embarrassing, just dont know where else to turn

lolad

I am so ashamed about what im getting ready to post. I went to my onc gyn post op appt and he told me no sex for at least three or four more weeks. Went out with someone i have been seeing on Friday and i told him i couldnt have sex. Well, he wanted it anyway and i was bleeding which has stoped now. But my pelvic area is very sore. Im too ashamed to call my dr and i dont know what to do. Since im no longer bleeding im assuming its ok. I just dont know what i should do.

Tux

Yikes! To be truthful, I
Yikes! To be truthful, I would prob. wait 2-3 days to see if the soreness eased up. If not, then contact doctor, just telling him/her of soreness. I know some might say to call doc ASAP, but realistically, I would not do that myself. Hope the soreness eases soon.

chenheart

On the other hand, there is
On the other hand, there is nothing that your Dr hasn't already heard, and though perhaps embarrassing to you, there was a reason he told you No Sex in the first place...this, for your Dr isn't about sex per se, its about your body and your health. So, I would bite the proverbial bullet and call the Dr! Chances are you will be telling the RN anyway, who will relay the message to him.

You didn't ask, but I would be more concerned about why the man you are seeing, after you told him your Dr said no sex, that he "wanted it anyway." I understand emotions and physiology and the feeling of being wanted etc etc...no need to eplain that to me! I also know it took BOTH of you to be in a place/situation to have sex! But this is a health related issue which is now causing you embarrassment and pain! I am thinking that you were medically disregarded for the physical needs of the man you are seeing. I hope that he really does value you, and that he will be more sensitve to you next time. So sorry if I crossed a line here; I just care about you and your body! You are one of the Kindred Spirits here!

Let us know what happens!

Hugs,
Chen♥

meena1

chenheart said:

On the other hand, there is
On the other hand, there is nothing that your Dr hasn't already heard, and though perhaps embarrassing to you, there was a reason he told you No Sex in the first place...this, for your Dr isn't about sex per se, its about your body and your health. So, I would bite the proverbial bullet and call the Dr! Chances are you will be telling the RN anyway, who will relay the message to him.

You didn't ask, but I would be more concerned about why the man you are seeing, after you told him your Dr said no sex, that he "wanted it anyway." I understand emotions and physiology and the feeling of being wanted etc etc...no need to eplain that to me! I also know it took BOTH of you to be in a place/situation to have sex! But this is a health related issue which is now causing you embarrassment and pain! I am thinking that you were medically disregarded for the physical needs of the man you are seeing. I hope that he really does value you, and that he will be more sensitve to you next time. So sorry if I crossed a line here; I just care about you and your body! You are one of the Kindred Spirits here!

Let us know what happens!

Hugs,
Chen♥

First of all, dump this guy.
First of all, dump this guy. If your doctor told you, "no sex", that means no sex. He should not have talked you into it, these days we call that rape. I agree with Chen, and some more. Contact you doctor immediately, and please do not see this "man" again. You need to respect your body and let it heal.

jo jo

meena1 said:

First of all, dump this guy.
First of all, dump this guy. If your doctor told you, "no sex", that means no sex. He should not have talked you into it, these days we call that rape. I agree with Chen, and some more. Contact you doctor immediately, and please do not see this "man" again. You need to respect your body and let it heal.

I have to agree with Chen
I have to agree with Chen and Meena...the guy sounds like bad news from the start cuz if he truely did like you then he wouldnt of wanted you to have sex with him cuz of your condition and having true concern for you....and instead it sounds like it was all about his personnal satisfaction. Just my opinion.

Rague

jo jo said:

I have to agree with Chen
I have to agree with Chen and Meena...the guy sounds like bad news from the start cuz if he truely did like you then he wouldnt of wanted you to have sex with him cuz of your condition and having true concern for you....and instead it sounds like it was all about his personnal satisfaction. Just my opinion.

I have to agree with everyone else
- DUMP the male jerk - he is not a MAN who cares about you! There are ways that you could have 'pleasured' him - made him feel good - without him making you put your health/life on the line.

If you are still having discomfort tomorrow morn (it'd probably be good idea to anyway) - call your Dr's office and talk to them - they heard a lot worse than you're going to tell them. Is it going to be easy - no but what could happen could be far worse than a little embarrassment. BE HONEST with them - don't make up a story - they'll know anyway.

Thoughts and prayers!

Susan

Megan M

Rague said:

I have to agree with everyone else
- DUMP the male jerk - he is not a MAN who cares about you! There are ways that you could have 'pleasured' him - made him feel good - without him making you put your health/life on the line.

If you are still having discomfort tomorrow morn (it'd probably be good idea to anyway) - call your Dr's office and talk to them - they heard a lot worse than you're going to tell them. Is it going to be easy - no but what could happen could be far worse than a little embarrassment. BE HONEST with them - don't make up a story - they'll know anyway.

