coping with stage 4 breast cancer that has spread to lungs and bones

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costa
costa Member Posts: 1
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
It's a lot to process being told that your loved one has breast cancer that has spread to lymph nodes under arm to also both lungs and rib area. How do you recover and cope with this all????what to do???

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  • TraciInLA
    TraciInLA Member Posts: 1,994 Member
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    Welcome, costa
    How do you cope? I think coming here is a good first step....I think it's so important to remember that you can't take care of the person you love if you don't take care of yourself, too.

    I don't have any personal experience with stage 4, but there are women here who are living with it, and I know they'll reply to you soon and share their experiences.

    Tell us a little about you, if you're comfortable -- is the person who's been diagnosed your wife, partner, mother...? Anyone who's loving and caring for someone with breast cancer is welcome here, anytime.

    Traci
  • Balentine
    Balentine Member Posts: 393
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    TraciInLA said:

    Welcome, costa
    How do you cope? I think coming here is a good first step....I think it's so important to remember that you can't take care of the person you love if you don't take care of yourself, too.

    I don't have any personal experience with stage 4, but there are women here who are living with it, and I know they'll reply to you soon and share their experiences.

    Tell us a little about you, if you're comfortable -- is the person who's been diagnosed your wife, partner, mother...? Anyone who's loving and caring for someone with breast cancer is welcome here, anytime.

    Traci

    So sorry to hear
    about your loved one. You asked what to do and how to handle this. Very simply you do what you can and leave the rest to God. Do what your heart tells you to do but know that you cannot fix it and there is only so much you can do. Bringing some laughter, joy, comfort, encouragement, hope and love is what comes to mind to me. I know how helpless you must feel but you have to cast this care upon God because this burden is not meant for you to carry. Give what you can and pray and ask God to perfect everything else according to His will. May God bless you and your loved one and receive His peace and comfort that pass all understanding.
    Lorrie
  • New Flower
    New Flower Member Posts: 4,294
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    Balentine said:

    So sorry to hear
    about your loved one. You asked what to do and how to handle this. Very simply you do what you can and leave the rest to God. Do what your heart tells you to do but know that you cannot fix it and there is only so much you can do. Bringing some laughter, joy, comfort, encouragement, hope and love is what comes to mind to me. I know how helpless you must feel but you have to cast this care upon God because this burden is not meant for you to carry. Give what you can and pray and ask God to perfect everything else according to His will. May God bless you and your loved one and receive His peace and comfort that pass all understanding.
    Lorrie

    Sorry about your love one
    Welcome to the site. We have members who are diagnosed with different stages and types of cancer, including stage IV with lung and bones involvement. I am sure they will get in touch with you. There are new drugs and various treatment, so nowadays stage IV patients can achieve remission for many years.
    I was diagnosed with stage IIIC with lymph nodes involvement two years ago. I underwent several treatments, including Chemotherapy and have been doing well.
    There is alway hope that diseases like cancer treatable. Please keep the faith.
    New Flower
  • survivorbc09
    survivorbc09 Member Posts: 4,374 Member
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    Sorry about your love one
    Welcome to the site. We have members who are diagnosed with different stages and types of cancer, including stage IV with lung and bones involvement. I am sure they will get in touch with you. There are new drugs and various treatment, so nowadays stage IV patients can achieve remission for many years.
    I was diagnosed with stage IIIC with lymph nodes involvement two years ago. I underwent several treatments, including Chemotherapy and have been doing well.
    There is alway hope that diseases like cancer treatable. Please keep the faith.
    New Flower

    So sorry about your loved
    So sorry about your loved one. Sending prayers!


