Gut Feeling

david54

My wife has stage 4 met colon cancer-liver and lung. She has ascites and will have a paracentesis tomorrow. She has had the full regimen of both FOLFOX and FOLFIRI.
She did well with the first regimen but the peripheral neuropathy became too intense.

Her condition is changing the past few weeks. She complains of lower back pain and her energy level is nonexistent. I took time off from work to be with her I have to bring her food so she can eat. She is too weak to shower. She has not been able to dress herself. She is sleeping 20 hours out of a 24 hours day. She is scheduled to go back on Oxaliplatin Monday with Xeloda. Her oncologist mentioned clinical trials.

My gut tells me this is bad. I am tempted to call my daughter who lives 600 miles away and tell her to come see her Mom. Our daughter is in grad school and it is hard for her to get away-but my gut is talking to me here.

Am I being neurotic?

David

Barbara53

trusting your gut
David, I think that's the hardest thing to tell -- is it us or is it them? However, with no energy and that much sleeping, I would think your daughter would want to spend a little time with her Mom while she can. Be honest with your daughter, but do ask your wife. She may "know" more than she is letting on, and may prefer to talk with your daughter on the phone. The paracentesis will make her feel better for a few days, and it's possible a blood transfusion will be recommended to perk her up. But not for long, perhaps a last hurrah.

I am so sorry you are having to do this without help. But I'm familiar with the fighting spirit of the teal warriors in the Ovarian forum, and you don't mess with such noble women.

Good luck with the difficult days ahead.

webozo

gut feeling
this is a very hard decision to make i know that if i were your daughter i would want that phone call but i am not. i would call my daughter and let her know that her mom is having a bad go of it. what ever you do is right it is the right decision for your family. my family is different. before my mother died of bladder cancer we all got together with her for a big family get together before her mind went at the end my brother and i sat with her. she thought i was her sister who she had differences with and had not spoken to in years she called me names and it was awfull but i don't think about that i think about our last reunion and how happy my mom was. i don't want to sound mean or anything but i wish that would have been the last time i seen her.

ms.sunshine

webozo said:

gut feeling
this is a very hard decision to make i know that if i were your daughter i would want that phone call but i am not. i would call my daughter and let her know that her mom is having a bad go of it. what ever you do is right it is the right decision for your family. my family is different. before my mother died of bladder cancer we all got together with her for a big family get together before her mind went at the end my brother and i sat with her. she thought i was her sister who she had differences with and had not spoken to in years she called me names and it was awfull but i don't think about that i think about our last reunion and how happy my mom was. i don't want to sound mean or anything but i wish that would have been the last time i seen her.

Listen to your gut. More
Listen to your gut. More than likely what you call your gut is your spirit. It is beter to make the call and things get better, than not make the call and things get worse. I'm sure your wife would love to spend time with her daughter. The best to you and your family.

grandmafay

Tough Decision
As you probably know I lost my husband to colon cancer last year. With my husband's permission, I called our sons to let them know when I had that gut feeling. They live only about an hour away and had been visiting regularly, so our situation was different. Anyway, when I called to tell them that I thought their dad was fading, they and their families came. They came on Sunday and the sons decided to stay and send their families home. My husband was gone by early Tuesday morning. I was so glad I made the call. You have to make your own decision based on your gut. Whatever you decide will be right. We can only do the best we can at the time. Fay

Tina Blondek

grandmafay said:

Tough Decision
As you probably know I lost my husband to colon cancer last year. With my husband's permission, I called our sons to let them know when I had that gut feeling. They live only about an hour away and had been visiting regularly, so our situation was different. Anyway, when I called to tell them that I thought their dad was fading, they and their families came. They came on Sunday and the sons decided to stay and send their families home. My husband was gone by early Tuesday morning. I was so glad I made the call. You have to make your own decision based on your gut. Whatever you decide will be right. We can only do the best we can at the time. Fay

I say listen to that Gut feeling
Hi David,
From one caregiver to another, we do know what the right answer is when our gut tells us so. I can hear myself saying not too long ago....I don't know about this, something is telling me we should not continue dad's chemo treatments. He is too weak, he has lost too much weight, he is not strong enough, he is sleeping way too much. But....we did not listen to our gut feeling, and continued. Dad suffered so much more from the chemo treatment. Now we say, we should have never contiuned. Would of, should of. I look at your situation like this David, if she is so weak, and so tired, and has no energy, how in the world is she going to be able to withstand more chemo? As far as your daughter is concerned, as being a daughter myself, I would want to be called. I would want to know the truth about my mom. How does your wife feel about this? I know towards his end, my dad told us all of his emotions, feelings, desires, wants, and needs. You are very right in having this gut feeling. Go with it. Let us know how you make out with all of this. Right now, you could use the support of your daughter as well. And I am sure her school would understand her need to make her mom her priority at this time.
Tina

Kamel

just a small word of advice,
just a small word of advice, i've always regretted not doing something more than doing things. if she comes down and it isn't the 'final opportunity', it would not be nearly as bad as if the opposite were true. Sometimes the best thing to do is express your feelings and leave it to them to make that decision.