Had a breakdown in the doc's office... rads & recon questions

Chrispea
Chrispea Member Posts: 123 Member
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
Hi,

This seems silly to post because I know some of you are dealing with so much worse... but I had a doctor visit on Friday and just couldn't stop crying.

She said I had post traumatic stress disorder and recommended that I see a physiologist! Aaack.

I usually keep it together, but since my husband wasn't in the room with me, he was with my 2 kids in the waiting room, I guess I just let it all out.

Anyway, I'm on the tail end of my treatments, chemo treatments... next are rads. Now I had a radical mastectomy, and I'm very concerned about radiation... how much damage does it do versus how much good. How can they do reconstruction with very little skin there? I mean, I am concave! The surgeon took some of my muscle out of my chest wall. I feel like a freak.

I know it's vain and all, but I'm only 42 and I want fixed. I want to feel sexy and normal again or at least if not sexy at least like a woman...

I also don't want to get lung cancer 20 years down the road from the radiation, but I'm afraid not to get it for fear of the breast cancer coming back.

My mind just swirls with all this...

I guess I just needed to get it off my chest.

Thanks for listening if you're still with me.

Chris

Comments

  • Paula1001
    Paula1001 Member Posts: 35
    #2
    Hi
    Chris,
    The radiation is not bad; at least not by comparison to the different types of chemo and surgery. As for damage, each person is different, but my radiation area was large and there is a clear demarcation of the area. The skin color is darker. It's really no big deal.

    I, too, am concave from my double mastectomy. Speak to your surgeon about reconstruction after rads. They can do expanders, slowly growing more skin, and then reconstruction. I've chosen not to have any more surgery, so I use a bra with enhancers. It's not a perfect solution, but at least I look female again. Mostly, I wear tops with breast pockets.

    You're not vain. Your self-image is part of who you are. If you feel good about your self-image, your confidence will rise and so will your overall attitude.

    As for the person that suggested a physiologist, that's such a knee-jerk reaction. Of course, you were crying. This whole thing is frightening as all get out. They should be used to it.

    Good luck.

    Paula
  • Christine Louise
    Christine Louise Member Posts: 426 Member
    #3
    I like psychologists
    I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all this! Could your oncologist and/or a plastic surgeon help answer your concerns about post-rads reconstruction?

    About the recommendation to see a psychologist: It's unfortunate that in our society people sometimes insult each other by saying "You need to get your head examined!" or "You need some serious help." It's used as a way to dismiss people's legitimate concerns and emotional needs by implying they're crazy. So, we often react negatively to the suggestion to seek counseling.

    Having had counseling myself and knowing my clinically depressed daughter has had her life turned around with counseling, I believe that your doctor's recommendation actually is kind and helpful advice.

    To have a caring and trained counselor/psychologist listen just to you and give objective help, tailored just to you -- it can cut through fear and confusion. It's amazing how fast, in just a few sessions, we have been able to gain perspective on our lives and carry on feeling better.

    Post traumatic stress disorder is very real and very serious. I'm thinking you might well get some relief and feel more comfortable if you could talk to a counselor.

    With love and respect -- wishing you all the best!
  • lynn1950
    lynn1950 Member Posts: 2,570
    #4
    I had the same reaction when
    I had the same reaction when my radiology oncologist told me I should see a psychiatrist after breaking down in her office. But after following her advice, I learned that we've been through a lot and psychologists, counselors, and psychiatrists can provide just the help we need.... much more specific to our needs than what a family practitioner can offer.

    Your radiology oncologist can show you exactly where any organs may be hit. There are guidelines that are followed and the type of radiation you receive will depend upon the angles of radiation used. My radiation did not hit my heart at all, and only 2 per cent of my lung. Don't be afraid to ask.

    Now that it is over, I don't worry about it at all. Getting the information beforehand and seeing the plan really helped.

    xoxoxo Lynn
  • Chrispea
    Chrispea Member Posts: 123 Member
    #5
    lynn1950 said:

    I had the same reaction when
    I had the same reaction when my radiology oncologist told me I should see a psychiatrist after breaking down in her office. But after following her advice, I learned that we've been through a lot and psychologists, counselors, and psychiatrists can provide just the help we need.... much more specific to our needs than what a family practitioner can offer.

