues fighting this. Some say that you are never the same after going through this tough battle. To me that is so true. For me, I feel like i have a new life. Its a blessing that im here to see my children grow. I got a second chance and won. I have those fears as well about it coming back and in fact i go tomorrow to have my blood work done again because it wasnt good the last time. You have to live for each day you have. Its hard and i have days that im depressed. Hell, we have every right to have our down days. Look what we have been through. We still grieve and im not sure that will ever go away. And we are only human. Take a look around at the trees and the sun and sky now. Dont they look more beautiful since you have become a warrior? I dont know of anyone even if they havent had to fight like us that dont have periods of time in our lives when we arent happy. For me though, im happy because i fought hard and won. I am blessed to be a warrior. Yes, im on an antidepressant too. Try to take baby steps by day. It takes a long time for us to recover emotionally, especially if we dont have a great support system before and after. You still need support when you are free. Keep your head up. You deserve to be happy. Feel blessed on what you conquered.

Take care
Laura

roseann4

lolad said:

liz
Its been over a year since i was diagnosed. I went through surgery, chemo and other issues fighting this. Some say that you are never the same after going through this tough battle. To me that is so true. For me, I feel like i have a new life. Its a blessing that im here to see my children grow. I got a second chance and won. I have those fears as well about it coming back and in fact i go tomorrow to have my blood work done again because it wasnt good the last time. You have to live for each day you have. Its hard and i have days that im depressed. Hell, we have every right to have our down days. Look what we have been through. We still grieve and im not sure that will ever go away. And we are only human. Take a look around at the trees and the sun and sky now. Dont they look more beautiful since you have become a warrior? I dont know of anyone even if they havent had to fight like us that dont have periods of time in our lives when we arent happy. For me though, im happy because i fought hard and won. I am blessed to be a warrior. Yes, im on an antidepressant too. Try to take baby steps by day. It takes a long time for us to recover emotionally, especially if we dont have a great support system before and after. You still need support when you are free. Keep your head up. You deserve to be happy. Feel blessed on what you conquered.

Take care
Laura

You should discuss depression with your health care providers.
I think we dismiss our symptoms as normal considering what we have been through on this journey. However, our treatments and the crisis of our diagnosis can leave our seritonin levels depleted and lead to depression. By now, you should be enjoying at least some aspects of life like outings and time with loved ones. You may need help to get back on track.

Roseann

Ritzy

Normal?
Breast cancer, the diagnosis, the treatment, the surgery's, the endless doctor's visits and tests take a huge toll on us, mentally and physically.

And, unfortunately, we can't go back to what we used to be. But, that isn't bad necessarily! I found that I have so much more of an appreciation for life, for the small things in life, for the love my hubby and I share, my friends and my family. It showed me that I need to, NO, I have to enjoy every day. What is that saying? Every day is a gift! That is so true!

If you don't feel like going out, don't. If you don't want to talk to someone, don't. You need to take care of yourself first! Most people will understand, and, if they don't, explain it to them or not.

Megan had a great post on here titled GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. Her friends thought that now that her treatment was over, she could be back to her old self again. She got them together, if I remember right, and explained to them that she had changed. Life for her was different now, but, once again, that isn't a bad thing.

If you think you might need antidepressants, please talk to your doctor. So many of our sisters in pink are on them and they help them immensely.

Just don't be so hard on yourself! Allow yourself time, months, years, whatever it takes to feel good again.

I pray that you find that new "normal" and love it!

Sue

Yvette39

Hi Lizzie!
I know exactly how you are feeling. The battle to get through the cancer takes a lot of strength out of us. It changes us and makes different people. I'm not the same person anymore. I feel like I gave everything I had to get through the fight and over a year ago and basically I don't have much more to give at this time. I guess do what you can do each day and if you need to rest then rest.