Im having another meltdown!

Missy245

My Husband was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer Novemer of 09.He has had radiation and on his 2nd round of chemo and also on the Tarceva. Everyday is a struggle he stays in bed all day. I give him his endless amounts of meds and take up food on a tray, at times I even have to spoon feed him. It has been so hard on all of us as I have 2 children. I just don't know how I can do it all even though I have been. It seems all my friends except one has distanced themselves from us I feel so alone in this. Why do they do this? You would think they would be there and just ask if I needed anything or at least call me on the weekend just to say Hi. I have always been there to help them in anyway I could.What is so bad I have noticed the family doing it to.I am not a bad person nor is my husband.They use to ask me to go do things with them but you all know I can't go at this time.We do not have Hospice yet because he is still having treatments.I seem to have these meltdowns when Im alone and just cry then I start thinking why this is happening to us. I try to keep it together in front of the kids.I have been very strong conidering since he was diagnosed. I have had to take care of the bills insurance house cars meds appts ect.. And the list goes on.Has any one ever felt this way or am I going off the deep end LOl.Well I guess I really just needed to vent to people that might understand.Thanks for listening.

pf78248

It is okay to feel the way you do
Missy,

My husband is stage 4 colon cancer and we've been at this since April 2008. He is in distress now after surgery for a liver resection with blocked bile ducts and can barely get out of bed. So I do know how you feel in some ways. We still have hope that surgery can repair the damage but he is too weak now to consider surgery. I don't have kids at home so my days aren't nearly as busy as yours but the emotional part is very real.

This is a good place to come for support. I normally post on the colorectal page as many caregivers are posting there, too. Just know that as a caregiver we are in this together and you are not alone.

Maybe your friends and family would help more if you gave them specific things to do. Something as simple as picking up a few groceries makes people feel they are helping but most need to be asked.

I am sorry for you and your husbands situation. Please let us know how we can help. And it is okay to vent. We all need to do it.

Take care of yourself, too if you can.
Hugs,

Priscilla

GregStahl

Hang in there
Missy. I know its hard. I dont understand why family and friends (ESPECIALLY FAMILY) disappear like they do....fear maybe.
We all feel the same way. Being 100% responsible for everything and add the extra bills, appts, all the meds, the extra laundry, taking care of our spouse and doing all for the kids.....its hard.
If you need to vent, we are here. Have you tried to find a support group in your area?
Greg

Tina Blondek

GregStahl said:

Hang in there
Missy. I know its hard. I dont understand why family and friends (ESPECIALLY FAMILY) disappear like they do....fear maybe.
We all feel the same way. Being 100% responsible for everything and add the extra bills, appts, all the meds, the extra laundry, taking care of our spouse and doing all for the kids.....its hard.
If you need to vent, we are here. Have you tried to find a support group in your area?
Greg

Welcome
Hi Missy and welcome to our caregivers family. I was a caregiver for my dad who put up a long 16 month battle against esophageal cancer with mets to his liver. He passed away in March. You are not alone here. We can all relate. I do think that the reason alot of friends and family distance themselves is because of fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear that they are going to actually catch the cancer, Fear that they do not know how to help, etc.
I do not get it, but it seems to happen to most of us. I would suggest that you bring the subject up to them. Ask them for their help if they can not figure out to offer it. When the time does come for hospice, you will find that they are wonderful. They are most caring and knowledgeable. They help prepare you and your husband for the next level. Please continue to come here to vent, laugh, cry, rejoice. Stay in touch, and we will be thinking and praying for you both.
Tina

grandmafay

Caregiving
My husband passed away from colon cancer in Oct. after a 6 year battle so I have some understanding of what you are going through. This is really hard. I am sorry that you do not have a stronger support system with family and friends. I agree that asking for specific help might be a good thing to get people to understand that you do need that support. Often people want to help but don't know how. We were very blessed with a supportive church family as well as friends and family. Our sons are grown and were always there when we needed them. I am sure that taking care of children makes caregiving much harder. Check for support groups in your area by calling the American Cancer Society. Ours was very helpful. .You might also check with hospice. The one in our area does allow some palliative care. That is a recent change. Come here to vent. I didn't find this site until late in my husband's journey, but when I did, I found a lot of support and understanding here. Take car, Fay