Sex

hoop77
hoop77 Member Posts: 84
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I am 2 1/2 weeks past a bilateral mastectomy and haven't seen this topic discussed, perhaps I've missed it. Anyway, I have an extremely supportive husband who is doing everything he can for me and my family both physically and emotionally. Intimacy has always been a huge part of our life and I know he is missing it right now and could really use the pleasure and release that sex brings. However, I am in so much pain still the thought of how to accomplish this boggles my mind. Any one out there with any ideas???

Comments

  • Eil4186
    Eil4186 Member Posts: 949
    #2
    You have barely started
    You have barely started healing from a huge surgery. I can't believe you are even worrying about sex. Your hubby I assume cares only for you and your health and comfort and wouldn't even think about asking for sex right now.
  • RE
    RE Member Posts: 4,591 Member
    #3
    I agree with Eil, right now
    I agree with Eil, right now is not the time you are still healing both physically and mentally. Sex after cancer and lumpectomies and mastectomies is a topic that comes up periodically as it is a sensitive time. I am sure your husband is greatly concerned for your well being, his right now is quite secondary to what is on your plate. It is nice that you are worried about his needs but you really need to be kind to yourself, you would not want to cause yourself any unnecessary pain or injury. Hugs to you!

    RE
  • greyhoundluvr
    greyhoundluvr Member Posts: 402
    #4
    Hoop
    I have to agree with the others. Everyone is in a different place at this point after surgery but I have to wonder if this is a way for your husband to show you that he still finds you desireable and the surgery and cancer hasn't changed that. At the same time, I thnk it takes time for US to adjust to our new bodies and become comfortable with the new us (both physically and psychologically). I would expect that your husband wants what is best for you and you will know when you are ready to be a full and confortable participant in resuming this part of your life. In the meantime, being together, the emotional support and just holding each other and build for whe you are ready! Best wishes!

    Chris
  • hoop77
    hoop77 Member Posts: 84
    #5
    greyhoundluvr said:

    Hoop
    I have to agree with the others. Everyone is in a different place at this point after surgery but I have to wonder if this is a way for your husband to show you that he still finds you desireable and the surgery and cancer hasn't changed that. At the same time, I thnk it takes time for US to adjust to our new bodies and become comfortable with the new us (both physically and psychologically). I would expect that your husband wants what is best for you and you will know when you are ready to be a full and confortable participant in resuming this part of your life. In the meantime, being together, the emotional support and just holding each other and build for whe you are ready! Best wishes!

    Chris

    Thank you all for your kind
    Thank you all for your kind words. i know you are all right. I guess i just thought I would be feeling so much better by now, expecting too much too soon. It seems that some people are able to go back to work in as little as 2 weeks and I just can't imagine that now and I'm approaching 3 weeks. I can't even stand for anything to touch my skin right now due to nerve regeneration (that's what i am told). I'd jut like to be able to wear clothes without pain! Anyway, thanks to all for your support and encouraging words and best of luck to yo all!

    Laura
  • Mama G
    Mama G Member Posts: 762
    #6
    hoop77 said:

    Thank you all for your kind
    Thank you all for your kind words. i know you are all right. I guess i just thought I would be feeling so much better by now, expecting too much too soon. It seems that some people are able to go back to work in as little as 2 weeks and I just can't imagine that now and I'm approaching 3 weeks. I can't even stand for anything to touch my skin right now due to nerve regeneration (that's what i am told). I'd jut like to be able to wear clothes without pain! Anyway, thanks to all for your support and encouraging words and best of luck to yo all!

