Another moment

Lylesmyprince

Thank you all for your love through your words on my last post. Since I wrote that...I did lay off the pain meds and other meds and Lyle has gotten stronger. His mental state is in and out, which I understand is normal. I cling to the moments we have together when he is thinking clearly. Lyle loves his showers. So I have been managing to get him in the shower with me and today was such a blessing. He continues to take care of me. With all he has going on...I asked him what was on his mind. He said he was concerned about our finances. I reassured him by reminding him how he came up with a plan to pay off our debt when he got the cancer diagnosis. We did that and are only left with the basics...house, car, utilities...I assured him that my income can take care of that. He said, "I'm so glad, Honey." and that was the end of being clear minded. God is good! He has given me a peace that can only come from him. Monday and Tuesday I was a wreck...sick to my stomach...wanting to wake up from this terrible dream. But it isn't a dream and it IS happening. I have moments that I just burst into a full out sob...but then I am reminded that I said goodbye to Lyle 3 years ago when he had a blood clot go to his lungs...and Lyle asked to be saved...and God gave us a miracle and another 3 years together! He is an amazing man and a loving father and grandfather. I am nothing but blessed!! Sad...but peaceful...tired...but energized by Lyle's love...not ready to be without my prince...but full of the knowledge that God's timing is perfect. Do I sound like a mess? Sometimes I feel like it! Just being transparent with all of you!!

Susie

lindadanis

Susie-you make me think of so much!!!
I have been on this post for a while and have continued reading your story. I feel so bad for you and your Lyle but you both seem so strong and have so much faith. My husband Eddie, I am sure you have seen some of my posts, has stage 4 with mets since last october. He had two bad pet scans and then the last one came out good, his chemo is working. He just finished seven rounds going into eight next week. I cannot even imagine what it has been like for you with all the ups and downs of this horrible cancer but I certainly admire you. I do not know your husband's entire story, how long he has had this cancer, would love to know more about him, he sounds like an angel, a very very loving husband who deeply cares for you. You are truly blessed Susie to have a husband like him. If you do not mind me asking, what was his first diagnosis and when, did he go through chemo and radiation? How old is he, in him picture you have, he looks fairly young. I have had some of the same feelings are youself, when I was reading your story this morning, I fully understand how you just burst out and cry, I find myself doing this almost daily since last October, it just comes out of the blue, it is such a lonely feeling dealing with this cancer, watching a loved one go through it, I read William Marshall's posts all the time, he is truly a remarkable man with many words of wisdom. Is Lyle in and out of it due to this cancer? I pray for you both to find the courage to go through this every day as well all do., it is not an easy thing. I just wanted to post to you to let you know that there are alot of people out there for both of you. Linda

Lylesmyprince

lindadanis said:

Susie-you make me think of so much!!!
I have been on this post for a while and have continued reading your story. I feel so bad for you and your Lyle but you both seem so strong and have so much faith. My husband Eddie, I am sure you have seen some of my posts, has stage 4 with mets since last october. He had two bad pet scans and then the last one came out good, his chemo is working. He just finished seven rounds going into eight next week. I cannot even imagine what it has been like for you with all the ups and downs of this horrible cancer but I certainly admire you. I do not know your husband's entire story, how long he has had this cancer, would love to know more about him, he sounds like an angel, a very very loving husband who deeply cares for you. You are truly blessed Susie to have a husband like him. If you do not mind me asking, what was his first diagnosis and when, did he go through chemo and radiation? How old is he, in him picture you have, he looks fairly young. I have had some of the same feelings are youself, when I was reading your story this morning, I fully understand how you just burst out and cry, I find myself doing this almost daily since last October, it just comes out of the blue, it is such a lonely feeling dealing with this cancer, watching a loved one go through it, I read William Marshall's posts all the time, he is truly a remarkable man with many words of wisdom. Is Lyle in and out of it due to this cancer? I pray for you both to find the courage to go through this every day as well all do., it is not an easy thing. I just wanted to post to you to let you know that there are alot of people out there for both of you. Linda

Linda
I, too, have read some of your posts and your difficult journey with Ed. Lyle was first diagnosed on January 28, 2010 with stage 3 esophageal cancer. (T3N1M0) The complexity of his case is different than most people on this site. He also has end stage renal failure and has been on dialysis for about 3 years. Due to the kidneys, the standard course of chemo and radiation couldn't be used. They began treating him with a single agent of Taxol and radiation of the area. His health has been up and down since he started treatment. Seems that treatments were more than his body could handle. He was not able to complete treatment. The hospital sent him home to get stronger and then we would revisit treatment for the cancer and the potential surgery. He shows signs of transitioning from this world to heaven...but only God knows. He has much to overcome only to face so much more in treatment and surgery. Lyle is 54 years old.

Susie

unclaw2002

Susie,
Prayers and love
Susie,

Prayers and love coming your way.

Best,
Cindy

Unknown

This comment has been removed by the Moderator

Betty in Vegas

unclaw2002 said:

Susie,
Prayers and love
Susie,

Prayers and love coming your way.

Best,
Cindy

Susie, I know I know
believe me, I know...and my heart is filled with compassion for you. I am keeping you in my prayers!

MAE66

Your post brought back
Your post brought back memories. Paul was also concerned about finances and did what he could to get everything in order, it was his way of taknig care of us while we were taking care of him. He was also in and out, mostly "out" for the last two weeks. I noticed that he would get more alert around 3pm the nurses told me this was usually a "down time" for most patients. I later realized that this was around the time the kids would get out of school, somehow he knew they were comming. It is amazing how a non responsive person can be aware of what is going on.

I also had a sense of peace (with alot of sadness). Nothing else was important, I focused everything on Paul. I remember telling myself, enjoy this calmness because it won't last, I did alot of reading. None of this is easy, but you have the strength to do this. I pray you and Lyle have many more moments together.

Susan

oriontj

Susie...my prayers and
Susie...my prayers and thoughts are with you. I don't know what else to say.

orion

Tina Blondek

Hi Susie and Lyle
Thanks for
Hi Susie and Lyle
Thanks for the update. I have been thinking of both of you alot. Lyle reminds me of my dad. Dad had to get all of the finances together and figured out. He did this in December, he passed away in March. I agree, Lyle does seem to be between two worlds. You have put him at peace with the finances now, that is good. Just keep living one day at a time. Enjoy the time you have left with him. No, you do not sound a mess, you sound like a loving, caring, wife. It gets hard to accept at this point. You want to be selfish and keep him here with you, but on the other hand you want to let him go. We love you and will be thinking and praying for you both.
Tina

K_ann1015

Lylesmyprince said:

Linda
I, too, have read some of your posts and your difficult journey with Ed. Lyle was first diagnosed on January 28, 2010 with stage 3 esophageal cancer. (T3N1M0) The complexity of his case is different than most people on this site. He also has end stage renal failure and has been on dialysis for about 3 years. Due to the kidneys, the standard course of chemo and radiation couldn't be used. They began treating him with a single agent of Taxol and radiation of the area. His health has been up and down since he started treatment. Seems that treatments were more than his body could handle. He was not able to complete treatment. The hospital sent him home to get stronger and then we would revisit treatment for the cancer and the potential surgery. He shows signs of transitioning from this world to heaven...but only God knows. He has much to overcome only to face so much more in treatment and surgery. Lyle is 54 years old.

Susie

prayers are with you & Lyle
Susie
i thought I posted on this---but didn't see it. Just remember that many may be reading your post and praying for you Lyle---and not posting -- you have so many prayers out there---I hope you & Lyle can feel them...
Kim