im so sick and tired of being sick and tired..

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jd1224
jd1224 Member Posts: 15
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
First off, I'm 48 diagnosed in early march with stage 2 idc. I'm scheduled Monday for my last of 4 dose dense cytoxan-adromiacin [I'm sure i spelled these wrong] chemo treatments. Its then on to surgery with a bilateral mastectomy. I'm not taking any chances with this disease and chose mastectomy over lumpectomy. The chemo treatments I'm doing I've been told by my oncologist are the toughest out there. I have always considered myself to be a tough old broad and i find myself in a constant funk of despair. I'm just sick and tired of being sick and tired. My nausea is so intense and starts about 4 hours after my treatment. I'm taking 4 different anti nausea drugs to cope and still have a constant nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomach for days. I cant move for 5 days after my treatment. I'm dreading my final treatment Monday and i should be happy its almost over. I have a big loving family,3 beautiful children and a husband who waits on me hand and foot. I'm lucky. How does everyone cope? I'm so used to being the strong one, and i was in the beginning but I'm wearing down. I want to be me again. My diagnosis is excellent as i am estrogen/progesterone positive and her2 negative which my oncologist claims to be an important factor in my treatment. I'm being a wimp...

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  • MyTurnNow
    MyTurnNow Member Posts: 2,686 Member
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    JD, you are NOT a wimp, you
    JD, you are NOT a wimp, you are in the fight of your life. I did not have the same chemo cocktail you are taking but you are almost through with it. One more treatment and you can put that behind you. I do recall that very soon after finishing chemo I began to feel more like myself.....you will, too. Just pamper yourself right now and get through your treatments. It's not your time to be the strong one. Let the people who love you get you through this time. Sending you strength to get through one more treatment and then wishing for a successful surgery with a recovery that gets you back to more of the "normal" you. Take care and post often. We'll help get you through these treatments. Good luck!!
  • jd1224
    jd1224 Member Posts: 15
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    MyTurnNow said:

    JD, you are NOT a wimp, you
    JD, you are NOT a wimp, you are in the fight of your life. I did not have the same chemo cocktail you are taking but you are almost through with it. One more treatment and you can put that behind you. I do recall that very soon after finishing chemo I began to feel more like myself.....you will, too. Just pamper yourself right now and get through your treatments. It's not your time to be the strong one. Let the people who love you get you through this time. Sending you strength to get through one more treatment and then wishing for a successful surgery with a recovery that gets you back to more of the "normal" you. Take care and post often. We'll help get you through these treatments. Good luck!!

    Thank you
    MyTurnNow

    Thank you so much for your words of support. Its hard to talk to anyone who does not understand or has not gone through what we have gone through. I need that boost from other strong women to tell me to push through. Your right, i am strong and i am tough! I deserve to cry at times. I need to cry at times. I will get through this and it will make me a stronger, better person. Thank you again. God Bless
  • Cat64
    Cat64 Member Posts: 1,192
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    jd
    Amen to your title! We have all been there! I'm there now! I've been in this battle for over 2 years now and I'm wore out! 45-IDC-her2+/Lumpectomy. Everyone has said to take it one day at a time, I have learned that's about all we can do without losing our sanity! I cope by not accepting this, do what I have to do, try to stay focused on the positive throughout this journey, and look forward to the light at the end of the tunnel. Once we are diagnosed, our lives ARE changed. This beast changes our bodies,minds,&souls. The old us is gone. But, we develop a new strength, a new way of life, change our habits... Some good does come out of this. I too miss the old me. It's so frustrating not being able to do the things I use to do, even simple things. I have a hard time allowing myself to rely on others also. It's truly a battle in so many ways.
    You are definetely NOT a wimp! You are a warrior/survivor!
    Hang in there and take care of you
    Prayers & Hugz,
    Cat
  • 2Floridiansisters
    2Floridiansisters Member Posts: 384 Member
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    Cat64 said:

    jd
    Amen to your title! We have all been there! I'm there now! I've been in this battle for over 2 years now and I'm wore out! 45-IDC-her2+/Lumpectomy. Everyone has said to take it one day at a time, I have learned that's about all we can do without losing our sanity! I cope by not accepting this, do what I have to do, try to stay focused on the positive throughout this journey, and look forward to the light at the end of the tunnel. Once we are diagnosed, our lives ARE changed. This beast changes our bodies,minds,&souls. The old us is gone. But, we develop a new strength, a new way of life, change our habits... Some good does come out of this. I too miss the old me. It's so frustrating not being able to do the things I use to do, even simple things. I have a hard time allowing myself to rely on others also. It's truly a battle in so many ways.
    You are definetely NOT a wimp! You are a warrior/survivor!
    Hang in there and take care of you
    Prayers & Hugz,
    Cat

    I don't think you're being a wimp.
    You have gone through a lot, the life you knew has changed forever, I totally "get it" Hang in there you old broad, LOL and by the way this old broad is older then you. Togther we will somehow find the strength, I don't know exactly how just yet but we can do this with everyone's encouragement. We can make it!!!!

