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izzyant
izzyant Member Posts: 2
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer in February... turns out she has had it for quite some time and was too afraid to say anything. She was so sick that I had to call a rescue to get her to the hospital. The cancer is not operable or curable. The doctors hope to control it, but she is not a very patient patient. She also has degeneration in her back, arthritis and something that she won't let anyone know about.

I'm very worried about her and need help dealing with her state of mind as well as her state of physical being. I also have 2 children, ages 8 and 10, to care for, a dog, and a job... not to mention ~ me. I feel like I'm being pulled in 100 directions!

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  • Kat11
    Kat11 Member Posts: 1,931 Member
    #2
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    HI izzyant
    Welcome, glad you found us it's a good place for information and to vent. Being the caregiver I think sometimes harder than being the patient. I am sorry for what is happening to your mother. Give her time. She was just told she has cancer and that is very hard to hear. All you can do is be there for her, but at the same time you need to take care of yourself as well. This will not be easy. We will be here for you anytime you feel the need.
  • cindycflynn
    cindycflynn Member Posts: 1,132 Member
    #3
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    Izzy
    I'm very sorry to hear about your mother's diagnosis. It will not be easy on any of you to go through this difficult time, and I will keep your family in my prayers.

    Kat's advice about taking care of yourself is very good. You won't be able to help your mom if you are too run down yourself, so make sure to do what you need to keep your own strength and sanity intact. Don't be afraid or embarrased to ask for help if you need to, and feel free to come here as often as you like to ask questions, receive support, or just vent.

    You may want to talk to your employer about taking a leave of absence at some point if it's financially feasible for you to do that. If you're in CA, there is even Paid Family Leave available, and depending on the size of your employer and how long you've worked there, your job may be protected as well (in any state, not just CA).

    Take care,
    Cindy
  • Third_Generation
    Third_Generation Member Posts: 121
    #4
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    cindycflynn said:

    Izzy
    I'm very sorry to hear about your mother's diagnosis. It will not be easy on any of you to go through this difficult time, and I will keep your family in my prayers.

    Kat's advice about taking care of yourself is very good. You won't be able to help your mom if you are too run down yourself, so make sure to do what you need to keep your own strength and sanity intact. Don't be afraid or embarrased to ask for help if you need to, and feel free to come here as often as you like to ask questions, receive support, or just vent.

    You may want to talk to your employer about taking a leave of absence at some point if it's financially feasible for you to do that. If you're in CA, there is even Paid Family Leave available, and depending on the size of your employer and how long you've worked there, your job may be protected as well (in any state, not just CA).

    Take care,
    Cindy

    My mom had her third bout of
    My mom had her third bout of cancer in '91 and I was there with her almost full time. My sister helped my husband care of our boys, while I stayed at the hospital. My boys were in high school and hers in grade school then. You must call on others to help you with this. Relatives, friends, co workers, church - when they say "Is there anything I can do?" you say "Yes, thank you". Let them send dinners prepared already, yard work, whatever they can give. It will all help you through this time and they will feel good being able to do something!
    Caregivers do wear themselves out even with help, without help, they can become the one who needs care.
    I feel so sorry for your pain- it is so hard to have Mom with cancer. Take care of yourself.
  • DianeBC
    DianeBC Member Posts: 3,881 Member
    #5
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    cindycflynn said:

    Izzy
    I'm very sorry to hear about your mother's diagnosis. It will not be easy on any of you to go through this difficult time, and I will keep your family in my prayers.

    Kat's advice about taking care of yourself is very good. You won't be able to help your mom if you are too run down yourself, so make sure to do what you need to keep your own strength and sanity intact. Don't be afraid or embarrased to ask for help if you need to, and feel free to come here as often as you like to ask questions, receive support, or just vent.

    You may want to talk to your employer about taking a leave of absence at some point if it's financially feasible for you to do that. If you're in CA, there is even Paid Family Leave available, and depending on the size of your employer and how long you've worked there, your job may be protected as well (in any state, not just CA).

    Take care,
    Cindy

    Hi! I am very sorry about
    Hi! I am very sorry about your Mom. I will put you and your Mom in my prayers!
  • izzyant
    izzyant Member Posts: 2
    #6
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    Third_Generation said:

    My mom had her third bout of
    My mom had her third bout of cancer in '91 and I was there with her almost full time. My sister helped my husband care of our boys, while I stayed at the hospital. My boys were in high school and hers in grade school then. You must call on others to help you with this. Relatives, friends, co workers, church - when they say "Is there anything I can do?" you say "Yes, thank you". Let them send dinners prepared already, yard work, whatever they can give. It will all help you through this time and they will feel good being able to do something!
    Caregivers do wear themselves out even with help, without help, they can become the one who needs care.
    I feel so sorry for your pain- it is so hard to have Mom with cancer. Take care of yourself.

    Oops! I left something out
    Sorry if I sounded like I'm going thru this alone. I do have a fantasic support network... it's just that mom only wants me to do all of the medical stuff, food shopping etc...

    Thanks to you all for your comforting words of support. You are all in my prayers also.
  • Third_Generation
    Third_Generation Member Posts: 121
    #7
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    izzyant said:

    Oops! I left something out
    Sorry if I sounded like I'm going thru this alone. I do have a fantasic support network... it's just that mom only wants me to do all of the medical stuff, food shopping etc...

    Thanks to you all for your comforting words of support. You are all in my prayers also.

    support group
    So glad to hear that you have a great support group. I can understand your Mom wanting you to handle everything, I imagine, it makes her feel secure that all will be taken care of properly. You must be very special to her.
    Special thoughts and prayers heading your way.
  • Megan M
    Megan M Member Posts: 3,000
    #8
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    cindycflynn said:

    Izzy
    I'm very sorry to hear about your mother's diagnosis. It will not be easy on any of you to go through this difficult time, and I will keep your family in my prayers.

    Kat's advice about taking care of yourself is very good. You won't be able to help your mom if you are too run down yourself, so make sure to do what you need to keep your own strength and sanity intact. Don't be afraid or embarrased to ask for help if you need to, and feel free to come here as often as you like to ask questions, receive support, or just vent.

    You may want to talk to your employer about taking a leave of absence at some point if it's financially feasible for you to do that. If you're in CA, there is even Paid Family Leave available, and depending on the size of your employer and how long you've worked there, your job may be protected as well (in any state, not just CA).

    Take care,
    Cindy

    Sorry about your Mother's
    Sorry about your Mother's diagnosis. Praying for her and your family!

    Hugs, Megan

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