How do you guys keep your head up?

jk3271
jk3271 Member Posts: 8
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
It is so difficult for me to see my mom feeling so listless and depressed (she just hit her halfway mark with chemo for breast cancer). She is constantly apologizing for not being "herself." I take everything so personally - I try to remember it's not me, but I love her so much and we are so close, I tend to let it affect me so much. How do you guys cope and find your strength when the going gets tough???

Comments

  • GregStahl
    GregStahl Member Posts: 188
    #2
    For me
    I just have to do it. My wife has breast cancer and starts chemo tomorrow. She had a bilateral done June 9th and we have 2 kids 1, 17, 1, 7....so as a husband and dad, I have to be strong when things get hard.

    Dont take anything personally, be there when she needs you, and do the things for her that need to get done.
  • jk3271
    jk3271 Member Posts: 8
    #3
    GregStahl said:

    For me
    I just have to do it. My wife has breast cancer and starts chemo tomorrow. She had a bilateral done June 9th and we have 2 kids 1, 17, 1, 7....so as a husband and dad, I have to be strong when things get hard.

    Dont take anything personally, be there when she needs you, and do the things for her that need to get done.

    Good luck with chemo
    Good luck with chemo tomorrow..your wife sounds very lucky to have an amazing support system! It's very important through these ordeals. You hear people say that and don't really take it to heart until it's you and your family. And it's true you find strength you never new you had! Before this, I couldn't stand the site of blood, now I sit in a chemo suite for hours and clean out drains filled with blood and lymph! Best of luck to your family...I'm here if you need an ear!!!
  • ruthelizabeth
    ruthelizabeth Member Posts: 138
    #4
    jk3271 said:

    Good luck with chemo
    Good luck with chemo tomorrow..your wife sounds very lucky to have an amazing support system! It's very important through these ordeals. You hear people say that and don't really take it to heart until it's you and your family. And it's true you find strength you never new you had! Before this, I couldn't stand the site of blood, now I sit in a chemo suite for hours and clean out drains filled with blood and lymph! Best of luck to your family...I'm here if you need an ear!!!

    When you don't know what else to do,
    do the next thing.

    I got the "How do you stay so strong?" from the kids. Well, I wasn't, but I couldn't lean on them. I had to be there for them and for Don. And, no, it wasn't easy.

    I couldn't be a nurse ----- for anyone except someone I love.
  • eward
    eward Member Posts: 210
    #5
    ruthelizabeth said:

    When you don't know what else to do,
    do the next thing.

    I got the "How do you stay so strong?" from the kids. Well, I wasn't, but I couldn't lean on them. I had to be there for them and for Don. And, no, it wasn't easy.

    I couldn't be a nurse ----- for anyone except someone I love.

    agree
    I agree with ruthelizabeth. When you don't know what to do, do the next thing. There is no choice. You just keep moving forward. Even when nearly every moment of every day is consumed with thoughts of cancer and our loved ones. I find that I am ok for awhile and then I crash completely, I'm miserable, I fight the tears but they start pouring and then eventually I pull myself back up and keep moving forward.

    May the longtime shine upon you, all love surround you, and the true light within guide your way on.

    It is a tough road we're on and it is certainly not easy.
    Eileen
  • ruthelizabeth
    ruthelizabeth Member Posts: 138
    #6
    eward said:

    agree
    I agree with ruthelizabeth. When you don't know what to do, do the next thing. There is no choice. You just keep moving forward. Even when nearly every moment of every day is consumed with thoughts of cancer and our loved ones. I find that I am ok for awhile and then I crash completely, I'm miserable, I fight the tears but they start pouring and then eventually I pull myself back up and keep moving forward.

    May the longtime shine upon you, all love surround you, and the true light within guide your way on.

    It is a tough road we're on and it is certainly not easy.
    Eileen

    A couple of thoughts
    Your mother is used to being the one who takes care of her children. And you are used to seeing her strong and independent. The changes you're both experiencing are exceedingly hard on the two of you.

