I have no control

ladyg

I wss diagnosed on 3/25 and had a lumpectomy and setinel node biopsy on 4/12. I know I am going to have 33 radiation treatments and no chemo (thank heavens). I feel like I have lost all control of my life and what is happening to me. The only thing that is helping me keep it together is that I have my husband by my side.

jannie_

Control
You may not have a lot of control but God does and he will see you through this. You are in my prayers. God bless.
jannie_

CR1954

ladyg....
I'm sorry for your dx but glad that you found this site.

Yes, one of the first things that I felt was that I had lost control of my life. I think most feel that way.
You are in a whirlwind of dx, treatment plans, medical professionals and most decisions are being made for you, regarding what's best for you. So, we do lose control for a bit.
But there will come a time when you will get your life back, so don't worry.

I remember that right before my second chemo,I went and got my head shaved. It wasn't necessarily for comfort or a fatalistic attitude regarding my hair. It was Because I wanted to take control of one of the few things that were left in my control, and get rid of my hair before anyone or anything else did. I told my husband that I wanted it to be MY DECISION....even though we both knew that the hair would be going, no matter what.

So, you are experiencing quite "normal" feelings at this point, in my opinion. But it will get better....

Hugs,
CR

Marcia527

There are certain things in
There are certain things in life we don't have control over.
This is the serenity prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr.

Serenity to accept that which can not be changed
courage to change that which can be changed
and wisdom to know the difference.

Hang in there. Hugs.

sbmly53

G,
I had a lumpectomy on 12/7 and finished 33 radiation treatments 3/5. No chemo. Prescribed Arimidex - waiting to build myself up a little and awaiting warmer weather to start. Just had first mammo - clear!

I know what you are going through. Everything, every little thing, seems to beyond your control. This doesn't last forever. Once the healing starts and you 'settle in' to the routine of rads - which my tire you out, and perhaps, burn a bit - you will lose the out of control feeling and gain a new confidence and inner strength.

Give yourself time to get over the shock of this dx, surgery, rads. Plan some things to do with your husband that are easy. Be kind to yourself. Come here often - so many wise, warm and insightful friends will encourage you and answer your questions.

Gentle hugs,

Sue

cindycflynn

Ladyg
Welcome to this site, although I'm sorry for the reason you had to find it.

My dear cousin, who had been through her own battle with uterine cancer a year before I was diagnosed had a great suggestion for me, which I took her up on. She said that it helped her a lot to plan a nice vacation for after all of the treatments are over. Make sure to allow plenty of time after your treatments end to gain your strength back, but having a trip to plan will give you something else to think about besides your diagnosis and treatment.

My hubby and I are going on a cruise in June, which is also our anniversary, and my last radiation treatment is next Tuesday. It has been a welcome diversion to plan the trip during this time.

Even though it seems sometimes like your treatment will last forever, it really won't and you will have a live with joy afterwards. You do need to focus on your treatment so that you have the best chance possible of that beautiful life ahead of you, but keeping that afterwards in mind can help you keep your sanity as you fight your battle.

Take care,
Cindy

Emilyfimily

cindycflynn said:

Ladyg
Welcome to this site, although I'm sorry for the reason you had to find it.

My dear cousin, who had been through her own battle with uterine cancer a year before I was diagnosed had a great suggestion for me, which I took her up on. She said that it helped her a lot to plan a nice vacation for after all of the treatments are over. Make sure to allow plenty of time after your treatments end to gain your strength back, but having a trip to plan will give you something else to think about besides your diagnosis and treatment.

My hubby and I are going on a cruise in June, which is also our anniversary, and my last radiation treatment is next Tuesday. It has been a welcome diversion to plan the trip during this time.

Even though it seems sometimes like your treatment will last forever, it really won't and you will have a live with joy afterwards. You do need to focus on your treatment so that you have the best chance possible of that beautiful life ahead of you, but keeping that afterwards in mind can help you keep your sanity as you fight your battle.

Take care,
Cindy

ditto to Cindy
Ladyg, So sorry you are going through this. Hugs of friendship coming your way, dear.
What Cindy wrote about the vacation is exactly what got me through all my treatments without going crazy and throwing a bawling cryin' end all fit. We've had this big vacation planned all year for the end of the summer, and I knew that more than likely I'd be done and able to go. So, I'd just think "Well, everything will be over with by the time I'm in the Cascades." It's *really* made a difference. I have proof! One week we thought we were going to cancel and I just sank like rock. In a few days I told my husband, "I NEED that trip. I HAVE to have that trip to look forward to." So he said, "Well okay then, we'll just go, done deal." Everything was fine then. *Highly* suggest that whole vacation idea.
Also, another thing I've found that helps. I started getting up an hour before my husband every morning for "me" time. Coffee, piece of chocolate, switched my bible study to morning, morning news, facebook. That has been my daily relaxing recharge appointment. Course, I'm a morning person - lots of people would think something that early is a punishment. But anyhoo, I think it's really helped to know that *I* have scheduled this hour every day for *me* and that's *my* time where I do *my* stuff. That's my total control hour every day. Hope we're all helping you and you are okay with things soon, as much as possible anyway, you know. Take care!

hopeful in tally

Lady G ... I can so relate
Lady G ... I can so relate to you. Sounds like we are on a similar schedule. I was diagnosed with DCIS on 3/23 ... surgery on 4/1 and radiation starting this week. In control is certainly not what I am feeling now ... but I am trying to be confident of the outcome. As we walk side by side on this journey, maybe we can be there to encourage and support each other. I know there are many on this website that can help!

jk1952

hopeful in tally said:

Lady G ... I can so relate
Lady G ... I can so relate to you. Sounds like we are on a similar schedule. I was diagnosed with DCIS on 3/23 ... surgery on 4/1 and radiation starting this week. In control is certainly not what I am feeling now ... but I am trying to be confident of the outcome. As we walk side by side on this journey, maybe we can be there to encourage and support each other. I know there are many on this website that can help!