    Your radiology oncologist can show you exactly where any organs may be hit. There are guidelines that are followed and the type of radiation you receive will depend upon the angles of radiation used. My radiation did not hit my heart at all, and only 2 per cent of my lung. Don't be afraid to ask.

    Now that it is over, I don't worry about it at all. Getting the information beforehand and seeing the plan really helped.

    xoxoxo Lynn

    Thanks Christine & Lynn.
    I
    Thanks Christine & Lynn.

    I am going to talk to a psychologist. Even tho I speak to my girlfriends, they just don't understand because they haven't gone through it.

    It's such a long hard road... sometimes I just want to be done with it, you know.
  • Alexis F
    Alexis F Member Posts: 3,598
    #6
    Chrispea said:

    Thanks Christine & Lynn.
    I
    Thanks Christine & Lynn.

    I am going to talk to a psychologist. Even tho I speak to my girlfriends, they just don't understand because they haven't gone through it.

    It's such a long hard road... sometimes I just want to be done with it, you know.

    Rads are different for everyone
    You need to talk to your radiation oncologist and have him thoroughly explain your treatment to you. We all vary in skin types, amount of treatments, the machines vary, there are so many different things to consider. Some people burn, some don't.

    I had a lumpectomy and I never burned. I got the dark pink and I was exhausted, but, my skin looks better now than even before. It looks like new baby skin. But, I also took very good care of it.

    I know dealing with bc is a long road, but, you are almost at the end where you can really celebrate!

    Good luck!

    Lex♥
  • ms.sunshine
    ms.sunshine Member Posts: 707 Member
    #7
    Chris
    I know just how you
    Chris
    I know just how you feel. I went thru chemo, and surgery. I thought I was done, my dr. led me to believe that. Then she springs," oh you have to have radiation. I gave it a second thought, and I think it will be good for you." I just laughed and said," What!!! you've got to be sh--ing me. Why explain why, and I want evidence why I have to go." She then told me, I was in denial. What yeah denial that is why I went thru agonizing chemo and surgery. She tells me she is making an appt. and I could address all questions to the rad dr. and then walks out.
    Go and talk with the rad dr. and then pray about it. I told God I wasn't going. If He wanted me to go then He better let me know by doing something drastic so I would know. Well He did. I was about to call to cancel telling them I wasn't having radiation. The phone rings it's my onc. she tells me for some reason I have been on her mind and she is checking on me. I tell her I'm not going to rad. she freaks. She explains why it is so important, she was very blunt and straight forward. Afterwards I said," God that was drastic." Now I'm going to rad. Not bad at all.

    I wish you the best
    hugs 2 u
    Jennifer
  • jo jo
    jo jo Member Posts: 1,175
    #8
    ms.sunshine said:

    Chris
    I know just how you
    Chris
    I know just how you feel. I went thru chemo, and surgery. I thought I was done, my dr. led me to believe that. Then she springs," oh you have to have radiation. I gave it a second thought, and I think it will be good for you." I just laughed and said," What!!! you've got to be sh--ing me. Why explain why, and I want evidence why I have to go." She then told me, I was in denial. What yeah denial that is why I went thru agonizing chemo and surgery. She tells me she is making an appt. and I could address all questions to the rad dr. and then walks out.
    Go and talk with the rad dr. and then pray about it. I told God I wasn't going. If He wanted me to go then He better let me know by doing something drastic so I would know. Well He did. I was about to call to cancel telling them I wasn't having radiation. The phone rings it's my onc. she tells me for some reason I have been on her mind and she is checking on me. I tell her I'm not going to rad. she freaks. She explains why it is so important, she was very blunt and straight forward. Afterwards I said," God that was drastic." Now I'm going to rad. Not bad at all.

    I wish you the best
    hugs 2 u
    Jennifer

    ms.sunshine, that is an
    ms.sunshine, that is an awesome story...i did the very same about chemo.
    I told my doctors and family i will not do chemo and no matter what everyone said it didnt change my mind and i too had that same chat with God...then my youngest daughter came into town to see me and while we were all sitting there someone told her that i refuse to have chemo...and i felt the fear in her eyes as she sat there insilence and disbelief...but her eyes said so much...thats when i decided i cant put my kids through that and went ahead with the treatments.
    I just cant describe what i saw in my daughters eyes that day and how it effected me...the Lord knows what he is doing and how to do it!

