And you thought your doctor was insensitive?

Harpadrienne

Mary Milam

You would have to know first hand what a great doctor she is - my husband was cured of stage 4 cancer because of her expertise. She is tops in her field and she works TIRELESSLY. She is plain spoken, and some people might not be able to handle that. The fact is, word on the street is - "if you want to live, go see Mary Milam." Personally, my first priority would be medical excellence for a physician, and I would seek solace and pretty words from family and friends.

amazed5

msfanciful said:

You've GOT to be kidding
You've GOT to be kidding me!!!!

It absolutely pains me to think in her 31years of practicing, how many of her patients went home to lay down and die after hearing her horrible prognosis.

Wonders will never cease to amaze me.

Dr. Milam

I've been seeing Dr. Milam for about 12 years, and she is one of the best oncologists anywhere.  It's amazing how quickly people judge others and how easily we excuse our own faults.  One of the things I love about Dr. Milam is that she is honest with her patients.  She tells it like it is.  She will also do everything she can to help them.  It is commonly known at her office that, if a patient is willing to fight, she will try every possible treatment and will continue to help them no matter what.  This statement is such an anomaly for her.  It is not typical of the doctor she is, and it breaks my heart that that is all some people have heard.  I feel quite certain that we have not gotten the whole story, and that the comment was doubtless taken out of context.  I also know that she herself would not condone such a comment.  But, don't we all say things at times that we later regret?  Things we would never think we would say?

 

amazed5

srb1956 said:

Coddled or Helped?
Cancer is a tough business. I was diagnosed with leukemia in 1999. My family practice physician set up an appointment with Dr. Milam within a week of his suspicion of my cancer.

Dr. Milam didn't coddle me and admittedly her bedside manner wasn't teddy bears and lolly pops. Personally, I didn't care what her bedside manner was like. I wanted a doctor who was genuinely brilliant, who would put the required effort into knowing as much as there was to know about my cancer and not (pardon the expression) blow sunshine up my patootie.

She was straight with me and didn't pull any punches. She told me what my treatment was going to be like and what I was going to have to do to see the other side of said treatment.

At the time, I was 43 years old. I had a son in middle school, and a daughter in high school. My goal, at the time, was to live to see them graduate from high school. Both kids have long since graduated from high school, and from college. They are both married and I am playing with my grandchildren on a nearly daily basis.

I visit my oncologist twice a year now for a routine blood test. He has nothing to say regarding my leukemia because it isn't there. He says that if he didn't have a lab workup on a lymph node (removed per Dr. Milam's order) he would believe that I was faking. He tells me that my total remission and the lenght it has lasted, and continues to last is due in part to my own attitude and Dr. Milam's treatment which was years ahead of its time. The treatment I received is standard now, but because she was willing to take the time to learm what there was to know about my disease, she was able to construct a treatment plan for me that saved my life.

If you want to be coddled, by all means find yourself a kind caring doctor who may or may not know beans or be willing to invest the long hours necessary to learn enough about your cancer to formulate a cutting edge treatment plan for you. If you want a doctor who puts her energy into what it is going to take to treat you as successfully as possible, then Dr. Milam is that doctor. If you need sunshine blown up your patootie, let your family do it for you.

If you have cancer you need to roll up your sleeves, adjust your attitude, and get down to the business of fighting. If you feel like you need sunshine and teddybears, get them where you can. What you really need, however, is a brilliant physician and that is precisely what Mary Milam is.

One has to wonder how many people, in the years since you wrote your rant, chose a less brilliant doctor who has failed, or is failing them based on your petty, feel good, comments. When my life was on the line, I chose brilliance over sensitivity. My, children and my grandchildren are glad that I made the right choice.

Agreed

Thank you!!  I also have benefitted from Dr. Milam's great medical knowledge.  It's hard for me to believe that so many commenters can say such unkind things about her, when they don't know her.  I think she is the best oncologist in Fort Worth.  I an so very thankful for her.  And her chemo nurses are second to none. 

NoTimeForCancer

amazed5 said:

Agreed

Thank you!!  I also have benefitted from Dr. Milam's great medical knowledge.  It's hard for me to believe that so many commenters can say such unkind things about her, when they don't know her.  I think she is the best oncologist in Fort Worth.  I an so very thankful for her.  And her chemo nurses are second to none. 

amazed, please know this is

amazed, please know this is an old thread - 2012? - and sadly, some of the ladies who have commented are no longer with us.  I can tell you I hated my radiologist and I know someone else who loved him.  Everyone has to be happy with their doctor in the end.  Hang in there.  

lkm1lkm

amazed5 said:

Dr. Milam

I've been seeing Dr. Milam for about 12 years, and she is one of the best oncologists anywhere.  It's amazing how quickly people judge others and how easily we excuse our own faults.  One of the things I love about Dr. Milam is that she is honest with her patients.  She tells it like it is.  She will also do everything she can to help them.  It is commonly known at her office that, if a patient is willing to fight, she will try every possible treatment and will continue to help them no matter what.  This statement is such an anomaly for her.  It is not typical of the doctor she is, and it breaks my heart that that is all some people have heard.  I feel quite certain that we have not gotten the whole story, and that the comment was doubtless taken out of context.  I also know that she herself would not condone such a comment.  But, don't we all say things at times that we later regret?  Things we would never think we would say?

