Finally got angry and I mean angry

Cindy Ann

I have known since April 26th that I have breast cancer. I have cried, felt like I am dying every emotion a woman can have. But not real anger until last night. First I read about the 21 year old being newly diagnosed yesterday. Sucks.. Then My daughter overwhelmed me with too much infor on her gentic testing(not back for 3 weeks)and what her doc says I need done and is considering life changing options based on my breast cancer. Then my husband (God why can't they just try to understand it) says to me all I hear form you is cancer. You are miserable to be around. Stop dwelling on it. That is like asking the sun to not rise or the moon to never set. Ridiculous..It's too soon I haven't even started treatment because of road blocks.. I walked out of our bedroom . And felt this scream building inside me. It's been there since I was diagnosed but stuck in my chest. Well it finally came out. I then threw every throw pillow and magazine in the living room all over the room. I didn't break anything. I never lost that control. But I screamed, I threw, and I cried my butt off. It was like a damn broke. My husband showed his smart side and stayed in the bedroom.. I think I might of knocked his block off if he had came out of that room..LOL. Anyways all the anger the pain just left me. I can tell you I needed that release. I have never behaved like that in my life. Lucky no kids at home. Husband then said I don't know what you need? I can't say anything right. I told him he can be compassionate, put himself in my place, and be patient. He Then slept just cuddling me all night. I got maybe 4 hrs sleep. All I can say is I am glad I got that anger out of me.. Tommorow is one day with no appts. So I am making it my cancer free day. The word will not be allowed in my home. My daughter and I are going to her daughter's grave(died at birth) and put flowers there then out to lunch. Need a free day.

Also thank all of you for all you say in your posts. It has already helped me greatly..May not sound like it. But you helped me break through and get that scream out.. I love all you sister's in pink!!!!!!!!!

Love and Blessings, Cindy Ann

Christine Louise

Good for you
It sounds as if your outburst is what it took to get your husband's attention. For some men, if they can't fix the problem, they don't want to hear about it. Maybe he's "on board" now and will be more patient. Yea for your cancer free day! I hope you enjoy it, Cindy Ann!

cindycflynn

Sometimes we need that
and I'm glad you got it out and feel better.

As far as husbands go, it seems like many of them are just so lost because they want to "fix" it and they know they can't. I think they want us to be over it so that they can do the things for us they know how to do to make us happy, and if things go "back to normal" they are back in their comfort zone. You might try asking him to do specific things to help you so that your husband has something to focus on that will help you. Unfortunately, men usually don't just get that we'd like them to just be empathetic and see what we need at the time. We usually have to tell them, and hope they will then be willing to do what we need.

I like your idea of a cancer free day. With how quickly everything has hit you, a day off from thinking or talking about it will be just the ticket to renew your energy for the fight ahead.

Take care,
Cindy

aisling8

cindycflynn said:

Sometimes we need that
and I'm glad you got it out and feel better.

As far as husbands go, it seems like many of them are just so lost because they want to "fix" it and they know they can't. I think they want us to be over it so that they can do the things for us they know how to do to make us happy, and if things go "back to normal" they are back in their comfort zone. You might try asking him to do specific things to help you so that your husband has something to focus on that will help you. Unfortunately, men usually don't just get that we'd like them to just be empathetic and see what we need at the time. We usually have to tell them, and hope they will then be willing to do what we need.

I like your idea of a cancer free day. With how quickly everything has hit you, a day off from thinking or talking about it will be just the ticket to renew your energy for the fight ahead.

Take care,
Cindy

Good for you
Enjoy your cancer free day. I've done that before. It's a nice reminder to self that you are more than this disease.

As for the screaming and the throwing, I think I might have been happy with a little glass breakage -- such a satisfying sound, but a pain to clean up:)

Sending you good thoughts,
Victoria

roseann4

Good for you!
Hi Cindy Ann,

I had a similar experience a few months after my diagnosis. My husband and adult son are very quiet about things like this. On the other hand, I am very expressive and need to talk about what's going on with me. I wanted to include them with every step and talked about my bc every day. That's what my life was about....and what else should it be about when I am trying to save my life. They both said that I was dwelling on it and that I needed to think about something else. Boy, did I give it to them! Felt great. So, good for you.

Roseann

MyTurnNow

Cindy Ann, it sounds like
Cindy Ann, it sounds like that was just what you needed. Glad you get your cancer-free day and I hope you enjoy it. We're here for you whenever you need someone. Have a great day today!!

Kat11

MyTurnNow said:

Cindy Ann, it sounds like
Cindy Ann, it sounds like that was just what you needed. Glad you get your cancer-free day and I hope you enjoy it. We're here for you whenever you need someone. Have a great day today!!

Enjoy your cancer free day.

Enjoy your cancer free day.

ms_independent

good for you
Cindy Ann,

I'm so glad you got that out. I know (from experience) how much better you feel afterwards.

I don't know if this will help but, I'll throw it out there in case it does. My husband found a particular book to be particularly helpful to him. He wanted to help and didn't know how. The book that he says was a huge help is called 'Breast Cancer Husband' (how to help your wife and yourself through diagnosis, treatment and beyond) by Marc Silver. He ordered it on amazon.com.

Take care and hugs, El