    Sorry to get a little off track there, but Chris i never had to have rads so i cant say i know anything about it...but i do share your feeling about the unknown.
    And you are not vain...i felt the same way about wanting to feel like a woman again and thats not vainity!!
    I have had my melt downs...difference is i was by myself and no dr's around to tell me i needed to seek professional help...not that theres anything wrong with that, but i dont belief just cuz you break down and cry that you need pro help unless you have a problem copeing with it...id say theres something wrong if you didnt have at least one meltdown! We are human and we are going through something very traumatic!
  • sea60
    sea60 Member Posts: 2,613
    #9
    Hey Chris,
    I'm glad you got a good cry out. You're going to be weepy and that's normal given the circumstances. I mean think about it, this just turns your life upside down and all you want is some sort of normalcy back. Part of that "normalcy" is having your body back. That's not selfish or vain.

    As mentioned, everyone is different. I had a bilateral and yes, my affected right breast was concaved. I thought there was no way that it could look normal. During the end of rads, the skin is sensitive and it discolored. You do think about radiation damaging other stuff but I chose not to go there. I just left it in God's hands and trusted my oncologist's advice.

    Once, all treatments were done and I healed from the radiation (about 6 months), I chose to have DIEP reconstructive surgery using abdominal tissue, fat & minimal muscle.

    http://www.truefacesofbreastcancer.org/diep.htm

    I love it. It looks as close to natural as you can get plus you have a really flat tummy.
    Expanders and implants have worked beautifully for many as well. You have to consider what is best for you.

    One day at a time.

    Blessings & peace to you~
  • cahjah75
    cahjah75 Member Posts: 2,631
    #10
    Chris, I feel your pain
    Chris, I feel your pain. Your story actually brought tears to my eyes. I will be having bilateral mastectomy on Tuesday. I am prepared with having no more breasts. I'm 61 and definitely post menopausal. You are still young. But no matter what this is all very scary. I've read so many of the messages and asked both my sisters who are BC survivors. Everyone is different and our skin reacts differently. I've already talked with plastic surgeon and because of my other surgeries (shoulders, etc) I'm not a candidate for either flap procedure. He did say that IF radiation doesn't damage my tissue I could have expanders/breast implants. I'm planning on getting prostheses and I just may stay with them instead of going through more surgery. My best to you during this difficult time. I just pray that in the end we are all healthier and cancer free:)

    As for seeing a pyschologist/therapist/pyschiatrist it can be very helpful. During perimenopause I was soooo moody and depressed and off the wall that my gyn suggested I talk to a pyschiatrist. It helped. Then after 11 surgeries in 2 1/2 yrs that tore my world upside down I started to see a therapist. It's been very helpful to talk to a compassionate other person. I will be going back to see her while I'm going through treatment.
    Char
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
    #11
    cahjah75 said:

    Chris, I feel your pain
    Chris, I feel your pain. Your story actually brought tears to my eyes. I will be having bilateral mastectomy on Tuesday. I am prepared with having no more breasts. I'm 61 and definitely post menopausal. You are still young. But no matter what this is all very scary. I've read so many of the messages and asked both my sisters who are BC survivors. Everyone is different and our skin reacts differently. I've already talked with plastic surgeon and because of my other surgeries (shoulders, etc) I'm not a candidate for either flap procedure. He did say that IF radiation doesn't damage my tissue I could have expanders/breast implants. I'm planning on getting prostheses and I just may stay with them instead of going through more surgery. My best to you during this difficult time. I just pray that in the end we are all healthier and cancer free:)

    As for seeing a pyschologist/therapist/pyschiatrist it can be very helpful. During perimenopause I was soooo moody and depressed and off the wall that my gyn suggested I talk to a pyschiatrist. It helped. Then after 11 surgeries in 2 1/2 yrs that tore my world upside down I started to see a therapist. It's been very helpful to talk to a compassionate other person. I will be going back to see her while I'm going through treatment.
    Char

