Ok need a good kick up the backside so to speak, scan is tomorrow...

Sonia32
Sonia32 Member Posts: 1,071 Member
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
and I'm feeling a range of emotions. Part of me does not want to go, but that's keeping my head buried in the sand. Other part is if I go and all the big if's start to go around in my head. Already started taking the prep for it, and today on bowel watch (that should be as tv show)noticed my stools have started to narrow at the end... arghh

You are all my heroes on this board, I'm going to kick myself (or be dragged to the hospital tomorrow by my sister) to try and get it in my head, that if my second family can go through all that they have been through, I can do this scan! I just want another chance I know I've wasted the last six months, going through stages of depression over my separation, and subsquent overdoes. I just want to redeem myself and not waste the next six months, but as my sister says I can't keep doing this for every scan, ie worrying.

Anyway I have ranted enough, appreciate any words of wisdom, prayers or good thoughts sent my way. And everyone is in my thoughts and prayers.

Love to you all.

Sonia

Comments

  • Sundanceh
    Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member
    #2
    Fears, Tears, Trials and Smiles...
    Hi Sonia

    Those feelings around scan time will always be a part of you for the rest of your days - like an extra piece of luggage that you must carry with you. It's normal and understandable and we all go through it, all the time and everytime. The only advice I can give is to acknowledge your fears, but do not let them consume you and swallow you whole.

    I hope you're going to be ok and think you will. But the scans will tell us more and it's always good to know, isn't it? That way we can wrap our mind around it and get on to gettin' on.

    The last 6-months have not been a waste, rather it is been a Life Lesson, that you've had to learn the hard way - sometimes that's the only way that we learn. The fact that you can now recognize that fact and are setting a clear course for not repeating those lessons, is Maturity.

    This is one of the biggest reasons I want to see you around - just to watch you grow and to become the person that you were meant to be. The experience you are gaining now will be invaluable to your future. You are at the forefront of enlightenment now and your journey and discoveries are going to be something to see. I believe that you will help others with what you've learned.

    Life is hard, life can be painful, with or without cancer - but how you live and fight determines the measure of who you are - and you are Sonia, the survivor.

    Now, I've got to go to surgery in a few days, so I don't want to read about any more shenanigns while I'm away - or when Big Bro can breathe, we're gonna' talk about it, OK? Use what you've learned and go forward - be a blessing - and pay it forward.

    "Chin up - off you go..."

    Big Bro
  • Sonia32
    Sonia32 Member Posts: 1,071 Member
    #3
    Sundanceh said:

    Fears, Tears, Trials and Smiles...
    Hi Sonia

    Those feelings around scan time will always be a part of you for the rest of your days - like an extra piece of luggage that you must carry with you. It's normal and understandable and we all go through it, all the time and everytime. The only advice I can give is to acknowledge your fears, but do not let them consume you and swallow you whole.

    I hope you're going to be ok and think you will. But the scans will tell us more and it's always good to know, isn't it? That way we can wrap our mind around it and get on to gettin' on.

    The last 6-months have not been a waste, rather it is been a Life Lesson, that you've had to learn the hard way - sometimes that's the only way that we learn. The fact that you can now recognize that fact and are setting a clear course for not repeating those lessons, is Maturity.

    This is one of the biggest reasons I want to see you around - just to watch you grow and to become the person that you were meant to be. The experience you are gaining now will be invaluable to your future. You are at the forefront of enlightenment now and your journey and discoveries are going to be something to see. I believe that you will help others with what you've learned.

    Life is hard, life can be painful, with or without cancer - but how you live and fight determines the measure of who you are - and you are Sonia, the survivor.

    Now, I've got to go to surgery in a few days, so I don't want to read about any more shenanigns while I'm away - or when Big Bro can breathe, we're gonna' talk about it, OK? Use what you've learned and go forward - be a blessing - and pay it forward.

    "Chin up - off you go..."

    Big Bro

    Bro
    always around to knock sense into me, we haven't met but you know what I want to do, and thats help others. If you can go through surgery yet again, I can face my fear of the unknown, that's what it is I think just waiting around after the scan. My hospital's procedure is if it's bad news they let you know within a week, otherwise my follow up appointment is on the 17th July.
    And I promise to behave :-) and I can't wait to talk to you once you are better.
    Love and Hugs
    Sis
  • geotina
    geotina Member Posts: 2,111 Member
    #4
    Worry
    Sonia - the worry about scans will never go away, just don't let it consume you, it is something you just have no control over. Ok, so you have hit the absoloute bottom, well, the only way to go now is up, up, up. Make a list of things you want to accomplish, be they small or large, even silly stuff, then get on with living and start checking them off, one by one. Wishing you nothing but the best in your scan results and tests.

    Tina
  • Sonia32
    Sonia32 Member Posts: 1,071 Member
    #5
    geotina said:

    Worry
    Sonia - the worry about scans will never go away, just don't let it consume you, it is something you just have no control over. Ok, so you have hit the absoloute bottom, well, the only way to go now is up, up, up. Make a list of things you want to accomplish, be they small or large, even silly stuff, then get on with living and start checking them off, one by one. Wishing you nothing but the best in your scan results and tests.

    Tina

    Hugs
    Thanks Tina for your wise words and wishes. Sonia
  • HollyID
    HollyID Member Posts: 946 Member
    #6
    Sonia32 said:

    Hugs
    Thanks Tina for your wise words and wishes. Sonia

    Many prayers and good vibes have been sent your way...
    Wishing you nothing but NED!! Your scan is going to be great -- I just know it. :)

    Love and Hugs,

    Holly
  • lisa42
    lisa42 Member Posts: 3,625 Member
    #7
    you'll be okay
    Hi Sonia,

    It was so great talking to you today! After hearing you talk, I was really encouraged by how upbeat you sounded, even though you are nervous for the scan. I really believe you're going to be okay. It really was a lift to me today to talk to you today, and I hope that it was to you, too!

    Blessings to you- you're due for some now, my friend!

    Lisa
  • AnneCan
    AnneCan Member Posts: 3,673 Member
    #8
    Good luck with the scan,
    Good luck with the scan, Sonia; I hope nothing but good results for you!
  • karguy
    karguy Member Posts: 1,020 Member
    #9
    Worried
    Being worried is normal,just go in and do the scan,I'm sure you will be ok.Just be strong,you can do it.I'll be praying for you.
  • tootsie1
    tootsie1 Member Posts: 5,044 Member
    #10
    You can do it!
    You can do it, Sonia! You've made it through all the other troubles, so a scan can't defeat you. I'll be praying you go and get great results.

    *hugs*
    Gail
  • christinecarl
    christinecarl Member Posts: 543 Member
    #11
    Sonia
    I will keep you in my prayers tonight Dear Friend. I know that you are going to march into that Drs office with bravery you did not know you had until then. You are strong, you just need to realize that and remember it! You are kicking cancers **** every day, don't let it destroy the life you have fought so hard to keep. Tomorrow you will see NED again. You are a survivor.

Discussion Boards