post-tramatic stress post chemo

christinecarl

definitely can relate
After losing my mom and her mom to colon cancer, I had never met anyone that had survived this, I thought well I am f&cked.

I have got better with the death thoughts, but after my chemo ended I felt a lot of panic. I thought that the only thing keeping the cancer gone was the chemo so once i stopped that it would come back. I could only live in the moment and could not think about any future at all. It has been 9 months since my last chemo and those feelings are starting to recede. But death is still very much in the back of my mind. I did see a therapist that deals with cancer patients, but only once. I might go back to her one day if I need it. I hope you start to find peace, you seem to be taking a very proactive approach to it, so in time I know you will feel better. Take Care!

dmdwins

thready said:

The emotional thing
Wow, the emotional thing towards the end of chemo is kind of tough. Someone asked if I was headed to PTS, I just said no and changed the subject. I am scared to go back to my "old life" to the job that was so stressful, to the people who were so demeaning. I want to be finished, only 4 weeks left, but I am afraid. I am not a fearful person. I have always been there through the tough times, I have always been the one to make things better. I am the irritating glass half full person. But now I am afraid to move forward.

The whole emotional things feels like a depression I had a few months after we lost my mom, my husbands brother and several other close friends. During that time I was put on Ativan to help, and it did. The doctor then said it was PTS, that we can only hold up for so long and then we have to deal with what is inside.

I know we can all make it through this, we are conquerors.
Just simple thoughts from a simple person
Jan

Its getting better
Pattee,

I too did not come here until I was all done with treatments. It was definetly harder for me emotionally when treatments were over. When you're "in the fight" I felt like I was actively fighting to beat this cancer....then I felt like I was just waiting for the other shoe to drop. It now has been almost 2 1/2 years for me and I still have my days but SLOWLY over time I do have to say it is getting easier. I don't think about cancer every single minute anymore....I may even go a whole day without thinking of it...but I don't seem to panic as much on a regular basis. Scans are coming up in May so it has been on my mind alot lately.Unfortunately, we have been changed forever.

I guess really what I am trying to say is that what you are feeling is so normal. It is great that you are talking to someone. I think you too will find as days, months, years go by that the load may ease up a bit.

Smiles,
Dawn

greybeard64

wow, I read your post and
wow, I read your post and thought I wrote it or pretty close anyway. I am 12 months out of my last surgery and like you to this point it seems I am cancer free. Yet I am not where I thought I would be mentally at all. I am impatient, irratable, angry, depressed....There are days when it is a chore to get anything done and being around alot of people can set off panic attacks, the last one I really dont understand as I always enjoyed that sort of thing before, and I cant see why what I have gone through would effect that part of my life?. I wish I had advice, unfortunately I appear to be struggling with similar issues. I joined this site, as a matter of fact, just today to see if I could find information or at least others with similar feelings. Good luck to you, I hope you find peace. You arent the only one out there if that helps. and crow 71 thinks for telling me what NED was I am learning to I guess

msccolon

greybeard64 said:

wow, I read your post and
wow, I read your post and thought I wrote it or pretty close anyway. I am 12 months out of my last surgery and like you to this point it seems I am cancer free. Yet I am not where I thought I would be mentally at all. I am impatient, irratable, angry, depressed....There are days when it is a chore to get anything done and being around alot of people can set off panic attacks, the last one I really dont understand as I always enjoyed that sort of thing before, and I cant see why what I have gone through would effect that part of my life?. I wish I had advice, unfortunately I appear to be struggling with similar issues. I joined this site, as a matter of fact, just today to see if I could find information or at least others with similar feelings. Good luck to you, I hope you find peace. You arent the only one out there if that helps. and crow 71 thinks for telling me what NED was I am learning to I guess

welcome!
How wonderful you found us and thank you for posting so soon after joining! I hope you find the information and comraderie you need to get through this fight! I think you will find from looking around that a lot of us have similar journeys. Come back often!
mary

