treatment or emotional stress?

ms.sunshine

Treatment, the physical was
Treatment, the physical was harder on me. I had my emotional breakdowns between God and me. Afterall He was the only one who listened, understood, and who could help me, and He did.
Let me tell you about drs. if you haven't gone thru this. If one is stressed, and emotional then the doc says you are depressed and need pills. If one is truly handling it then the doc says you are in denial and wants to send you to a shrink who then wants to give you pills.

Don't allow others to pressure you and quit pressuring yourself, you have enough on your plate right now.

Yeah the good ole strong speech, what other choice does one have. My husband would give me that "man up" speech let's just say he got tired of seeing one of my fingers come up.

Emotions change what you are feeling now will change and you will feel something else later. Mine did my emotions jumped around. Chemo was very scarry to me. Just to see the room makes my stomach queazy.

Keep sharing with us we understand and we will get thru this.
hugs 2 u
Jennifer

Chickadee1955

ms.sunshine said:

Treatment, the physical was
Treatment, the physical was harder on me. I had my emotional breakdowns between God and me. Afterall He was the only one who listened, understood, and who could help me, and He did.
Let me tell you about drs. if you haven't gone thru this. If one is stressed, and emotional then the doc says you are depressed and need pills. If one is truly handling it then the doc says you are in denial and wants to send you to a shrink who then wants to give you pills.

Don't allow others to pressure you and quit pressuring yourself, you have enough on your plate right now.

Yeah the good ole strong speech, what other choice does one have. My husband would give me that "man up" speech let's just say he got tired of seeing one of my fingers come up.

Emotions change what you are feeling now will change and you will feel something else later. Mine did my emotions jumped around. Chemo was very scarry to me. Just to see the room makes my stomach queazy.

Keep sharing with us we understand and we will get thru this.
hugs 2 u
Jennifer

Sometimes I think I am not
Sometimes I think I am not 'feeling' the right way. Folks keep referring to all that I am 'going through'. I have had BLM and start chemo on Monday. I don't really feel like I've 'gone through' all that much. Maybe I am Cleopatra (the Queen of Denial) but I haven't had too many days of feeling overwhelmingly sad or upset. Admittedly, I have had a few, but really not too many. I was a D-cup since 13 years old and have not missed 'the girls' since the mastectomy. I will have reconstruction, so maybe knowing that the rather distorted chest I now sport is temporary helps me cope.

I've just known so many women who have had a rougher go with cancer than I have experienced so far that I find myself feeling blessed with the circumstances of my own disease. Even on this discussion board there are many of you who are in a much tougher battle than I. I have personally watched 3 women I knew die with breast cancer; I was actually in the room when one passed, and I don't expect to die, I expect to live and thrive after treatment. I kind of look at this as a year to be lived through and then I will go on as before. Probably Pollyannish, but that's how I feel. Sometimes I feel like I am taking undeserved sympathy and compassion from those around me.

Anyone else feel this way??

MNLynn

emotional
The reason I joined this site was because I wanted to talk with others who understand the emotional part of all of this. I had two surgeries in Feb - a mastectomy and an ALND. After that, I was scheduled for chemo - which was cancelled because of results of the Oncotype DX test - but for a month & a half, I thought chemo was in my future. I did go through 27 radiation treatments. I wear a prosthesis now, and my skin looks pretty good after the radiation. It doesn't bother me so much to look at my "new" figure or to deal with a prosthesis (which I'm getting less self-conscious about). What really gets to me still is thinking about all I have been through these past months on the emotional side of things. I still "break down" when I think about that - not when I look in the mirror or put my mastectomy bra on. I have my 4 month follow-up appt with my surgeon in July - and just thinking of going there again brings back the memories of all the times I was in there getting ready for surgeries or for post-op appts. I felt like I was in this different world then - and that I'm not totally out of it yet - and maybe I never will be . . . I don't know . . . this is all new to me. I've never had anything change my life so much as this has - which I know you'll understand if you're on this site and have been told that you have cancer.

missrenee

aysemari said:

WOW
You know, I never thought about it that way.

But you are right, I think I too am guilty of acting
too strong.

I made cancer look like a big bad joke... and everyone
laughed, including me... till I could no more. Hahaa

But only for while, I am laughing again as I am writing this.


Ayse

Ayse--and others
you are right on the money. I feel like if I don't keep being "strong" and "positive" and "upbeat" I am letting everyone down--they sort of expect it now after 7 months of surgeries and treatments. Sometimes it's just easier. When I told one person I wasn't doing so well one day, she said, "what's wrong?!" I wanted to say--are you (expletive)kidding me?!

However, then when I explained my feelings to a friend who I knew would "get it," she said, Renee, when are you going to stop trying to support your supporters?! Makes sense.

