Captains log. . . day 7. just me complaining

Options
vonni
vonni Member Posts: 7
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
. . and I feel like poo. I thought for sure that I was going to breeze through this first chemo. . be down for a few days at most. HA jokes on me. Im still home from work feeling tired, heavy, achy and all around puny. Yesterday I developed hives on my neck, stomach and back. kinda reminds me of chicken pox but its not. Low fever today. . 99.4. Please tell me im going to feel better soon. All I wanna do today is cry. thanks for letting me vent and have my tantrum. hugs to all

Comments

  • fauxma
    fauxma Member Posts: 3,577 Member
    #2
    Options
    Vonni,
    You are not a just
    Vonni,
    You are not a just me, you are an important member of this family and we are here for you. I did not have chemo but I have no doubt that the first is the hardest because you don't know how you will react to it. I am so sorry that it was more difficult that you were anticipating and hives, ugh. I have had those several times. Flea bites will make me break out in terrible hives and I had sulfa drugs once when I was in the hospital and got hives, and my skin peeled off my hands and skin. It was a horrible reaction to a drug that I have had many times previously. When I showed it to the nurses they rushed and got the doctor who had them give me something in my IV. I guess it was pretty serious. I would suggest you call your center and tell them about it and ask what you can take to relieve the discomfort. Vent anytime you want. This is a tough journey through uncharted territory and it's not filled with pleasant surprises either. So rant, vent, cry and have a tantrum. It always makes us feel better. It's like a cathartic release of emotions. HUGS back to you. And prayers for the rest of the journey.
    Stef
  • Saltylibrarian
    Saltylibrarian Member Posts: 12
    #3
    Options
    fauxma said:

    Vonni,
    You are not a just
    Vonni,
    You are not a just me, you are an important member of this family and we are here for you. I did not have chemo but I have no doubt that the first is the hardest because you don't know how you will react to it. I am so sorry that it was more difficult that you were anticipating and hives, ugh. I have had those several times. Flea bites will make me break out in terrible hives and I had sulfa drugs once when I was in the hospital and got hives, and my skin peeled off my hands and skin. It was a horrible reaction to a drug that I have had many times previously. When I showed it to the nurses they rushed and got the doctor who had them give me something in my IV. I guess it was pretty serious. I would suggest you call your center and tell them about it and ask what you can take to relieve the discomfort. Vent anytime you want. This is a tough journey through uncharted territory and it's not filled with pleasant surprises either. So rant, vent, cry and have a tantrum. It always makes us feel better. It's like a cathartic release of emotions. HUGS back to you. And prayers for the rest of the journey.
    Stef

    I feel you!
    I don't know why but I tricked myself into thinking that I could handle chemo just fine. I was a hot mess and I did cry a lot! You will feel better... and yes call your Oncologist they should do whatever they can to make it easier. and cry or yell or **** or whatever, you have that right. You are human and this **** is tough!
  • aztec45
    aztec45 Member Posts: 757
    #4
    Options
    Feel Better
    Don't kick yourself. Chemo is doable but it ain't a cake walk. Sometimes it is not too bad and sometimes you just feel so bad that lying in the bed doesn't seem to help. Just take it one day at a time. You will get through it. Call your Onc about those chicken pox hives. You don't need to deal with that too.

    P
  • canoegirl
    canoegirl Member Posts: 169
    #5
    Options
    Saltylibrarian said:

    I feel you!
    I don't know why but I tricked myself into thinking that I could handle chemo just fine. I was a hot mess and I did cry a lot! You will feel better... and yes call your Oncologist they should do whatever they can to make it easier. and cry or yell or **** or whatever, you have that right. You are human and this **** is tough!

    Worried
    Now I'm getting worried. OK, I was already worried. I start chemo soon and I'm surrounded by people that keep telling me "I new someone that went through chemo and it wasn't bad at all, they didn't even miss any work" Who are these "supper people"? I think I'm more worried about the people around me telling me I shouldn't feel sick, tired, etc than I am of the actual chemo!
  • TraciInLA
    TraciInLA Member Posts: 1,994 Member
    #6
    Options
    canoegirl said:

    Worried
    Now I'm getting worried. OK, I was already worried. I start chemo soon and I'm surrounded by people that keep telling me "I new someone that went through chemo and it wasn't bad at all, they didn't even miss any work" Who are these "supper people"? I think I'm more worried about the people around me telling me I shouldn't feel sick, tired, etc than I am of the actual chemo!