AnneCan

greybeard64 said:

wow, I read your post and
wow, I read your post and thought I wrote it or pretty close anyway. I am 12 months out of my last surgery and like you to this point it seems I am cancer free. Yet I am not where I thought I would be mentally at all. I am impatient, irratable, angry, depressed....There are days when it is a chore to get anything done and being around alot of people can set off panic attacks, the last one I really dont understand as I always enjoyed that sort of thing before, and I cant see why what I have gone through would effect that part of my life?. I wish I had advice, unfortunately I appear to be struggling with similar issues. I joined this site, as a matter of fact, just today to see if I could find information or at least others with similar feelings. Good luck to you, I hope you find peace. You arent the only one out there if that helps. and crow 71 thinks for telling me what NED was I am learning to I guess

Welcome, greybeard64. I am
Welcome, greybeard64. I am happy for you that you are NED. I hope you find this site useful, as I have, + can offer guidance, etc. to those of us who are not NED. Take good care!

maglets

AnneCan said:

Welcome, greybeard64. I am
Welcome, greybeard64. I am happy for you that you are NED. I hope you find this site useful, as I have, + can offer guidance, etc. to those of us who are not NED. Take good care!

welcome greybeard
welcome to the board....so happy that you are NED

something you said struck a chore with....don't want to around a lot of people...I feel that way too....really I feel safest at home....funny isn't it?

welcome

mags

AnneCan

maglets said:

welcome greybeard
welcome to the board....so happy that you are NED

something you said struck a chore with....don't want to around a lot of people...I feel that way too....really I feel safest at home....funny isn't it?

welcome

mags

Me too! I have always
Me too! I have always enjoyed home, but now even more so.

soccermom13

Crow71 said:

Hey Shanna NED -No Evidence
Hey Shanna
NED -No Evidence of Disease
I got a lot out reading these posts. Thanks to all.
Roger

Thanks Roger!
I appreciate the information! This has been a great posting. In the short time since I have joined, read posts and even replied to some, I have felt like I have learned so much.
Ditto on those that share. I sometimes feel like a loner here, knowing only 2 other people who have had similar experiences with colo/rectal but not quite the same. It helps me to read others experiences etc.
Shanna

Shayenne

AnneCan said:

Me too! I have always
Me too! I have always enjoyed home, but now even more so.

Me Too!
Welcome greybeard! It's real nice to meet you! hope you stick around!

And, yeah Mags and Anne, I also stay home more, I tend to be afraid of being around large groups of people, some who may be sick, and I want to stay away from other peoples sicknesses lol...I don't mind staying home, I do enjoy BBQ's though, walking, where its quiet, just family, and not a bunch of people around, I think I feel abit awkward now in public since my colostomy and I'm not as fast as I used to be.. I still feel like I'm in this "chemo fog" at times, and "Just there" you know what I mean?

Hugsss!
~Donna

greybeard64

Shayenne said:

Me Too!
Welcome greybeard! It's real nice to meet you! hope you stick around!

And, yeah Mags and Anne, I also stay home more, I tend to be afraid of being around large groups of people, some who may be sick, and I want to stay away from other peoples sicknesses lol...I don't mind staying home, I do enjoy BBQ's though, walking, where its quiet, just family, and not a bunch of people around, I think I feel abit awkward now in public since my colostomy and I'm not as fast as I used to be.. I still feel like I'm in this "chemo fog" at times, and "Just there" you know what I mean?

Hugsss!
~Donna

thank you all
Thanks for the welcome aboard so to speak, msccolon that little girl in your picture is as my wife would say "cute as a bugs ear"! she reminds me of my granduaghter about a year ago. I dont know how much good I will do for others hopefully some as just reading others post has helped me already. I do have to walk away from this at times though I can't allow myself to dwell on the subject or I find myself in a tail spin. So I will try to contribute when I can again thanks for the welcome.

msccolon

greybeard64 said:

thank you all
Thanks for the welcome aboard so to speak, msccolon that little girl in your picture is as my wife would say "cute as a bugs ear"! she reminds me of my granduaghter about a year ago. I dont know how much good I will do for others hopefully some as just reading others post has helped me already. I do have to walk away from this at times though I can't allow myself to dwell on the subject or I find myself in a tail spin. So I will try to contribute when I can again thanks for the welcome.

thanks!
She is the cutest baby around, IMHO It's an old picture, she's 17 months now, but I just love this pic, so it stays! I love your post about the history behind your name! Sounds like you and your wife are doing a good job of living this life!
mary