    Laura

    I am so uninterested....
    in sex. I feel sorry for my husband, but not sorry enough to do "it". It's so draining and makes me feel so inadequate. I was sorta already feeling that way before this happened, but not I'm really not interested. At 60 I don't think I'm alone.
  • 24242
    24242 Member Posts: 1,398
    #7
    Wow
    2 and a half weeks I would like to meet them. My God this is such traumatic surgery for your body. Sorry I was told not to drive for one month and that was with one done at a time. Sex can too be a selfish thing and wow can't believe some thinking about it after such a short period of time.
    Call me sensative, which I am to everything that has been done but I am impressed lolol though this brain can't imagine it. I am exhausted just thinking about it LOLOLOLOL.
    Tara
  • GregStahl
    GregStahl Member Posts: 188
    #8
    As a husband
    I agree with everyone else. I love Ruby and being 1 with her is the greatest experience we share, but while she is recovering from surgery, radiation, chemo, etc.....sex is the last thing on my mind. There are other ways to be intimate and close....huggling (hugging and cuddling) comes to mind. :-))
  • SamuraiMom
    SamuraiMom Member Posts: 295
    #9
    Mastectomy Not Ma-sex-tomy
    Hi Love,

    I missed sex too. Of course you're thinking about it. Your boobs are involved! ;) I started again once I knew that every little graze over the area wouldn't bother me. My husband and I talked and I told him I'd let him know when I was ready. I never felt the pressure to rush back into it. But man I wanted to feel normal again and discover that I really hadn't changed.- I had a double with expanders and removed the nips. To be totally honest, I never took/take my camosole off during sex because I just don't want to take my mind there (no nipples yet). I hate the way they look but found once we got over that first hurdle of the first time after surgery all was well. My husband was worried about hurting me. I assured him I wasn't even remotely interested in sex if it resulted in a negative situation pain-wise. I stuck to that promise. He still avoids the area during sex which is fine. I'm having nipple reconstruction in two weeks so no use revving things up there anyway yet. My mastectomy was on 9-9-09 and it took me about four months to be pain-less enough to get back in the saddle. Do what feels right for you. But don't let breast cancer rob you of a sex life you enjoy if you can help it. If breast cancer HAS sucked the life out of you temporarily, hang up your heels for a while, eat more ice cream and take it easy. Priority List right now: 1. You 2. Everything else
    XXOO
  • TawnyS
    TawnyS Member Posts: 144 Member
    #10
    Sex...what's that?
    Oh, yes....now I remember.....good times....good times. Luckily I have the best husband in the world. He is so understanding and loving and caring and gave me as much time as I needed to heal and get through chemo and everything else. I was diagnosed August 13, 2009 at age 36. Sex ended that day and survival started. The first time we had sex since diagnosis was April 24, 2010. Yep, 8 months! He's a keeper! Itimacy comes in many forms. Thank goodness my husband knows that as well. Sounds like you have a great guy, too. You will know when the time is right for you to be healthy enough to get back to your "activities". I just wanted you to know that, yes, sometimes it does take awhile to get back to business....and that's okay. Big hugs your way! :)
  • hoop77
    hoop77 Member Posts: 84
    #11
    SamuraiMom said:

    Mastectomy Not Ma-sex-tomy
    Hi Love,

    I missed sex too. Of course you're thinking about it. Your boobs are involved! ;) I started again once I knew that every little graze over the area wouldn't bother me. My husband and I talked and I told him I'd let him know when I was ready. I never felt the pressure to rush back into it. But man I wanted to feel normal again and discover that I really hadn't changed.- I had a double with expanders and removed the nips. To be totally honest, I never took/take my camosole off during sex because I just don't want to take my mind there (no nipples yet). I hate the way they look but found once we got over that first hurdle of the first time after surgery all was well. My husband was worried about hurting me. I assured him I wasn't even remotely interested in sex if it resulted in a negative situation pain-wise. I stuck to that promise. He still avoids the area during sex which is fine. I'm having nipple reconstruction in two weeks so no use revving things up there anyway yet. My mastectomy was on 9-9-09 and it took me about four months to be pain-less enough to get back in the saddle. Do what feels right for you. But don't let breast cancer rob you of a sex life you enjoy if you can help it. If breast cancer HAS sucked the life out of you temporarily, hang up your heels for a while, eat more ice cream and take it easy. Priority List right now: 1. You 2. Everything else
    XXOO

