Motivational ideas???

mikesmom01

I'm searching for ideas to help motivate Mike to do some of the recommended ideas here so he can feel better. I feel that he's isolating more, depressed more, feeling pretty hopeless in this whole thing. He seems to just be resigned to the fact this is going to get the best of him sooner than later. I try to encourage him to read on here and show him ideas I've learned that can possible make him feel better and have some energy to do a few things he enjoys. I want to help in any way that I can without him feeling that I'm trying to "run his life". He needs to feel that he has some control in his life, make some decisions himself without me or anyone else always being there telling him all the time. I am at a loss and it has been suggested to me to post my feelings and fears here, that you guys are always here with love, prayers and hope. I appreciate all of you and continue to pray for you and YOUR loved ones as well.

Martha

Unknown

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paul61

Cancer and Depression
Martha,

Some amount of anxiety and depression are normal after receiving a diagnosis of cancer. Particularly cancer in an advanced stage.

I know when I received my diagnosis I went through a period of time when even doing things that I normally enjoyed just reminded me that I had cancer and that I could not enjoy them as much as I used to. There were foods I liked I could not eat because they caused problems because of my surgery. There were activities I could no longer do because I did not have the stamina or flexibility I did before surgery. And there was the constant cloud over my head that my cancer will very likely return.

I went through a period of two or three weeks after surgery were I just existed from day to day with constant thoughts about how negatively cancer had impacted my life and worse yet the life of my wife who was not stuck taking care of me.

Then I started to look around me and and participate in groups like this and discovered that there were lots of brave people who were living with cancer on a day to day basis. There were people who I could communicate with on a regular basis that knew exactly how I felt because they were going through the same thing. That made me think if they could maybe I could too.

I decided I could either die from cancer of live with cancer, and how I did that was up to me.

I came to the conclusion that we all have a terminal condition, it is called living, I just happen to know a bit more about the condition and circumstances of the potential cause of my departure from this experience we call life.

I think it is normal for Mike to be angry, sad, and not want to participate for a time. The challenge you have is how to help Mike move from that state to a place were he decides to live with cancer and fight his way back. I think the best approach is to be supportive without pushing too hard.

1. Be there to listen to Mike without being judgmental
2. Continue to remind him that other people with his same diagnosis are receiving treatment and living productive lives.
3. Encourage Mike to participate in groups like this were he can communicate with other survivors

I have included a web site address for a section of the ACS web site that talks about Cancer and depression and what patients and caregivers can do the deal with it.

http://www.cancer.org/docroot/MBC/content/MBC_2_3X_Depression.asp?sitearea=MBC

They suggest:

What caregivers can do

- Gently invite the patient to talk about his fears and concerns.
- Do not force the patient to talk before he is ready.
- Listen carefully without judging the patient’s feelings or your own. It is OK to point out and disagree with negative or self-defeating thoughts.
- Decide together what you can do to support each other.
- Avoid telling the person to "cheer up" if he is depressed.
- Do not try to reason with the person if fear, anxiety, or depression is severe. Talk with the doctor about medicines and other kinds of help.
- If necessary, help make the appointment for evaluation or treatment and take the patient to the doctor.
- Engage the person in activities he enjoys.
- Reassure the depressed person that with time and treatment, he will begin to feel better.


I would be happy to send my contact information along and talk to Mike personally although I would think it would be more helpful for Mike to talk to someone who is at the same stage as he is diagnosed who is getting treatment and living with cancer. I know there are other stage IV survivors on the forum who have volunteered to do that.

And as always Martha, we will be praying for Mike and hope he feels better soon and gets the treatment he needs to move on and recover.

Best Regards,

Paul Adams
AKA: "paul61"
McCormick, South Carolina

Unknown

paul61 said:

Cancer and Depression
Martha,

Some amount of anxiety and depression are normal after receiving a diagnosis of cancer. Particularly cancer in an advanced stage.

I know when I received my diagnosis I went through a period of time when even doing things that I normally enjoyed just reminded me that I had cancer and that I could not enjoy them as much as I used to. There were foods I liked I could not eat because they caused problems because of my surgery. There were activities I could no longer do because I did not have the stamina or flexibility I did before surgery. And there was the constant cloud over my head that my cancer will very likely return.