    I see a therapist, it is
    I see a therapist, it is nice to talk to someone that I can be just me, its my time, and I can cry. laugh swear and its my dime and my time. everyone is different some people like to talk out their issues and some do not.
    I had rads it wasnt hard, I have had a local recurrence in the past and you do not want that! I find it hard when I worry that I am stealing from Peter to pay Paul, in terms of treatment affecting my future health, but I feel like I have to fight the current threat, and take it as it comes. I think rads has come a long way. I had it 16 years ago and it was so much better this time as far a skin condition went. I think the technology has improved. Also after treatment you can take vitamins and antioxidants, eat well etc... to improve your health.
  • DianeBC
    DianeBC Member Posts: 3,881 Member
    #12
    carkris said:

    I see a therapist, it is
    I see a therapist, it is nice to talk to someone that I can be just me, its my time, and I can cry. laugh swear and its my dime and my time. everyone is different some people like to talk out their issues and some do not.
    I had rads it wasnt hard, I have had a local recurrence in the past and you do not want that! I find it hard when I worry that I am stealing from Peter to pay Paul, in terms of treatment affecting my future health, but I feel like I have to fight the current threat, and take it as it comes. I think rads has come a long way. I had it 16 years ago and it was so much better this time as far a skin condition went. I think the technology has improved. Also after treatment you can take vitamins and antioxidants, eat well etc... to improve your health.

    Rads are not a walk in the
    Rads are not a walk in the park, but, just use your creams from the start and get lots of rest. Just the going everyday will wear you out. But, don't be afraid of them. Remember that they kill any stray cancer cells that are left behind.

    I was told to NOT take any vitamins during rads, so, be sure and follow all of the instructions from your own rads oncologist. It seems some differ.

    Please take care of yourself and see a therapist if you need to.


    Big hugs!
  • slevyallen
    slevyallen Member Posts: 3
    #13
    Hi, Chris
    I can completely empathize with your breakdown - I have not stopped crying for 3 months,e every sigle day. It is exhausting. I was taking Effexor, now I'm on Prozac, but I don't think it's helping much. My oncologist says I need to see a shrink who specializes in depression from cancer, but you just try finding one who is accepting new patients or who accepts your insurance plan! By the time you get through with that, you w/b in a straight-jacket! You really need your husband now, hope he's a good, sympathetic listener. Good luck, keep the faith....
  • alexlib_mom
    alexlib_mom Member Posts: 46
    #14
    Worry is normal
    I empathize with where you are. I'm having a mastectomy next week (lumpectomy and re-excision didn't work) with immediate reconstruction because I'm, like you, 41 and just want to look somewhat "normal" again. Last night I just freaked out about the surgery and how I'll recover from it and whether it will permanently affect my abdominal strength. Where I came to is with two kids who I desperately want to see grow up, I want to live and be as comfortable as I can with the rest of my life, but it may not be the same. However, if I can continue living for as many years as possible, that's my goal.

    Ok, I'm tearing up now as I write this. Letting it all out can be good. Remember there are lots of people dealing with similar issues.

    Stephanie
  • Angie2U
    Angie2U Member Posts: 2,991
    #15
    slevyallen said:

    Hi, Chris
    I can completely empathize with your breakdown - I have not stopped crying for 3 months,e every sigle day. It is exhausting. I was taking Effexor, now I'm on Prozac, but I don't think it's helping much. My oncologist says I need to see a shrink who specializes in depression from cancer, but you just try finding one who is accepting new patients or who accepts your insurance plan! By the time you get through with that, you w/b in a straight-jacket! You really need your husband now, hope he's a good, sympathetic listener. Good luck, keep the faith....

    I was lucky in the fact that
    I was lucky in the fact that I was so determined to fight bc that I just put on my big girl pants and fought. I know so many do need an antidepressant or anxiety pills and also see a therapist. It sounds like you might be better if you do see seek professional help. Don't try to do this alone when you really need some help. It happens to so many Chris. PSTD is real and should not be left untreated.

    Good luck to you and keep us updated on how you are doing. Think of rads as one more step in fighting your cancer. You can do it!


    We love and care about you.

    Hugs, Angie

Discussion Boards