    YAY, a Star Trek reference!!!
    I KNEW this board was missing something -- a Trek reference! :-)

    Vonni and Canoegirl -- I'm probably going to embarrass Claudia/ChenHeart a little here, but one of the greatest gifts I've received from this board came from her, a couple of days after my first round of chemo:

    A co-worker of mine, who's 20 years older than me, had already done the exact same chemo cocktail I did, and was one of those "super people" who breezed through it, didn't miss any work, never needed the Neulasta shot, pfth.

    Give ME the very same drugs, on the other hand -- I was knocked flat on my a** (when I wasn't in the bathroom), and I felt like I was failing chemo. Claudia and I were on chat here a couple of days after my first round -- I was whining about my co-worker and how I was a big failure, and Claudia so gently responded (and I quote):

    "THIS IS NOT A CHEMO COMPETITION!!!"

    Seriously, ladies -- post that in huge letters on your wall if you have to, because Claudia was so right -- there's no way to predict how anyone will react to chemo, even to the very same medications, and, Canoegirl, I believe the appropriate response to anyone around us who doesn't understand that is BITE ME.

    :-) Traci
  • canoegirl
    canoegirl Member Posts: 169
    #7
    Options
    TraciInLA said:

    YAY, a Star Trek reference!!!
    I KNEW this board was missing something -- a Trek reference! :-)

    Vonni and Canoegirl -- I'm probably going to embarrass Claudia/ChenHeart a little here, but one of the greatest gifts I've received from this board came from her, a couple of days after my first round of chemo:

    A co-worker of mine, who's 20 years older than me, had already done the exact same chemo cocktail I did, and was one of those "super people" who breezed through it, didn't miss any work, never needed the Neulasta shot, pfth.

    Give ME the very same drugs, on the other hand -- I was knocked flat on my a** (when I wasn't in the bathroom), and I felt like I was failing chemo. Claudia and I were on chat here a couple of days after my first round -- I was whining about my co-worker and how I was a big failure, and Claudia so gently responded (and I quote):

    "THIS IS NOT A CHEMO COMPETITION!!!"

    Seriously, ladies -- post that in huge letters on your wall if you have to, because Claudia was so right -- there's no way to predict how anyone will react to chemo, even to the very same medications, and, Canoegirl, I believe the appropriate response to anyone around us who doesn't understand that is BITE ME.

    :-) Traci

    Thanks
    Traci, Thanks!

    Can you come to work and family meetings with me? :-) I haven't even started yet and I already feel like I'm "failing".

    Marcy
  • natly15
    natly15 Member Posts: 1,941
    #8
    Options
    Vonni as stated, chemo is no
    Vonni as stated, chemo is no cake walk. Yes it's doable, but it's tough on the body. Just go with your body and rest as much as your body says so. You will feel better. Some feel fine the same week of chemo, some feel fine the week after, and some feel fine a couple days before their next chemo. We are all so different. I would definitely call the onc regarding that fever and those hives, and the sooner you call the better. Cry and vent as much as you want--- this is BC and the treatments are harsh.

    Canoe Girl you may have some of the same relatives and co workers I have. Sure sounds familiar. If I heard another person tell me how well Millie and Tillie did with chemo, I was going to scream. I'm not Millie or Tillie, no I havent worked at all since starting chemo, no I didnt watch sixteen grandkids, didn't go to the gym, didn't scrub my house from top to bottom, no no no!! Maybe I'm different, but not that different. I had to block all those comments out of my head. I was so angry at those comments, but then they didnt have to go thru this they mostly got their info from a friend who had a friend who went thru it. I finally had to stop all the talk. Some dont call me anymore, and I'm just fine with that. I tried to educate them based on my experience. Some were willing to listen and many were not. It took too much of my energy dealing with them and dealing with BC. I decided not to deal with them and to deal aggressively with the BC.