    Thanks for your reply. I had
    Thanks for your reply. I had the exact same procedure as you. I have only had one fill though because evidently my body is stupid and is trying to regenerate the nerves in my chest which is excruciating. My meds have been changed and I'm telling myself that they are working, not really sure but I''m hoping a positive attitude will lead to positive results. Not many people with this problem, everyone else is just numb which I would willingly accept. I guess I am thinking way ahead and I appreciate your comments that sex will return when the time is right for both of us. I am blessed with a wonderful husband. How painful was your expansion process? I have a long way to go...

    Good luck with your upcoming surgery!
    Hugs,
    Laura
  • hoop77
    hoop77 Member Posts: 84
    #12
    TawnyS said:

    Sex...what's that?
    Oh, yes....now I remember.....good times....good times. Luckily I have the best husband in the world. He is so understanding and loving and caring and gave me as much time as I needed to heal and get through chemo and everything else. I was diagnosed August 13, 2009 at age 36. Sex ended that day and survival started. The first time we had sex since diagnosis was April 24, 2010. Yep, 8 months! He's a keeper! Itimacy comes in many forms. Thank goodness my husband knows that as well. Sounds like you have a great guy, too. You will know when the time is right for you to be healthy enough to get back to your "activities". I just wanted you to know that, yes, sometimes it does take awhile to get back to business....and that's okay. Big hugs your way! :)

    Hello Tawny!
    You made me
    Hello Tawny!

    You made me laugh, thank you! As I told someone else, I guess I'm just expecting too much too soon. Your comments are appreciated and so comforting. Your picture is so adorable and you just look like the sweetest person in the world!!!

    Thx,
    Laura
  • MerleBee
    MerleBee Member Posts: 49
    #13
    Don't Compare
    I had a bilateral on March 24th...it is valuable to hear about other's experiences but i had to learn to stop comparing myself to those that seemed to be doing "better" than I was, recovering more quickly than I was, etc....everyone is different. I too can not imagine ANYONE being back to work in two weeks...unless of course the job could be done from the recliner in my family room, between naps and muscle relaxers (if anyone knows of a position like this let me know...

    I have had both numbness and nerve regen...both unpleasant, but it does get better and exponentially so...

    Sex? Well, between the surgery and the chemo it hasn''t happened. Although I can't say I have the desire, I do so miss the intimacy...

    Give yourself time to heal, physically and emotionally...

    Merle
  • hoop77
    hoop77 Member Posts: 84
    #14
    MerleBee said:

    Don't Compare
    I had a bilateral on March 24th...it is valuable to hear about other's experiences but i had to learn to stop comparing myself to those that seemed to be doing "better" than I was, recovering more quickly than I was, etc....everyone is different. I too can not imagine ANYONE being back to work in two weeks...unless of course the job could be done from the recliner in my family room, between naps and muscle relaxers (if anyone knows of a position like this let me know...

    I have had both numbness and nerve regen...both unpleasant, but it does get better and exponentially so...

    Sex? Well, between the surgery and the chemo it hasn''t happened. Although I can't say I have the desire, I do so miss the intimacy...

    Give yourself time to heal, physically and emotionally...

    Merle

    MerleBee,
    Thanks so much for
    MerleBee,

    Thanks so much for the encouraging news on nerve regrowth! I am going out of my mind with this!!! It feels as though my skin has been rubbed off with a brillo pad. Got some Neurontin (?) yesteray and doc says that should give relief in a couple of days, I sure hope so!

    Good luck with your continued recovery!
    Laura
  • e_hope
    e_hope Member Posts: 370
    #15
    wow
    wow.. the thought of sex at 2 weeks post op... kinda boogles my mind... I could still barely move had bilateral drains in and was sore. I couldn't drive for over 3 weeks.

    Sex, is not something you should really be worrying about at this point. Allow your body some time to heal, you just had major surgery!!!!

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