My New Super Power & Other Stuff

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Hubby
Hubby Member Posts: 325
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I have developed the power to suck the energy out of any room or conversation at any time. Now I need to find a way to use this power for good.

It took a while for the word cancer to roll off my tongue; I have the additional baggage of my mother having died from lung cancer (and I always feel compelled to point out that she was not a smoker).

In responce to Traci's question: my wife is Donna, and I am Bob. Also not easy to post, but I need to get over it.

I've gotten a lot of valuable advice and support from everyone on this site. All of the starting chemo advice is great; links to Cleaning for a Reason; wig advice... Thanks to everyone who has posted responces; I've read them all.

So chemo starts on Wed (same day as Ronda, I think); ready or not here it comes. Some friends are starting a food chain for the day of and three days after chemo.

Thanks again for all the kind words.

Bob

Comments

  • greyhoundluvr
    greyhoundluvr Member Posts: 402
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    Bob -
    Congratulations on taking the next step. I had the same problem as you - it took me a while to get to the point of telling anyone I had cancer or even saying the word out loud. I think it even took a while to tell myself. There are still times when I wake up at night and it doesn't seem real but it does get easier as you go along and as you get through each of the "firsts" - asking about it, talking about it, the doctors appointments, the surgery, the chemo...etc., etc. Lots of firsts but eventually you get to the other side of the equation. The first non-chemo day, the first day your hair starts growing back, and so on. It was hard to see that I would ever get there (and I've just started) but seeing the progress everyone on this site made it easier to know I would get through, too.

    It's nice to meet you, Bob - I'm Chris:)
  • MyTurnNow
    MyTurnNow Member Posts: 2,686 Member
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    Bob, good luck to your wife,
    Bob, good luck to your wife, Donna, as she starts her chemo this week. I hope it holds true that it isn't as bad as we think it will be or as bad as it used to be. It wasn't too bad for me. Remember, if Donna has any side effects, contact her onco as there are medications that can control them. Best of luck to you both. Keep us up to date on her progress. Take care!!
  • dyaneb123
    dyaneb123 Member Posts: 950
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    Hey Bob
    I havn't been

    Hey Bob
    I havn't been keeping up with posts lately so you may have already covered this but I'm assuming the food chain you're referring to is for you and the kids? Donna probably won't want much that first week but bland starchy stuff...I wanted mashed potatoes alot..and lots of sprite or 7 up...maybe some creamy soups...I craved chocolate milk but it wasn't good for my tummy(be sure you have a stock of immodium)....she'll figure out what she wants as she adjusts to the meds but it will help to have some things at hand.... good luck...it's scary as hell that first time...but it really isn't as bad as you imagine it will be....
    Dee
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
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    dyaneb123 said:

    Hey Bob
    I havn't been

    Hey Bob
    I havn't been keeping up with posts lately so you may have already covered this but I'm assuming the food chain you're referring to is for you and the kids? Donna probably won't want much that first week but bland starchy stuff...I wanted mashed potatoes alot..and lots of sprite or 7 up...maybe some creamy soups...I craved chocolate milk but it wasn't good for my tummy(be sure you have a stock of immodium)....she'll figure out what she wants as she adjusts to the meds but it will help to have some things at hand.... good luck...it's scary as hell that first time...but it really isn't as bad as you imagine it will be....
    Dee

    I lost alot of weight and my
    I lost alot of weight and my husband gained from the food. I loved soup, chicken soup, lipton and the panera brand. plus people made it for me. She will soon learn waht she can tolerate. remember it is self limited, and remaining hydrated is very important. I still do not always say cancer, I say when I was "sick". but this is my second primary, and it isnt as hard this time.
  • survives
    survives Member Posts: 254 Member
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    carkris said:

    I lost alot of weight and my
    I lost alot of weight and my husband gained from the food. I loved soup, chicken soup, lipton and the panera brand. plus people made it for me. She will soon learn waht she can tolerate. remember it is self limited, and remaining hydrated is very important. I still do not always say cancer, I say when I was "sick". but this is my second primary, and it isnt as hard this time.

    Sending best wishes
    Bob, to your wife, and know she and you have a wonderful support group here on this site. I have a hard time saying "cancer" even after four years. SOme days I can look at the beast and call it by name, and others I have to look the other way. Guess it has to do with the phases of the moon!

    (((((Bob and wife))))
  • TraciInLA
    TraciInLA Member Posts: 1,994 Member
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    I just HAD to read a post about Hubby's Super Power!
    If you mean that, when you say the word "cancer," people in the room get all weird....please don't ever forget that's THEIR problem, not yours.

    Cancer exists, whether they want to think about it or not, they're not the ones who have to live with it day in and day out like you and Donna do -- they need to just suck it up and offer to join the food chain.

    IMO, this is a time to take care of your wife and (just as importantly) yourself, and not worry about anybody else.

    Traci
    (on her soapbox -- I'm having pizza again for dinner, and it makes me all preachy! :-)
  • ms.sunshine
    ms.sunshine Member Posts: 707 Member
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    TraciInLA said:

    I just HAD to read a post about Hubby's Super Power!
    If you mean that, when you say the word "cancer," people in the room get all weird....please don't ever forget that's THEIR problem, not yours.

