parenting with cancer

zenmonk

Something I am having a real hard time with that I would ask the board to offer thier perspective. I have a 3 1/2 year old daughter. I wont go into how much I love her and how she has changed my life and how she keeps me alive and all that. The thing that I am having a real hard time with is my energy level. I work full time (when I can) and when I get home I really dont have much left in the gas tank. Grace wants to play but its all I can do to get up the stairs to get cleaned up and change my clothes. All I can do at that point is lay down. Grace will then grab a book and hop into bed and we read together. Thats great but I dont feel that because of my evergy level I am able to give as much as I should. We play outside when we can but I just dont have the energy to match what I want to do in my head. Anyone please chime in at this point.....

PhillieG

Kids
I was DX when my boys were 4 & 10. They are now 10 & 16. I can understand how you feel. I was often in similar shoes. My wife was able to take up much of the slack as far as keeping them busy but at times they wanted Dad. I gave what I could when I could. Things like reading to them or playing checkers were harder than other things because at times they would put me to sleep. Somehow I managed to be at all the soccer and basketball games of my youngest (and helped coach) and I was at my oldest's Black Belt test the day after I got home from my first operation after a 16 day hospital stay. I did go through a phase while on chemo (which protocol I can't recall, possible FOLFOX) and I only slept 4-5 hours a night. Often I seem to have different side effects from what others experience. No low blood counts ever, no weakened immune system, no missed chemo treatments.
They are what keep me going, I'm not sure how I do it, I just do it. It is easier now since I've been dealing with this for a long time.

You say "I dont feel that because of my evergy level I am able to give as much as I should. We play outside when we can but I just dont have the energy to match what I want to do in my head". I offer that you just do what you can and make every minute count. Quality outweighs quantity.
I hope your fatigue passes soon

Unknown

This comment has been removed by the Moderator

KathiM

My kids were older...but....
my younger daughter was developmentally disabled. I decided that I would make her part of my 'team' to beat cancer...and that when I couldn't do as much with her, that maybe as a team member, she could come up with something to do...

It sounds like your daughter is loving you...and spending time reading is great! A child of that age doesn't need to have 24-hour, round-the-clock stimulation...just needs to know you love her.

Do you have a family member that could take her on occasion? For an ice cream, or just a ride out? What does she do when you are working? That could be stimulation enough.

Guilt trips are easy when battling the beast...but you need to think of you FIRST right now. Worry will only drain precious energy, so try not to worry about this. Keep in mind that many kids don't have a loving parent like you...they are placed in front of the TV all day, and never have any one read to them! She is a lucky young lady!

Hugs, Kathi

khl8

KathiM said:

My kids were older...but....
my younger daughter was developmentally disabled. I decided that I would make her part of my 'team' to beat cancer...and that when I couldn't do as much with her, that maybe as a team member, she could come up with something to do...

It sounds like your daughter is loving you...and spending time reading is great! A child of that age doesn't need to have 24-hour, round-the-clock stimulation...just needs to know you love her.

Do you have a family member that could take her on occasion? For an ice cream, or just a ride out? What does she do when you are working? That could be stimulation enough.

Guilt trips are easy when battling the beast...but you need to think of you FIRST right now. Worry will only drain precious energy, so try not to worry about this. Keep in mind that many kids don't have a loving parent like you...they are placed in front of the TV all day, and never have any one read to them! She is a lucky young lady!

Hugs, Kathi

Whether it be cancer or
Whether it be cancer or something else, many of us cannot be as active with our children as we like, the fact that you are spending time with her reading is the most precious, those are the moments she will remmeber the most, the time the 2 of you spend together reading, talking, hugging, these are the important ones. So instaed of worrrying bout what you can't do, enjoy what you can!!!!

zenmonk

thanks everybody
Thank you for the responses. You have once again helped me to put things in perspective. I feel better now.

Kathryn_in_MN

Spending time together
Spending time together is what it is all about. It doesn't matter what you are doing. Having her snuggle in and read a book together is one of the greatest things you can do! Your daughter won't be comparing thinking "gee I wish we were running around outside." She'll just be happy being with you no matter what you are doing.

When they get older they do notice if you don't make it to sporting events, concerts, etc. So in a way it is easier when they are small. I went through some tough pregnancies where I worried about not doing enough with my kids (bedridden). But when they were small they did just fine with some snuggle time and reading. Dealing with cancer with them older, was different. The oldest two re-arranged their lives to help me. The younger two have spent most of their time in denial and while I made it to almost every important event for them, I missed some due to hospitalizations or being in too bad of shape to get there. They did seem a little miffed. But they'll get over it. As parents we do the best we can. And hopefully we raise them to be empathetic enough to understand when anyone (parents included) aren't able to "perform" at the levels they expect due to medical problems.

Keep hugging that little girl and reading to her, and all will be fine!