Preparing for the end

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ssfbeagle
ssfbeagle Member Posts: 50
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
My Mom's fight with uterine cancer is coming to an end. I had to make the decision to have her DNR yesterday. She was started on a Morphine drip this afternoon. She is in pain from the mouth sores and the fungal infection. We are just trying to keep her as comfortable as possible. This is such a sad and depressing time.

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  • AKAngel
    AKAngel Member Posts: 74 Member
    #2
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    Am sorry
    I am sorry to hear that her time is so close. I know that you probably won't be wanting to come talk with us all because you are going to be spending most of your time with her, but we will all be here for you. Is she still at home or in the hospice? I'm sorry but I can't remember if you are taking time off from work or not, but hopefully you can be with her until she leaves this journey for the next one. Prayers to you for strength during this.
    (((hugs)))
  • Barbara53
    Barbara53 Member Posts: 652
    #3
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    losses
    Sad, depressing, scary, these days are the hardest of all to take. I'm so glad you have some help, though it doesn't do much to make the end easier for either of you. It will be over soon, and that will be good.

    My mother has been fighting for over a year and is just hitting the losers circle, feeling terrible and having no fun. As the losses mount, I hope I bear up as well as you have.
  • Tina Blondek
    Tina Blondek Member Posts: 1,500 Member
    #4
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    Thinking of you and mom beagle
    Hi Beagle,
    I was just in your shoes in March. Yes it is very hard to deal with. The best way I had to learn to deal with it was to think of my dad's quality of life. He did not have one anymore. He was beyond tired, he was constantly in pain, he was bedridden. This is no way to live. Think of giving the blessing of letting your mom go. Give her that peace. Know that when she goes, she will be going to a much better place. No more pain, no more suffering, no more medications, NO More Cancer!!!!! May God be with you at this difficult time. Keep in touch.
    Tina
  • GregStahl
    GregStahl Member Posts: 188
    #5
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    My thoughts and prayers
    My thoughts and prayers are with your mom, you and your family.
    Good luck and we are here if you need us.
    Greg
  • mdnikki
    mdnikki Member Posts: 34
    #6
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    I so understand how you
    I so understand how you feel...I feel so helpless. I just don't understand when people say "just be there for them". I sat by my moms bed all day yesterday while she drifted in and out and I just didn't know what to say to her. I need to stay off the internet I just googled the end of life stages and we have about 95% of those going on now. Her next couple of days they say are critical..her wbc is dangerously low and is not going back up...

    I am so sorry you are going through this...and I truly understand for what it is worth.
  • Tina Blondek
    Tina Blondek Member Posts: 1,500 Member
    #7
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    mdnikki said:

    I so understand how you
    I so understand how you feel...I feel so helpless. I just don't understand when people say "just be there for them". I sat by my moms bed all day yesterday while she drifted in and out and I just didn't know what to say to her. I need to stay off the internet I just googled the end of life stages and we have about 95% of those going on now. Her next couple of days they say are critical..her wbc is dangerously low and is not going back up...

    I am so sorry you are going through this...and I truly understand for what it is worth.

    Hi Mdnikki,
    Sorry that you
    Hi Mdnikki,
    Sorry that you are also going through this with your mom at this time. I would suggest that you tell her how much you love her, how strong she has been, what a good fighter she has been, that you support her in any decision she makes. They need to know this so they can be at peace. Thinking of you at this time.
    I was just where you are now in March with my dad. It is very hard, but believe me when I tell you it does get easier.
    Tina
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #8
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    Sorry
    I am so sorry you and your mom are at this stage. It is a very difficult time and hard to let our loved one go. I will keep you in my prayers as so many here are. Take care of yourself. My only suggestion is that you just hang on to your mom and family. Tell her you love her and talk about some of the good times you remember. There are no words that will help, but we are here. Fay
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #9
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    mdnikki said:

    I so understand how you
    I so understand how you feel...I feel so helpless. I just don't understand when people say "just be there for them". I sat by my moms bed all day yesterday while she drifted in and out and I just didn't know what to say to her. I need to stay off the internet I just googled the end of life stages and we have about 95% of those going on now. Her next couple of days they say are critical..her wbc is dangerously low and is not going back up...

    I am so sorry you are going through this...and I truly understand for what it is worth.

    Sorry, mdnikki
    Don't worry about what you say. This is a hard time. I'm sure your mom knows on some level that you are there. It is so hard to let our loved ones go. Tell her you love her. Hold her hand. Just be you. Fay
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    #10
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    Tina Blondek said:

    Thinking of you and mom beagle
    Hi Beagle,
    I was just in your shoes in March. Yes it is very hard to deal with. The best way I had to learn to deal with it was to think of my dad's quality of life. He did not have one anymore. He was beyond tired, he was constantly in pain, he was bedridden. This is no way to live. Think of giving the blessing of letting your mom go. Give her that peace. Know that when she goes, she will be going to a much better place. No more pain, no more suffering, no more medications, NO More Cancer!!!!! May God be with you at this difficult time. Keep in touch.
    Tina

    This comment has been removed by the Moderator
  • ruthelizabeth
    ruthelizabeth Member Posts: 138
    #11
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    grandmafay said:

    Sorry
    I am so sorry you and your mom are at this stage. It is a very difficult time and hard to let our loved one go. I will keep you in my prayers as so many here are. Take care of yourself. My only suggestion is that you just hang on to your mom and family. Tell her you love her and talk about some of the good times you remember. There are no words that will help, but we are here. Fay

    And tell her....
    I told Don I'd be okay without him, that I'd be his forever wife and that we'd always be together. You could tell her it's okay to let go if she wants to. Tell her you love her.

    As for people who dump it all on your shoulders and refuse to believe that there won't be physical healing -- and I also had two who said they expected their father to die, he was old (69) and (same two) just expected me to do everything because it was MY job and they didn't have to help -- well, do the best you can to ignore them. It won't be easy and you'll hurt a lot from the comments and the attitudes, but if you do your best for the one you love, that will be a lasting comfort for you.

    God bless you!

    Ruth Elizabeth
  • Tina Blondek
    Tina Blondek Member Posts: 1,500 Member
    #12
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    ruthelizabeth said:

    And tell her....
    I told Don I'd be okay without him, that I'd be his forever wife and that we'd always be together. You could tell her it's okay to let go if she wants to. Tell her you love her.

    As for people who dump it all on your shoulders and refuse to believe that there won't be physical healing -- and I also had two who said they expected their father to die, he was old (69) and (same two) just expected me to do everything because it was MY job and they didn't have to help -- well, do the best you can to ignore them. It won't be easy and you'll hurt a lot from the comments and the attitudes, but if you do your best for the one you love, that will be a lasting comfort for you.

    God bless you!

    Ruth Elizabeth

    Great Advice
    Hi Ruth Elizabeth
    Thank you so much for such great advice. It is very important to let our loved one know that we will be ok. That puts them at peace.
    Tina
  • Maggie91
    Maggie91 Member Posts: 8
    #13
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    I am so sorry.
    We just went through it with my brother. I see that your post was on May 5, and my brother died on May 6. Please accept my condolences.
  • ms.sunshine
    ms.sunshine Member Posts: 707 Member
    #14
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    Maggie91 said:

    I am so sorry.
    We just went through it with my brother. I see that your post was on May 5, and my brother died on May 6. Please accept my condolences.

    What little experience I've
    What little experience I've had with people passing on is they are concerned about the ones they are leaving. Tell her you love her and you will see her later when you get to where she is going. If you believe in God, and I do, there is no goodbyes just see you later.

    Although one knows these things it doesn't make it any easier emotionally.

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