    See right now I don't have what you already got, I can't wrap my brain around my boobs being taken off, that literally scares me to death. How do I get there? I have this fear in me that the husband doesn't understand, (he keeps talking reconstruction) I'm still trapped in this fear, it has taken over and so far common sense and do what is best hasn't shown up yet.

    I'm trying and not getting there yet....
  • greyhoundluvr
    greyhoundluvr Member Posts: 402
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    JD
    No way you're being a wimp - this is hard!! And it does wear on you after a while. I am getting ready for my last chemo next week (different cocktail than you) and although I am half doing cartwheels (at least in my head) because I coming up on the last one, it also seems a little more mentally taxing this time (probably my impatience). What has really given me strength is seeing all the courageous ladies on this board who have made it through the same things and come out the other side. As they say, one day at a time and take good care of yourself while you are getting through all of this - and be give yourself a break if you're not always the way you want to be (we all have our moments)...

    Good luck on your last chemo - I hope it is easier for you!

    Chris
  • natly15
    natly15 Member Posts: 1,941
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    Hi JD 12/24. I, like you was
    Hi JD 12/24. I, like you was diagnosed last august with Stage2 IDC estrogen+ her2-. Had 8 1/2 infusions. The first 4 were the same cocktail you are on, cytoxan/adriamycin better known as A/C. The 1/2 was a severe reaction to taxol which had to be stopped. they then switched me to Taxoterre for the final 4. I know about nausea. They finally figured the right combo of meds. It took Kytril and Emend to do the trick for me. Compazine and zofran just didnt work. I like you am a Capricorn. My bday is 1/15, but I'm a bit of an older broad age 67. :) Strong could be my first name but is not. I've given up that strong stuff just to get thru this. I'm in my 5th week of radiation with 1/1/2 more weeks to go. You can and will get thru this I promise you that. It aint easy but is doable. soon I will be ringing that bell sounding out I"m DONE Hallelujah. You will also do that. Keep coming back to these boards, they carried me when I couldnt walk.

    You are not a wimp. You are one heck of a strong warrior. You are dealing with BC, not a cold.

    Hugs to you.
  • Skeezie
    Skeezie Member Posts: 586 Member
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    natly15 said:

    Hi JD 12/24. I, like you was
    Hi JD 12/24. I, like you was diagnosed last august with Stage2 IDC estrogen+ her2-. Had 8 1/2 infusions. The first 4 were the same cocktail you are on, cytoxan/adriamycin better known as A/C. The 1/2 was a severe reaction to taxol which had to be stopped. they then switched me to Taxoterre for the final 4. I know about nausea. They finally figured the right combo of meds. It took Kytril and Emend to do the trick for me. Compazine and zofran just didnt work. I like you am a Capricorn. My bday is 1/15, but I'm a bit of an older broad age 67. :) Strong could be my first name but is not. I've given up that strong stuff just to get thru this. I'm in my 5th week of radiation with 1/1/2 more weeks to go. You can and will get thru this I promise you that. It aint easy but is doable. soon I will be ringing that bell sounding out I"m DONE Hallelujah. You will also do that. Keep coming back to these boards, they carried me when I couldnt walk.

    You are not a wimp. You are one heck of a strong warrior. You are dealing with BC, not a cold.

    Hugs to you.

    Hi JD1224
    Natly said it best, these boards will carry you when you can't walk. Wimp? Absolutely not! again, as Natly said you are fighting BC...I understand being sick. I lost 30 lbs. and they had to stop the chemo at 4 cylces (which my onc said was protocol anyway, we were trying to get 2 additional but I was just too sick). ONLY ONE MORE TO GO...and you can begin to feel better. Please hang in there and don't feel you are a wimp...you are sick and fighting a huge battle and you are handling it like a true pink warrior.

    When is your next (and last) chemo? Let us know so we can "be in the room" with you and hold you hand during the next days till you are feeling better.

    Hugs, Judy :-)
  • sbmly53
    sbmly53 Member Posts: 1,522
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    Never a wimp - but overwhelmed
    It is a bitter pill to swallow, this dx. It robs you of so very much. We need to be strong, we need to give ourselves a break. We need to scream and we need to laugh. We need each other here on this board. I don't think there is anything that one of us has not experienced and is willing to share with her sisters.

    I found, early on, if I was having myself a pity-party, that I should come here for sympathy, empathy, advice and love. It always works.