Lady G and hopeful, you both

Lady G and hopeful, you both have had a whirlwind month, and it's hard when things happen so quickly and you feel totally out of control. It does get better, and you won't have to wait a long time. When you're going through the radiation, continually tell yourself that you are in battle and fighting this cancer with everything you have. I actually felt lost when my radiation treatments were over, because it was the first time that I wasn't actively fighting the battle.

Vacations post-treatment are wonderful. We delayed a vacation after my radiation so I would be better rested, and it was a great time. Or, having something else to look forward to after your treatments are done helps a lot. I had the same treatments that you had ten years ago, and even though things weren't back to 'normal', I've had a great life since then and haven't felt at all restricted.

Hope your treatments go well, and that you both feel back in control quickly.

Joyce

Kat11

jk1952 said:

Lady G and hopeful, you both

Lady G and hopeful, you both have had a whirlwind month, and it's hard when things happen so quickly and you feel totally out of control. It does get better, and you won't have to wait a long time. When you're going through the radiation, continually tell yourself that you are in battle and fighting this cancer with everything you have. I actually felt lost when my radiation treatments were over, because it was the first time that I wasn't actively fighting the battle.

Vacations post-treatment are wonderful. We delayed a vacation after my radiation so I would be better rested, and it was a great time. Or, having something else to look forward to after your treatments are done helps a lot. I had the same treatments that you had ten years ago, and even though things weren't back to 'normal', I've had a great life since then and haven't felt at all restricted.

Hope your treatments go well, and that you both feel back in control quickly.

Joyce

I think we do loose some
I think we do loose some control on our lives. We are told what to do and when to do it and we do what we are told to do in order to save our life. It does get better. Going through rads is so long and having to go every day is ruff, but you will get through it. I did Chemo and 35 rad treatments and still going for herceptin. We do get through it. Hang in there.

ladyg

I have no control
Thank you to all of you for your words of encouragement. I know I will get through this but I also know it will not be a walk in the park. I do not know yet when my radiation will start but I hope it is soon so I can get on with my life.

Hopeful in tally it would be nice to go through this hand and hand with you.

Hugs to all of you

Megan M

ladyg said:

I have no control
Thank you to all of you for your words of encouragement. I know I will get through this but I also know it will not be a walk in the park. I do not know yet when my radiation will start but I hope it is soon so I can get on with my life.

Hopeful in tally it would be nice to go through this hand and hand with you.

Hugs to all of you

You can get thru rads! Look
You can get thru rads! Look at all that you have already done.

We are here to support you and to encourage you to continue fighting the beast!

Keep us updated on when you start rads and how you do!

Good luck to you!

chenheart

You are our past~ We are your future
You only feel as if you have lost control~in reality you haven't! Your body may have seemingly betrayed you, and you are now making decisions you never thought you would have to make. Making those decisons put YOU in the drivers seat, it gives YOU the control! You are deciding to fight back, to do battle with the Beast and win! You could have skipped the self-breast exam, or your yearly mammogram, or, when your Dr found something and called you to come back in, you also could have ignored that. But you didn't! YOU and your husband cried, were scared, but decided to step up and fight!

We know just how you feel; the 3 little words "I Love You" are sooo much better than the other three, namely "You've got cancer." There are some other 3 word phrases we here have come to know and love, "You're in remission", "You're a Survivor", "You've finished treatment!"

It is not a walk in the park, and it does take an emotional toll on us. But it is absolutely doable, and you will find yourself on the other side of treatment encouraging others who follow you to this site...

Hugs,
Chen♥

Hubby

cindycflynn said:

Ladyg
Welcome to this site, although I'm sorry for the reason you had to find it.

My dear cousin, who had been through her own battle with uterine cancer a year before I was diagnosed had a great suggestion for me, which I took her up on. She said that it helped her a lot to plan a nice vacation for after all of the treatments are over. Make sure to allow plenty of time after your treatments end to gain your strength back, but having a trip to plan will give you something else to think about besides your diagnosis and treatment.

My hubby and I are going on a cruise in June, which is also our anniversary, and my last radiation treatment is next Tuesday. It has been a welcome diversion to plan the trip during this time.

Even though it seems sometimes like your treatment will last forever, it really won't and you will have a live with joy afterwards. You do need to focus on your treatment so that you have the best chance possible of that beautiful life ahead of you, but keeping that afterwards in mind can help you keep your sanity as you fight your battle.

Take care,
Cindy

How long is "plenty of time"
We haven't even met with the oncologist yet, so we don't know what the treatment plan will be, but how much time is enough to get strength back after just radiation, or chemo + radiation?