People whom you thought were your friends...
Comments
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No casseroles or presentsMOrtiz0810 said:The people that I least expected
Like Ayse mentioned, for me it was the people around me that I least expected to be there for me. One of my former co-workers has passed by my house several times, to take me out to dinner and cheer me up when I am down, and we were not very close in the work environment, she is like a niece to me now, and we rely on each other for advise. On the other hand, my sisters have distanced themselves to a point where I barely hear from them, and my brother has not even passed by to visit since my diagnosis several months ago. Sometimes I wonder if I'm really related to them.
I remember the day that I was discharged from the hospital after my mastectomy, I ended up in the ER that night with really bad side effects from one of the pain killers that I took. My father called my sister up to tell her, and I guess she felt obligated to go see me in the ER. When she walked in to the examining room, she gave me this nasty look like I was intruding on her valuable time. No Hug, No empathy, No "I love you", No "How are you feeling?", instead I got a cold glance. So, from that day on, I learned never to rely on my siblings.
My father has been the only person that has taken me to my medical appointments and all of my surgeries, and what is even more heart breaking for me is that he has a lousy job where they are letting go a lot of the employees because business is not doing well, but he takes the risk and takes the time out of work to make sure that I get to my medical appointments.
Some days I am so angry at the relatives and friends that pretend or want to believe that I no longer exist, just to tell them how I feel and to tell them that I would have never done that to them if the "Shoe were on the other foot"... but I strongly feel that things happen for a reason and this has been the ultimate learning experience for me. It has made me so much stronger and motivated for life...I want to come back stronger and healthier from this one, and then I'm going to prove to all those selfish idiots that I did just fine without them.
Keep telling yourself that you did absolutely nothing wrong, and there will certainly come a time in their journey through life when they will need a good friend to guide and support them, and that's when you will be there for them and prove to them that you are a selfless human being!
I wish you all the best on this journey!
No casseroles or presents for me, no visitors...it hurts.0 -
Friends and family
Oh I do know what you meen,most of them you don,t hear from while going through it.My best friend was their for me and my daughter.And all you wonderful people on these boards.I think the most hurtful person to me was my sister who has had BC.I took her for treatments several times.She went twice and made excuses after that.That hurt because I was their for her.Then i had a neice that i was close to years ago but had grown distant.She was at my house every day.Not to help me but just sit and talk.Some days I felt so bad after surgery I wanted to lay down.But didn,t because I didn,t want to be rude to her.Now I am over treatments and I never hear from her.Go fiquer???But the few that was their for me I will never forget and would help them any time they need me.This same neice is the one that told me right before I had surgery that she would not care if they took her boobs.What was i thinking to have her around.I guess I wasn,t thinking.Good Luck.Love and Prayers.0 -
Friends and family
Oh I do know what you meen,most of them you don,t hear from while going through it.My best friend was their for me and my daughter.And all you wonderful people on these boards.I think the most hurtful person to me was my sister who has had BC.I took her for treatments several times.She went twice and made excuses after that.That hurt because I was their for her.Then i had a neice that i was close to years ago but had grown distant.She was at my house every day.Not to help me but just sit and talk.Some days I felt so bad after surgery I wanted to lay down.But didn,t because I didn,t want to be rude to her.Now I am over treatments and I never hear from her.Go fiquer???But the few that was their for me I will never forget and would help them any time they need me.This same neice is the one that told me right before I had surgery that she would not care if they took her boobs.What was i thinking to have her around.I guess I wasn,t thinking.Good Luck.Love and Prayers.0 -
Hmmmppurdin said:Friends and family
Oh I do know what you meen,most of them you don,t hear from while going through it.My best friend was their for me and my daughter.And all you wonderful people on these boards.I think the most hurtful person to me was my sister who has had BC.I took her for treatments several times.She went twice and made excuses after that.That hurt because I was their for her.Then i had a neice that i was close to years ago but had grown distant.She was at my house every day.Not to help me but just sit and talk.Some days I felt so bad after surgery I wanted to lay down.But didn,t because I didn,t want to be rude to her.Now I am over treatments and I never hear from her.Go fiquer???But the few that was their for me I will never forget and would help them any time they need me.This same neice is the one that told me right before I had surgery that she would not care if they took her boobs.What was i thinking to have her around.I guess I wasn,t thinking.Good Luck.Love and Prayers.
