caregiver

rahines

My husband was diagnosed in December, 2009 with stage three lung cancer which metasisized to the brain and is now stage 4 in both lungs. He has never been in a hospital, was in great health and is not a good patient at all. He has received chemo and radiation and was put on steroids which caused diabetes and a lot of other side effects. The brain lesion is gone but cancer has spread to the other lung. They want to try one more drug an oral chemo to see if it will stop this progression. The family and myself are devastated. My mother in law who lived with us also has terminal cancer of the lung and breast and is in the same nursing home as my husband. I am so overwhelmed emotionally that two of my nearest and dearest are going to die from this disease. I can't sleep. have lost twenty pounds and I am so depressed.

Tina Blondek

You are Not Alone
Hi Rahines and welcome to this sight. I have recently lost my dad to ec with mets to the liver on March 9th. I can only imagine how devastating it would be to not only have a husband with multiple cancers, but a mom as well. That is very heart wrenching and hard for you to deal with. With your mom being terminal, the waiting for her passing has got to be the hardest part. As far as your husband is concerned that is a tough decision to make. I would not want to be in your shoes. Wow. That is way too much to have to decide. But....you must go on, you have to be the strong one. Find out as much as you can for the next treatment plan for your husband. My dad did very well with the oral chemo Xeloda. Remember...these chemo treatments are just prolonging his life, not curing the cancer. Look at his quality of life, does he still have one? My dad did not. That is why it made it easier for us to give him our blessing and let him go. He was at home, and died peacefully in the arms of my mom. There does come a time in this journey when enough is enough. You have to ask your husband how does he feel about all of this? What does he really want to do? Then you have to respect his decision, and give him the peace he needs to have. Hope this helps you know that we are here for you, and you will never be alone. Keep us posted. Prayers will be being said.
Tina

auntshell

I'm there too
Rahines

I'm sorry to hear about your husband and mother in law.
My Mom has metastatic breast cancer that has spread to her lungs and bones, she is in treatment and for the time being she seems to be responding (this is our 4th round with cancer for her). My boyfriend of 11 years was just diagnosed with stomach cancer about 3 weeks ago (it's a hereditary form and his grandfather died from this 2 years ago) I'm not sleeping either and have days where I'm overwhelmed at the thought of losing the two of them.

grandmafay

sorry
I am so sorry that you and your family have so much on your plate right now. I lost my husband to colon cancer in Oct, 2009. My mother who has dementia had lived with us but is now living with my sister. My mother-in-law passed away while my husband was in treatment. So I have some idea of what you are going through. Instead of losing weight, I gained it. I don't have any words of wisdom. I am not in your shoes. My husband had every treatment the doctors offered. He wanted to buy as much time as possible. That was his choice, and we were blessed with 6 years. Some of the time was very tough, but other times we were able to make some wonderful memories. Now, for those not so wise words. You really do need to take care of yourself. I know that is not easy, but you might want to talk to your doctor about the possibility of medication to help you through this. If you are a part of a faith community, ask for help. Check with your local American Cancer Society about any possible services they have. A cancer support group in our area was invaluable to both my husband and I. Come to this board often to vent and ask for support. We are here and we have some understanding of what you are going through. Give your loved ones lots of hugs and say I love you often. Know, too, that you are loved. My husband greatest fear was not death. It was leaving me. I told him often that I was a strong, independent woman and could take care of myself if I had to. I am still learning to do that, but I know I can. Take care, Fay

SullivanE2

For anyone diagnosed with Stage 4 liver metastasis, prognosis two years, be heartened. You improve quality of life by regular exercise. Ask your oncologist to comment:

Prognosis is not a drop dead date. Prognosis is a median point on a bell curve. It can be time to prepare for the end of life with introspection and gratitude for the life you have led, perhaps helping others.

Compartmentalize emotions, allowing limited time each week to cry your heart out, feel anger. Then do something practical. Get your personal financial and legal affairs in order: 1) Advanced Medical Directive 2) Power of Attorney, 3) Will, 4) designate a family member as “payment on death” (POD) on your banking accounts. POD will ensure your family has money immediately, while probate may require time. Pre-pay funeral arrangements, which are less expensive than when actually needed. These actions will make you and your family more secure.