Please do not wait

Mama G

Ritzy said:

I
have to agree with John and the others that saw and understood what he was saying. I personally, never want anything, and, I mean anything, sugar coated in respect to my condition, treatment or anything. I can't fight what I don't understand or am told about. This site is not just for a laugh, a cry or venting. It is a site where we can tell our own personal stories whether they be good or bad. And, if that scares someone off of the site, then I just don't get it. Breast cancer is scary, cancer is terrifying! I can't imagine reading anything else in the whole world that is scarier than that. Treatments are scary, the diagnosis is scary, the surgery is scary, but, if you arm yourself with all of the information from your team of doctors and from bc patients and survivors, you will go into battle with full armor.

I extend my prayers and heartfelt good wishes to you John and your wife.

Sue

JOhn ....
I too felt your advice was well said. I did not hear nor feel any scary words in what you wrote, only caring words from someone who is going through quite an ordeal with his wife (and your love for her shows in each word you say!) She is so blessed to have you by her side! Thank you for joining in, and PLEASE don't let one person's criticism sour you on this site. You have a lot to share with us, especially from the "caretaker" view that you are experiencing.
God bless,
Lorraine

Kylez

Mama G said:

JOhn ....
I too felt your advice was well said. I did not hear nor feel any scary words in what you wrote, only caring words from someone who is going through quite an ordeal with his wife (and your love for her shows in each word you say!) She is so blessed to have you by her side! Thank you for joining in, and PLEASE don't let one person's criticism sour you on this site. You have a lot to share with us, especially from the "caretaker" view that you are experiencing.
God bless,
Lorraine

Well said John!
What you said and your advice was very well said. It didn't scare me at all. It was written with love and concern for your wife and perhaps, sending a message to others about cancer. Thank you for what you wrote John, and, know that you are very welcome here anytime. Best of luck to your family!


KYLEZ ♥

New Flower

John_32 said:

Bizarre
That's really my only reaction to checking back on this thread and perusing over your rambling hostility. Your threshold for being "scared to death" seems rather low insomuch as even the simple advice, in the original post, not to delay treatment elicited this reaction from you. And actually crying because someone wrote that it's best not to delay getting treatment? You're obviously not handling any of this very well, which may be perfectly natural given the circumstances, but spare me the raging diatribes. No one was presuming to tell you what is best in your particular situation-I don't know you and don't particularly care about your specific situation-but I do know that my wife is farther along in this thing than you are and that there lessons I think that we have learned from her experience. And if that information can help even one other person resolve any doubts they have about going forward with treatment without undue delay, then that's a good thing. I am also somewhat offended by how caustic your reaction is to my simply imparting some details about my wife's experience with breast cancer. Certainly it is very sad that her breast cancer has spread to the brain, but she has now completed her radiation and is recovering well-she is certainly not some frightening half-dead corpse in some kind of House of Horrors. There is no reason why she may not continue to do well and that her brain tumors may dissipate. Finally, your admonition that we should restrict ourselves to "sugar-coated" remarks that merely say "do whatever is best for you" seems to me to defeat the purpose of a message board where a wealth of valuable information can be exchanged among patients and caregivers, particularly as it concerns a life-threatening disease about which the "professionals" are still, after billions of dollars and decades of research, very much in the dark.

John 32
I am glad that your wife is doing. Thanks again for giving your opinion and supporting breast cancer board.
Please keep us posted on your wife 's progress.

New Flower

Cindy Ann said:

Beyond Sugar Coating
This is my truth.I do not believe scaring the Hell out of anyone is a good ideal. They are getting that enough from all the information being thrown at them. I feel this site is a place to ask questions, vent, but most of all a safe haven. A place to be calmed, have a laugh, and occassionaly have a good cry. I do feel for John and what he is going through. But he was harsh peroid. Any normal person would be scared. No anxiety drugs on earth will take away that kind of fear he inspired. I am afraid some of these posts will have the opposite effect and make new people not come back and older ones leave. It seems most of you do not get this. NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR FROM A NON PROFESSIONAL THE WORST THAT CAN HAPPEN WHEN NOT ONE OF US IS THE SAME!Why scare someone because you are scared. Better to sugar coat and leave that job to the professionals. Peroid.. If you have read any of my posts they are not giving anyone advice about treament. They are except for 3 of them for the most part mean't to comfort and care for someone I don't know.I am a professional and would never ever tell some horror story like John did.He didn't tell anyone how many times his wife had mammograms or if she even went regularly. How long she had DCIS. Just had a lumpectomy then a few weeks later seizures.What type of ca they found all through her breast? Her brain tumor could have nothing to do with BC. He never said how it related to BC.Do you all see what I mean. Yes, I know it can go to the brain. I realize he is suffering and in his over zealousness wanted to help. But he may have done damage to other people not answering but reading his post. He has to temper his words with wisdom not fear. I did react to New Flower and kick it up with my doctors. I am doing the right thing. Oh by the way I see a Neurologist next week. That was scheduled 1 mth ago. He is the best in my state. My surgeon sends everyone to him for check up and possible MRI.She always wants to err on the side of caution with all new cancer patients..So I am being watched very carefully. I let fear only guide me for a brief time and got what I needed then let it go.Some people are unable to let it go.. I am fighting for them.I do not want someone to get on this site and read a post like I did and do something rushed out of fear. I am not angry. Just responded to a post and again got a scare tactic. By the way the real truth comes from God and your doctors/testing.You have to have faith in what your doing and in God. People on this site can only speak for themsleves. This post has gone terribly wrong. I have taken a deep breath and am writing what I really mean. Stop scaring people.. It is wrong.. So a little sugar never hurt anyone..It is no one on this sites responsiblilty to force their own views on others. Rememeber we are all different and react to cancer in different ways. You have to all ask yourselves this would you of wanted to read a post like John's when you were first diagnosed full of fear without a lot of facts. Or read about all the survivors and how you too can get through this.. I am not going to apologize for speaking my truth. I am going to pray for John and his wife. I hope she makes it through this and he gets some help dealing with this horrible time. But I will not back down from what I believe..If I don't like what is being said especially if I think it will scare people I am going to speak up.Everyone has a right to their own opinions and to voice them but come on is it right to scare people?????

