Mom is Terrified - This is a hard trip

Lisa13Q

Hi All,

By the time you read this, my sister, mother and I will probably be driving into NYC to meet with my mother's gyn/onc for the results of her PET scan. She is terrified....She is convinced that the "suspicious spots" are recurrance... She doesn't want to be in a trial...doesn't want any more chemo as it was so awful last time....I have never seen her this way. She is SOOOOOO frightened and discouraged. She did say then she of course would have chemo but ...she is dreading it so much. This is much worse than the initial diagnosis. We wrote down all the questions she wanted to ask. I feel so badly for her. She said she will take an ativan the second she wakes up to help her manage the fear.

Doxil is not nearly as bad as Cisplatin or the platinum based chemos is it? I feel so badly for her....God please help us all get through tomorrow.....just a prayer....and a prayer for all of you to have a nice day!!

Hissy_Fitz

Lisa,
I can so relate to
Lisa,

I can so relate to your mom's feelings. My CT scan post-treatment showed some asymmetry in my breasts. I immediately went in for a mammogram and when they called and asked for prior films to compare the results with, my heart went to my knees. I just knew I had breast cancer.

Once you've had a cancer diagnosis, you can't hear "suspicious" and not be terror stricken. You just can't. Every headache becomes a brain tumor. Every stomach ache is certain to be at least a bowel obstruction, if not a full-blown recurrence. Our common sense goes out the window, and in fly despair, fear, and hopelessness.

I think it's especially bad when we've worked our way up, from worst case scenario to glowing optimism, only to have something "suspicious" suddenly crop up. It just wrecks our whole plan.

Your mom will get a handle on her feelings, just like she did the first time around. It may take a little longer. By now, she knows to dread the side effects of chemo. I think Doxil's most common side effect is the rash/redness on the hands and feet.

I had an absolutely horrid first chemo experience. I seriously thought I was dying and had to leave the building in a wheelchair. Talk about dreading more treatment! But to my great relief, the rest of my infusions were a walk in the park, compared to that one.

I will definitely say a prayer for your mom (and you). Sometimes "suspicious" is nothing at all, and I will pray that that is the case with your mom's results.

Carlene

kayandok

I understand
the panic and fear. It is scary to feel out of control, but good that she is expressing it, and you and your sister are there with her. If she does have to do the doxil, it is a breeze compared to the cisplatin. And, tell her, I just got my PET/CT back, and the liver spot that was there last time is gone after 8 doses of doxil.
Hugs and prayers for you and mom,
kathleen

Tina Brown

Hang in there
I am so sorry that your mum is so frightened. It is a terrible place to be "a daughter witnessing a parent in fear or not in control" (I know this as my mum died 18 months ago from cancer)

Take comfort in the rest of your family as they will be feeling the same as you and together you can be strong for your mum. This will then give your mum confidence and a little peace to know her family is with her all the way.

Lots of love Tina xxx

Keep us up-dated when you have news.

eward

i agree
I agree that it is such a difficult place to be a daughter watching your parent(s) face such horrible fear. I am in the same boat as you, Lisa.
Eileen

nancy591

GOOD LUCK
Doxil was like being on a chemo break.....except for rash on my feet. I moaned about it initally but then I realised it wasn't too bad. I would have happily stayed on Doxil forever! No hairloss, no nausea...just a few rashy areas. Keep feet and hands away from sun and heat. I didn't ice during or after chemo. My hands were fine but my feet and abdomen did get a rash. Let us know what happens!!!

Barbara53

hope the fear is worse than the fact
Hi Lisa,

I'm late checking in, but I hope the fear turns out to be worse than the facts. And maybe your mother will get a gentler treatment plan that really suits her needs. For my Mom, that's turned out to be no more chemo; tamoxifen kept her steady for 7 months. Found out yesterday that her CA125 continues to rise, which is no surprise. No new interventions are being recommended because of quality of life issues. Mom wants as many good days as she can get -- she already has plenty of bad ones.

It is so hard to see your once strong, control-everything mother falling apart, but they do prevail. Hope today turns out to be a good day after all.

msfanciful

Hi Lisa,
Please don't become
Hi Lisa,

Please don't become too discouraged.

I remember my first chemo experience being awful. (Carbo and taxol right after surgery at that).

The fatigue, nausea, feeling of hopeless and even dying were a part of my whole being. I look back now and remember distinctly saying to everyone I knew..." I will NEVER do chemo again, I'd rather just let the cancer take it's course."

But you know what? The human spirit as well as body is amazing. It will take time, but with each hurdle we overcome, we get stronger as will your mother I believe with you being there to support her.

Don't beat yourself up over her feelings of dispair, this is a rite of passage she deserves to grow through, you can't understand it, it may not even make sense or seem absolutely hopeless to you. But things will get better for your mother, but remember it takes time.

I posted a a bit late, but I hope you get this message.

Sharon