Why do I feel guilty?

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Sam726
Sam726 Member Posts: 233
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I have so many friends that are going thru chemo and cancer treatment. I am so glad to be there for them and offer any advice and support but when they ask me how I am doing, I feel guilty saying "great! My cancer is gone!" ....seems silly but I know how sad they are feeling and I feel like Im rubbing it in. My friend started chemo this morning and she was crying. It was so hard for me..I started crying too cause I know how she feels. Its so emotional.

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  • jbug
    jbug Member Posts: 285
    #2
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    Don't feel guilty!
    Well, you know our sisters are gonna chime in and say Dont feel guilty! I'm sure your friends are thankful that you didn't have to walk thru the chemo path! That being said, I can relate! I find it amazing how many others have gone thru or are going thru this battle, and I feel I "got off easy". Still, as another sister posted...bc is bc, we have to fight the battle we're given.

    Rejoice in your cure! Then love your friends as they continue the battle!

    God Bless...
    Julie
  • Sam726
    Sam726 Member Posts: 233
    #3
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    jbug said:

    Don't feel guilty!
    Well, you know our sisters are gonna chime in and say Dont feel guilty! I'm sure your friends are thankful that you didn't have to walk thru the chemo path! That being said, I can relate! I find it amazing how many others have gone thru or are going thru this battle, and I feel I "got off easy". Still, as another sister posted...bc is bc, we have to fight the battle we're given.

    Rejoice in your cure! Then love your friends as they continue the battle!

    God Bless...
    Julie

    J Bug....Oh I had to do chemo
    Its just that Im done....I just dont like seeing anyone have to go thru it. It sucks....
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    #4
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    You feel guilty? We all do
    You feel guilty? We all do when we are on the other side of cancer !It could of course be, Survivor's Guilt~ and from what I know of you I just don't picture you telling anyone "Great! My cancer is gone!" with a complete heart. You ( like most of us) are saying what those who ask NEED to hear. Maybe for you, you can tweak what you say....as in "thanks! It feels So Good to be finished with treatment~ it's been a long year!" Or something similar.

    And to those who are just now going thru it~ you already know what to do. You know how they feel. It doesn't matter if we have a double mastectomy, a lumpectomy, rads, chemo or not. You know what "You Have Cancer" feels like. You are a Kindred Spirit. Lead with your heart~ hug, cry, cuss...do whatever you know your friends need. And if you can't think of anything, direct them to the place YOU found; these boards!

    BTW...congrats on being cancer free!!! You soooo rock, Ms Sam!!!!

    Hugs,
    Chen
  • Sam726
    Sam726 Member Posts: 233
    #5
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    chenheart said:

    You feel guilty? We all do
    You feel guilty? We all do when we are on the other side of cancer !It could of course be, Survivor's Guilt~ and from what I know of you I just don't picture you telling anyone "Great! My cancer is gone!" with a complete heart. You ( like most of us) are saying what those who ask NEED to hear. Maybe for you, you can tweak what you say....as in "thanks! It feels So Good to be finished with treatment~ it's been a long year!" Or something similar.

    And to those who are just now going thru it~ you already know what to do. You know how they feel. It doesn't matter if we have a double mastectomy, a lumpectomy, rads, chemo or not. You know what "You Have Cancer" feels like. You are a Kindred Spirit. Lead with your heart~ hug, cry, cuss...do whatever you know your friends need. And if you can't think of anything, direct them to the place YOU found; these boards!

    BTW...congrats on being cancer free!!! You soooo rock, Ms Sam!!!!

    Hugs,
    Chen

    Thanks Chenheart
    You are so right...guess I dont want them to feel worse than they already do...I love the term "survivors guilt"..ill have to remember that one:)

    Im glad I can pass on my knowledge..I had no one close to me to offer advice.
  • Skeezie
    Skeezie Member Posts: 586 Member
    #6
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    Sam726 said:

    Thanks Chenheart
    You are so right...guess I dont want them to feel worse than they already do...I love the term "survivors guilt"..ill have to remember that one:)

    Im glad I can pass on my knowledge..I had no one close to me to offer advice.

    No guilt Sam,
    Rejoice that you have come out the other side. I feel sad when I think about all those who have gone before us and the current treatments were not discovered yet. My husbands Mom died from bc when he was 11. My Mom died (colon cancer) 26 years ago because there were no Neulasta shots and when her WBC tanked she had to stop chemo...But we are so lucky. I was eager to talk with someone who has gone before me, I'm happy to help those just starting out on this journey. I never say "Cancer free" cause I'm supertisous (sp?) about that, like Chen suggested, I just say I'm feeling better each day, have a 5 o'clock shadow on my head and can hardly wait for summer. If someone actually has the gaul to ask if I'm going to live I just answer that everything looks great.

    You have a great opportunity to be that shoulder for your friend to lean on. I have a freind who has a friend that has completed her treatment before me and my friend paid attention and can tell you everystep her friend went thru, she really "got it". That's hard to do.