Cindy Ann
I am really upset by your reaction. Compassion and care for others is a sole of this board. I understand that you are nervous and terrified by your own situations, but you are crossing the line. I think you need help. Again it is my personal opinion.
I am glad that you call your doctors, met with them and feel comfortable. My more advice, since you mention your heart conditions. If you go for double mastectomy which is major surgery, you probably will need stress eco for your clearance, which should be scheduled in advance appointment with cardiologist.

I am really care about people both patients and caregivers. From my prospective many caregivers have been under more stress, pressure and hell than cancer patients themselves. They should be treated with respect and we all here are very thankful to them. I found my lump on my husband's 48th birthday. He looks 10 years older since we went through diagnosis and treatment together. He used to look younger than his own age, now everyone gives +5 years than he is. John is a very caring husband and I am sure his wife appreciate what he does.

It is my sincere hope that newbies and old members have been benefiting from various discussions. We all should respect each other and provide constructive opinions. Negative energy does not help cancer treatment and everyone should remember this.
Take care

wendybia

New Flower said:

Cindy Ann
I am really upset by your reaction. Compassion and care for others is a sole of this board. I understand that you are nervous and terrified by your own situations, but you are crossing the line. I think you need help. Again it is my personal opinion.
I am glad that you call your doctors, met with them and feel comfortable. My more advice, since you mention your heart conditions. If you go for double mastectomy which is major surgery, you probably will need stress eco for your clearance, which should be scheduled in advance appointment with cardiologist.

I am really care about people both patients and caregivers. From my prospective many caregivers have been under more stress, pressure and hell than cancer patients themselves. They should be treated with respect and we all here are very thankful to them. I found my lump on my husband's 48th birthday. He looks 10 years older since we went through diagnosis and treatment together. He used to look younger than his own age, now everyone gives +5 years than he is. John is a very caring husband and I am sure his wife appreciate what he does.

It is my sincere hope that newbies and old members have been benefiting from various discussions. We all should respect each other and provide constructive opinions. Negative energy does not help cancer treatment and everyone should remember this.
Take care

you said it
Amen

Skeezie

wendybia said:

you said it
Amen

John I am so glad to hear your wife is
completing treatment and things are looking better. And to quote Wendybia..."you said it". Good response.

Hugs, Judy :-)

Megan M

wendybia said:

you said it
Amen

Ditto!
Ditto! Wishing your wife John all the best and you too! Thanks for your great post!

susie09

John_32 said:

Do Not Wait
As the husband of someone whose breast cancer has recently metastasized to her brain, I find Cindy Ann's comments, though understandable, also somewhat alarming. You say that your cancer is "confined to a small area" and the basis for this assertion is apparently a mammogram. My wife also recently had a mammogram-a follow up to DCIS that was treated with lumpectomy and radiation last year-which did not reveal the presence of any cancer. She was very happy after getting this result ... until she began having seizures in the following weeks. The mammogram had failed to reveal that the cancer had already spread outside of her breast to her brain. I know you say that you need time to collect lots of information to inform your decisions about treatment, but, after seeing my wife go through this same process, and seeing her frequently delay important treatment decisions, I really think the only "information" that you really need is information that you already know: that there is cancer in your body and that it can spread throughout your body if you do not begin to fight it aggressively. If you have a heart condition, or other ailments, then naturally you will want to consult with your doctors to find out if these conditions will be exacerbated by your cancer treatments. But at the end of the day, you will still have to go forward with your treatments if you want to increase your likelihood of survival. So if the treatments are inevitable, better to have them while the cancer is in its infancy than after it has already metastasized beyond the breast. And if anything I have written has scared, in some way, I hope that it has, so that you take this as the very serious threat to your life that it is. There is really nothing wrong with fear. It is a great motivator. Someone said that courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the strength to take action in the face of it.

Just wanting to send big
Just wanting to send big hugs and prayers to John and his wife.

♠♣ Susie ♠♣