You know me, this might be a novel, but you all are my family.

lolad

Did i say might be a novel, well meant that it is going to be a battle. So much to share and say and ill try to make sense and not ramble, you know. I just read pammys post and i am just fed up and pissed. Sorry, to say it that way, but what the hell is going on here? It seems alot of my sisters i first met on this site have been given another battle to fight and try to win. Im not questioning god and im not angry with him. Let me set that straight first. Its just so freakin unfair that the first hard battle fought, what, wasnt enough for us, so we have to be given another? And for it to be happening to those ive come to love and have helped me so much and know that i would have not made it through this without them. This site is basically my only support i have, i dont have a good outside system. I cant stand to think that i might be joining them for another battle myself with my liver and kidneys test. I think i fear this storm a little more because i know what i would be facing. I know what chemo does and what its like and just feeling so tired and desperate and want to just be normal and better for once. And seriously, i love the way my hair is growing back now. Its darker and curly and finally im able to style it! I look like my twin bother once again with the hair color. Im jumping the gun on my tests, and pammys too. Just in a sence, but hopefully not, preparing myself. But i know a few already are going through all the crap again and i just cant seem to understand why and am very sad about it. I am glad that those that are fighting again seem to be staying positive, but its just not fair. Nobody should have to endure one fight let alone another and another. Why should they have to. What do you tell them? Oh, once again, keep your head up. Stay strong, dont give up.... What does all that mean now? Im sorry this part is so negative, we did that the first time around and did it help? Well, yes i guess it did because we one that one. So, im feeling a little better about getting my anger out and i have to let it go. You are all warriors and fighters and special for me. Im praying for all of you and even myself. So, its time to move on from this chapter and make another one. Sorry ladies, going to make another chapter right now.
Everyone keep fighting and stay strong
Laura

Balentine

God works ALL things together for our good
Laura,
It is our human nature....our flesh that crys out to God and asks why. So in those times when my flesh cries out that word 'why'.....my spirit within me rises up and I make a consious choice to walk in the spirit and not the flesh. I close my eyes and think of how God almighty saw our condition and decided to come down here from His glory and clothe Himself in flesh of the God-Man, Jesus Christ to redeem us. Although He never sinned, He took on Himself the sin of the world....was beaten, spat on, mocked, hated and brutally crucified...then while they were driving nails into His wrists He prayed for them and asked God to forgive them...in all this that He suffered, He was totally innocent. He left His glory in heaven to suffer in our place. Once I bring this to my remembrance, I no longer ask why....I no longer get angry.....I simply know that no matter what state I find myself in, He is still yet on His throne and He is with me also because of His power and omnipotence. The one who holds the universe and spoke it into existence, holds me also. I am not my own...He purchased me with His precious atoning sacrifice and so I offer Him myself a living sacrifice to perform in me what He wills and bring about His purpose for me in my life. Stay encouraged and always know that God works ALL things together for our good....whether good or bad....He works it together for our good. Be blessed and trust Him. When you TRULY trust Him, you can bravely say along with Job of the bible....'though He slay me, yet will I TRUST HIM.'
Lorrie

lolad

Balentine said:

God works ALL things together for our good
Laura,
It is our human nature....our flesh that crys out to God and asks why. So in those times when my flesh cries out that word 'why'.....my spirit within me rises up and I make a consious choice to walk in the spirit and not the flesh. I close my eyes and think of how God almighty saw our condition and decided to come down here from His glory and clothe Himself in flesh of the God-Man, Jesus Christ to redeem us. Although He never sinned, He took on Himself the sin of the world....was beaten, spat on, mocked, hated and brutally crucified...then while they were driving nails into His wrists He prayed for them and asked God to forgive them...in all this that He suffered, He was totally innocent. He left His glory in heaven to suffer in our place. Once I bring this to my remembrance, I no longer ask why....I no longer get angry.....I simply know that no matter what state I find myself in, He is still yet on His throne and He is with me also because of His power and omnipotence. The one who holds the universe and spoke it into existence, holds me also. I am not my own...He purchased me with His precious atoning sacrifice and so I offer Him myself a living sacrifice to perform in me what He wills and bring about His purpose for me in my life. Stay encouraged and always know that God works ALL things together for our good....whether good or bad....He works it together for our good. Be blessed and trust Him. When you TRULY trust Him, you can bravely say along with Job of the bible....'though He slay me, yet will I TRUST HIM.'
Lorrie