Thoughts and prayers!

Susan

Meena is right. Dump him.
Meena is right. Dump him. What kind of man, which he isn't, insists on sex, when you said your doctor asked you not to for a couple of weeks. He is only after one thing, and, he got it. Sorry, but, there are a lot of other ways to be intimate other than having intercourse if you wanted to do that instead.

There are a lot better men out there that would treat you the way you should be treated, not like just an object. What he insisted on is so demeaning.

And, you should call your doctor.

Hugs, Megan

sea60

He shouldn't put you in danger
With ALL you're going through, why would he even suggest putting his needs before your health!?!?! I would soooo question his character and if he is someone you need in your life.

In my opinion, DO NOT CHANCE IT. There is a very good reason the doctor told you to wait. Your health comes first my dear, please don't forget that.

Blessings to you,

Sylvia

Bella Luna

It's all about You right
It's all about You right now. Take care of yourself and contact the doctor about your medical situation. Enough has been said about this small man. Be good to yourself, stay on course.
BL

KathiM

Call you doc....
He is probably used to this....or talk to his nurse....say something like "In the passion of the moment...."

NOTHING is worth jeopardising your health for....bleeding is bleeding...

PLEASE keep us posted...but I, myself, would 'come clean'....

BIG hugs! Kathi

KathiM

chenheart said:

On the other hand, there is
On the other hand, there is nothing that your Dr hasn't already heard, and though perhaps embarrassing to you, there was a reason he told you No Sex in the first place...this, for your Dr isn't about sex per se, its about your body and your health. So, I would bite the proverbial bullet and call the Dr! Chances are you will be telling the RN anyway, who will relay the message to him.

You didn't ask, but I would be more concerned about why the man you are seeing, after you told him your Dr said no sex, that he "wanted it anyway." I understand emotions and physiology and the feeling of being wanted etc etc...no need to eplain that to me! I also know it took BOTH of you to be in a place/situation to have sex! But this is a health related issue which is now causing you embarrassment and pain! I am thinking that you were medically disregarded for the physical needs of the man you are seeing. I hope that he really does value you, and that he will be more sensitve to you next time. So sorry if I crossed a line here; I just care about you and your body! You are one of the Kindred Spirits here!

Let us know what happens!

Hugs,
Chen♥

It was so important, I posted below without reading....
Chen has it right...

Hugs, Kathi

m-star

KathiM said:

Call you doc....
He is probably used to this....or talk to his nurse....say something like "In the passion of the moment...."

NOTHING is worth jeopardising your health for....bleeding is bleeding...

PLEASE keep us posted...but I, myself, would 'come clean'....

BIG hugs! Kathi

i second everything everyone
i second everything everyone else has said!

wow....no means no! If he thought so little of you,even though you told him no sex and WHY,then he STILL wanted sex anyway????!!!!!!
Tell him not to let the door hit him on the way out!! The jerk!!

I would also bite the bullet and tell your doc. I am wondering if you are maybe more embarrassed to tell him,due to you saying no and your 'man' saying he wanted it anyway,and then getting it. If you don't want to FULLY come clean,you could always say you were in the throws of passion and it just 'happened'.

But seriously,get yourself checked out,then dump the insensitive,bullying jerk!

sweetvickid

m-star said:

i second everything everyone
i second everything everyone else has said!

wow....no means no! If he thought so little of you,even though you told him no sex and WHY,then he STILL wanted sex anyway????!!!!!!
Tell him not to let the door hit him on the way out!! The jerk!!

I would also bite the bullet and tell your doc. I am wondering if you are maybe more embarrassed to tell him,due to you saying no and your 'man' saying he wanted it anyway,and then getting it. If you don't want to FULLY come clean,you could always say you were in the throws of passion and it just 'happened'.

But seriously,get yourself checked out,then dump the insensitive,bullying jerk!

Dump the SOB
I know one of the reasons the Dr said no sex is the risk of infection. The guy has shown a total disregard for you. His wants come before your health.

smalldoggroomer

You come first
You need people around you that put you first. This guy did not do that. Call the Dr office and talk to the nurse. They have heard it all before. Please put your self first. Anyone that would even try to talk you into anything that could hurt you is not worth having around. He don't deserve a lady like you.

aysemari

Don't be ashamed
I haven't had any sex since my diagnosis ( I hope I am not too forward)
Not by choice, I am single. The pounds I gained don't help the situation
and most people run when they hear cancer. So I am not even attempting
to date.

So I can understand that you would like to feel desired and like a woman
again. Maybe you just needed this and maybe that's why you gave in.
Because I am sure if you really didn't want it, it wouldn't have happened,
if that's the case - it would be rape and that would be an entirely
different conversation.

