Please help...Husband recently diagnosed

142

Klemon said:

Try not to panic
Hi there!
from one wife to another.. I feel your panic. My husband was diagnosed 2 weeks ago, after 3 yrs of rising PSA...and 2-3 negative biopsies.. The at PSA 8.2 and a third biopsy in March 10 was 1 core positive- 1% 3+3=6 positive. We were not panicked, knew it was slow and curable and under 7. we decided on DaVinci robotic surgery for cure, after speaking with many people personally, including our own Dr who had it done ( along with both his brothers). sexual function and continance returned in all their cases. We went to the Mayo clinic in Rochester for surgery consult, since they are big time experts and do so many.. upon review of the slides they told us they were only precancerous cells and recc saturation biopsy to confirm. I was devastated when it came back 3+3=6 on the left, 3+4=7 in the middle and 3=4=7 on the right, and 4+4=8 (4 cores) in upper middle right. Base was negative. We were thrown into "agressive" cancer category (8) and had to do bone and CT scans, both along with pelvic MRI of the prostate to ensure it had not spread...thank god all were all negative. We are expecting its confined to the prostate and moved surgery up to July 22. The waiting is excruciating. From the 5 doctors we spoke with , surgery is the gold standard for cure if your life expectency is over 10 years.. for us.. we are willing to take the risk on sexual function if the nerves cannot be spared, because sexual function while extremely important (my husband is a VERY heathy active, fit 63 yr old), longevity of life is more important to us. If you chose to go another route, make sure they are telling you the risks as well, radiation seeds or external also can have some unpleasant side effects. Remember that if you are going to get cancer, this is a good one to get, as cancers go, it is nonagressive, even teh agressive level we have.. they told us is still not like other cancers.

PCa is not a good cancer
Klemon,

Do not dismiss a 4+4 Gleason as a "good" cancer - it is very agressive, and you need to treat it as such. There is nothing about PCa that is good.

The fact that scans and bone scans are negative mean that surgery is still an option. Nothing else. If they had been positive, they would not waste the effort of surgery.

After DaVinci, my biopsy Gleason 4+4 has turned into a post-op 4+5 with extra prostatic extensions that required the removal of the nerves as well, followed by IGRT, and serious discussion of hormone therapy - that has torn my life apart and left me at nearly one year later still unsure of what I have to look forward to.

I have a new "normal" at 11 months from original diagnosis, and I have to deal with it if I want to move on. "Good" is a day that I don't use more than 3 pads, and can actually do a days work without bowel spasms. "Good" has become very relative.

I've had other cancer that was "easier" - at least less destructive than this.

Be aware, be understanding, and press the doctors for real expectations. Then verify, validate, and do it all again.

All that aside, your husband needs and certainly appreciates your support, and will much more so, even if he doesn't realize it yet.

My best wishes are with you.

griff 1

The wife said:

Thank you so much to all of you!
I can't thank you all enough. My sister sent me the link to this website two days ago and just from reading the posts, I had a much better understanding of what the doc was telling me. We are definitely going to get 2 more opinions. It's such a big decision and you definitely don't want to make the wrong one!
The one thind I didn' ask the doc is what happens if he can't spare the nerve? My husband seems to think his sex life would be over. That's why he doesn't want to do the surgery. I will ask the second opinion doc.
Thank you again so much for all of your help! We REALLY appreciate it!

good dr.
just make sure your dr. has done alot of the procedure and good luck. griff

Chasmag

To The Wife
I am little over a year out from surgery and radiation. Your husbands info is almost identical to my case. I was 53 when diagnosed. I decided to have my prostrate removed by full open surgery. Doctor didn't think I was best candidate for the robot or other choices. My thought was I am young enough that recovery now from total removal would be easier then having to have it removed at an older age. Surgery and recovery was a bit rough but I survived it OK and so can your husband. The doctors did a great job and my surgery was at a VA center. After surgery my psa went down the up and had to do the radiation. Now my psa is close to zero and lower every test. Now I am able to get an erection and have normal sex with no aids. The technology today is amazing. Only real shocker I had was dealing with being told the 2nd time I still had the cancer. Take time to evaluate all the choices and decide which way to go is best with your husband. Good luck.

randy_in_indy

The wife said:

Thank you so much to all of you!
I can't thank you all enough. My sister sent me the link to this website two days ago and just from reading the posts, I had a much better understanding of what the doc was telling me. We are definitely going to get 2 more opinions. It's such a big decision and you definitely don't want to make the wrong one!
The one thind I didn' ask the doc is what happens if he can't spare the nerve? My husband seems to think his sex life would be over. That's why he doesn't want to do the surgery. I will ask the second opinion doc.
Thank you again so much for all of your help! We REALLY appreciate it!

To the Wife and the Husband
As you do your research you will find success as well as failure with just about every type of treatment. Once you have determined what treatment path you will follow to terminate the beast the one real piece of advise I feel is best to give is put most of your energy into finding what you believe to be the best possible person for that treatment choice. Reason: you only get one "first try" to solve the problem and any second try will be just that...a second try. My path is well documented here and was and is to date still very successful. If you have any particular questions I would be happy to help.

Randy "cancer survivor" In Indy