Some of the people I'd enjoy having around have stayed away, yet I seem to be a magnet for people whom I'd rather avoid. What's up with that? One neighbor in particular, who is a BC survivor, has tried to insinuate herself into my life, even though I do nothing to encourage her. She's weird, and so is her husband...even more so. I simply do not like them, and do not want to spend any of my valuable time with them (is that bad of me?--I don't think it is). Fortunately I do have good friends who've remained close, and I treasure them. My family has been terrific, and I know I can count on them now and in the future. Even so, I am disappointed in the people I thought were my friends who could have at least called to see how I am, if there is anything they can do, etc. Oh well. I got along fine without them before I knew them. Enough about me. Hugs to you all. Gracie.0 -
What to dom_azingrace said:Hmmm
Some of the people I'd enjoy having around have stayed away, yet I seem to be a magnet for people whom I'd rather avoid. What's up with that? One neighbor in particular, who is a BC survivor, has tried to insinuate herself into my life, even though I do nothing to encourage her. She's weird, and so is her husband...even more so. I simply do not like them, and do not want to spend any of my valuable time with them (is that bad of me?--I don't think it is). Fortunately I do have good friends who've remained close, and I treasure them. My family has been terrific, and I know I can count on them now and in the future. Even so, I am disappointed in the people I thought were my friends who could have at least called to see how I am, if there is anything they can do, etc. Oh well. I got along fine without them before I knew them. Enough about me. Hugs to you all. Gracie.
I knew some would be there more than others, and thought I was ready. What do you do when the person, your friend, who withdraws, shuts down, turns out to be the one you're married to? Kinda hard to say screw it.0 -
friends . . .
I have three friends who have stayed SO close to me during all of this . . . I even thought to myself "wow - did I pick out the right people to have for my friends or not!" - I know for a fact that they kept me in their prayers - which meant the world to me. I really didn't make an effort to keep in touch with others who I wasn't so close to before all this came up - the friendship from these 3 women was enough to see me through!
♥ Lynn ♥0 -
hmm...Christine Louise said:My two cents worth
I hear you all, I really do, but I feel a little differently. When I run into someone who hasn't called and they get flustered and stammer an apology for not checking on me, I say, well I have a telephone too and I could have called you, we're all busy, aren't we. There's nothing to "forgive."
Everyone's situation is different, of course, and I realize that some friends may truly have abandoned you -- yes, screw them. But I don't feel people have turned away from me, particularly. They don't know what to say or they think I'm too "sick" right now or they're embroiled in their own lives.
I feel like the ball is in my court and I should/can contact them. I don't want to lose any friends over this. Maybe it's because I'm fine with the handful of support people I have currently and I like to be alone a lot anyway.
yeah, i guess i could be a little better about calling friends. hmm... i was feeling pretty hurt/angry when i wrote my post a couple days ago. i will do some thinking on this, some forgiving, ... anyhow, i think i've learned my true standing on some old friends' priority lists now. but, being bumped off their list doesn't mean i should write them off or act in the same way if they wind up in a similar situation and need a friend. i'll just be a little more guarded. good stuff to think about. hmmmmm (insert contemplative facial expression)0 -
so sorryms.sunshine said:What to do
I knew some would be there more than others, and thought I was ready. What do you do when the person, your friend, who withdraws, shuts down, turns out to be the one you're married to? Kinda hard to say screw it.
ms sunshine I feel really bad that on top of your bc that has happened..Do not have a clue what to say just my prayers are with you...I do not think I will ever understand why people do things to hurt others...Maybe he just doesn't know how to deal with it?
Sending you many Blessings....0 -
I understandmeena1 said:No casseroles or presents
No casseroles or presents for me, no visitors...it hurts.
I can relate..0 -
RondaMNLynn said:friends . . .
I have three friends who have stayed SO close to me during all of this . . . I even thought to myself "wow - did I pick out the right people to have for my friends or not!" - I know for a fact that they kept me in their prayers - which meant the world to me. I really didn't make an effort to keep in touch with others who I wasn't so close to before all this came up - the friendship from these 3 women was enough to see me through!
♥ Lynn ♥
In my situation, i didnt really have many true friends. Ya, i know it sounds pathetic, but not many that i thought were friends way back then realized that they just didnt want to call and hang out with a single mom with three young children. The ones who did still call and come back in considered my true friends. Now, like others here have said, it does seem that they have all drifted away. I call, they dont answer or call back. I dont know if i can blame them or not. Maybe they just didnt want to see me going through my battle and see me that way. I recently had a total hysterectomy and did not have one single person call or come see me in the hospital. It really hurts and wish i had an answer. But, it sure gets lonely doesnt it? Its like when my sister died four years ago, the funeral home was so packed you could not even walk in the place. The call came in for a couple of weeks after, then stopped. I guess i just need to venture out and reach out more to the true ones. Maybe some day. I know this post was no help, just wanted to let you know that others have the same thing happen to them.
take care
Laura0 -
oh mymeena1 said:No casseroles or presents
No casseroles or presents for me, no visitors...it hurts.