WOW
You just totally gave me the feeling of peace all over. I guess god wanted the questions that i had to be answered through you. And Jesus so did suffer for us all, not for what he did, for what we did. I guess God picks those who will fight and suffer for others. Does that make any sense. Im not quite sure how to word it. I hardly ever ever get angry. It does no good. I have god in my heart and he is forever a part of me and lives with me. That doesnt mean however, that once in a while i am going to get angry. I think it just goes along with the battle. Thank you and Lorrie, I totally trust him.

Balentine

lolad said:

WOW
You just totally gave me the feeling of peace all over. I guess god wanted the questions that i had to be answered through you. And Jesus so did suffer for us all, not for what he did, for what we did. I guess God picks those who will fight and suffer for others. Does that make any sense. Im not quite sure how to word it. I hardly ever ever get angry. It does no good. I have god in my heart and he is forever a part of me and lives with me. That doesnt mean however, that once in a while i am going to get angry. I think it just goes along with the battle. Thank you and Lorrie, I totally trust him.

I am glad that you are feeling a bit better
I don't really believe God wants us to suffer for others perse. He does not give us more than we can handle and we never know the reasons why He allows things like this to happen. In the bible Paul talked about a 'thorn in the flesh' that he endured and asked God to remove it from him 3 times. God's response to him was 'my grace is sufficient'. Paul said this thorn in the flesh...whatever the infirmity may have been....kept him humble and in total dependence on God. Yes I believe sometimes God allows these infirmities to open the door to sharing Christ with others....when others who don't know Christ can see Jesus through us even though we are battling cancer, they clearly see Jesus and can know that His grace truly is sufficient for us all no matter what we face in life. When we are weak, it is then that we are strong and mighty through Him. Have you ever noticed that when everything was going right in your life that you did not depend as much on God?? You felt invincible within your own strength. Something to ponder. Without Him we virtually could do nothing.
His strength is perfected in our weakness. Be blessed.
Lorrie

lolad

Balentine said:

I am glad that you are feeling a bit better
I don't really believe God wants us to suffer for others perse. He does not give us more than we can handle and we never know the reasons why He allows things like this to happen. In the bible Paul talked about a 'thorn in the flesh' that he endured and asked God to remove it from him 3 times. God's response to him was 'my grace is sufficient'. Paul said this thorn in the flesh...whatever the infirmity may have been....kept him humble and in total dependence on God. Yes I believe sometimes God allows these infirmities to open the door to sharing Christ with others....when others who don't know Christ can see Jesus through us even though we are battling cancer, they clearly see Jesus and can know that His grace truly is sufficient for us all no matter what we face in life. When we are weak, it is then that we are strong and mighty through Him. Have you ever noticed that when everything was going right in your life that you did not depend as much on God?? You felt invincible within your own strength. Something to ponder. Without Him we virtually could do nothing.
His strength is perfected in our weakness. Be blessed.
Lorrie

I feel very blessed
I feel ive been given a new life now. I still have things to go through with this, but im going to make it. I have been through so so so many difficult challenges and hardships in my life most couldnt even imagine. I know now that god was always knocking on my heart through it all. I just didnt know it then. He knocked real hard when i was diagnosed with bc. And believe me i heard. I always believed in him and would pray. But believing and actually accepting him into your heart and soul is a big difference. His amazing love for me and power of feeling his spirit in my heart is so powerful and is how i made it through this so far. I never forget him anymore. I think of him everyday and carry him with me everyday. And you are so right, his strength was perfected by my weakness. God bless.
laura