I went through a period of two or three weeks after surgery were I just existed from day to day with constant thoughts about how negatively cancer had impacted my life and worse yet the life of my wife who was not stuck taking care of me.

Then I started to look around me and and participate in groups like this and discovered that there were lots of brave people who were living with cancer on a day to day basis. There were people who I could communicate with on a regular basis that knew exactly how I felt because they were going through the same thing. That made me think if they could maybe I could too.

I decided I could either die from cancer of live with cancer, and how I did that was up to me.

I came to the conclusion that we all have a terminal condition, it is called living, I just happen to know a bit more about the condition and circumstances of the potential cause of my departure from this experience we call life.

I think it is normal for Mike to be angry, sad, and not want to participate for a time. The challenge you have is how to help Mike move from that state to a place were he decides to live with cancer and fight his way back. I think the best approach is to be supportive without pushing too hard.

1. Be there to listen to Mike without being judgmental
2. Continue to remind him that other people with his same diagnosis are receiving treatment and living productive lives.
3. Encourage Mike to participate in groups like this were he can communicate with other survivors

I have included a web site address for a section of the ACS web site that talks about Cancer and depression and what patients and caregivers can do the deal with it.

http://www.cancer.org/docroot/MBC/content/MBC_2_3X_Depression.asp?sitearea=MBC

They suggest:

What caregivers can do

- Gently invite the patient to talk about his fears and concerns.
- Do not force the patient to talk before he is ready.
- Listen carefully without judging the patient’s feelings or your own. It is OK to point out and disagree with negative or self-defeating thoughts.
- Decide together what you can do to support each other.
- Avoid telling the person to "cheer up" if he is depressed.
- Do not try to reason with the person if fear, anxiety, or depression is severe. Talk with the doctor about medicines and other kinds of help.
- If necessary, help make the appointment for evaluation or treatment and take the patient to the doctor.
- Engage the person in activities he enjoys.
- Reassure the depressed person that with time and treatment, he will begin to feel better.


I would be happy to send my contact information along and talk to Mike personally although I would think it would be more helpful for Mike to talk to someone who is at the same stage as he is diagnosed who is getting treatment and living with cancer. I know there are other stage IV survivors on the forum who have volunteered to do that.

And as always Martha, we will be praying for Mike and hope he feels better soon and gets the treatment he needs to move on and recover.

Best Regards,

Paul Adams
AKA: "paul61"
McCormick, South Carolina

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K_ann1015

unknown said:

This comment has been removed by the Moderator

Ditto--on Sherri's post--thanks Paul
Martha,

these guys inspire me---but I am not the one WITH cancer. Your son needs to see & feel hope. It is hard with the "stats" and some Dr's only see those stats and not the actual patient in front of them. If your son is treated like a statistic, I would suggest a second opinion. It has been proven through rigorous medical research that even a placebo effect is real---I believe that a human placebo ( I made that term up---sorry) --someone that BELIEVES that you can fight the disease also make a difference. But also---somehow---just being able to enjoy small daily events can lift his spirits. It will be so challenging for you---since no one can force this attitude---but prayer will help---keep sharing with you---most have been in similiar situations. Everyone reacts differently.
Be patient---csn is here and understands....
Kim
(dad with EC stage 3, uncle(dad's brother) just passed with EC)

dwhite0002

Martha,
Please call or have
Martha,

Please call or have your son call me. I am not that much older than him, and certainly wasn't when I was diagnosed at age 32.

I'd love to share. My number is (937) 288-0002.

-David

Tina Blondek

Hi Martha and Mike
I, too,
Hi Martha and Mike
I, too, would like to thank Paul for his post. Paul, you are a great person, with a lot of helpful information. You do insprire all of us here! Martha, God bless you for being the wonderful, caring mom that you are. You are doing the best that you can. Have you suggested to Mike to write in a journal? This way he can write down his feelings and concerns without having to say them. We did this with myself, my mom and dad. It was a wonderful way for all of us to communicate. It is understandable that Mike is in the state of mind that he is. But...he can not stay thinking in this way for too long. A strong, positive mind is very important to have to beat this cancer. There are people at the hospital or cancer center that will come in and talk to Mike. They are experienced and are very knowledgeable in this type of cancer. Mike has got to come to the conclusion that he has to help himself. If he can not do this alone...he has to reach out to others who can help. I will be praying for all of you.
Keep in touch. Peace.
Tina