feeling really selfish...

nicole86
nicole86 Member Posts: 4
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
Two years ago, my mother was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, and with a single operation, she was cured of it. No radiation or chemotherapy needed. It was a miracle. This past June she was diagnosed with breast cancer with lymph node involvement. This required many surgeries, chemotherapy, radiation, and now arimadex. My mother has had an extremely hard life up till now, and this seems to be like climbing Mt. Everest, and the farther we get up the hill the harder life gets. Now it seems as though she's given up. Her doctor would like her to go to mental counseling to help her deal with the stress of this situation, but she refuses to go. She also seems to be withdrawing from the people around her. I have come to terms with the fact that it is her choice whether she lives or dies, but what I don't understand is why she would continue to live (by taking the arimidex) if she is not going to enjoy or try to enjoy the life she has. I am practically her only child, and she almost never speaks to me. When she does, her remarks are so hurtful that I don't know what to do or say to her. How do I tell her that I know she's in pain, but that her pain doesn't give her the right to hurt me? I feel so selfish saying that. Is it okay to feel this way? Anyone else in the same boat?

Comments

  • GregStahl
    GregStahl Member Posts: 188
    #2
    Yes...its OK
    It is OK. Even though your mom is sick, cancer does not give her the right to verbally (or otherwise) hurt you.

    You are there to help, and I am sure she knows this....but I imagine she is lashing out due to the stress, feeling bad, and fear....you just happen to be there.

    If you need to, walk away for a little while, talk to her, and when she is making comments, let her know right then.
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #3
    Depression
    It sounds like your mom is really depressed. Has the dr suggested meds for that? Of course, you are not selfish saying you don't like to be hurt by your mom. My guess if that she is just mad at the world right now. You are an easy target for that anger. Let her know how you feel. Then when she says hurtful things, walk away. You can't change her, you can only change how you respond to her. Just let her know that you love her but you won't allow her to continue to hurt you. Words really can hurt. Come here when you need to vent. Tell the dr that you are open to counseling even if your mom isn't. Hang in there. Fay

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