Am I being petty?

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Comments

  • abrub
    abrub Member Posts: 2,174 Member
    #22
    dasspears said:

    Thanks everyone!
    I was angry and hurt and as I read all your replies, you guys are right. Sometimes it's hard to see the "forest for the trees". I obviously had tunnel vision. I just took it too personal. I really appreciate everyone's response.

    Sending a big hug
    It's hard, and cancer does make us feel that it's "all about me" but it is important to see the larger picture. Keep loving him and appreciating him - he cares about you.
  • Buzzard
    Buzzard Member Posts: 3,043 Member
    #23
    abrub said:

    Sending a big hug
    It's hard, and cancer does make us feel that it's "all about me" but it is important to see the larger picture. Keep loving him and appreciating him - he cares about you.

    Dasspears
    I too will do my first walk in May and my wife will be in Houston visiting her grandma and aunt...The walk is for me to dwell on what I have gone through as well as my father (1991 to stomach cancer)and one of my closest girl friends to brain cancer...I understand that my wife wants to stay away from the thoughts and revisiting things that made her very sad when I was diagnosed and I am very aware of what she also went through as a caregiver. I never give it a second thought about feeling "left out" if she doesn't want to attend functions of this sort, and I praise her everyday for what she went through to help me get through what I did...Your caregiver is still there with you, admire that in him/her and let them take the next steps in your journey as they see fit. They too have been through hell and back with this disease, we all have to be understandable with decisions.....Love and Hope to you both.....Buzz
  • John23
    John23 Member Posts: 2,122 Member
    #24
    dasspears said:

    Thanks everyone!
    I was angry and hurt and as I read all your replies, you guys are right. Sometimes it's hard to see the "forest for the trees". I obviously had tunnel vision. I just took it too personal. I really appreciate everyone's response.

    dasspears -


    "lcarper2" said something that's worth very serious consideration.

    Why not ask your spouse if it'd be OK for you to go with him?

    It's an important family function, and I'm sure your presence
    would be appreciated.

    Let go of the cancer grip and live; dwelling on having it, having had
    it, or being afraid of getting it again, is a waste of precious time.

    Live life now, don't wait until you're wishing you did.

    Healthy thoughts!


    John
  • lisa42
    lisa42 Member Posts: 3,625 Member
    #25
    my thoughts
    I know my husband would never attend such a thing as Relay for Life, plus he told me he can't understand why I would want to "hang out" with so many people who are "dwelling on cancer". That is his thinking & I am not offended by it and don't take it personally. I know that he doesn't love or support me any less, it just really bothers him to "dwell" (his word) on cancer. He can't understand why I come on this board, either and why I'd want to always be hearing about people's cancer troubles. His way of thinking is different in that & I really don't expect that he will change in that way, but I'm ok w/ it- that's the way his mind works. I know if he had the cancer, he'd never be checking in on this board. Different people are just different. In the same way you are hurt that your husband isn't going to the Relay with you, imagine that perhaps he may be feeling the same way about the importance of his brother in law's Army graduation. I suppose that is actually a pretty big deal- maybe even he or some family members are wondering why you're not attending that with him. Don't get me wrong- I am not trying to judge you or him in any way- just trying to "put the shoe on the other foot" and help you possibly see something from a different standpoint. I doubt that your husband is trying to make a statement to you by not attending the Relay- just perhaps that in his viewpoint, the army graduation will be just a once in a lifetime thing and there will be more Relays.
    Instead of making a stand or point over this, just tell him that you would really appreciate doing something together soon, and that you really hope he will attend the Relay with you next year. Such a thing isn't worth putting your marriage on the line over.

    Take care & hugs to you-
    Lisa (Good luck at the Relay)
  • tootsie1
    tootsie1 Member Posts: 5,044 Member
    #26
    I'd be upset
    I've been married 34 years, and I'm sure I would be very hurt if my husband chose not to go on the walk with me (doing my third Relay survivor lap in May). I like to have support when I do something like that, and I would do the same for him.

    I guess I'm going against most of the comments already given, but I just think it's very sad that he told you he would go, then agreed to do something else. I wouldn't leave him over it, but I'd be hurt and would have a hard time getting past it.

    *hugs*
    Gail
  • Shayenne
    Shayenne Member Posts: 2,342
    #27
    tootsie1 said:

    I'd be upset
    I've been married 34 years, and I'm sure I would be very hurt if my husband chose not to go on the walk with me (doing my third Relay survivor lap in May). I like to have support when I do something like that, and I would do the same for him.

    I guess I'm going against most of the comments already given, but I just think it's very sad that he told you he would go, then agreed to do something else. I wouldn't leave him over it, but I'd be hurt and would have a hard time getting past it.

    *hugs*
    Gail

    Well....
    ...We've had worse things we've fought over while we were married, but nothing was ever sooo bad where we wanted to leave each other. We have always loved each other so much, and even now, I am glad he takes time for himself, if he didn't. I know he'd go crazy, and unless he turned into Tiger Woods or something, THEN I would leave him, take him for everything he had, and go find someone better looking!

    Anyway, hun, you don't want to moving out over that, I know feelings run so rampant during these treatments, and meds don't make you feel like you anymore, but you know, it's ok to do things on your own, and have him do his own thing, and maybe better, maybe you go with him to the graduation. Get all prettied up, wear something fancy, and go have a good time. Maybe they'll even have some good food and dancing going on there. There'll be other relays, there always are. Surprise and let him know you're there for him. Sure it hurts to hear that he wants to do something else besides something involving cancer, and that's ok to feel like that, but not everything has to be about it, I'd love to go out and just go have fun, it's ok to have fun as well. I'd rather be a graduation party wouldn't you? I tell ya, I am so out of shape, I don't think I'd be able to walk a block without getting cramps LOL....

    You guys will be ok, I really hope you get everything sorted. You all have been through so much, that this be the last thing I would even worry about ;)

    Hugsss!
    ~Donna

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