husband seems to be giving up?????

lindadanis

Since Ed got the bad news a week ago that the pet scan showed first three rounds of chemo did nothing in fact, the cancer grew, he has basically stop eating and drinking. He lost five pounds in three days and we are suppose to start new chemo regimen tomorrow. I am basically very very concerned about starting any new chemo treatment because I believe he has given up in his own mind, what am I to do? We actually got fighting over this this weekend and are not speaking much. How do you make someone fight for their own life??????? Should he be starting chemo again when he has lost almost 80 pounds since last August??? do you think the oncologist should not give him chemo until he starts eating, the docor is very very aware of ed's emotional state as he has really been like this since the beginning, back in october. He cannot seem to find the fight???? Please help.

Unknown

This comment has been removed by the Moderator

Donna70

unknown said:

This comment has been removed by the Moderator

husband giving up
Linda,
My weight was so bad before the surgery, the drs put an NG tube in thru the nose and made me get the feedings or they would not do the surgery. At surgery I received a j tube and have it since 12/8 and have started chemo and they will not remove it till after I am done chemo because I lost just 21 lbs after presurgery chemo and radiation but am small to begin with. I did not want the tubes but know I will not survive without them. I will be praying that someone can convince your husband to accept the tubes so he can get the nutrition he needs to go thru chemo and also to heal. Maybe a medical counselor could talk to your husband and he has to be dehydrated and you can't think straight under those circumstances and that is another sign he needs the feeding tube. Can you appeal to him to fight for you and his family?
I will keep you all in my prayers. take care,
Donna70

mchurch

Ed's fight
I'm sorry to hear about Ed's health issues and your concerns for him. I was dx'd with stage 1 EC last May and had a trans-hiatal esophagectomy on the 26th of that same month. The recovery has been a real roller coaster. There were times that, like Ed, I didn't think I would be up to the fight to make it even with a good prognosis for total recovery(80% success). But now I think that when I was down, really down,about my attitude toward wanting to get better it was because I wasn't eating and especially drinking enough liquids. If I was dehydrated I found I got depressed because I was dehydrated. It sounds pretty simplistic but I honestly believe my mood would improve dramatically when I drank more fluids. Have him try drinking filtered water to see if that helps. I hope so.

Tina Blondek

mchurch said:

Ed's fight
I'm sorry to hear about Ed's health issues and your concerns for him. I was dx'd with stage 1 EC last May and had a trans-hiatal esophagectomy on the 26th of that same month. The recovery has been a real roller coaster. There were times that, like Ed, I didn't think I would be up to the fight to make it even with a good prognosis for total recovery(80% success). But now I think that when I was down, really down,about my attitude toward wanting to get better it was because I wasn't eating and especially drinking enough liquids. If I was dehydrated I found I got depressed because I was dehydrated. It sounds pretty simplistic but I honestly believe my mood would improve dramatically when I drank more fluids. Have him try drinking filtered water to see if that helps. I hope so.

You and your husband are not alone
Hi Linda,
Just wanted to let you both know that you are not alone. My dad, Ray, dx with ec in 11/08, had chemo and radiation, beat it....this December 2009, he has mets to his liver. He spent 8 days in the hospital the week before Christmas. Had a blocked bile duct in his liver. He was dressed and ready to leave the hospital on the 2nd day. No surgery for blocked bile duct, no more food, no more drink, just wanted pain management. Mom and I were floored! What???? Luckily we had a huge snow storm that Friday. He could not leave if he wanted to! I could not get there to pick him up! Finally got him in a private room, and he did a complete turnaround. His dr called from his home in NC, he was snowed in, told him to definitely have the surgery, and dad said...ok I will. Got that done, all went well with putting a stent in the blocked bile duct, and a stent in his esophagus which developed alot of scar tissue. Now to recover from all of this and deal with the cancer in his liver. I told you both you were not alone!

He is still weak and worn out from the surgery, he has lost about 30 lbs since his dx 11/08. Now we start the oral chemo Xeloda, which he took last year for the ec, and did very well with it. Well....this year his medicare and supplemental insurance decide that they are not going to pay for this type of chemo med!! What??? are they kidding us??? We do not need anymore added stress. We had to pay $320 for a month supply. Last year the same medicare and insurance covered this same med 100%

Talk about being ticked off!! We are the meaning of the word. We are still fighting with the medicare and the insurance co. I have a call into the american cancer society, patient prescription assistance, etc. Meanwhile, march is a week away...dad needs another months supply. This is crazy.

Thanks for listening and letting me vent. That was not my intention at all. But boy did it feel good!

Your husband, I do not blame him for feeling the way he does. This is one very hard, bumpy, road to follow. He has to try his best to keep a positive attitude. I know this is very hard to do. There are many types of chemo, there will be one that will work. It is alot of trial and error. He is for sure dehydrated. This will make him feel awful. He may even be anemic. My dad was when he was admitted into hospital. He had to get 2 units of blood. He might have to be admitted to the hospital to get an iv rehydration. As far as eating is concerned, that is a hard thing as well. When he is dehydrated and not feeling well at all the last thing he wants to do is eat. Small meals throughout the day are best. Fluids can be broth, tea, carnation instant breakfast, boost, ensure, etc.

You also need to keep a strong faith in God. There is power in prayer. There is a scripture from Matthew that says, Come to me all of those that are heavy laden and I will refresh you. Ask and you shall receive.

I will be thinking of you and praying for both you and your husband. From one caregiver to another, I wish you the best. Keep in touch!
Tina

K_ann1015

I thought I waited to long
I thought I waited to long to share my thoughts--but I only have a little input---similar to what someone else said...

If your husband is dehydrated, malnourished and having low glucose---he will NOT feel good no matter the prognosis...

I know everyone is different, but my dad was able to tolerate Pedialyte better than Gatorade at one time. Also---just think what you feel like after skipping just a few meals---if he has lost 80lbs---it may not just be due to his "emotional" state--everything is inter-related. A little better nutrition may help alot--but he may still be scared and depressed..

just think of each thing as a building block--he needs so much-- love, respect, medical care and NUTRITION. I pray he can feel better--so he can fight. but be patient...we're all in this together...

Kim