That's how I am reading into this. So you had a little fun (at least I hope
you did), there's NO reason why you should feel ashamed. YES, you have
been a bad girl and now suffer the consequences and call your doctor.



Ayse

MyTurnNow

I agree with Ayse. You made
I agree with Ayse. You made the final decision in this case and whether that was right or wrong, the decision was made, you can't change things now. I would also suggest that you make the call to your doctor's office just as a precaution. I hope all is okay.

chenheart

aysemari said:

Don't be ashamed
I haven't had any sex since my diagnosis ( I hope I am not too forward)
Not by choice, I am single. The pounds I gained don't help the situation
and most people run when they hear cancer. So I am not even attempting
to date.

So I can understand that you would like to feel desired and like a woman
again. Maybe you just needed this and maybe that's why you gave in.
Because I am sure if you really didn't want it, it wouldn't have happened,
if that's the case - it would be rape and that would be an entirely
different conversation.

That's how I am reading into this. So you had a little fun (at least I hope
you did), there's NO reason why you should feel ashamed. YES, you have
been a bad girl and now suffer the consequences and call your doctor.



Ayse

That was pretty much how I
That was pretty much how I looked at it too~ we often feel undesirable and fat, ugly , fill in the blanks because of chemo, surgery, etc. Which is why I originally mentioned understanding the entire how it happens, and even why!

But my concern after the fact was for the physical repercussions...I hope you call the Dr and get some relief!

We are in your corner~physically and emotionally!

Hugs,
Chen♥

Pinkpower

lolad
I have to admit it was VERY insensitive of your guy. But I can somewhat relate to the giving in. My situation is no where near what happened to you, my husband and I went without any sex for 8 months,from the moment I started chemo back in Nov 09, most of the reason was we were both just concentrating on me getting better. But as some may know on previous post, lately I was starting to feel like my husband no longer desired me, I felt like my words a "patient" and he my "caregiver" I only thought this cause I didnt like what I saw in the mirror, I was very unhappy with my physical looks. Once I approached my husband with this, he was baffled, sd I was crazy to think that, his love and desire for me is still there,he was just worried about hurting me in some way, he didnt want to push me in anyway and was waiting for me to be "ready", not just physically, but mentally and emotionally. I think I love him more then ever for this. Once I told him I am "very ready" we are bck on track. You come 1st, always, Remember that!
Lupe

mwallace1325

Everything that Chen said
I agree with everything that Chen said and also with everyone who said he's an inconsiderate jerk. If no one else said that, then let me be the first. No man would risk the health and well being of someone he cares about just because "he wanted it anyway". Please be better to yourself in the future and right now, call the Doctor. He's probably heard more stories than you can imagine. Remember, the fact that he told you no sex means that at least one other person in your position previously has had sex. Don't be embarrassed.

Take care and realize you deserve better.

marge

mariam_11_09

Doctor's see a great deal.

Doctor's see a great deal. Your situation I am sure, your doctor has encountered before and possibly even worse situations. Try to let go of your shame and call your doctor in a day or two, it is for the sake of your health.

I am not sure what really happened between you and the man in your life but something to considered is if you are not able to have sex because of health reason, then the person you are with needs to honour this no matter how much both of you might want to have sex. Besides there are many other ways to give each other sexual pleasure without it having to be intercourse. Good time to get creative.

take care of yourself.

lolad

mariam_11_09 said:

Doctor's see a great deal.

Doctor's see a great deal. Your situation I am sure, your doctor has encountered before and possibly even worse situations. Try to let go of your shame and call your doctor in a day or two, it is for the sake of your health.

I am not sure what really happened between you and the man in your life but something to considered is if you are not able to have sex because of health reason, then the person you are with needs to honour this no matter how much both of you might want to have sex. Besides there are many other ways to give each other sexual pleasure without it having to be intercourse. Good time to get creative.

take care of yourself.

I need to clear some things up
I did call my dr and i have to see him tomorrow. I broke it off with my boyfriend as well. He was drunk when this occured and i did tell him no and he fought me for it. Im not bleeding anymore, i just have abdominal discomfort especially when i walk. My onc gyn is a wonderful dr and didnt judge me at all. He isnt happy, but said i need to see him because last week when i went the cap on my vagina hadnt healed yet and hes afraid it it may have torn or opened up more. There is also a chance of infection. I have been through too much and value myself and didnt want to go against the drs advice. My ex was just not going to take no for an answer anymore. Im depressed and ashamed about the whole situation. I feel like a big idiot for letting it happen. Thanks everyone for being there for me. It means alot, it really does. I love my sisters here.

Laura