Hang in there my fellow pink friends.

Renee

cahjah75

I don't know
I don't know yet how I'll feel while going through treatments. I came home from the hospital yesterday and so far I'm doing better than I expected. I'm the 5th in my family w/bc and was well read and well prepared. I had BLM. I'm 61 and have had breasts since age 12. I was wearing a 40DD. I'm not sure how I'll feel when I see my chest for the 1st time but I'm not too concerned. I haven't decided yet whether reconstruction is in my future. I will be having both chemo & rads and I would be lying if I said I'm not afraid of side effects....

Right now I'm taking one day at a time and I know I'll get through this. Am I fine? Heck, NO! But, I am being honest. I am going to start a journal from the day my gyn said he found a lump in my breast. I think writing it all down is cathartic. I'm hoping anyway:)
Char

merjery

Today is the 4 month
Today is the 4 month anniversary of my surgery and I am so glad this discussion is here. Physically I am healing well, emotionally not so much. Everyone does expect me to be recovered and to move on but I can't yet I'm glad you are all here and understand. It's good to know I'm not the only one feeling this way.

aysemari

MNLynn said:

emotional
The reason I joined this site was because I wanted to talk with others who understand the emotional part of all of this. I had two surgeries in Feb - a mastectomy and an ALND. After that, I was scheduled for chemo - which was cancelled because of results of the Oncotype DX test - but for a month & a half, I thought chemo was in my future. I did go through 27 radiation treatments. I wear a prosthesis now, and my skin looks pretty good after the radiation. It doesn't bother me so much to look at my "new" figure or to deal with a prosthesis (which I'm getting less self-conscious about). What really gets to me still is thinking about all I have been through these past months on the emotional side of things. I still "break down" when I think about that - not when I look in the mirror or put my mastectomy bra on. I have my 4 month follow-up appt with my surgeon in July - and just thinking of going there again brings back the memories of all the times I was in there getting ready for surgeries or for post-op appts. I felt like I was in this different world then - and that I'm not totally out of it yet - and maybe I never will be . . . I don't know . . . this is all new to me. I've never had anything change my life so much as this has - which I know you'll understand if you're on this site and have been told that you have cancer.

MNLynn
I felt like I was in this different world then - and that I'm not totally out of it yet - and maybe I never will be . .

This one really hit home with me. I couldn't have put it better.

I think we have a newly acquired awareness that will distinguish us.

Ayse

Menda

merjery said:

Today is the 4 month
Today is the 4 month anniversary of my surgery and I am so glad this discussion is here. Physically I am healing well, emotionally not so much. Everyone does expect me to be recovered and to move on but I can't yet I'm glad you are all here and understand. It's good to know I'm not the only one feeling this way.

Emotional
I just have dates nothing has started. But it is emotional. I have been sleeping more than normal, even taking naps in the afternoon. The anticipation is horriable. I just keep just keep hanging on to that knot at the end of my rope.

aysemari

cahjah75 said:

I don't know
I don't know yet how I'll feel while going through treatments. I came home from the hospital yesterday and so far I'm doing better than I expected. I'm the 5th in my family w/bc and was well read and well prepared. I had BLM. I'm 61 and have had breasts since age 12. I was wearing a 40DD. I'm not sure how I'll feel when I see my chest for the 1st time but I'm not too concerned. I haven't decided yet whether reconstruction is in my future. I will be having both chemo & rads and I would be lying if I said I'm not afraid of side effects....

Right now I'm taking one day at a time and I know I'll get through this. Am I fine? Heck, NO! But, I am being honest. I am going to start a journal from the day my gyn said he found a lump in my breast. I think writing it all down is cathartic. I'm hoping anyway:)
Char

Char
My mastectomy is coming up, thanking you for sharing
your experience.

Don't be too scared of chemo.I found that my fears were
worse than the reality.

Ayse

MNLynn

still trying to cope
I've been trying to deal with all the emotional things, still - even though it seems like some things are almost getting back to my "before cancer" life (or at least I think it looks like that to others). We were driving through a town last week that had been devastated by a tornado - wreckage everywhere - things not like they were at all before the storm. Then it hit me - that's exactly how my life is right now . . . like a tornado went through - and this is what I'm doing right now - I'm picking up the pieces. And I can't move on completely until I have picked up those pieces and start rebuilding things in my life - and some things will just need "new construction" because there are things in my life that are totally different than before. So, that helped me look at things - to realize that it's ok to take this time to put things back together again. These things will always be a part of my life now, and I need to deal with them and work them into my new life - and I'll just be content to move on at whatever pace it takes to do that - even if it takes an emotional toll on me at times. And, really, it's kind of a release to shed some tears now & then.