 

To those who wonder why we keep replying to an old post

Amazed, Thanks so much for replying.  To those who wonder why we keep replying to an old post, it is because it was grossly unfair to an incredible person and physician.  This posting continues to live on because such biased remarks never seem to be removed from sites such as this one. I'm amazed at the number of people who feel justified in judging a physician they obviously never met: as evidenced by their referral to her as  "He."  When I was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer several years ago and renal cell carcinoma a year later, I deliberately sought out Dr. Milam.  My first encounter with her had been 20 years earlier, when I was a new nurse in a hospital where she practiced. I watched her interactions with staff and patients, and I learned two things about Dr. Milam: 1. She is passionate about her patients.  She genuinely cares about them.  Does she coddle?  No. Coddling them does not improve their condition.  She asks questions and she LISTENS to the answers. She does her research.  She studies their condition. She supports her patients every step of the way.  2. She is straightforward, honest, and thorough.  She is never hurtful.  She is compassionate, but she does not sugarcoat the facts.  With cancer, the truth is hard to hear, but we need to know.  Her patients KNOW.  She clearly informs her patients of their condition and their options.  And she respects their rights to choose the course they want to take.  Then she supports them.  I shared with her staff last week, that it seems strange, but that I actually have more FUN when I come to her office, than anywhere else.  I have never met a more enjoyable, funny, interesting bunch of people in my life.  And she is the most enjoyable of all.  Cancer patients need to be able to laugh...and she and her staff give their patients ample opportunities to laugh.  Dr. Milam is gifted beyond belief.  She is smart, knowledgeable, confident, and able.  I never had to have a port.  I never received IV chemotherapy, yet I'm cancer free and she rejoices with me, everytime I visit her office.  Her staff and her patients don't leave her; and there's a reason.  They love her, they trust her, and they realize that there is no one comparable to her in the treatment of cancer patients.  I was originally referred to one oncologist who misdiagnosed me as stage I, then to another who could not or would not clearly define for me what my prognosis was.  That is when I asked Dr. Milam to accept me as her patient.  I believe God led me to her 20 years before i was diagnosed, and that this was the best decision I ever made.

Tethys41

lkm1lkm said:

To those who wonder why we keep replying to an old post

Amazed, Thanks so much for replying.  To those who wonder why we keep replying to an old post, it is because it was grossly unfair to an incredible person and physician.  This posting continues to live on because such biased remarks never seem to be removed from sites such as this one. I'm amazed at the number of people who feel justified in judging a physician they obviously never met: as evidenced by their referral to her as  "He."  When I was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer several years ago and renal cell carcinoma a year later, I deliberately sought out Dr. Milam.  My first encounter with her had been 20 years earlier, when I was a new nurse in a hospital where she practiced. I watched her interactions with staff and patients, and I learned two things about Dr. Milam: 1. She is passionate about her patients.  She genuinely cares about them.  Does she coddle?  No. Coddling them does not improve their condition.  She asks questions and she LISTENS to the answers. She does her research.  She studies their condition. She supports her patients every step of the way.  2. She is straightforward, honest, and thorough.  She is never hurtful.  She is compassionate, but she does not sugarcoat the facts.  With cancer, the truth is hard to hear, but we need to know.  Her patients KNOW.  She clearly informs her patients of their condition and their options.  And she respects their rights to choose the course they want to take.  Then she supports them.  I shared with her staff last week, that it seems strange, but that I actually have more FUN when I come to her office, than anywhere else.  I have never met a more enjoyable, funny, interesting bunch of people in my life.  And she is the most enjoyable of all.  Cancer patients need to be able to laugh...and she and her staff give their patients ample opportunities to laugh.  Dr. Milam is gifted beyond belief.  She is smart, knowledgeable, confident, and able.  I never had to have a port.  I never received IV chemotherapy, yet I'm cancer free and she rejoices with me, everytime I visit her office.  Her staff and her patients don't leave her; and there's a reason.  They love her, they trust her, and they realize that there is no one comparable to her in the treatment of cancer patients.  I was originally referred to one oncologist who misdiagnosed me as stage I, then to another who could not or would not clearly define for me what my prognosis was.  That is when I asked Dr. Milam to accept me as her patient.  I believe God led me to her 20 years before i was diagnosed, and that this was the best decision I ever made.

Just so you know, these threads disappear under layers and layers of new topics and would remain unseen by virtually anyone, unless someone comes along and comments on them, bumping them to the top again.  So, if your intent is to vindicate your doctor, most likely people will only read the original post when it pops up, and move on.  It's great that you had a good experience with this doctor.  Someone else clearly did not.  I myself made it a point to tell my oncologist at our first appointment, I did not want to hear anything about survival or statistics.  I am so grateful I had that conversation because he honored my wishes and did not share with me the informaiton he shared with my brother; specifically that he felt I would never acheive remission and would be dead within a year.  My brother kept that a secret as well, until years later, and I have been in remission for 8 years.  Regardless of how experienced an oncologist is, they don't get to decide how long their patients will live.