    YOu might encourage her to do things that she still can do herself. That will make her feel just a little more like her old self, at least emotionally.

    Remember that your mother's condition hasn't lessened her knowledge and wisdom. Find ways to ask her advice and consult her on things. YOu need the reassurance that she's still your mom and she may feel must better when you do this. This is also a good time to reminisce about her family and past and to bring back memories of good times together. If she has never talked about her family, etc., ask her now. It may give both of you a great deal of pleasure.
  • ketziah35
    ketziah35 Member Posts: 1,145
    #7
    I realized that I was
    I realized that I was depressed at the thought of losing my mother. Then it morphed into my depression about the situation absorbed the energy from me and that was energy that was needed to help my mom. I still have moments, but tend to snap out of them faster when I realize that it isn't about me.

    Ktz
  • ketziah35
    ketziah35 Member Posts: 1,145
    #8
    I realized that I was
    I realized that I was depressed at the thought of losing my mother. Then it morphed into my depression about the situation absorbed the energy from me and that was energy that was needed to help my mom. I still have moments, but tend to snap out of them faster when I realize that it isn't about me.

    Ktz
  • david54
    david54 Member Posts: 164 Member
    #9
    I have to echo the responses
    I have to echo the responses here. You "Just do it." I don't knwo if this is a fair comparison but its like becoming a parent for the very first time, you find out what works and what doesn't. If you are anything like me you also will grind your teeth to the dentin (Sometimes) swear a blue streak (and then feel guilty for doing so because its not my nature) and at times feel depressed seperated by periods of amazing energy and strength. You will be surprised with what you are capable of, how you can communicate when you need too. I try to find something to laugh at once a day-something that strikes me as absolutely hilarious as possible.
  • jk3271
    jk3271 Member Posts: 8
    #10
    david54 said:

    I have to echo the responses
    I have to echo the responses here. You "Just do it." I don't knwo if this is a fair comparison but its like becoming a parent for the very first time, you find out what works and what doesn't. If you are anything like me you also will grind your teeth to the dentin (Sometimes) swear a blue streak (and then feel guilty for doing so because its not my nature) and at times feel depressed seperated by periods of amazing energy and strength. You will be surprised with what you are capable of, how you can communicate when you need too. I try to find something to laugh at once a day-something that strikes me as absolutely hilarious as possible.

    Thank you all so much for
    Thank you all so much for your warm, caring responses. Your strength motivates me. In my 29-yrs on this planet, I have been extraordanarily blessed and this past year has really challenged me. They sure don't make this cancer thing easy on you! The good news is that my mom began her Taxol treatments last week and she seems to be responding to far better with this chemo drug. And through this debacle, I've had to muster up strength I never knew I had, but what family who is going through this hasn't??? I am have so many happy occassions happening in my life - friends weddings/babies/engagements, etc. so I am trying to keep my energy focused on being positive in all aspects of my life!

    I will keep you all in my prayers & thoughts!!! Thank you again for your support, it means so very much to me.
    JK
  • wifeforlife
    wifeforlife Member Posts: 189
    #11
    jk3271 said:

    Thank you all so much for
    Thank you all so much for your warm, caring responses. Your strength motivates me. In my 29-yrs on this planet, I have been extraordanarily blessed and this past year has really challenged me. They sure don't make this cancer thing easy on you! The good news is that my mom began her Taxol treatments last week and she seems to be responding to far better with this chemo drug. And through this debacle, I've had to muster up strength I never knew I had, but what family who is going through this hasn't??? I am have so many happy occassions happening in my life - friends weddings/babies/engagements, etc. so I am trying to keep my energy focused on being positive in all aspects of my life!

    I will keep you all in my prayers & thoughts!!! Thank you again for your support, it means so very much to me.
    JK

    one day... one issue at a time
    don't look too far down the road.. do one thing at a time.. it will all become more familiar as you go along

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