Breast Cancer Recovery and Sexual Relationships

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divablu
divablu Member Posts: 75
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I haven't posted for quite a while. I finished treatment ... chemo & radiation in April 2009. I'm continuting to deal with the changes in my body. Lymphedemia, numbness in my back that is most likely a result of my surgery ... mastectomy in September 2008. I have been dealing with depression etc. Like so many of you. One thing that I am willing to discuss here is the problem I am having with the sexual side of Breast Cancer.

Many days when I look in the mirror at myself, missing one breast, not so crazy about that image. I am not interested in having reconstruction. Too much surgery. So, I'm not too excited about my physical image, and I have found that since chemotherapy my body ... vaginal ... has just dried up! Sex has been very painful, and we have just avoided that.

My tumor was hormone response positive, so when the doctors have suggested an estrogen cream, I have just frowned at them and said "My tumor was hormone responsive positive." No to estrogen creams for the vagina. I am quite dissatifitied with the doctors not giving me another option from vagial creams other than maxi-glide. I keep joking with my husband that I need a "turkey baster" and then I will insert the necessary amount of lubricant.

One thing that I find I need, as a woman missing a breast, is the sexual contact with my husband, without pain. We have always enjoyed the sexual side of our relationship.

Anyway ... We went to a friend's home tonight for dinner and drinks. Wine and good conversation. My GP changed my anit-depressant ... and I made an effort this evening, after some good wine .. to initiate sex! First I inserted a goodly amount of maxi-glide, and we had a good, close, intimate evening. How refreshing!

This intimacy is important to me. My husband has been a wonderful, positive support to me through my treatment and recovery. My body may be healing, but my mind is still stuggling with the body image and the fear of cancer always lingering in the back of my mind.

Thank the Heavens for anit-depressants and good red wine to bring my husband and I together in that special way again!

Comments

  • RE
    RE Member Posts: 4,591 Member
    #2
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    Ain't Love Grand
    Diva I had the same problem with body image, I hated not having one breast and the one I did have was marred by a lumpectomy. It has been 3 years since I had the mastectomy and during the third year I made the decision to have reconstruction which was a great spirit lifter for me. My mom had both her breasts removed and it was so hard for her I just decided to have the surgery. Now that said it most certainly isn't necessary, the mind is a great sexual organ, with time the dryness improved and we have always continued to have sex even during treatment when I felt horribly unattractive and bald. I would always wear a pretty scarf and silky top that allowed access without having to be removed. My Guy is very caring and loving which made it easy for me to want to be close to him, for me the sex gave me the feeling being sexy, attractive even alluring during such a difficult time. Hang in there Diva you are beautiful, sexy and loved. By the way it is nice to hear from you!

    RE
  • RE
    RE Member Posts: 4,591 Member
    #3
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    :-)
    BUMP! Just bumping it up incase others have thoughts for you.

    RE
  • Mama G
    Mama G Member Posts: 762
    #4
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    RE said:

    :-)
    BUMP! Just bumping it up incase others have thoughts for you.

    RE

    I just have no interest at all...
    am I alone? I feel bad for my husband, but I really don't even want to go there....
  • New Flower
    New Flower Member Posts: 4,294
    #5
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    Mama G said:

    I just have no interest at all...
    am I alone? I feel bad for my husband, but I really don't even want to go there....

    Diva
    sorry. I had immediate reconstruction, but it is not perfect. I just bump another post for you. Chemo and being on anti estrogen therapy make sexual life difficult for me too.To boost self-esteem I am wearing silk blouses, and much more expensive underwear, sleepwear - better clothes then I did before. I hope your antidepressants are compatible with your anti-estrogen therapy, check with your oncologist
  • jennytwist
    jennytwist Member Posts: 896
    #6
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    New Flower said:

    Diva
    sorry. I had immediate reconstruction, but it is not perfect. I just bump another post for you. Chemo and being on anti estrogen therapy make sexual life difficult for me too.To boost self-esteem I am wearing silk blouses, and much more expensive underwear, sleepwear - better clothes then I did before. I hope your antidepressants are compatible with your anti-estrogen therapy, check with your oncologist

    me too,
    I have only one breast as well and no interest at all! The chemo put me into menopause so hot flashes came with all the healing also. My husband is so very patient and has been wonderful.
    I'm glad you are doing better and have found some answers. I know this is something I need to address soon - I'm sure my hubby would go for any counseling, etc in a minute.
    It's good to see others get through this part eventually. I feel like I'm being very selfish (my husband never says that) sometimes but find I just can't 'fake' it.
    Thanks for sharing!
    -Jenny
  • sbmly53
    sbmly53 Member Posts: 1,522
    #7
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    I had no interest before bc
    due to menopause. But hubby is so sweet and so thankful that I am okay, I do my best, make the effort, but ho, hum.

    Sue
  • seof
    seof Member Posts: 819 Member
    #8
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    what works for us
    I have been blessed with a loving, supportive husband as well. The way we deal with it is that we have "one-sided" relations. I try to make him feel good without reciprocation that would make me uncomfortable.

    Take good care of yourself and each other. seof.
  • divablu
    divablu Member Posts: 75
    #9
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    RE said:

    Ain't Love Grand
    Diva I had the same problem with body image, I hated not having one breast and the one I did have was marred by a lumpectomy. It has been 3 years since I had the mastectomy and during the third year I made the decision to have reconstruction which was a great spirit lifter for me. My mom had both her breasts removed and it was so hard for her I just decided to have the surgery. Now that said it most certainly isn't necessary, the mind is a great sexual organ, with time the dryness improved and we have always continued to have sex even during treatment when I felt horribly unattractive and bald. I would always wear a pretty scarf and silky top that allowed access without having to be removed. My Guy is very caring and loving which made it easy for me to want to be close to him, for me the sex gave me the feeling being sexy, attractive even alluring during such a difficult time. Hang in there Diva you are beautiful, sexy and loved. By the way it is nice to hear from you!

    RE

    Thanks
    Thank you for your words of encouragement ... That's for everyone who has responded here. I am blessed with a loving and patient husband. Me ... not so patient! Working on understanding this "new normal" that has been dealt to me and to all cancer survivors. Today I'm having a melt down. Crying. Just poured myself a glass of wine at 2:47 p.m. Even had to leave work early!

    Thank you all for your support. Tomorrow is another day ... as Scarlet O'Hara would say. Tomorrow I will start again!
  • rm22111
    rm22111 Member Posts: 54
    #10
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    seof said:

    what works for us
    I have been blessed with a loving, supportive husband as well. The way we deal with it is that we have "one-sided" relations. I try to make him feel good without reciprocation that would make me uncomfortable.

    Take good care of yourself and each other. seof.

    frustrating
    I had chemo ACT and then a bilateral mastectomy with expanders placed in Dec. I have had healing problems and have had to put off my last two chemos, but will start herceptin this week. I have also been unable to start any fills so I am pretty much flat. I have not had a period since I started chemo in September. I have also missed being able to be intimate with my husband. First I was so tired and sick from chemo. After surgery I have had to be careful because of my incisions. Now that I am doing better I found that I am very dry. This is a big change for me because I had the opposite problem before to much lubrication. I bought some astro glide and it helped. It was a little awkward, but worth it. My husband has been very patient. I can not wait until we do not have to be so careful with my body. My husband can't wait until he can give me a real hug. I am just half way thru my cancer journey so I know that I will have to face many more challenges and learn to be creative.

    rm22111

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