Thank You and Update

melissaincali Member Posts: 34
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
I just wanted to reach out and say thank you to those who have continued to post encouraging messages for me on my husband's blog. I just went there this morning to read the guestbook and had two messages I hadn't seen yet from CSN members. It amazes me the support that is still being sent my way from this community after my husband's death. I truly appreciate it. I was able to meet Adrian at my husband's memorial service and it meant a lot that he drove down to be there for that.

This is such a special and amazing group of people and I still check in almost weekly to see how everyone is doing. I wasn't sure I would do that...I thought I might need a break or a complete break from the cancer world. However, I found that I was still wondering how you guys were doing and wanted to know how treatment was going for everyone. Even if I don't post very often, I still celebrate with you when I hear good news and worry for you when less than stellar news is posted.

I am doing okay and our now 4 year old son (he had his birthday last week and I made it through!) is doing pretty well. So far, time hasn't made things easier and I miss my husband so much, but I know I will get there someday. As those who have followed Brant's blog know, I have an amazing support system and wonderful friends and family who are keeping me as sane as I can possibly be at this time.

One last thing that I wanted to share with you that might not be what people would like to have to think about (hope it's okay to share this) that I have had to learn the hard way is make sure the life insurance beneficiary forms are filled out correctly. Apparently my husband listed both myself and our four year old as beneficiaries without a distinction listed between primary and secondary (which I know is what he meant to do because we had discussed this). If there is no distinction between primary and secondary listed, the life insurance is split in half and if a beneficiary is a minor child that money has to be legally set aside until they are 18 years old. We have found a way around this and it will all work out, but not without a lot of stress on my part as I need the money to raise my son..not for when he turns 18.

Wishing everyone a happy weekend. Thanks for reading if you got this far! :)


  • lizzydavis
    lizzydavis Member Posts: 893
    Hi Melissa,
    Hi Melissa,

    Thanks for writing and giving us an update. We think of you often.

    Your son is so adorable. I hope he had a very happy birthday. I know that he gives you lots of laughs and love. I wonder what he will be when he grows up. Did you make a scrapbook of his birthday fun to show him when he turns 25?

    Thanks also for the wisdom on the life insurance. I am sure that others didn’t realize how specific it had to be. It makes us think and will prevent some errors in the future. Thanks again for sharing that information.

    We hope that you will continue to come back and visit us often.

    Warm regards,

  • dianetavegia
    dianetavegia Member Posts: 1,942 Member
    Thanks Melissa! I'm glad
    Thanks Melissa! I'm glad the birthday went well, too.

    Thanks for that info. Also, in many states, cars and homes are a problem. Hubby had bought the VUE for me for Christmas as a surprise in 2003. Since it was a surprise, he filled out the paperwork in his name. When we bought him a used car a few weeks ago, we put both cars in both names. In Georgia, if a spouse is not listed as owner, the vehicle will go into the estate and only one vehicle can be 'claimed' automatically.
  • sfmarie
    sfmarie Member Posts: 602
    I think of you often
    And pray for strength to get through this difficult time. As a mother myself, I cannot begin to imagine the journey you are on. You are brave and sooo giving to share your story and advice to everyone here. Thank you!
  • lcarper2
    lcarper2 Member Posts: 635 Member
    sfmarie said:

    I think of you often
    And pray for strength to get through this difficult time. As a mother myself, I cannot begin to imagine the journey you are on. You are brave and sooo giving to share your story and advice to everyone here. Thank you!

    Thank you for looking in on us from time to time and keeping us up to date on how you are doing we pray for you to recieve the blessings you so deserve...
  • AnneCan
    AnneCan Member Posts: 3,673 Member
    Hi Melissa,
    Thanks for

    Hi Melissa,

    Thanks for checking in on us! I think of you + your son often, with hopes that things will become easier for you. It is very hard to lose someone you care about so much, but you have handled this with dignity + grace as well as kindness to those of us you could easily "forget" + move on from. I really appreciate your kind thoughts. I know your son will help you through this + he has a terrific mother to help him on his journey toward becoming a wonderful man.
  • Patteee
    Patteee Member Posts: 945
    Hi Melissa- it warms my
    Hi Melissa- it warms my heart to see this picture of you and Will!
  • geotina
    geotina Member Posts: 2,111 Member
    I am so happy you stopped in to visit. No matter what, you are family, don't ever forget that. I have been following Brant's site and am amazed at your courage and unwavering love and support you had for Brant, you were there every step of the way. (I smiled at the chicken soup entry). You also have some pretty amazing friends, many of which appear to be doctors like Brant, and the look on their faces, they were devastated. You are so right about the financial aspects, and to cross our T's and dot your i's.

    Give yourself some time Melissa, it has only been a few weeks. Seeing friends move on with their lives will be particulary hard but slowly day by day you will move on, how, I don't know but I do know you will do it for yourself and Will.

    I was so moved at Ryan's post at watching Will open Christmas presents with Brant and Brant's mom's journal entry to Will on his birthday. Brant was truly loved by many, many people.

    Take care - Tina
  • Kathryn_in_MN
    Kathryn_in_MN Member Posts: 1,252 Member
    Happy birthday to Will!
    Thanks for checking in and letting us know how you are doing. Belated happy birthday to Will. It is wonderful you have a good support system of family and friends - you need that more than anything right now. That is nice that Adrian was able to make it to the service and you got to meet.

    Take care of that precious little boy - a part of Brant lives on with you in Will.
  • robinvan
    robinvan Member Posts: 1,012
    Hello Melissa
    Thanks for stopping by. Happy Birthday to Will! 4 years old... what a great age!

    Peace and blessings... Rob; in Vancouver
  • tootsie1
    tootsie1 Member Posts: 5,044 Member
    Good to see you
    Hi, Melissa.

    It's good to see you here again and to know that you're thinking of us here. I know it must be hard think about cancer a lot, but I'm glad you're still letting us know about you and Will.

    Hope Will had a good birthday! I'm sure it was a bittersweet time for you, but I can tell you're a good mom who made it a special day for him.

    Thanks for the info. That was good advice.

    Still praying for you and Will.

  • Kathleen808
    Kathleen808 Member Posts: 2,342 Member
    It is so kind of you to check in. I was on Brant's blog yesterday and just had to smile at pictures of Will. He is a beautiful child and I know you are a lovely mom. 4 years old is such a joyful time. It is good to see you are surrounded by so much love. I will continue to pray for the two of you.

    With prayers and aloha,