Frustrated with Mom

ssfbeagle

My mom has inoperable uterine cancer that was diagnosed Feb. 2009. Several rounds of chemo have not been that successful. The tumor has enlarged and she now has mets to her neck lymph nodes, which are visible. Currently she is taking Xeloda orally. She has now confined herself to the room in which she watches TV and her bedroom. Her feet and legs are swollen and she resists taking her diuretic. She now uses a walker and is getting in home PT/OT 2-3 times per week. I can see her energy level diminish daily. I know she is depressed and coming to terms with end of life issues. She flatly refuses a caretaker for any duration. I brought the subject up with her yesterday and she yelled "you mention that again and I'll overdose on my pills (Vicodin)". I live about 5 minutes away from her and visit her daily in addition to 2-3 phone calls each day. Like most of you, I also have a sibling (brother) who is not involved much. I can't believe he doesn't realize what is going on. I don't know what to do!

AKAngel

A suggestion
First off, sorry to hear about your mom, and the obstacles you now face. If she is having PT coming in a few times a week, then maybe she feels like she's already being intruded upon. I can relate, though my mom at least has allowed hospice to be involved and has scheduled a weekly time for her nurse to come see her. But she does not like being fussed at, nor having a stranger come in her home. It does seem like you are checking up on her as much as you can, but I would still advise that you contact her doctor and let them know that she is threatening suicide with her pain medicine. Unfortunately, if you can't count on your sibling for assistance, and she won't accept anyone else, you just may be on your own. It's a hard thing to live with, and I'm sure it fills you with lots of anxiety. But there is a ray of light here, and we all vent and help each other as much as we can. I worry about my mom all the time, and I live with her and my dad. Does she have any friends that might come see her or any religious guidance, like a pastor, that might help her come to terms better with her condition? Or just get her out of the house somehow, anything to break the routine of depression? I'm sure others here will have more to offer, but perhaps my suggestions are a good start. Prayers and hugs...