    Enjoy your freedom from treatment, have a blast dancing with Ned and stop feeling guilty. You did nothing to feel guilty about...you've been to Hell and Back and can tell the story of your success...a wonderful thing to hear for those starting out. When people say how strong you are and what a trooper etc., they will never understand that we take it day by day and do what has to be done and tremor and quake inside. I used to marvel at people who have gone before me. Now I know..I cried almost every day.

    Summer is coming! You ride bikes and I boat..I can hardly wait.

    Hugs, Judy :-)
  • pdv
    pdv Member Posts: 56
    #7
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    You Are an Inspiration
    Sam726...instead of feeling guilty you should think of your story as an inspiration to those of us who face this...that hopefully we will all come through and one day we can say "great! May cancer is gone!" also. Don't feel guilty, feel glad that you are there with a great story for the rest of us.

    Pat
  • Different Ballgame
    Different Ballgame Member Posts: 868
    #8
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    Sam726 said:

    J Bug....Oh I had to do chemo
    Its just that Im done....I just dont like seeing anyone have to go thru it. It sucks....

    You Paid Your Dues
    You paid your bc dues. Did you ever think that you just might possibly be considerate of another sister. Don't feel guilty. You are now done and the others will also be done when their treatments are completed. Each one of us is on a different time clock.

    Lots of Hugs and Lots of Kisses,
    Janelle
  • Cairmaid
    Cairmaid Member Posts: 64
    #9
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    pdv said:

    You Are an Inspiration
    Sam726...instead of feeling guilty you should think of your story as an inspiration to those of us who face this...that hopefully we will all come through and one day we can say "great! May cancer is gone!" also. Don't feel guilty, feel glad that you are there with a great story for the rest of us.

    Pat

    What they said :-)
    When I woke up from my non-eventful lumpectomy, the nurse told me she was a cancer survivor and told me I was one, as well. I don't feel like I survived anything except the radiation treatment...and that was better than most people get because it was only one week, twice a day for mammosite brachytherapy. Tomorrow, I start taking one pill a day for 5 years. Again, I'm getting off easy on my "chemo." I'm feeling a little bit guilty, myself :-)

    Still, it's good to know that other people got through this. I was really worried about the side effects of the medication when I read a message board where one lady (who already had health problems) was having all sorts of side effects but the next message down was from somebody who had no side effects at all. I felt like a weight was lifted.

    So, you go on being the light at the end of the tunnel for your friend. She needs to hear that you're doing fine.
  • cindycflynn
    cindycflynn Member Posts: 1,132 Member
    #10
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    You are an inspiration
    I remember some of your earlier posts, and I know you did not have an easy time of it.

    I'm sure you would like to spare your friends the pain of going through treatment, but it's not in your power to do that. What you are doing is the best thing you can do. Showing them the light at the end of the tunnel will give them something to strive for, and being there to give them advice and support is soooo valuable.

    I'm sure you're a wonderful friend. Nothing to feel guilty about.

    Take care,
    Cindy
  • natly15
    natly15 Member Posts: 1,941
    #11
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    Sam they couldnt ask for a
    Sam they couldnt ask for a better inspiration. you cried with your friend today becAuse you know what this is and what she's going thru because you've been thru it and now you are CANCER FREE. You are a great testimony to all those friends because you have walked the same walk and it gives them hope that they will too be cancer free in time to come. All they have to do is look at you. You are a walking example of success after DX and treatment.
  • MyTurnNow
    MyTurnNow Member Posts: 2,686 Member
    #12
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    Sam, I would feel bad, too.
    Sam, I would feel bad, too. But, on the other hand you could be their inspiration that there is an end to ALL the treatments. If I had not had this board and all the information available from it, my journey would have been much more difficult. Just be there for your friends and don't feel guilty in the least, feel proud that you did it and you are on your way to NED. Congrats on your accomplishments!!!! You deserve it!!!
  • tat2granny
    tat2granny Member Posts: 77
    #13
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    MyTurnNow said:

    Sam, I would feel bad, too.
    Sam, I would feel bad, too. But, on the other hand you could be their inspiration that there is an end to ALL the treatments. If I had not had this board and all the information available from it, my journey would have been much more difficult. Just be there for your friends and don't feel guilty in the least, feel proud that you did it and you are on your way to NED. Congrats on your accomplishments!!!! You deserve it!!!

    Thank you Sam
    You give me hope! I am just starting my kemo in a couple of weeks,,after the doc puts in the port. But it really makes my day when I get on here and read about all you strong ladies that finally gets to the Dance! I know I'll be right there with you all one day soon and you just forget about feeling guilty about ANYTHING! You went thru this fight too,and sit back and reap all the rewards of NED!!!!
  • Marcia527
    Marcia527 Member Posts: 2,729
    #14
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    I didn't have survivors
    I didn't have survivors guilt but I do feel bad that anyone has to go through treatment. I know we can't do it for them so the best we can do is help with what we can. Like support. Your saying your cancer is gone should give them hope. Something for them to look forward to. It is emotional. Hugs.

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