    Keep posting here. Read what the sisters on these boards have to say. This is where I found my reality and truth.
  • Marcia527
    Marcia527 Member Posts: 2,729
    #9
    Options
    I had a hard time on chemo
    I had a hard time on chemo too. Someday you will be looking back and have a hard time remembering it. Hang in there. Hope you are feeling better today.

    I had to add that 'captains log' reminds me of Star Trek.
  • Skeezie
    Skeezie Member Posts: 586 Member
    #10
    Options
    Marcia527 said:

    I had a hard time on chemo
    I had a hard time on chemo too. Someday you will be looking back and have a hard time remembering it. Hang in there. Hope you are feeling better today.

    I had to add that 'captains log' reminds me of Star Trek.

    Girls,
    I agree with Traci! (Traci you are a girl after my own heart) If these "know all" people have been thru it then they know how they felt but havent' a clue how anyone else reacting and no two people are alike, yada, yada, yada. I can't be bothered by people like that and don't give them the time of day. I was very lucky and only had support. But I don't work but I do remember the catty workplace. You both have you own journey ahead of you and believe me you wont' have time for any jerks with all the "knowlege".

    I wish you both good luck and just know IT WILL END and your hair will grow back. And everyone here totally understands how you are feeling. Everyone here has been thru it and there are always several that had whatever reactions you are having.

    Hugs, Judy :-)
  • padee6339
    padee6339 Member Posts: 763
    #11
    Options
    canoegirl said:

    Worried
    Now I'm getting worried. OK, I was already worried. I start chemo soon and I'm surrounded by people that keep telling me "I new someone that went through chemo and it wasn't bad at all, they didn't even miss any work" Who are these "supper people"? I think I'm more worried about the people around me telling me I shouldn't feel sick, tired, etc than I am of the actual chemo!

    Worried
    You will feel sick and tired, etc while you are on chemo. I worked through all my chemo treatments, not because I was superwoman, but for financial reasons. No work, no pay, and disability wouldn't cover the bills anyway. I would literally drag myself out of bed every day. I have a very understanding boss who let me leave when I was feeling ultra tired or sick. The chemo they have now is a lot better than in the past. There are many anti-nausea meds they can put right in the IV before and pills you can take after. It is do-able, hard as that sounds. But you will find that once you get on the roller coaster, you are on the way to beating the beast and you will find yourself fighting it like hell (heck). It is scary but you can and will be strong and will get through this - we are here to make that road a smoother one for you. We are here for you! Never Fear - Super Survivors are Here!!!!
    Hugs - Pat
  • cindycflynn
    cindycflynn Member Posts: 1,132 Member
    #12
    Options
    Voni
    Hang in there, you WILL feel better, and hopefully sooner than later.

    I hope you've been able to reach your doctor by now to get some help with your hives and fever, you shouldn't have to suffer through this any more than you have to.

    Sure, some people are lucky enough to "sail through" chemo, but most are not, and we all just have to play the cards we are dealt. If others don't understand, than just forget them, they are not your friends. You have plenty of understandng friends right here who will always be hoping for your success on this challenging journey.

    Take good care of yourself,
    Cindy
  • Christmas Girl
    Christmas Girl Member Posts: 3,682 Member
    #13
    Options
    cindycflynn said:

    Voni
    Hang in there, you WILL feel better, and hopefully sooner than later.

    I hope you've been able to reach your doctor by now to get some help with your hives and fever, you shouldn't have to suffer through this any more than you have to.

    Sure, some people are lucky enough to "sail through" chemo, but most are not, and we all just have to play the cards we are dealt. If others don't understand, than just forget them, they are not your friends. You have plenty of understandng friends right here who will always be hoping for your success on this challenging journey.

    Take good care of yourself,
    Cindy

    For sure - not a competition!
    Each patient reacts differently - even with the same exact chemo drugs. Another important factor, not mentioned often enough - I believe, DOSAGES vary greatly!!!

    My own team of onc doctors told me - upfront, before I even began - that, NO, I would not be able to work during chemo. Absolutely not. Not even part time. They knew WAY better than me what I was up against.

    And, not including the BC, I was deemed to be "exceedingly healthy" in all other respects.

    Kind regards, Susan

Discussion Boards