I'm new to this and am having a severe bout with depression

rose_hadds

zinniemay said:

Be kind to yourself
People who do not have cancer may not always get it. I have twice been told I have cancer fisrt time 10 years ago the doctor wrote me off, My family family doctor who is so kind said"Lets get you to someone who knows" took two long weeks then a week of test and Biopsies to find I had no cancer, I have these weeks burned into my head, then three years ago again was told it was cancer, I went again and they said they did not think so but if it was there was nothing that could be done. So I have decided best for me is what is not always best for others. I will live each day. Now in 2009 my husband got the news he has cancer T-4 n-1 >E.C. he had treatment and they were inpressed with how well he did now May 2010 They said that is spread to both lungs.they said a year without treatment maybe two with. He is just finished his second round of chemo and will have a scan next week. So I have so many thoughts running threw my head. So some people do know what is going on but still words are hard to find to know what to say. I think say anything is better than to say nothing . You are right I believe the emotional part is far harder than anything else. I love my husband and I don't even know what to say to him ? How can that be?

just be there
My husband has struggled with what to say through my illness. He has been there through thick and thin. He tells me he loves me and how beautiful I am. He fully admits he does not understand all the emotional stuff but he supports me. He thinks I am too hard on myself. Just tell your husband daily how much you love him...listen to whatever he has to say...sometimes we just want to be heard and are not looking for an answer or response. You both have fears that surround his illness and be honest about that. Make day he feels okay the best it can be. Lots of hugs and holding. The beast is nasty but love can get us through anything..Not knowing what to say is common and dont beat yourself up over it...you are scared of losing him so be honest and tell him your feelings as he is feeling them too.....good luck and stay strong...

rose_hadds

zinniemay said:

Be kind to yourself
People who do not have cancer may not always get it. I have twice been told I have cancer fisrt time 10 years ago the doctor wrote me off, My family family doctor who is so kind said"Lets get you to someone who knows" took two long weeks then a week of test and Biopsies to find I had no cancer, I have these weeks burned into my head, then three years ago again was told it was cancer, I went again and they said they did not think so but if it was there was nothing that could be done. So I have decided best for me is what is not always best for others. I will live each day. Now in 2009 my husband got the news he has cancer T-4 n-1 >E.C. he had treatment and they were inpressed with how well he did now May 2010 They said that is spread to both lungs.they said a year without treatment maybe two with. He is just finished his second round of chemo and will have a scan next week. So I have so many thoughts running threw my head. So some people do know what is going on but still words are hard to find to know what to say. I think say anything is better than to say nothing . You are right I believe the emotional part is far harder than anything else. I love my husband and I don't even know what to say to him ? How can that be?

just be there
Also remember you need support as well as a caregiver...it is difficult to see you loves ones ill and in pain. Do you have someone you can talk to?

Posted last comments before adding this - live laugh love

zinniemay

rose_hadds said:

just be there
Also remember you need support as well as a caregiver...it is difficult to see you loves ones ill and in pain. Do you have someone you can talk to?

Posted last comments before adding this - live laugh love

Don't know you
Rose_hadds I don't know you but that was the sweetest thing said to me in a long time. I have two adlut children , But can not bare to burden them I know they are scared too. I tryed looking for suport groups but most are 30 miles one way. I don't drive much!
I love your smile. I think your husband knows how blessed he is to have you too.

rose_hadds

zinniemay said:

Don't know you
Rose_hadds I don't know you but that was the sweetest thing said to me in a long time. I have two adlut children , But can not bare to burden them I know they are scared too. I tryed looking for suport groups but most are 30 miles one way. I don't drive much!
I love your smile. I think your husband knows how blessed he is to have you too.

Zimmemay
If you like talk more my email is leahaddon@bell.net. I think we could help each other. Anytime you feel you would like to drop me a private note and we can keep in touch. I too have had trouble finding a support group close but this has worked out well. I have adult children and have been honest about everything, You need to share your feelings with them as they are feeling it too. They are probably hiding it from you so not to upset you. Sit them down and have a good heart to heart, It will do you and them good, My kids still live there lives just a little more cautious...they are scared just like me and my husband. Lets talk soon....I am here any time or as i said email me.

rose_hadds

rose_hadds said:

Zimmemay
If you like talk more my email is leahaddon@bell.net. I think we could help each other. Anytime you feel you would like to drop me a private note and we can keep in touch. I too have had trouble finding a support group close but this has worked out well. I have adult children and have been honest about everything, You need to share your feelings with them as they are feeling it too. They are probably hiding it from you so not to upset you. Sit them down and have a good heart to heart, It will do you and them good, My kids still live there lives just a little more cautious...they are scared just like me and my husband. Lets talk soon....I am here any time or as i said email me.

Zinnemay
Sorry spelled your name wrong...lol

medi_2

terato said:

If cancer is a "gift", then a letter bomb must be a "love note"
Many thanks to both you and congoody for being honest about the reality of cancer in our lives. A psychologist once wrote that people who go about their daily lives as if a traumatic experience did no emotional damage as the "functionally insane". I tend to agree with that hypothesis.

Rick

i want to paint all of you.
i want to paint all of you. really.
medi

gptm

i am so so sorry
I understand where you are coming from, I dont feel a spouse deserting feels the same as them passing away. with desertion they are still alive doing things with another person perhaps, and they left you, and w cancer left you in your time of need a dark hour.

I understand,

Teresa