    Cancer exists, whether they want to think about it or not, they're not the ones who have to live with it day in and day out like you and Donna do -- they need to just suck it up and offer to join the food chain.

    IMO, this is a time to take care of your wife and (just as importantly) yourself, and not worry about anybody else.

    Traci
    (on her soapbox -- I'm having pizza again for dinner, and it makes me all preachy! :-)

    The best to the both of you.
    The best to the both of you. Keep posting. I know the feeling oh so well of walking into the chemo room. Hugs 2 u
    Jennifer.
  • SamuraiMom
    SamuraiMom Member Posts: 295
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    the Taboo-boo
    No one would talk about it with me. They all ran for cover! The C-word was taboo to everyone but me. Go figure.

    I get how it can clear out a room!

    Good thing we've got this one online!

    Thank God!!

    xxoo,
    SamuraiMom
  • Snowkitty
    Snowkitty Member Posts: 295
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    the Taboo-boo
    No one would talk about it with me. They all ran for cover! The C-word was taboo to everyone but me. Go figure.

    I get how it can clear out a room!

    Good thing we've got this one online!

    Thank God!!

    xxoo,
    SamuraiMom

    Hi Bob.
    When I was first

    Hi Bob.

    When I was first diagnosed this April, I made it a point of saying "I have breast cancer" to everyone I knew and didn't know. Made phone calls to all my friends. At first I would tear up, then I got used to saying it. Those damn words were hard to say at the beginning and I didn't want saying them to effect me any more.

    Now, when hubby and I disagree on something, I can come up with: "but...but...but..I haaave breaaaast caaaaanceeeer," and it usually works (for now anyway). I can't tell you how great it is to have such a supporting hubby/family.

    Cindy
  • Skeezie
    Skeezie Member Posts: 586 Member
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    Snowkitty said:

    Hi Bob.
    When I was first

    Hi Bob.

    When I was first diagnosed this April, I made it a point of saying "I have breast cancer" to everyone I knew and didn't know. Made phone calls to all my friends. At first I would tear up, then I got used to saying it. Those damn words were hard to say at the beginning and I didn't want saying them to effect me any more.

    Now, when hubby and I disagree on something, I can come up with: "but...but...but..I haaave breaaaast caaaaanceeeer," and it usually works (for now anyway). I can't tell you how great it is to have such a supporting hubby/family.

    Cindy

    Hi Bob,
    Tomorrow will certainly be a big day, I was nervous, scared and tearful on the car ride but the chemo nurses are wonderful and just glide you thru each step and I found it to be a relaxing time with my feet up in a lazy-boy. Of course the big bag of Ativan, 2 mg. that was given before the chemo certainly was wonderful! Then you start waiting for any side effects. The next day my neighbor (R.N.) gave me the Neulasta shot and I still waited for side effedts. They started on the 3rd day but everyone is different.

    Whenever I talked to my friends and family I was always upbeat, it wasn't an act, I just had this energy come over me and I didna't want to see pity, scared for me or sadness in their faces so it was easy for me. And for them too cause we would have real discussions of what was happening and thru those discssions I got used to the idea of what was happening. They were concerned and curious and it was good to talk about it. But I was definitely the STAR of the conversation and I had my "15 minutes". I know that sounds crazy but it helped. But that was me, I don't know how Ralph dealt with it when I wasn't around. Like you, he had a lot of baggage, his Mom died from bc when he was 11 and his first wife died from bc so I'm sure he was terrified but treatments have changed and I think that helped a little. But he was my rock as you are to Donna. But here you can let your hair down and you need to do that. It's horrible watching your loved one go thru this and be so helpless.

    I think it is worse having chemo in the summer when it's hot cause head coverings are gonna fell icky. I have enough hair to only wear a ball cap outdoors (sunburn) but I couldn't put that wig on to save my soul and it only weighs 1 1/2 oz.

    Tomorrow is the beginning of the journey to kick the beast out of your wife's body and now you can feel you are finally actively doing something, not just being a patient taking tests and getting bad news... I hope your journey goes quickly and easily. But remember, your onc is avail 24/7 and don't hesitate to call with a question about any reaction.

    Good luck tomorrow and keep us posted. Rhonda, you too. I'll be thinking about you and keeping you in my prayers.

    Hugs, Judy :-)
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
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    Oh yeah...sucking the energy
    Oh yeah...sucking the energy out of a room by the use of one word~ as you can see,many of us have "been there, done that!" I never thought of myself as superstitious, and still actually don't. But...I live in California, which MOST people abbreviate CA. Since my diagnosis, I either write out the entire word, or Calif. I mean really~ do I want to LIVE in the abbreviation for cancer? I think not!

    We will be thinking of you both tomorrow. For many of us, myself included, the first day of chemo was the toughest. Not phyically, but emotionally. After that, when I got to know and love the chemo nurses and kinda settled in, it wasn't too bad.

    Hugs,
    Chen♥
  • GregStahl
    GregStahl Member Posts: 188
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    Hey Bob
    I just love that sucking sound when I say "she has breast cancer".
    Ruby still has a few weeks before the chemo starts, she is just at 2 weeks out from her bilateral.
    Good luck and keep me posted on FB when you can. If you need to talk you know where to find me buddy.
    Greg