    Hugs, Jan
  • Katz77
    Katz77 Member Posts: 598
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    stage 4
    I don't have stage 4, but stage 3c IDC, ER and PR positive HER2 positive, with 18 out of 28 nodes positive. I'm praying that it has not spread like ur love ones has. Series of tests coming my way starting 7-1. What to do? That's so hard to answer. Do you guys have a support system? Being here is always a good thing. Lot of wise people here. What's the other diagnosis? What surgery was done? Have you seen an oncologist? Is it inflammatory? I'm so sorry that you both have been placed on this road.
    I'm 1 yr out now. Called remission. It can and does happen. Just stay close to each other and you will weather the storm. Please come here for support and ask any question at any time, 24/7. Hang on, peace and prayers are with you both. Katz
  • roseann4
    roseann4 Member Posts: 992 Member
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    Katz77 said:

    stage 4
    I don't have stage 4, but stage 3c IDC, ER and PR positive HER2 positive, with 18 out of 28 nodes positive. I'm praying that it has not spread like ur love ones has. Series of tests coming my way starting 7-1. What to do? That's so hard to answer. Do you guys have a support system? Being here is always a good thing. Lot of wise people here. What's the other diagnosis? What surgery was done? Have you seen an oncologist? Is it inflammatory? I'm so sorry that you both have been placed on this road.
    I'm 1 yr out now. Called remission. It can and does happen. Just stay close to each other and you will weather the storm. Please come here for support and ask any question at any time, 24/7. Hang on, peace and prayers are with you both. Katz

    I have a friend in my support group with Stage 4.
    A member of my support group is Stage 4 but recently received some positive information that gave her great hope. You might want to pass that on to your friend. She goes to Yale New Haven Hospital and her doctor is the head of research as well as her oncologist. She was told that they have 2 new drugs and 3 more coming after that. She was told that with the new drugs, her life can be extended by many years and she should consider her cancer a chronic disease. She also said they are making real strides towards a cure and every year that she lives brings her closer to being cured. This from a head researcher! I think the best thing anyone can offer anyone with cancer is hope...not the kind that comes from a pie in the sky attitude but one based on knowledge. You may want to read books like, "Anti Cancer" and "Biology of Belief". Both of these combine science with hope. Hugs to you and your friend.

    Roseann
  • Alexis F
    Alexis F Member Posts: 3,598
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    Katz77 said:

    stage 4
    I don't have stage 4, but stage 3c IDC, ER and PR positive HER2 positive, with 18 out of 28 nodes positive. I'm praying that it has not spread like ur love ones has. Series of tests coming my way starting 7-1. What to do? That's so hard to answer. Do you guys have a support system? Being here is always a good thing. Lot of wise people here. What's the other diagnosis? What surgery was done? Have you seen an oncologist? Is it inflammatory? I'm so sorry that you both have been placed on this road.
    I'm 1 yr out now. Called remission. It can and does happen. Just stay close to each other and you will weather the storm. Please come here for support and ask any question at any time, 24/7. Hang on, peace and prayers are with you both. Katz

    I am so sorry this happened
    I am so sorry this happened to your loved one. There are several on here that have gone thru bc recurrences twice and then some, RE, Carkris, Jeanne D, Meena, Kathi M and more. Cancer can be fought more than once and you can win. All of the women here that have battled it more than once are enjoying their lives to the fullest and are cancer free! Keep your spirits up and help your loved one to fight!

    Praying for you!
  • Marsha Mulvey
    Marsha Mulvey Member Posts: 597 Member
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    Alexis F said:

    I am so sorry this happened
    I am so sorry this happened to your loved one. There are several on here that have gone thru bc recurrences twice and then some, RE, Carkris, Jeanne D, Meena, Kathi M and more. Cancer can be fought more than once and you can win. All of the women here that have battled it more than once are enjoying their lives to the fullest and are cancer free! Keep your spirits up and help your loved one to fight!

    Praying for you!

    Costa
    I've wanted to reply to this ever since the day you posted. I am Stage IV with lymph nodes, liver, bones, and skin involved. So...I'm seeing it from my point of view, not as a loved one. The key words I use are HOPE, FAITH, LOVE, and COURAGE. These are necessities during this journey. I believe that applies to everyone, the patient and loved ones/caregivers.