    Sue
  • PNinMN
    PNinMN Member Posts: 28
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    You are not a wimp!!
    You are a fighter and are fighting this disease every day because you are choosing to live and be around for your family. You are not giving up and not letting this cancer beat you. You are going to have your hard days where you are going to feel like you're in despair and that there's no hope but you CAN and WILL get through this.

    When I have the days where all I feel like I can do is cry, I let it out. I cry until I feel like I get it out of my system and then try to find the funniest thing I can watch to make me laugh and fill my heart up with some warmth.

    Hang in there!!! You can do it!
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
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    sbmly53 said:

    Never a wimp - but overwhelmed
    It is a bitter pill to swallow, this dx. It robs you of so very much. We need to be strong, we need to give ourselves a break. We need to scream and we need to laugh. We need each other here on this board. I don't think there is anything that one of us has not experienced and is willing to share with her sisters.

    I found, early on, if I was having myself a pity-party, that I should come here for sympathy, empathy, advice and love. It always works.

    Sue

    No wimps here. I had a tough
    No wimps here. I had a tough time in chemo, in the past there was nothing I couldnt "push through" this time I had to let people do for me which I hated, I had a bum issue so was in alot of pain and lost alot of weight, sometimes I felt like I couldnt do it one more day, and my husband would say "get in the car" "we want you around" sometimes it was one day at a time sometimes one minute at a time. but I did it and you can too. You will also feel better as you come off chemo. hang in there!!!
  • jd1224
    jd1224 Member Posts: 15
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    PNinMN said:

    You are not a wimp!!
    You are a fighter and are fighting this disease every day because you are choosing to live and be around for your family. You are not giving up and not letting this cancer beat you. You are going to have your hard days where you are going to feel like you're in despair and that there's no hope but you CAN and WILL get through this.

    When I have the days where all I feel like I can do is cry, I let it out. I cry until I feel like I get it out of my system and then try to find the funniest thing I can watch to make me laugh and fill my heart up with some warmth.

    Hang in there!!! You can do it!

    im so sick and tired of being sick and tired..
    Thank you everyone for your words of encouragement. It helps so much to realize I'm not alone on this journey. I will beat this and i will get through this and come out on the other side. I know there is light when everything seems so dark. I am so blessed to have all of you pushing me through and words can be strong medicine.

    Yes, one more A/C chemo treatment this coming Monday. I'm not going to deny my anxiety over it. I even asked my Oncologist if people die from chemo because i felt i was one of those few. He in turn hugged me and gave me a Kleenex and told me i felt the same as most who were doing my chemo cocktail and he was going to get me through this. ( Did i mention that i love my doctor..haha) He has prescribed me Emend,Zofran in pill form(i was taking those orange melting Zofran and they made me sick to my stomach) and Compozine. I also have lorazapam for anxiety and nausea. I need to talk to the nurses on Monday so i don't overdose on all of this! The shot the day after is no walk in the park either. I'm just praying i have an easier time with my last treatment. The problem is not throwing up, its just constant nausea and wanting to throw up but not being able to. I couldn't drink water last time and lived on ice chips for a couple of days. Its been 10 days since my last treatment and I'm still so weak and tired I'm wondering how i will cope with this last one. BUT... I know i will!! It will suck, i will feel like ****, i will cry and i will come back to this board and tell you all that i made it!! God Bless all my Pink Warrior friends!
  • MyTurnNow
    MyTurnNow Member Posts: 2,686 Member
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    jd1224 said:

    im so sick and tired of being sick and tired..
    Thank you everyone for your words of encouragement. It helps so much to realize I'm not alone on this journey. I will beat this and i will get through this and come out on the other side. I know there is light when everything seems so dark. I am so blessed to have all of you pushing me through and words can be strong medicine.

    Yes, one more A/C chemo treatment this coming Monday. I'm not going to deny my anxiety over it. I even asked my Oncologist if people die from chemo because i felt i was one of those few. He in turn hugged me and gave me a Kleenex and told me i felt the same as most who were doing my chemo cocktail and he was going to get me through this. ( Did i mention that i love my doctor..haha) He has prescribed me Emend,Zofran in pill form(i was taking those orange melting Zofran and they made me sick to my stomach) and Compozine. I also have lorazapam for anxiety and nausea. I need to talk to the nurses on Monday so i don't overdose on all of this! The shot the day after is no walk in the park either. I'm just praying i have an easier time with my last treatment. The problem is not throwing up, its just constant nausea and wanting to throw up but not being able to. I couldn't drink water last time and lived on ice chips for a couple of days. Its been 10 days since my last treatment and I'm still so weak and tired I'm wondering how i will cope with this last one. BUT... I know i will!! It will suck, i will feel like ****, i will cry and i will come back to this board and tell you all that i made it!! God Bless all my Pink Warrior friends!

    Janice, I'll be waiting for
    Janice, I'll be waiting for the "I made it" post. Good luck, you can do it!!!