Oh, my. Being "forgotten" when you're sick does hurt. A lot. Meena if you were comfortable with e-mailing me your mailing address here on the CSN, I would most definitely send you a smile
but not a casserole, even with priority mailing.. maybe a lasagna.. hahaha 0 -
I work with the public andlolad said:Ronda
In my situation, i didnt really have many true friends. Ya, i know it sounds pathetic, but not many that i thought were friends way back then realized that they just didnt want to call and hang out with a single mom with three young children. The ones who did still call and come back in considered my true friends. Now, like others here have said, it does seem that they have all drifted away. I call, they dont answer or call back. I dont know if i can blame them or not. Maybe they just didnt want to see me going through my battle and see me that way. I recently had a total hysterectomy and did not have one single person call or come see me in the hospital. It really hurts and wish i had an answer. But, it sure gets lonely doesnt it? Its like when my sister died four years ago, the funeral home was so packed you could not even walk in the place. The call came in for a couple of weeks after, then stopped. I guess i just need to venture out and reach out more to the true ones. Maybe some day. I know this post was no help, just wanted to let you know that others have the same thing happen to them.
take care
Laura
I work with the public and very recently ditched the wig. A lot of people were not aware that I'd been in treatment for bc. Today I struck up a conversation with a lady who told me her 43 yr old daughter just shaved her head as she started chemo. Her daughter's " best friend" came to pick her up for their Sat. nite out and refused to go with her unless she wore a head covering as she was embarassed to be seen with her. I told this lady to have her daughter check out this post and offered her my phone # IF she would like to talk. Even tho this didn't happen to me personally, I felt really hurt for this gal. People don't think I guess.0 -
This is a CLASSIC "Them vsGayleMc said:I work with the public and
I work with the public and very recently ditched the wig. A lot of people were not aware that I'd been in treatment for bc. Today I struck up a conversation with a lady who told me her 43 yr old daughter just shaved her head as she started chemo. Her daughter's " best friend" came to pick her up for their Sat. nite out and refused to go with her unless she wore a head covering as she was embarassed to be seen with her. I told this lady to have her daughter check out this post and offered her my phone # IF she would like to talk. Even tho this didn't happen to me personally, I felt really hurt for this gal. People don't think I guess.
This is a CLASSIC "Them vs Us"! In the first place, WOOT WOOT for ditching the wig! I admire your moxie for doing that! And for being obviously approachable to the woman whos daughter is in a similiar boat with many of us.
I have a post about how we are the Witches and Wizards at Hogwarts, and those not with us are the Muggles~ so I won't go into the visceral reaction I had to this daughters' "friend." Should you be interested, do a search here on the BC boards for Welcome To Hogwarts.
What struck me is that you said this didn't happen to you personally! I beg to differ with you, I think it did! LOL You are a Kindred Spirit with this warrior-survivor, and because it could have been you, you reacted with empathy and heart. It says a lot about you!
Thank you for telling us about this~ it is important!
Bless your heart!
Hugs,
Chen♥0 -
me too
I had friends and family disappear. But as they say, out with the old...in with the new.
I've found stronger and better friendships elsewhere.
It's sad.
But we move on...
xxoo,
SamuraiMom0 -
If they haven't experienced anything like this...
I've thought a lot about this issue. When I go back and examine myself, I realize that before I faced BC personally, I wasn't so great about reaching out to friends who were going through tough times. That has certainly changed now - I try to take the time to send a note or call people who are going through tough times.
My aunt sent a letter or little something every week during my treatments. It was incredible to have someone so consistent about keeping my spirits up. I've been fortunate to have the friends who send casseroles and flowers, etc., but I realize that not everyone has that. I just try to forgive those who I think don't realize how it feels to be dealing with a major health crisis, and move forward with the good friends that I do have.
There's certainly nothing wrong with you!
Stephanie0 -
I have my couple of best
I have my couple of best friends who i knew without even thinking about it would be there for me. A few old acquaintances and older friends back from school who I had been talking to on Facebook have really surprised me with checking in almost daily with me, and I've reconnected with some cousins. I did have one friend, though, in hindsight I shouldn't be surprised she pulled something like this, but she's the "dramatic" kind-always needs to be center of attention, always has a crisis of some kind (mind you she doesnt work or have kids so her crises are rarely what I would consider a blip on the radar).
Anyway, she ust got out of a relationship and into another one. She ended both, by the way. She felt the need to send me a series of text messages the other day saying how crappy and let down she felt because a group of us girls who are all friends weren't there for her through her breakups. We all have kids, husbands, jobs, and, unfortunately I'm the one who drew the cancer short straw. She's one of those energy-draining toxic friends anyways so it's not much of a loss.0
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