    Be there for this person all you can but be sure (unless they're disabled) to give them some space. Don't hover over them. I'm a very independent person who knows that someday I may not be able to do things for myself. As long as I'm able, that's what I want to do. I don't share all of my knowledge (about my cancer) with my mother, sister, or grown children because I choose not to dwell on this and I don't want them to either. Stay positive!

    You won't be able to understand all that your loved one is feeling - no one can. Be strong when they're "down", be tolerant if they're "grumpy", and be happy when you're together.

    When you find the exact diagnosis, read all you can about that particular kind of cancer and the treatments for it. This may give you the knowledge you need to deal with it yourself.

    Best wishes, Marsha
  • Ritzy
    Ritzy Member Posts: 4,381 Member
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    Katz77 said:

    stage 4
    I don't have stage 4, but stage 3c IDC, ER and PR positive HER2 positive, with 18 out of 28 nodes positive. I'm praying that it has not spread like ur love ones has. Series of tests coming my way starting 7-1. What to do? That's so hard to answer. Do you guys have a support system? Being here is always a good thing. Lot of wise people here. What's the other diagnosis? What surgery was done? Have you seen an oncologist? Is it inflammatory? I'm so sorry that you both have been placed on this road.
    I'm 1 yr out now. Called remission. It can and does happen. Just stay close to each other and you will weather the storm. Please come here for support and ask any question at any time, 24/7. Hang on, peace and prayers are with you both. Katz

    I am very sorry to read
    I am very sorry to read this. Praying for your loved one!

    Sue :)
  • Megan M
    Megan M Member Posts: 3,000
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    Balentine said:

    So sorry to hear
    about your loved one. You asked what to do and how to handle this. Very simply you do what you can and leave the rest to God. Do what your heart tells you to do but know that you cannot fix it and there is only so much you can do. Bringing some laughter, joy, comfort, encouragement, hope and love is what comes to mind to me. I know how helpless you must feel but you have to cast this care upon God because this burden is not meant for you to carry. Give what you can and pray and ask God to perfect everything else according to His will. May God bless you and your loved one and receive His peace and comfort that pass all understanding.
    Lorrie

    So sorry about this. It is
    So sorry about this. It is so hard to see loved ones be diagnosed with cancer. Wishing you all the best and praying for you and your loved one.

    Hugs, Megan
  • Angie2U
    Angie2U Member Posts: 2,991
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    Alexis F said:

    I am so sorry this happened
    I am so sorry this happened to your loved one. There are several on here that have gone thru bc recurrences twice and then some, RE, Carkris, Jeanne D, Meena, Kathi M and more. Cancer can be fought more than once and you can win. All of the women here that have battled it more than once are enjoying their lives to the fullest and are cancer free! Keep your spirits up and help your loved one to fight!

    Praying for you!

    I also am very sorry. It
    I also am very sorry. It seems so many are having recurrences on here anymore. Wishing you the best of luck!
  • lolad
    lolad Member Posts: 670
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    Ritzy said:

    I am very sorry to read
    I am very sorry to read this. Praying for your loved one!

    Sue :)

    wow
    I often wonder what right i have to celebrate in my being cancer free right now when i hear stories like this. Im so sorry for your love one who is going through this all right now. She is still our sister of pink and i am sending strong prayers for her. What can you say? I hope she is feeling ok? I hope she isnt suffering? She is a warrior of the battle. May god be with you and your loved one.

    laura
  • Megan M
    Megan M Member Posts: 3,000
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    lolad said:

    wow
    I often wonder what right i have to celebrate in my being cancer free right now when i hear stories like this. Im so sorry for your love one who is going through this all right now. She is still our sister of pink and i am sending strong prayers for her. What can you say? I hope she is feeling ok? I hope she isnt suffering? She is a warrior of the battle. May god be with you and your loved one.

    laura

    I hope that you keep us
    I hope that you keep us updated on your loved one. Maybe they would like to join this board and post. I am so sorry.